The Perception

by Adriana Locke

  “I know. I’ve been really busy at work.”

  I heard her huff a breath, trying to intimidate me in her motherly way. “What does a woman have to do to get her son to wanna have lunch with her on a day besides Sunday?”

  I chuckled. “Well, it’s your lucky day. I need a favor and it might take us two lunches to get it worked out.”

  “Interesting. What do you need?”

  “Kari wants to get married quickly and I’m all for it. She suggested going to the courthouse—”

  “Maxwell Quinn! Don’t you even think about it! I don’t ask for much but you need to be married in the house of God—”

  “Mama, calm down,” I laughed. “Kari agreed to get married in your church if it’s available.”

  I heard her gasp. “She’s gonna let me help plan it? Oh, Max. Bless her heart.”

  “I don’t know what all she’s gonna let you do,” I said, tryin’ to not let her get too carried away. “I’m not sayin’ anything like that. But, ya know, she doesn’t have a lot of experience with this stuff.”

  “Don’t you worry. I’ll call Pastor Matthews this evening and see what we need to do. If Kari needs anything, have her call me. I’m more than happy to help and I’ll try not to be overbearin.’ But I know a good florist—”

  “Mama!” I laughed. “One thing at a time, okay?”

  “Okay. I’ll call ya this evenin.’”

  I heard her start to hang up. “Mama?”

  “Yes, son.”

  “I love ya.”

  “I love ya, too.”

  I clicked the phone off just as traffic started to move. My engine roared to life and I got home a lot quicker than I thought.

  I pulled onto my street and as my house came into view, my foot hit the accelerator and my heart hit my boots. I tore up the street and slid my truck into the spot next to Sam’s car.

  What the hell is she doin’ here?

  I ran up the sidewalk and burst through the door. Sam was standing near the television and Kari was standing near the door to my office. I looked from one to the other, trying to get an indication of what was going on.

  Sam’s face was smug, her lips pressed together in satisfaction. Kari looked annoyed more than anything.

  “What is she doing here?” I asked Kari, ignoring Samantha. I moved across the room to my girl. My instincts hollered at me to get to Kari and protect her.

  Protect her from what?

  Kari shrugged. “She just got here.” She crossed her arms in front of her and looked at Sam. “What do you want?”

  “Now that you both are here,” she said, smiling wickedly at me, “I just thought we’d all get on the same page.”

  “What in the hell are you talkin’ about?” I asked, my patience for this woman ceasing to exist. “You’re outta your mind if you think there’s a page in the world that the three of us share.”

  She tossed her head back and laughed, the gold locket around her neck bouncing against her chest. “Oh, Maxie. You’re funny.”

  “Maxie?” Kari asked, looking at me completely unentertained. I was too irritated at Sam to respond.

  “Sam, I was going to say that unless something was wrong, you need to leave. But you know what—I don’t even really care if something is wrong at this point.”

  Her eyes flashed, the blue rolling like an angry storm. “You never do care if something is wrong with me, do you?”

  “I have always been there for you.”

  “Where were you when I was ass-up in the back of that car that night? When I was being raped while you drank the night away with Cane?”

  “Sam—”

  “Nope,” Kari said, stepping in between us. “I’ve heard about enough. Get the fuck out of my house.”

  “This isn’t your house, sweetie,” Sam fired back, challenging her.

  Kari held up her hand. “See this? This is proof that this is my house. My man. This,” she said, sweeping her hand around the room, “is all mine because Max wants it to be all mine. You are not welcome here. Get out.”

  “I sure as hell was welcome when you weren’t around.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Kari demanded.

  My stomach rolled, not sure where Sam was going with this, but knowing it wasn’t going to be good.

  “The night you left him. The night he found out that you didn’t care enough about him to tell him that you couldn’t have a baby. That you are so diseased—”

  “Samantha!” I thundered but Kari stopped me.

