by Lei En Na
She calls out to him but he did not stop or turn around so she runs up to him. Hands folded behind his back, he asks her coolly. “Is anything the matter? Aren’t you avoiding me?”
“I… er… am sorry for that.” Shang Guan Jing lowers her head and did not see his smile. He is surprised by her meek compliance but he is not ready to let her off the hook just yet. Thinking that a pitiful Feng Jin is required, he sighs. “You are not wrong to avoid me…” It should sound more realistic if he stutters a little. “After…afterall, it is only natural if you feel…feel uneasy after what I said the other day me.”
“I am not uneasy!” It is not exactly the truth but she is not going to risk hurting his feelings. “I’m not! Truly!”
He smiles a little sadly and nods. “That’s good.”
She does not see what is so good when he obviously don’t believe her. Shaking her head, she follows him into the house and asks if she can help the young woman. But Feng Jin turns down her offer and he askes Zhu Yu to settle the young woman in Shang Guan Jing’s guest lodge and help her to freshen up. When all that has been done, he shuts himself in the room with the young woman and Shang Guan Jing has no idea on what they are doing after that.
She tries to ask Zhu Yu for more details on the young woman although the latter is unable to tell her much. Finally, she hears Feng Jin announcing that she can enter and Shang Guan Jing enters the room immediately. She smells the faint scent of herbs and sees Feng Jin by the bedside as he considerately tucks a blanket around the young lady and push a wayward strand of hair away from her face. The young woman has fallen asleep and seeing that there is nothing she can do to help, she tries to settle her curiosity. “Are her wounds self-inflicted?”
Feng Jin nods. “She has tried to drown herself, hang herself, cut her own wrists… you name it, she has tried it. If her father has been any less vigilant, she should have succeeded by now. He is worried that if she continues this way, she may find a moment when he is not looking and succeed.”
Shang Guan Jing feels very sorry. “Why did she do that? Is she bullied?”
“Do you remember the villains in the forest? This young woman has encountered them too but she did not have my good fortune. I am afraid she has suffered greatly at their hands.” Feng Jim fumes to himself that this young woman is not the only victim. Had the villains not disrupted the peace, he would not have needed to intervene. He has already taken out a couple of lowlife prior to meeting Shang Guan Jing, and those in the forest should have been the last ones.
“Treating her physical wounds is the easy part; it is her emotional wounds that is more tricky.” He looks at Shang Guan Jing and smiles. “If I tell you that I can seal her memories, would you believe me? That I can make her forget everything and let start her life from a blank page so that she can look forward from henceforth. Will you believe me?”
At her blank look, he breaks out laughing. “Ha-ha-ha! looks like I am quite good at pulling your leg! This young lady is suffering from a weak heart, made worse by her grievance. I have given her some ‘Dragon’s Blood’ to strengthen her heart, improve her blood circulation, and help her to relax so that she can recovers faster.”
‘Dragon’s Blood’ refers to the sap of a tree which grows in his garden. The tree is only about as tall as a man but Feng Jin has spent a lot of effort in the last 13 years to look after the tree. “You can make pills from it and they are very good for blood disorders. To a medical practitioner, ‘Dragon’s Blood’ is a very valuable herb.”
“Can she recover just by taking ‘Dragon’s Blood’?”
“At least she will be more tranquil. Hopefully, she can put the past behind her with time and starts afresh. Besides, it is not as if she has many other options.”
They look at the sleeping woman in silence and after a while, the young woman starts to struggle. Even in sleep, she seems to be caught up in terror and her hands reaches out to block out the demons in her mind as her breathing turns ragged. “Don’t come any closer! Don’t touch me! No! Help!”
Shang Guang Jin puts her arms around her and she wakes up with a start. Her look of terror changes to one of confusion, until she sees the man at her bedside and she stiffens in alarm. “You….you…you.”
