The Perception

by Adriana Locke

  He made quick work of ridding himself of his clothes and I kicked out of my pants. He tugged my shirt over my head and I pressed my hands against the small of his back, urging him towards me.

  His eyebrows shot up and I shook my head no. A lazy grin graced his lips. “You sure?” he whispered, almost as if he was afraid to ask.

  For the first time, I let him see me, the real me, without the shield. Without the fear. Without the baggage and questions and concerns.

  “I’m sure. No condom,” I said softly.

  His eyes grew wide, his grin mirroring it, as he sank himself inside my body and began to move.

  “I love you,” I said softly.

  He grinned in response and I was sure he felt the connection on a level much deeper than a physical one, too. “I love you, sweetheart.”

  KARI

  The light of one of my coconut candles cast a dim light across the kitchen and adjoining family room. I lay on the couch, a glass of wine in one of Max’s red cups on the coffee table. Train played softly on my iPhone. I looked out the window at the dark sky, the silver stars brighter than normal.

  I smiled to myself as I listened to the lyrics. I had been out there looking for myself, trying to grow into someone that could deal with my fears and live my life in a way that kept me safe. Unhurt. Untouched.

  I remembered seeing Max for the first time. His sexy southern accent and knight in shining armor routine did me in. At dinner at Maisano’s, I knew I was in trouble. He was charming and kind and I had let him in a lot farther that very night than I ever expected to. Just to keep things straight, I went home with him and kept him up all night long.

  Then I left and didn’t call him back for over a week.

  Over the past year and a half, I had tried to find my place in the world and all along it was wrapped around me. Max was my place in the world.

  I’d never felt so accepted, flaws and all. I’d never felt so loved unconditionally, so sure that I could mess up and he would still be there. Because he was Max, the most loyal person I’d ever met.

  “Hey, sweetheart. What ‘cha doing out here?”

  I jerked my head to the side to see my man standing in the doorway. He walked slowly towards me, illuminated by the dim light. His hair was rumpled and his green checkered pajama bottoms wrinkled and hanging loose off his hips.

  “I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you up. So I’m just lying here looking at the stars.”

  “You alright?” His eyes searched mine, looking for some sort of indication that I regretted being there.

  “I’ve never been better.” I smiled at him and his shy grin melted me.

  The song switched on the playlist and the guitar strums for Marry Me by Train began to play. Max’s face softened as he gazed in my eyes and grabbed my hand. He tugged me gently, bringing me to my feet. He led me to the middle of the living room.

  As the singer hit the words of the chorus, Max wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me towards him, my body lining up with his. I rested my hands on his shoulders, laying my head on his chest.

  We danced to the words, moving slowly back in forth across the room. My fingers played gently in his hair, the words soaking into my psyche.

  Max squeezed me tighter, his strong arms embracing me for all I was worth. The candlelight flickered, casting shadows on all four walls.

  I breathed him in, letting his scent dance through my senses, seducing, comforting, exciting me, calming me all at once.

  Will I ever be able to say I will?

  The final notes of the song played out and Max kissed the top of my head softly, letting his lips linger. Finally, I pulled back and looked up to him, his features strong, yet soft. The glimmer I always saw in his eyes was present, but for the first time, I saw it for what it was—love. The kind of love my father had for my mother, that Cane had for Jada. Max had that for me.

  And I had it for him.

  “Wanna marry me?” he asked, grinning.

  Instead of my usual immediate response, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek. “Just not tonight,” I whispered.

  His eyes widened a bit, understanding evident in them. “One day, sweetheart. One day.”

  MAX

  My office door opened and before I could even look up, a set of plans and specs were tossed on my desk with a resounding thud. I didn’t need to look up to know it was Cane, but I did anyway.

  I’d known Cane long enough to know that he was in overdrive. His shirt collar was popped up and I wasn’t sure if he knew what a razor was anymore. His eyes were wide, alert, and ready to tear into something. I knew this look well and I knew enough to keep him pacified.