  “This is mine, Max,” she rumbled, casting me a quick look before stepping to Sam. “You don’t know anything about me. But I know everything I need to know about you and that includes the fact that you better get your ass out of my house before I assist you. Got it?”

  “You’re going to assist me out? What about the night I had to assist Max in?” Sam tossed me a look, her hands on her hips. When she moved, her purse slipped off her arms and the contents went flying around the tile. “What about that night, Maxie?” She spit the nickname out, glancing at Kari, making sure it pissed her off. She bent down and started picking up the items from her purse. “What about the night I had to go pick you up from the bar? I had to bring you home, put you to bed, undress you. That pic I took of you that night—damn, Max. You are a sexy drunk!”

  Kari looked at me over her shoulder, her eyes shooting daggers and welling with tears at the same time.

  I ran my hands through my hair, tugging on the roots, feeling the pain. Damn it!

  “Oh, didn’t he tell you? When you left him because you didn’t want him, he needed someone. Me. Not you. Me.”

  “Get the hell out of here.” I took a step forward, seething. “I’ve sworn I’d never hit a woman, but by God you’re making it hard.”

  “That’s what you said that night, too,” she laughed, looking evilly at Kari.

  “Out!” I roared, taking another long step towards her. She took a few steps backwards until her back was at the door.

  “Blaine wants you back, Kari. And when she takes him,” she said, looking at me, “I’ll be here for you. Like I always am.”

  MAX

  I reached for Kari but she stepped out of my reach. “Don’t touch me,” she spat.

  “Kar—”

  “Don’t you ‘Kar’ me! She was here with you? Naked?”

  “No, sweetheart! Damn it! No!”

  She sank in the sofa, looking pale. “You better start talking.”

  “She’s sayin’ this stuff to get to you.” I pulled at my hair again. “And it’s obviously workin,’” I muttered under my breath.

  “How could it not work? This is something I should know!”

  “I couldn’t stay here that night! Do you know how empty this place feels when you aren’t here? I just drove and drove and wound up gettin’ wasted. Bri and Sam came to get me. Nothing. Happened.”

  I paced the room, trying to figure out what to do. A piece of paper lay by the end table and I picked it up. “I should’ve said something, I reckon. But the next morning I was hungover and just needed to get to you and I forgot all about it.”

  I bent down in front of her, tipping her face to mine. “Nothing happened. I was at the bar and she called, heard I was drunk, and she and Bri came and got me. They brought me home, Sam walked me in, but did not get me naked. I think I woke up with my shirt off, if I remember, but hell if I know if I took it off or her.”

  “Then how do you remember what happened otherwise?” she whispered, her eyes full of fear.

  Good question. I didn’t know how to explain that. How do I explain to her that she’s my entire world? That nothin,’ come hell or high water, would make me do anything to hurt her?

  “Because I wouldn’t do that, Crown or no Crown,” I said simply. “I remember I kept asking where you were before I passed out. Even drunk, you’re all I think about, apparently.”

  That got her to crack a smile.

  “So that little performance of hers was to sta
rt a fight. When I saw her the other day, she was telling me, ugh . . .” I didn’t want to go into detail, but it looked like I had to. “She was telling me that she and I should be together.”

  “I’m gonna kill her!” Kari said, her eyes going wild. “I’m gonna take her cowgirl boot off and shove it up her ass!”

  “Don’t waste your energy. I only want you,” I whispered. I kissed her on the lips. At first she was unresponsive, but I licked and nibbled at her bottom lip and before long she gave in and kissed me back.

  Eventually she broke the connection and sat back. She studied my face and started to grab my hands, but felt the paper in them. “What’s this?” she asked, taking it from me.

  I shrugged, handing it over.

  She smoothed it out and started to read it, her hand flying to her mouth.

  “What is it, sweetheart?” I asked, trying to turn the piece so I could see what it said.

  Kari’s eyes went wide. “This is a letter I wrote to Blaine right after he left me! Where did you get this? How did it get here?”