It is almost as if there is a sign above her head – ‘cue pitiful, sensitive man’ and Feng Jing picks up the role with gusto. He turns his face from their view and moves quickly away from the bed as if he is some inferior being, afraid of being seen in their presence.
Shang Guan Jing wants to reassure him but she cannot leave as the young woman is clutching her hand in desperation. She can only call his name and see him walk out of the room – and totally missed the smug smile on his face. Haha!
Left alone with the young woman, Shang Guan Jing can only try to quell her unease and answers her questions. “Where am I? How did I get here?”
“Who is that scary-looking man? Is he a man? or ghost? My god, he looks scary. I’m scared. Big sister, I’m scared.”
Shang Guan Jing tries to placate the young woman. “Don’t worry, he is a good man. A very good man. You need not be afraid.”
“But his face… god, he looks scary!”
“Never mind how he looks; he saved you! Your father brought you to him and begged him to save you.”
“My father… father?” The woman blinks and tries to recall a face from her fuzzy memory. “My head, god, my head hurts. I am not going to think. Father… I have a father correct, Big Sister?”
The young woman presses her fingers to her temple and looks so frail that Shang Guan Jing fears that she may faint any second. “Yes, you have a father and he is coming to fetch you home in the morning.” She recounts how Feng Jin has tucked the blankets around her earlier and did the same. “Try to rest and don’t think so much. I will see you in the morning.”
The young woman closes her eyes obediently although her brows remains knitted. “Yes, I have a father. I remember now. My father loves me very much. Big sister, you are a good woman but beware…. be careful…. the devil…”
Shang Guan Jing bites back a retort and soothes the young woman brow to make her sleep better. Once the young woman has fallen asleep, she goes in search of Feng Jin and finds him deep in thought in the garden. He did not respond when she calls to him and tries to hide his face from her when she approaches, which makes her heart ache. “Feng Jin…”
“Since you are trying to avoid me, you should do a better job.” He sounds despairing and defeated. “You know, I think you should leave. You need not force yourself to stay here for fear of hurting my feelings. If you stay, I will only bring bad luck to you and makes it hard for you to continue staying in Nan Man.” He laughs drily. “And don’t think too much on what I said the other day. I only want you to know more about my illness and cure and have no other meaning.”
Shang Guan Jing does not agree with him because she does not find him repulsive and indeed, he has been a very amiable host/companion so far. “Others may turn from you because they are scared of you. I’m not, so why should I leave?”
She counts with her fingers. “I have nice food to eat here, a comfortable bed to sleep on, a maid to wait on me and brings me food and drinks and whatever I desire… do you think I’ll be that stupid to leave? And if you think you will bring bad luck to me, I’ll take it as fate if something bad really happens. So no worries, do your worse.”
He seems stunned and as she looks at him, she imagines for the first time about a future with him. The idea is not repulsive actually and she clears her throat. “Actually, I am a little worried …”
When she does not continue, Feng Jin’s curiosity finally got the better of him. “What are you worried about?”
“Well, I am worried that the young woman may request to marry her life savior.”
His eyes narrow in irritation. “Are you making fun of me?”
She shakes her head. “I am really worried.”
“Why?”
“In case you forget about
sequence. Who knows if you will remember that I came along before her?”
The sounds of forest fade away and the night comes to a standstill for Feng Jin. Thinking carefully on her words, he thinks he need to confirm. “Why?”
She shakes her head. “I do not know.”
He repeats his question and she tries to explain her feelings to him. “To be in your company, frankly, is no hardship at all.”
Shang Guan Jing can think of several benefits if she is with him. One, she can cure his blood illness and maybe, just maybe, she can find the simple life she has always wanted. To settle down in Nan Man and put the jianghu behind her… the idea is not without merits. So what if she has the leader’s token? So what if she has not found the Diao family? Maybe it is time to leave some things to fate.
So it is possible if she stays here with him? Can she?