  “This Trimble job—you started it already?”

  “Half way through it, Alexander.”

  Cane exhaled and grabbed the back of the seat in front of him. “Thank God someone knows what’s going on around here. I’m fucking scattered. I’m a nervous wreck.”

  “What’s going on?”

  “I’m having a baby.” Cane looked at me blankly, like I had no clue.

  I laughed. “I’m aware.”

  “And you asked what’s the matter? For fuck’s sake, Max! Jada is miserable. Still sick as hell. I don’t want her doing anything and she still tries to get up and fix dinner. I’ve had to have Penny come by and just clean stuff all day so there will be nothing for Jada to do. She’s gonna be the death of me, I swear it.”

  I knew Cane was being serious, but I couldn’t let the opportunity to mess with him go by. “Well, you know it isn’t going to get any better if you have a daughter, right?”

  Cane stood straight up, his back rigid. “You know what? Fuck you, Quinn. Fuck. You.” I laughed loudly as he shook his head. “Not even kidding, Max. It can’t be a girl. It can’t.”

  “Fifty bucks says it is.”

  “Hey, you’re going to be her godfather. So it’s on you, too, asshole.”

  “I feel sorry for her already.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Between you and me? There’s no way that girl will ever date. Or see a boy. Or talk to a boy. Or know boys exist.”

  Cane’s face lit up. “That’s what I’m talking about! Want to go to the shooting range this afternoon? Sharpen up a little?”

  “Kari’s taking Jada shopping today and I’m going to try to meet up with Brielle this afternoon.”

  “She need bail money or something?” Cane asked, one eyebrow cocked in the air.

  “Funny. No, I just want to talk to her.” I chewed on the top of an ink pen. “I need to get to the bottom of a few things with her. Mom said she was acting weird last night about Kari, so I’m going to call her to the carpet. I don’t know what else to do.”

  Cane smiled. “You meet her, talk to her. Because that’s what you do. You’re that guy.”

  “I’m starting to get over being ‘that guy,’” I groaned. “So, how’d it go with your attorney?”

  He hung his head before looking back up. “It went as good as it can when you are making an ironclad document to keep your mother out of your life.”

  I hated this for Cane. When I met him, she’d already been gone for almost ten years or so. He didn’t speak of her much and I didn’t find out the story about her leaving them until we were drunk one night in our late teens. I knew he said he hated her, and I was sure on some level he did, but Cane wasn’t the total hard-ass he liked to pretend to be. In the years I’d known him, one thing I’d learned was that his hard exterior was built to protect the good guy he was inside. Cane hated feeling exposed and probably because of his mom. It had really messed with who he was as a person. And now, all of a sudden she was back.

  “I’m sorry, man. I don’t know why she’d be doing this right now.”

  “Me either,” he said, shaking his head. “But if Kellie thinks she’s gonna get back in my life, she’s fucking nuts.”

  KARI

  “This!” I squealed. “Jada, she needs this!”

 
; Jada giggled. “I would agree if we knew it was a girl, but we don’t. And I don’t want to spend that much money on something frilly and pink if it’s a boy.”

  “Fine. I’ll buy it.”

  “And if it’s a boy?”

  “Then I exchange it. It’s not rocket science.” I sorted through the bins of baby goodies, most of which I couldn’t see the point of having. “What would you use this for? I mean come on,” I said, holding up a plastic basket-looking thing.

  Jada shrugged. “I have no idea.”

  My stomach was in a bit of a knot, knowing I needed to tell Jada what had been going on. If she found out that she was the only one that didn’t know—that even Cane knew—it was going to hurt her feelings more than any of the rest of it.

  I tossed it back into the bin. “I think we have enough stuff for ten kids. Cane’s going to have to build you another house to fit it all.”

  “Nah, I’ll just pass it along to you when we’re done,” she winked.

