Release: A Ransom Novel

by Rachel Schurig

  I’ve rarely needed that calm she gives me more than I do now. So, as the day of her visit approaches, I feel like I might actually climb out of my skin with anxiety and excitement.

  I take a taxi to the bus station to pick her up. I know Daisy could arrange a car for us, but I feel like I need a break from the Ransom machine for a few hours. There’s a part of me that just wants to pretend that it’s the old days, before we met the rock star brothers, back when it was just Karen and me against the world.

  “You look too thin,” she says immediately, frowning at me.

  I pull her into a hug. “Nice to see you, too.”

  “Sorry.” She squeezes me tightly. “I missed you.”

  “Missed you, too.” Feeling strangely close to tears, I pull away, averting my face. I shouldn’t have bothered—she knows me better than anyone in the world.

  “I’m assuming we need milkshakes,” she says, gripping the handle of her suitcase with one hand and my arm with the other. “Let’s go.”

  Milkshakes have been our great indulgence since we were little kids. We spent countless sleepovers messing up her mother’s kitchen with our recipe experiments. As we got older and started worrying more about our figures, we saved milkshakes for those occasions when one of us needed a good cry. The fact that she sees, without me saying a word, that today is a milkshake kind of day, is a testament to how well she knows me.

  We take the taxi back to the hotel so she can drop off her bag. Everyone else is at the venue, so we end up at a diner across the street. Once we’ve ordered, we face each other across the Formica table. “Okay, spill it.”

  “Let’s talk about you first,” I say. Part of me wants to confess to her everything that’s happened since New Year’s Eve but the chicken-shit part of me would rather pretend none of it has happened. “How was your trip? How long were you on the bus? Was it awful? You should have flown. Didn’t you have a chem test last week?”

  “Paige.” She reaches across the table and presses her fingers against mine, briefly. Just enough contact to ground me, to get me to stop babbling, to focus.

  “Oh, Karen,” I moan, covering my face in my hands. “Everything is so fucked up.”

  “Tell me.”

  So, I do. Long after we’ve finished our milkshakes I’m still talking, telling her every detail of the time I’ve been spending with Reed, how close to him I feel after only a few weeks, how completely out of my mind attracted I am to him. And then I tell her about Sienna.

  “Holy shit,” she mutters, eyes wide. “Pregnant?”

  “That’s confidential,” I tell her, but she waves away my warning.

  “Like I’m going to tell anyone. I can’t believe it, though. The two of them having a kid together? It seems way too crazy, you know?”

  I shake my head, not wanting to tell her that all I’ve been thinking for the past week is what the two of them will be like as parents. Reed, I know, will be amazing. The thought of him with a little blond headed boy on his shoulders makes my stomach physically ache.

  “So, what’s he going to do?” she asks. “Are they back together?”

  “I guess so?” I shake my head. “Everyone is pressuring him to at least pretend. I guess they think it’s good for the band’s reputation—”

  “What?” She’s so loud half the patrons have looked in our direction and I have to shush her. She leans closer to me and lowers her voice. “They want him to stay with her for good PR? Are you serious?”

  I tell her everything he told me about Cash’s bruised reputation and the pressure from the label. “She’s shooting that reality show, you know?” I remind her. “And apparently he was going to be a big part of it. The label doesn’t want to give up that much free publicity.”

  “And there’s nothing entertainment media loves more than a pregnant movie star,” she mutters. “Fuck.”

  “My thoughts exactly.” I’m quiet for a long moment while I play with my straw. “He came to my room after he found out,” I tell her, my voice soft as the painful memory washes over me again.

  “And?” her voice is sharp and I can just picture her striding over to the venue and kicking his ass for me.

  “He got super drunk, cried in my arms, and then came on to me. I kicked him out.”

  “Good girl.” Her face is fiercely triumphant and I shake my head, knowing what she must be thinking of him.

  “He apologized later. Knew he was totally out of line.” She looks incredulous. “Really, K, he felt terrible.”

  “He should feel terrible.”