He takes a deep breath to relax his taut muscles. “Are you taking pity on me?”
“I …. don’t…” she does not wish to lie but a part of her do pity him.
At her hesitation, he closes the distance between them and hugs her tight. “Let me tell you, I do not care”
Even if she knows martial arts, she is unable to shake free of his hold, so surprise is she by his sudden action. And when his eyes shine so brightly like the stars, all the more is she unable to break away and he declares firmly. “Even if you are staying out of pity, I do not care the least. So long as you are willing to be with me, I can ignore everything else. I really…. hope you can stay. It is already good enough for me if you can stay.”
She is moved by his sincerity and looks fondly at his face which is now glowing a deep red especially on the patches. She takes a deep breath herself and returns his hug. “I am staying.”
He holds her even tighter and voices his concern. “I do not think that we should just live together, without a proper status.”
Shang Guan Jing nearly laughs. “Ok, so we need to fix the status.”
“Can I take it that you are proposing to me?”
“Huh?” Isn’t it the other way?
He stutters. “But I….I think there should be more to a proposal than this. Maybe more closeness? Perhaps something more…. more different?”
Seeing his unease and inferiority, she smiles to herself. Taking a deep breath, he stands on her toes and touches her nose to his. She let their breath mingle together for a moment before pressing her lips lightly to his.
His lips feels unexpectedly soft and just when she wants to pull back, he tightens his hold on her back and deepened the kiss. He nearly wants to do more but she pats his back as if telling him to tame down. He lifts his face from hers. “So I will I take it that I have offered myself to you successfully for saving my life?”
So now she is his life savior instead? She laughs and he laughs lightly with her.
Hugging her close once more, he runs his hand over her back – a back made strong by years of training – and feels the steady, heavy thump of her heart against his chest. His heart is racing too, like the time when he was filled with lust, but with no boundaries this time.
Welcome to my house.
Once inside, she will be his and his alone.
Chapter 6
* * *
Shang Guan Jing blinks and looks around her new bedroom. She has just promised Feng Jin yesterday to spend the rest of their life together then the next day ….. they are married?
When she woke up in the morning, she was still asking Zhu Yu on the whereabouts of the young woman. After after Zhu Yu informed her that the young woman has already left with her father, the maid has laughed at her concern for others on her wedding day (wedding day?!) and shown her a red bridal dress. It is a simple dress, made from soft, silky fabric, without any elaborate embroidery or beaded bridal headgear which usually comes with such outfits. There are some gold-embroidered pattern along the neckline which reminds her of the carvings on her leader’s token. It suits Shang Guan Jing tastes and she likes the dress very much.
Once she has changed into the dress, she was lead to the main house that has been decked with red lanterns of various sizes, giving the hall a festive feel. Like her gown, her wedding is very simple – Zhu Yu and Niu Da are their only guests and Feng Jin takes her hand and leads her through the ceremonial rites.
First, they need to bow to the heavens. Shang Guan Jing feels a tug on her hand and like a puppet, she bows.
The second bow is to their parents. Since she has none and his are not present, they have even 1 less bow than normal weddings.
Third, they need to bow to each other. Like the first bow, Shang Guan Jing follows the tug on her hand dazedly… and she is a married woman.
Throughout the whole ceremony, Shang Guan Jin feels that she is walking on clouds, so surreal is her wedding, and it is only when she follows her husband to their wedding room that she feels that her feet is finally touching the ground. She only came out of her daze when Feng Jin asks her. “Niang zi (wife)? Why are you so quiet? Have you… regretted marrying me?”
She denies it immediately least he gets mistaken and hurt. Seeing that she doesn’t seem to be bolting for the hills, Feng Jin leads her to sit down before a table laden with food and drinks and offers her some sweet cakes. She declines. “I am not hungry or thirsty. Can you sit down and talk with me?”
