Unstoppable (Fierce)

by Voight, Ginger

  She turned to me. “When Jace suggested that we train together, I was a little hesitant. But he will be with you far more than I will be once you resume the tour. It will help for him to learn some of these techniques to keep you agile and on your feet.”

  He gave me a wink as we followed Maggie to the gym, his arm wrapped around me for support. So this was his idea… my knight in shining armor as always.

  “I’m going to let Jace get started while we get you loosened up.” She directed Jace to go to the gym, while she took me into one of the spare bedrooms where a massage table had been erected. I lay on my stomach as she pushed down my sweat pants to begin the massage treatment.

  I regretted not taking a pain pill prior to her manual manipulation of my muscles. Her fingers were long and strong and did not let me edge too far away from them as she addressed every tight knot in my hip and lower back. I was in tears as I gripped the edge of the table. The pain was sharp and intense as it shot through my body like a lightning bolt, making my toes tingle and grow numb. It made me dread what else she was going to throw at me.

  Turned out, the massage was really the worst of it. She started me slowly on simple stretching exercises, a couple of which were done in a hot tub in Graham’s private bath. Then we graduated to resistance bands and core exercises on a balance ball, which forced me to correct my posture. But any Pilar-like regimen I may have anticipated fell thankfully by the wayside as I eased my body back into motion. Despite being understandably sore, I almost felt human by the time we joined Graham out on the patio, an hour and a half later.

  I sipped water chilled with fruit-frozen ice cubes and enjoyed the sun as it inched high overhead. I closed my eyes and soaked in all the Vitamin D.

  “So how was the PT?” Graham asked.

  “I was expecting it to be a lot worse,” I confessed. “I really do feel better.”

  “It’s a slow process,” Maggie warned as she joined us, stretching out on the chaise lounge next to Graham. “You have to find a certain balance. If you push too hard, you can undo progress. But you can’t take it too easy, either. Inactivity is the worst thing for a bad back. You stiffen up and lose even more mobility.”

  I shook my head. Inactivity was not in my plans, and I let them know it. “I don’t plan on slowing down, that’s for sure. I want to make it to Phoenix.”

  Maggie and Graham shared a look that didn’t bode well for my ambitious plans. Graham leaned forward in his seat. “Jordi, I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “This was a pretty severe attack,” Maggie said. “As much as you want to, you can’t simply go immediately back to what you were doing before. You need time to heal. And believe me your body will do whatever it needs to do to take that time.”

  “I know it’s frustrating,” Graham said. He gestured to Jace. “We both know what it’s like to face unexpected limitations. But we also know what it’s like to come back from those limitations. It’s not a process that will happen overnight, but it will happen.”

  I couldn’t even face him as he spoke. He was right. He and Jace had faced much worse than I had. I wasn’t learning to walk again. I just wanted to get back on tour because I was jealous of Shelby, I didn’t want her taking my song or my man… which, thanks to my dream, I now suspected was my biggest fear. And I could probably get back everything in a week or two. I just had to be patient.

  Trouble was I was an instant gratification kind of a gal.

  “I’ll make you this proposition,” Graham said. “Stay here. With us. You can work with Maggie every day. Give it at least another week and then we’ll see where we stand before the Dallas shows.”

  The Dallas shows were nearly two weeks away. That felt like forever in touring time. I glanced at Jace to get his take on this situation. He gave a subdued but resigned shrug. “They’re the experts, Jordi. I’d listen to them. We still have twelve dates ahead of us. Isn’t it worth missing one if you can come back stronger and healthier for the rest of the tour?”

  I sighed. It felt just like my dream. He was leaving me behind. “Okay,” I said softly. “I’ll do it.”

  The biggest challenge was telling Eddie what I was planning on doing. He was ready to book a flight to Phoenix in order to be a part of the show. How would he take it to learn that not only was I calling in sick, but staying at another place altogether?