  I took a deep breath and looked around the store. There were a couple of patrons on the other side, involved in their own conversation about car seats. “Hey, Jada. I want to talk to you about something.”

  “Okay,” she said, sorting through green baby blankets.

  “I’m just going to cut to the chase, alright?”

  She turned slowly towards me and nodded, her eyes suspicious.

  “Remember me telling you about a guy named Blaine awhile back? Anyway, we were going to get married and move to California. The day after we got our marriage license, I found out I was pregnant. I literally ran home from the doctor’s office to tell him.” I felt a smile touch my lips, but I pressed forward, not allowing myself to pause and reflect on the memories. I just had to get this out there and be done with it. “I was ecstatic because it wasn’t supposed to happen. The doctors have told me I’m too full of scar tissue and I’ll probably never be able to carry a baby full term.”

  “What? I don’t understand?” Jada took a step back and looked me up and down. “What are you telling me, Kari?”

  “Blaine left me and I ended up having a miscarriage.”

  Jada flung herself at me, tears falling down her face. “Oh my God! How did you not tell me this?”

  “Stop it! You’re making a scene,” I half laughed.

  “You tell me this here, in the middle of a baby store? And you expect me not to cry? How did you not tell me this before now? I just . . . I don’t even know what to say to you.”

  “I’m telling you this now because it seems like everyone knows but you. I didn’t tell you then because you were busy dealing with Decker. I called you a couple of times to tell you but he was being a dick and you were crying and I didn’t want to add to your troubles.”

  “I wasn’t there for you. I’m so sorry, Kari.” Jada’s bottom lip trembled.

  “You’re gonna be sorry if you upset my little niece,” I winked, feeling my heartbeat settle into a natural rhythm.

  She sniffled and rubbed her belly.

  “Now let’s find baby Jane an “I Love My Aunt” bib. She’s gonna be here before we know it!” I turned towards the shelves, trying to get our attention focused on the present again. I said what needed to be said and I didn’t want to dwell on it.

  “Jane?” she laughed, coming up behind me. “Really?”

  “Yeah. Jada and Cane. Jane. I like it.”

  “Please don’t mention that to Cane. I have a feeling he’d like it, too.”

  We walked around the store, pretending to look at things. My mind was elsewhere and I could tell Jada’s was, too. Finally, she said, “Have you talked to Max about this?”

  I bit my lip. “I did. Not because I wanted to, but I had to.”

  “There’s a story there. Go on.”

  “Samantha brought Blaine to dinner.”

  “She what!” Jada exclaimed, her mouth dropping to the floor. “Why would she do that? I might be pregnant but I’ll call Heather and Mandi and they’ll take care of business!”

  I snorted. “She didn’t know.”

  Jada stood with her hand on her hip. “What did Max say?”

  I thought back to the look on his face when he told me it didn’t matter. “He was a little angry.”

  Her eyes widened. “Max was angry? I can’t believe that.”

  “No, not angry about that. He was more hurt, I guess, that I didn’t tell him sooner. That I thought he would walk away from me if he knew.”

  She grinned. “That’s the Max I love.”

  “Me, too.”

  KARI

  I listened to the voice of Keith Whitley croon on the country music station that Fern was playing as she and I cleaned up dinner. It was smooth and easy, just as the evening had been with Max’s parents. Max had tried to have lunch with Brielle, but she was too busy to meet him. He was irritated about that, but his mother had called and asked us to come to dinner.

  Max and John grilled outside while his mother and I made the side dishes in the kitchen. She entertained me with stories of Max as a little boy, everything from his first home-run in baseball to getting bucked off a horse on his grandparent’s ranch when he was a teenager. She was undeniably proud of him and I welcomed the ease in which she shared her memories of the man we both loved.

  As the last bubble went down the drain, I dried my hands on a towel. “Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Quinn.”

  “Honey, it’s Fern. For heaven’s sake.” She stacked the containers with left-overs into two piles. “This one is for you and Max to take home. It can be your midnight snack.”