  “He was really upset. I’ve never seen him like that—he was heartbroken. He’s having his first kid with this woman, who he doesn’t even love—”

  “Yet, he’s willing to pretend to be in a relationship with her?” she sneers.

  “It’s not just pretending. I think he wants to give her another chance, see if they can repair some kind of relationship. For the kid.”

  “It still sounds like crap to me. Any time your PR team has to convince you to give your girlfriend a chance, you’re dealing with some pretty serious bullshit.”

  “You don’t know how devoted he is to this band.” I shake my head a little, thinking of how he described his responsibilities to me back in Mexico. How hard he works, every single day. How much they all rely on him. “It’s everything to him, Karen. He’d be willing to go to the ends of the earth for them, that’s how much it means. It’s naive to think he wouldn’t give Sienna another chance, if everyone is telling him it will help.”

  She throws up her hands. “Listen to you defend him. You’re the one getting screwed over here, Paige.”

  “How am I getting screwed over?”

  “Because you’re clearly obsessed with this guy! And he’s picking her instead.”

  “It’s not a matter of picking her.” I feel sick to my stomach at her words but I press on. “It was never a choice between us—Reed and I both agreed to just be friends, long before Sienna came back on the scene.”

  “Yet, he still came to your hotel room drunk, to grope you.”

  “I told you, he was really upset—”

  “I know you’ve told me that,” she says flatly. “What you haven’t told me is how you felt.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She shoots me an exasperated look. “You’ve told me all about how sad he is, how upset he is, how confused he is, how devoted to his precious band. You haven’t told me how you feel about any of this.”

  “It doesn’t really matter, does it? Because I’m not the one who’s pregnant.” The truth of my statement hits me all over again, taking my breath away. “I have no claim on him.”

  “You love him.”

  I can’t look at her when I tell my lie—she’ll see right through me. Instead, I stare at the table. “I’ve only been close with him for a few weeks. We slept together twice. I can hardly say I love him.”

  “But you do.” When I still don’t look up she touches my hand again, a signal she wants my eye contact. “You fell for him that first night in Mexico.”

  “If this is you telling me I told you so, you can save it.” For the first time since we started talking I feel pissed. “You warned me not to turn him into some elaborate fantasy and I did just that. Just like with David. I get it, Karen. I’m still the same silly little girl I was when I got pregnant.”

  “That’s not what I’m saying.” She sounds pissed too. “You think it’s something to be ashamed, the fact that you always imagine the best?”

  “Obviously you think it is—”

  But she’s not interested in letting me finish. “Your optimism is what makes you you, Paige. Believing everything will be okay. Believing you’ll get your happy ending, that everyone deserves a happy ending.” Her eyes flash at me and I can’t tell if she’s pissed or ready to cry. “It’s what makes you special, Paige. What makes you a great friend and a great person. Don’t you dare ever apologize for it.”

  “But what does it get me?�
�� I slam my hands against the table, not caring who’s watching us. “It didn’t make David stay. It didn’t keep my baby alive.” I let out a little sob at the word. “And it’s not going to get me Reed, either.”

  “It might if you fight for him.”

  I stare at her in surprise, my tears stopping before they can really get going. I had been so sure that her advice to me was going to be to guard my heart and try to forget about him. “You think I should fight for him?”

  “I think you should at least tell him how you feel. Tell him it’s more than a few random hook-ups for you. Give him all the information before he makes a decision.”

  “And if I put myself out there and he doesn’t want me? Where will I be then, K?” I picture rejection on his face and it makes my heart immediately start pounding.

  She shrugs. “You’ll be just about where you are right now. But you won’t have to wonder what could have been.”

  I shake my head, unable to imagine a scenario in which I could tell Reed Ransome that I love him. “It sounds way too scary.”

  “Silly Paige,” she murmurs, her voice full of fondness. She reaches across the table to take my hand. “Sis, I know you better than anyone else in the entire world and if there’s anything I’m sure of, it’s this: you’re no coward.”