  Apparently he wasn’t ready to go against Graham to make a stink about it. He accepted my explanation, and even had a bag of my things packed for me and sent over to Graham’s house by messenger that afternoon.

  It only occurred to me later that my absence meant he could get even closer to his new sexual target: Shelby.

  I figured this out when Jace and I were sitting together on the sand, watching the tides roll in with the sunset that afternoon. Jace’s cell phone went off, alerting him to a text from Shelby. She wanted to meet him for dinner if he was free, since I was not at the house and she really didn’t think it was appropriate to stay with Eddie alone.

  “Are you really going to go?” I asked.

  “Do you really want to leave her alone with him?” he shot back, leaving me nothing to say in response. “It’s no big deal. I can just bring her over here.”

  My face fell at the prospect. It turned out I was never going to get time alone with Jace in Los Angeles. Everything was just working against us. He was leaving in few days to Phoenix, and she’d have him all to herself then. Forgive me for being selfish – but I wanted him to myself, too. But, as always, I took the hit. “Of course, you’re right,” I finally conceded. “You don’t have to bring her here, though,” I added.

  “Why not?” he asked.

  “I’m a little tired. I’ll probably go straight to bed. Take her to a movie or something. Have a good time.”

  His brilliant green eyes searched mine. “Are you sure?”

  I smiled my big fake smile. “Of course.”

  He hesitated before he finally said, “I miss you, Jordi.”

  My heart sang with happiness. It was just what I needed to hear. I took his hand in mine. “Save Dallas for me,” I said.

  He brought my hand to his lips. “I save everything for you.”

  I wanted to kiss him but Graham and Maggie were hovering over the grill nearby, preparing a barbecue feast for dinner. Instead I sent him on his way with a wink. But the thought of sending him off to be with another woman put me in an understandable funk by the time I sat down for dinner. The food was fresh, delicious and healthy, but I could barely taste each bite.

  “You okay, Jordi?” Maggie asked, her eyes scanning my face for any hint of pain or overexertion.

  I nodded. “Just tired, I guess.”

  “And lonely,” Graham offered with a benevolent smile. “We did sort of steal you from your husband, didn’t we? If you’d like, he can join you while you stay here.”

  I was quick to shake my head. “No, it’s weird enough having one stranger in your house.”

  He chuckled. “You’re no stranger, Jordi. You’re family. Like it or not, you’ve been adopted.”

  I glanced into those deep, warm eyes in his handsome face. If ever I could have ordered a new father, Graham Baxter would certainly make the top of that list. “I think I kind of like it,” I offered shyly.

  That night we watched movies on his big screen TV, eating air-popped popcorn as a snack. I was laughing at a newly released comedy when Shelby sent me a text. “Magical night alone with Jace,” she wrote. “Movies, dinner, a walk on the beach. How can it be anything other than a date? I’m so in love, Jordi. And so happy.” Then she sent me a picture of the two of them sitting together on the sand that pretty well ripped my heart out.

  Maggie noticed the instant drop in my mood. “Everything okay? Are you in pain?”

  Though I was fairly sore from the day, I wasn’t in as much pain as I had been. But I nodded and lied anyway. “I think I’m going to take some pills and go to bed.”

 
; Maggie was quick to help me to my feet. “You need help getting into bed?” she asked.

  “No,” I said with a quick shake of the head. “I’m good. Thanks, though.”

  “If you need us, call for us,” Graham instructed.

  “I will,” I promised as I shuffled off to the guest bedroom.

  Jace joined me again for an early morning workout the following day, but he was back out the door by nine o’clock. Graham had secured theme park tickets for Vanni, the band, Shelby and Jace. Of course I couldn’t go because I couldn’t risk my back with all the walking and the rides, but for everyone else it was a fun day of PR to promote the tour. Shelby sent me pictures all day of their adventures in one of the happiest places on earth. She used social media to publish photos of them in silly hats and mouse ears as they posed with cartoon character mascots, or candid shots from some of the rides.