  “It was on the floor.”

  Kari’s eyes scanned the room, but there was nothing else. I took the letter from her and read it, my chest burning.

  Blaine,

  I know you probably don’t care at all about what I’m going to say, but you’re going to read it. You deserve to understand what you’ve done to me.

  I just got back from the doctor. Dr. Yarby told me to come in today because I had some spotting this morning. She said it was probably nothing but I should be seen.

  I was so scared, Blaine. Not that you care because you left me as soon as you found out I was pregnant, not giving two thoughts to how I would feel. How I would raise a baby alone. What that would do to me. To our baby.

  I went in and she did an ultrasound and some blood work and I’ve lost the baby. I’ve lost the one thing I didn’t think I’d ever have. Being pregnant was the most surreal, amazing, blessed feeling in the entire world. It was everything I ever wanted.

  And it’s gone. It’s gone! It’s been taken away from me!

  Every morning I would wake up and tell him or her good morning. I would rub my stomach and wait to feel it kick or flutter or something. I would talk to it all day long, tell it what I was doing or that it shouldn’t make me puke. I would sing it little songs and tell it all the things we’d do together. I promised it that I wouldn’t stop it from knowing you, if you wanted to know it. I bought baby books and picked out nursery colors. I bought a plane ticket to go tell my sister and do crazy baby shopping.

  And then today—to have that all ripped from me. I can’t tell you what that feels like. I’ve lost everything. I’ve lost you, I’ve lost my child—I don’t even know what there is to live for! I’ve thought so many times about just driving my car off into one of the canals and letting myself go. Just end it all. Because what do I have left? I HAVE NOTHING. My heart is broken so badly I don’t think it’ll ever be fixed. The doctor said that she wasn’t completely surprised by the miscarriage and that I shouldn’t get my hopes up of ever having a baby again. She didn’t even see that it was necessary to use birth control pills.

  I’ll never know that feeling again. I’ll never feel the tickle of something growing inside me. I’ll never feel the morning sickness that is awful but I was so thankful for. I’ll never feel the mother’s worry that something I’m eating could hurt my baby. My womb, my heart, my arms will always be empty. And there’s nothing I can do about it. And there’s no one I can cry to, no one to hold me. I’m sitting in this empty house all alone because you freaked out and left me to deal with this alone! How could you do this to me?

  My heart broke for her. I looked up to see her watching me.

  “Don’t say anything. That letter was a long time ago.” She watched me quietly before slowly grinning. “I thought I would never be okay. But you made me okay.”

  “I just . . .” I couldn’t wrap my head around everything that had just transpired. I was enraged at Sam but destroyed at reading these words from Kari.

  She shook her head. “Don’t. That’s not what’s important right now. There’s no way that just ended up on the floor here. This was in my box in the bedroom, Max.”

  I watched her eyes fill with unshed tears as I tried to put the pieces together. Suddenly, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

  “Sam’s purse spilled.”

  “Oh my God!” Her eyes went wide, her jaw slack. “I was right. She’s been through my stuff!” She shook her head, her brown hair moving side-to-side. “That day for the spec book? She was in our room that day . . .”

  “Kari-—” I started to object, but she waved me off.

  “I think she was coming in my house way before that. I think she was the one coming in the back door! The red lipstick, the sunglasses, my missing bracelet that I know I put in my room! She’s been going through my shit for months! I thought it the other day, but even I thought it was crazy! Not anymore.”

  I felt absolutely sick and furious at the same time. I jumped to my feet and paced a circle around the room.

  “If that’s true, she would’ve known about Blaine and me before . . .”

  I knew exactly what she was getting at. An eerie calm settled over me and I knew I was gonna need to try to keep ahold of that. Things were about to explode and, if they did in the way I imagined, it would be ugly.

  “So when did she know?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even.

  Kari nodded again, more exaggeratedly. “Yes. When did she know? Did she know before she brought Blaine to dinner?”