  I stare at her, unsure of what to say. I’ve been called a lot of things in my life—silly, ditzy, over-the-top, crazy—but brave has never been one of them. Karen just holds my gaze, as if telling me with her eyes how seriously she takes her words. Finally, she grins.

  “Okay, enough of this sappy bullshit. What do you say we go back to the hotel and give each other pedicures?”

  I immediately brighten. It’s exactly the kind of familiar, mindless fun I’ve been missing. “Can we order in food and watch crap reality shows all night?”

  She shrugs. “Why else did I spend ten hours on a bus to come to a city I’ve never been before, if not to sit in a hotel room with you all night?”

  I beam at her. “That sounds like the best night ever.”

  For the rest of Karen’s visit I do my best to forget about our discussion in the diner. I tell myself it’s because I want to enjoy my limited time with her without worrying about the sad state of my love life, but I know that’s only part of it. No matter what Karen might think, the truth of the matter is that I’m a huge scaredy cat.

  I find plenty to occupy myself with during her stay. We have not one but two movie nights tucked away in my hotel room. Daisy joins us for both and it almost feels like old times, like the first tour when following the band was new and exciting, when Reed was an out-of-my-league rock star I was free to fantasize about but would never really touch.

  But, we also have fun with those formerly untouchable rock stars. Karen joins us on the bus for the duration of her break and, when I’m not working, we hang out with the boys, playing Halo and listening to music. We even convinced them to join us in an epic indoor field day tournament on a rainy day when there was nothing better to do—I won the most medals out of anyone. My favorite part, however, was them joining us to visit a few of the less objectionable road-side attractions on my list.

  It’s one of those attractions that ends up getting us into a lot of trouble. Reed, Lennon, and Daltrey agree with Daisy and me that our trip to Texas would not be complete unless we made time to see the Cadillac sculpture garden. Karen and Cash, predictably, were less enthused, but still backed us to Mr. Ransome when he tried to insist it would be smarter for us to drive straight through and get to Albuquerque early.

  Reed, however, was adamant. “It’s my birthday tomorrow, Dad. I should get to stop at the damn Cadillac Ranch if I want to.”

  “You want to spend your birthday at a pile of spray painted cars?” Cash muttered, but Reed elbowed him into silence. Finally, Mr. Ransome had acquiesced. He and Dan would travel with the crew straight to Albuquerque and we would make our stop and catch up with them at the hotel.

  Things went downhill pretty quickly. First of all, the Cadillac Ranch was in the middle of the desert and it was hot as hell. Karen complained the entire time about the dust and, since we hadn’t thought to bring spray paint to leave our own tags, there wasn’t much to do besides look at other people’s illegible graffiti. I was pretty disappointed—it was, after all, my research that had led us there. Reed, however, insisted it was the best birthday he could have had, making us all pose for pictures, acting so hyped up it was impossible for the rest of us to keep a straight face.

  By the time we get back on the bus, we’re a good two hours behind the rest of the crew, meaning we won’t reach Albuquerque until late evening. A pretty intense battle of Guitar Hero occupies most of the drive time. I’m pleased to find that I can keep pace even with Cash, eventually outscoring him. “It’s not the same as a real guitar at all,” he mumbles as I join Reed and Daltrey in spewing as much laughter and trash talk in his direction as possible.

  “I’m pretty beat,” Lennon says, looking at the clock above the TV. “Feels a lot later than eleven.”

  “That’s because you spent the day looking at graffiti-covered car shells,” Daltrey says with a straight face. “Takes a lot out of you.”

  “I’m going to sleep for a bit,” Lennon says. He pauses in the lounge doorway. “Wake me up this time.”

  His brothers snicker as he heads down the hall to the bunks. “What’s that about?” Karen asks.

  Daisy rolls her eyes. “One time he was sleeping when we got to the hotel and they left him there. He woke up in the middle of the night on the bus by himself.”

  “And we took his clothes,” Cash adds proudly. “He had to come in wearing his boxers.”