  By all accounts, Jace was having a grand ol’ time with my bestie. I tried my best not to let it eat at me, but it was impossible. As bitchy as it sounded, she was living my life and I hated it. Worst of all, she had no idea that was what she was doing. She was just taking whatever opportunity presented itself to her to live the life of her dreams – which just so happened to be the life of my dreams too. How could I hate her for being so happy with every new adventure? She had no way of knowing that Jace was taken, especially by me, so everything she did was as one friend to another, simply sharing a confidence.

  By the end of the night, she was ready to spill her guts to the whole wide world. She updated her social status online, “Having a most magical time. Dreams really do come true,” and posted a photo of her and Jace in front of a fairytale castle dressed in costume for a photo op.

  PING and their ilk jumped all over it, speculating that two of the Fierce crew had found love on the road. By the morning news, it was all the gossip mill could talk about, especially since the T&L advertisements featuring their photos were now starting to surface on the web.

  They looked like a healthy, happy, All-American couple, befitting covers of magazines. It reminded me of what he had said about his ex-fiancé, Amy. They had been picture perfect too, but she’d bailed the minute he produced a flaw.

  The problem with Shelby’s infatuation? She saw no flaws. She wasn’t going anywhere.

  Until she sees the tape, I reminded myself.

  I was quiet as I worked out the first morning without Jace. He had headed out to Arizona, where they would do a feature at the Grand Canyon before the concert that Friday in Phoenix. It was the jet-set life of a rock star I was now missing because of my stupid back.

  I had done research online to see what the problem was, and how long I could expect to suffer with it. The more I read, the more depressed I became. Back pain disabled millions of people every year, and in fact was one of the leading causes of disability for people over the age of 45. I had to face facts: my weight was too much of a burden for my back to carry. If I didn’t handle it, things were only bound to get worse.

  “You’re fortunate in that you’re young,” Maggie told me when I brought up my concerns to her. “You’re making progress. It’s not going to happen overnight. You just have to be patient with yourself. Your body is still remarkable, and you have the ability to make it stronger and healthier, which is precisely what you’re doing. It’ll happen. You need to start taking it easy on yourself, Jordi.”

  “I have taken it easy on myself my whole life,” I said. “And look at me.”

  “That’s what I’m talking about. You’re ready to beat yourself up for not being perfect. Life is messy. Things happen. We fall, we get up. That’s a part of the process. You’re no different than anyone else.”

  I stared at her. “How can you say that? I weigh twice as much as someone like Shelby.”

  “I know how much you weigh,” she said, her hand on one hip. “I also see what you’re doing to get healthier… and so do you. So why beat yourself up that you’re not there yet?”

  “I don’t know,” I breathed as I dropped the resistance band to my side.

  Maggie walked over to where I sat on one of the padded benches. “You’re never going to make the changes you want to make if you hate yourself. Hate doesn’t nurture. It punishes. It destroys. When I say you need to take it easy on yourself, I mean you need to be your best friend. Would you talk to someone you truly care about the way you talk about yourself?”

  Begrudgingly, I shook my head.

  She sat next to me on the bench. “I know this has been tough for you. It’s hard to watch everyone else living the life you should be living. You want to go to amusement parks and you want to be a part of the action. Mostly you want to get on that stage and sing.” She took my hands in hers. “And you will. I promise.”

  There were tears in my eyes when she hugged me close. It was the nurturing mother I never had.

  I spent the better part of the week doing anything I could to make her proud. I did all the physical therapy without complaint. I suffered through each and every massage, taking every ounce of pain in the process. I exercised daily in the lap pool, and I ate properly and well.

  By Saturday I felt I could join the crew in Phoenix, but Maggie nixed it. She felt another week would get me back into “fighting” shape, and I was not about to question her judgment. I used every text, update or photo from Shelby as incentive to work that much harder.