He complies immediately; his eagerness to please is so apparent, that it makes her smile and think of what she can do for him in return. “I have not regretted marrying you but neither has it crossed my mind that you wanted to get married this soon! At the very least, shouldn’t you bring me home to see your parents and seek their approval?”
“There is no rush to meet your in-laws but it is imperative that we marry without further delay.”
Looking at him, she thinks she understands – he is worried that she will change her mind and he confirms her suspicions with his next sentence. “It is so hard to find someone who does not look at me like a freak and if I do not grab the chance when it appears, where am I going to find another bride if you run away?”
Shang Guan Jing does not like his assessment of the situation nor does she agree with him. She does not mind his looks and in truth, she is rather glad that he is not good-looking that she has to compete with other women for his affections. “You look fine, just fine.”
A shadow falls across her face and the next instant, he has captured her lips with hers. He is rather insistent and she pushes him away with difficulty. “Umm, Feng Jin, shall we take this slowly?” She swears that she has been kissed before, by a man whom most woman would consider handsome, but she has never had this feeling – cornered and out of control at the same time.
“Sure, we shall sit here for a little while.” Feng Jin coaxes softly and sits closer to her. But in the next instant, he has lean over and kissed her again. In the space of a few heartbeats, she is sitting on his lap. Although she would prefer taking things slow, some things in life are beyond her control.
*******
She woke up at night, feeling sore all over. She is physically fit, but despite years of training hard at martial, she is almost ashamed to acknowledge to herself that she has next to little or no control over Feng Jin over conjugal matters.
He is a fiery lover and although the description sounds weird, she means it quite literally. It has been a head-spinning, passionate afternoon but at one point in time, she thought she was being engulfed in a ball of reddish flames. A phoenix has rose up from the flames and spreads its wings before crashing over her. She remembered the heat, how it has singed her skin and tears to fall. It must have been a figment of her imagination but it has felt very real at that time.
Ay, as if there are not enough unusual happenings ever since she came to Nan Man, even her wedding night is odd.
She stretches her sore muscles and when she groans softly, she hears an amused voice. “Does it still hurt?”
Looking up, she is about to reply when she is shocked into silence. Really, after days of han
dling unusual situations, she is a little surprise that she can actually be shocked.
Who is this man in bed with her? He is a good-looking man – a devilishly, good-looking man – who looks somewhat familiar. He asks again. “Does it still hurt?”
“You are… Feng Jin?”
She struggles to sit up and he laughs at her confusion. “No, I am not Feng Jin. Oh dear, some other man has taken advantage of you. What is Niang Zi going to do next? Haha! Take a good look. I am Feng Jin. Who else can I be?”
Niang Zi? So he is really Feng Jin? But his face… she traces her fingers over his flawless complexion. “Your red patches… they are… gone?!”
“Yes,” he smiles at her. “Don’t you like it?”
Like it? She stares hard at him. “You mentioned before that your illness will be cured once you marry. Are your patches not birthmarks but a result of your illness? And if your skin is now normal, does it mean that you would not bleed on every full moon? If so, I am so happy for you!”
He shrugs. “Who knows the behaviour of my illness for sure? For all you know, we must mutually cultivate every day in order to keep it at bay.”
“You should be able to tell since it is your own body. Tell me, do you feel any different?”
“Well, I am feeling very satisfied and comfortable at the moment,” he sounds petulant and sheepish at the same time. “This is my first time and I don’t really have much compare with.”
His embarrassment brings about her own as she reflects on herself. She remembers what he said about being bonded for life and at this moment, it strikes her that they have fused their fates together. She feels a little proud at how she affects him and the feeling is like many happy little bubbles passing through her body. While she may not be able to return his feelings with the same intensity now, she believes that feelings can be nurtured over time and no matter what, she will always be with him.
Smiling, she snuggles closer to him. “At one point in time, I thought you have changed into a fire phoenix. But it must be my imagination and totally bizarre if you ask me. I have never felt anything quite like that except…”