  “Mean boys,” I scold.

  “Anybody feel like a movie?” Cash asks, opening a cabinet next to the TV to peer inside at the stacks of plastic DVD cases. Since no one else is feeling particularly tired, we settle in to watch The Hangover for the remainder of the trip. I curse silently to myself when Reed sits next to me. The lounge isn’t particularly big, meaning I’ll be pressed right against him for the duration of the movie. Why does his skin have to be so warm?

  Before I can get too agitated, Daltrey sits up straight. “Do you smell that?”

  “What are you, five?” Cash asks. “You have to announce your farts?”

  “Shut up, ass,” Daltrey says, punching his brother’s arm. “I mean it—is that smoke?”

  We all sit up a bit straighter, sniffing the air. I do smell something acrid and it seems to be coming from area directly behind us. “Shit, I think that is smoke.” Cash stands. “I’m going to tell Jerry.”

  He disappears to the hallway as he heads up to the bus driver. “Do you see anything out the window?” Daisy asks, sitting up on her knees so she can peek out the windows.

  I don’t see anything in the dark but Reed suddenly stiffens next to me. “That’s definitely smoke. Come on, we’re getting out of here.”

  Before he even finishes his sentence, the bus noticeably slows and pulls to the right. “Looks like we’re pulling over,” Daltrey says as we pass through the bunks. “Hey, Len! Bus is on fire or something, dude. Let’s go!”

  We reach the front of the bus as Cash is coming back to meet us. “Jerry saw smoke in the rearview,” he says. “He’s going to take Benny and Frank and go to check it out. They want us to wait outside.”

  As we file to the door, Reed turns back to the hall. “Lennon,” he bellows. “What part of fire did you not understand?”

  “Yeah,” Lennon calls, his voice muffled by the curtains around his bunk. “Like I really believe that. You guys are just trying to get me outside in my skivvies.”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Reed mutters, marching back to the bunks. I hear a muffled shout as he pulls the curtains back and then the unmistakable signs of a scuffle.

  “Come on,” Cash says, pushing me gently to the door. “Reed will get him.”

  I don’t really like the idea of leaving either of them on a bus that migh
t be on fire, but I allow Cash to lead me out into the night.

  “Fuck, it’s cold,” Daltrey mutters, wrapping his arms around Daisy. “We should have grabbed our coats.”

  “Want me to warm you up, Karen?” Cash asks innocently. She flips him off. A moment later, Lennon arrives in his boxer shorts, looking livid. Reed is behind him with a mess of blankets he must have pulled from the bunks. He hands them out and we huddle on the side of the road while thick black smoke pours from the back of the bus.

  Eventually Frank comes around the side of the bus. “Definitely a fire,” he tells us. “Jerry says something shorted out.”

  “Awesome,” Cash mutters. “Our freaking bus is on fire.”

  “Was on fire,” Frank corrects. “We think we got it all out.”

  “You think?” Cash asks.

  Frank nods, apparently missing the sarcastic note in Cash’s voice. “We want you guys to wait out here to be safe.”

  “Wait until when?” Lennon asks. “I’m not dressed, man.”

  “Benny called Dan, they’re going to get some cars out here for us. Might be a while.”

  “Fantastic,” Lennon says, pulling his blanket tighter around his shoulders. “Just fantastic.”

  “Sorry, guys. If the smoke clears a little you can go back in and grab clothes. Give it a few.”

  He heads back to the others while the rest of us huddle on the hard ground. “Should we, like, move back or something?” Cash asks, eyeing the bus wearily. “What if it, like, explodes or something?”

  “It’s not going to explode,” Daltrey says, rolling his eyes, just as another thick billow of smoke wafts in our direction. “On second thought...”

  We all move what feels like a safer distance from the bus. Reed throws two of the blankets down on the cold ground so we can sit. “You all are way too close to me,” Lennon mutters as we huddle together to stay on the relatively small patch of blanket. “And why the hell is it so cold? We’re in Texas, for fuck’s sake.”