  Dallas was Jace’s homecoming trip, and I wasn’t about to miss it for the world.

  By the weekend I was rehearsing my number out on the beach that doubled as Graham’s back yard. Every time I tried to do Jace’s introduction, I ended up seized in pain – despite all the therapy. I was either going to have to amend the number for the foreseeable future, or allow Shelby to take my place.

  I called Corey to see if he could help me choreograph an alternative. He ended up staying the entire night with us, keeping Maggie and Graham in stitches with his tales from his dance troupe. If either one of them noticed I had invited my gay best friend over my husband, they mercifully said nothing.

  Since Eddie couldn’t party like he used to, he ended up taking an impromptu trip back to Iowa to visit his folks while I recuperated at Graham’s house. My guess was that he was licking his wounds after being rejected – once again – for “Bionic Boy.” While I hated what the public pairing of Jace and Shelby was doing to me, I was slightly comforted by the fact that it had to be driving Eddie crazy.

  At night I had Jace all to myself via video chat. It helped keep me grounded in what was real. He loved me. All this other stuff was just an act.

  Right?

  “Shelby’s really fallen hard,” I said as casually as I could that Sunday night. “Everyone is reading a relationship in between the lines with you, given all her status updates.”

  He shrugged. “As long as you know it’s not real, that’s all that matters to me.”

  “What about what she thinks? Isn’t it dangerous to play into the fantasy? You’re going to break her heart.”

  “She knows nothing is going on. We’re friends.”

  “That’s not what it sounds like.”

  “Trust me. She knows I’m not interested in a relationship. In fact, she thinks I’m still hung up on Amy.”

  This was not news to me, of course. But I played it cool. “What makes you say that?”

  Another shrug. He was withholding something, I could tell. Finally he admitted, “She kissed me.”

  My heart sunk. “What?”

  “We were there at the park, watching the fireworks and all of a sudden she reached up and kissed me. I was so surprised I didn’t know what to do. I just sort of stood there, frozen. When I didn’t respond, she told me that she understood… that I must still be in love with my ex. She apologized for overstepping any boundaries and asked if we could still be friends. I told her that was all we could be. She was disappointed but she said OK.”

  My brow furrowed. I got a blow by blow on every single detail of their “dates” – but someh
ow Shelby had failed to mention any of this. And, not so incidentally, so had he. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

  “I was afraid that you’d force yourself to come back to the tour before you were ready. It was no big deal and I think she got the hint I wasn’t interested, so it was really a good thing, I think. But…”

  I waited. “But…?”

  H sighed. “I didn’t think you’d handle it well.”

  “I see.”

  “Jordi…”

  “No, I get it. You thought I’d get all jealous and do something stupid to make sure that I wouldn’t lose you. Like I’m fifteen or something, right?”

  “Your mood now is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you.”

  “My mood now is because you didn’t tell me, Jace. You essentially lied to me.”

  “I never lied to you,” he corrected immediately.

  “You left it out. It was important and you decided that I didn’t need that information. Such a dick move. How is that any different than Eddie?”

  He took a deep breath. “Jordi, you had enough going on that I didn’t want to add to the burden. I handled it.”

  “By doing what? Doing nothing and letting her think you still love Amy?”

  This sparked his anger. “I would tell her that I’m in love with you, but you keep telling me that we can’t do that. If we had just called Eddie’s bluff like I wanted to, all this would have blown over by now.”

  “And you wouldn’t be on tour as the winner of Fierce.”

  “I told you I don’t care about that!”

  “But you sure are enjoying the perks of it, aren’t you?”

  He stared at me through the screen. “Really?” he finally asked.

  “Really,” I said. “Tell me you aren’t having the time of your life. You’re a freaking rock star. Everyone loves you. Obviously,” I added.

  He was angry but his tone was controlled. “The only person I care about loving me is you. Once you get that through your hardheaded skull, the happier we will both be.”