  “Thank you.”

  She took a breath. “I wanted to speak with you alone.” She wiped her hands on her apron and then undid the ties and tossed it on the counter. She looked at me, her face somber. “This may be entirely out of line and none of my concern, but by golly it’s keepin’ me up at night not to say something, so I’m gonna speak my piece and let the good Lord have it.”

  I swallowed past the lump in my throat.

  “Max told me about you not being able to have children.” She watched me for a second and took a breath. “He said you were nervous as to what I’d think. And before I go on, I just want you to know that the fact that you care what his mama has to say means the world to this old woman. Okay? It warms my heart.” She placed one hand over her chest.

  “Mrs. Quinn, Fern, I mean, I—” I rushed before she waved me off.

  “There’s a lot of things a mother wants for her child. Sure, children are one of them. Don’t think for a second I don’t want to be a grandma. But the one thing a mama wants more than anything is for her child to be happy. I always told my kids I didn’t care what they did with their life as long as they gave it to the good Lord and they were happy doin’ it. Max loved the janitor at his school when he was a little boy. Thought the man could fix anything and he wanted to be a janitor, too. I told him if that made him happy to be the best janitor he could be.”

  I laughed nervously, not sure where this conversation was going.

  “What I’m gettin’ at, Kari, is that you put a smile on Max’s face. I see the way he looks at you and that’s the way John looks at me when he thinks I’m not lookin.’ My boy loves you and that, at the end of the day, is all I care about.”

  I widened my eyes to keep the tears from spilling over as she cleared her throat.

  “Now, don’t get me wrong,” she laughed, pointing her finger at me, “you hurt that son of mine and I’ll come at you with my rolling pin.”

  She closed the distance between us and, before I knew it, she pulled me against her. She patted my back in a motherly way I hadn’t remembered feeling and it touched me on some level I didn’t know could be reached.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Max and his father standing outside the glass door. The smile on Max’s face was the widest I’d ever seen. John reached over and grabbed Max’s shoulder, saying something only the two of them could hear.

  But the feelings exchanged between Max and
me in that moment was something only the two of our souls could ever understand.

  MAX

  We went over the numbers one final time. “I think we’re good,” I said to Cane, who was sitting across from me in the conference room. Plans and specs and historical cost sheets were spread from one end of the marble table to the other as we prepared the bid for the Trimble project. We had worked all week on it and Friday had finally rolled around.

  “We thought that the last time, too. Did we get Grady’s number yet?”

  “Not yet . . .” Cane’s voice trailed off as the conference room door swung open. Sam put her head through the crack and looked quickly away from Cane.

  “Can I get you anything?” she asked.

  “Hey, Sam,” Cane said, looking at me and then to her, “there’s a stack of invoices Norm needs filed in accounting. Can you swing by there and give him a hand?”

  I shot Cane a curious look but he didn’t look back to me.

  “Yeah. Sure.” She plastered a fake smile on for Cane, gave me an inquisitive glance, and then let the door close behind her.

  I held my hand in front of me, silently asking Cane what that was about; he shrugged me off and looked back at the plans. I wasn’t sure what his point was, although there definitely was one.

  “Excuse me,” Lucy’s voice rang out through the speakerphone. “I have Wade Grady on the phone with a bid.”

  “Speak of the devil. Send it through, Lucy,” Cane said, making a note on a yellow legal pad.

  The red light flashed and Cane pressed the speaker. “Hey, Wade.”

  “You ready for my number?” he asked through the speaker.

  “Yup. What are you coming in at?” Cane said, looking at me.

  “We’re at $60,560.00. I think I might be able to go a little lower, but it’ll depend on how another project we have wraps up before this one starts. If I can do you better when the time comes, I will. But that’s the lowest earthmoving number anyone will see today, I’ll guarantee that. My overhead is . . . let’s just say Jillian isn’t real happy about the markup on this one.”