  “If she had that letter and knew what happened to you and then brought Blaine to dinner . . .” I couldn’t even finish my sentence, my throat squeezing shut with fury. “Damn it, Kari. I’ll destroy her.”

  “My God,” she whispered, the look on her face hitting me in the stomach. “I think she did. I think she did this on purpose.”

  I grabbed my keys out of the bowl by the door and turned the knob. Enough was enough.

  “Max! Where are you going?”

  An angry laugh escaped my throat. “I’m going to try not to kill her.”

  “Don’t go after her. Don’t do it. It’s exactly what she wants you to do.”

  “No, she wants me to get mad at you! I’m going to put her in her place.” I turned to the door again, anger surging through me, when Kari’s voice stopped me.

  “She’s going to see this as you running after her. Don’t go.”

  I bounced my head against the door, my body shaking with fury. “What do you want me to do? Just let her skip away?”

  Kari came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my stomach. “I don’t know. Just please . . . don’t leave me right now.”

  I knew what she was doing. She knew if she said that, I couldn’t leave.

  “I’m going to talk to Brielle and have her get Sam to move out,” I rumbled, wrapping my hands around Kari’s wrists at my navel. “I don’t know what in the hell is going on with her. I hate to say it, but maybe Cane’s right and she really is crazy.”

  MAX

  Knock, knock!

  I pounded on the door to Brielle’s apartment.

  Knock, knock!

  I had left her a message, but Bri didn’t call or message me back.

  Knock, knock!

  I heard the jangle of the chain to the deadbolt.

  “Who is it?” my sister asked.

  “Your brother.”

  The door popped open and Bri stood in the doorway. “And what do I owe this pleasure? I thought you forgot where I lived.”

  “We need to talk,” I said, walking passed her and into the apartment. The living room was tidy and decorated in reds and golds, the same color scheme our mom had always favored. Books were scattered over her coffee table and a notepad and pencil on top.

  “I’m kind of in the middle of something,” she said, sitting on the cream sofa and tucking her legs under her. “My job is sending me to school for ‘advanced educ
ation.’ I’m not a fan of studying, as you well know, but they’re paying for it.”

  I crossed my arms. “I need your help.”

  “I know what happened,” she said, raising her eyebrows. “You and Kari really had Sam going crazy.”

  “We had her going crazy?” I laughed in disbelief. “It didn’t take any pressing to get her there, I’ll assure you.”

  Bri’s eyes went wide. “Listen to yourself! You don’t even care that she came here crying her eyes out? Do you not have a heart?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that the Max I know never would’ve let her drive away so upset! She could’ve been in an accident and that’s not to mention the fact y’all were so mean! She was just trying to help and you went off—”

  “What?” I bit out, not sure what the hell I was hearing. “What the hell did she say to you?”

  “That she went to your house to warn you guys about Blaine. She thinks he’s dangerous or something, that he wants Kari back and will stop at nothing to get her.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “Well, that’s not what happened. What really happened, little sister, is that your friend came over and tried to imply that I messed around with her. That I wanted her and not Kari. She threw it up in Kari’s face that she came to get me that night I was drunk.”

  “Well, she did,” Bri said, crossing her arms across her chest. “She’s not lying.”

  “She is lying!” I roared. “You both came to get me—that much is true. But I didn’t want her or call her or mess around with her by any means.” I sat down, shaking with fury. “I have no interest in Sam like that, Bri. None. Not a bit. And she’s trying to make it seem like I do.”

  She tilted her head, considering what I said. “Sam thinks that you do.”

  “I don’t give a shit what she thinks!” I growled. “I’m engaged to Kari because I asked her to marry me. If I wanted someone else, do you think I’d get engaged? No one pressured me to do that.”

  “Sam said Kari gave you an ultimatum . . .”

  “What? That’s the craziest thing I’ve heard yet! I’ve asked her a million times and she finally said yes.” My breath was coming in jagged waves.