Act Your Age

by Eve Dangerfield

  She straightened her spine, making herself as tall as possible. “You came to my derby final.”

  The corners of Ty’s mouth kicked up. “I did.”

  He moved toward her, his arms slightly raised, and Kate automatically took a step back.

  Ty winced. “I guess I deserve that.”

  He’d wanted to hug her. Why had she reacted as though he’d pulled a knife? Again, she was glad she was wearing so much greasepaint and pink glitter, it might be concealing some of her shame. “No, sorry, I was just…” She extended a hand. “How are you?”

  Ty stared at her outstretched fingers. “I’m not going to shake your hand, Middleton.”

  She only had a second of extreme mortification before Ty stepped forward and kissed her on the cheek, numbing half of her face. “Hi again. You make a cute blonde.”

  “My name’s Princess Bleach,” Kate whispered. “If I’m not blonde, it doesn’t work as a name.”

  “Makes sense.” Ty’s hands slid around her back. “You look beautiful.”

  “Th-Thank you?”

  “You’re a great player, too,” he added, as though all of this was very normal. “You’re quick. Seeing you get knocked to the ground was hard, though.”

  Kate swallowed, trying to think of something to say that wasn’t ‘what the hell is happening?’ “I thought you liked seeing me in pain.”

  Ty pulled her body closer to his, apparently unconcerned about getting glitter all over his fancy coat. “Only pain I put you in, sweetheart.”

  Warmth spread through Kate’s belly like lava. She wanted to give into it, wanted to sink deep into the familiar gratitude of his presence, but she couldn’t. “Ty, what are you doing here?”

  “Apologising to you.” He took her hand and pressed it flat against his chest to where his heart lay. “I couldn’t stay away. I know I left things unsaid before Queensland, but I fucking miss you. I want things to go back to the way they were.”

  Kate had pictured this a hundred times, a thousand, and though it was better than she imagined; Ty coming to her derby final and holding her like this in front of all these indie nerds, she couldn’t help but question his motives. His motives and her heart’s capacity for forgiveness.

  “Katie?” he said softly. “Please look at me.”

  “I can’t. If I do, I’ll want to say yes, and I shouldn’t say yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Because the way things were was weird. I liked being with you, but there were so many times when I felt like I was a doll that got put in a cupboard whenever you were done playing with me. We never went anywhere except my place. I thought you were just a really private person but you were engaged once, you must have known how to…you must have wanted…” Kate stopped short of mentioning all the parties and special dates on Veronica’s Facebook page but she could see from Ty’s expression that he understood.

  “I am a private person, Middleton but I never meant to make you feel like a toy.”

  Kate’s chest tightened. “But you did. I didn’t want the world from you, I just wanted proper dates and a bit of romance and…” she fell silent, unable to keep listing the many tiny, silly things she needed from Tyler Henderson.

  There was a short, painful silence.

  Kate removed her hand from Ty’s chest. Part of her wished she’d been born without vocal cords and Ty didn’t know sign language but she was proud she’d said what she said all the same. “I should go. Half-time’s almost over.”

  “Katie.” Ty cupped her jaw and brought their faces close again. In her skates she was almost as tall as he was.

  “Yes?”

  “Look at me.”

  It was an order, like the velvety ones he used to issue in Aunt Rhonda’s lounge room. Kate met his gaze and when she did, everything changed. Without words, without any real explanation, she understood why he’d left, and why he’d come back. He was the dominant one but he hadn’t planned for this any more than she had. He’d jumped in feet first for the sex and then a tide of feelings had swept them both away. He hadn’t been ready, but he was ready now.

  “I know,” she whispered. “I know you didn’t want to hurt me.”

  “Never.” Ty’s eyes were hard as blue diamonds. “Never, Katie.”

  They stared at each other until she had to ask, “So what now?”

  Ty smiled, soft as a summer sky. “You want proper dates? I’ll give you proper dates. You want romance?”

  He kissed her then, in full view of everyone. Kate had never experienced enough PDA to form an opinion on it, but as soon as Ty’s lips met hers she melted into his arms, ceasing to resist any element of his crusade to win her back. She had missed this, she had missed him so much. They were saying hello with their bodies and her body was so, so happy to be back near Ty’s.

  A wolf-whistle sliced through the air, and she turned to see her teammates pointing and laughing. Their attention drew the crowd’s attention, and suddenly dozens of people had turned to look at her and Ty.

  She stepped away from him, her skin blistering under her makeup. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” Ty said and to her amazement, turned and waved at her teammates, smiling the ten-megawatt smile she associated with the end of blow jobs.

  The Barbie Trolls’ reactions were mixed—some girls flushed, others laughed, Rapunzel made her hand a cylinder and wanked the air. The only person who didn’t look at all amused was Maria. Her beautiful face was contorted into an expression Kate had only ever seen once, when her brother Mick bought fake Linkin Park tickets from a scam website—horror tinged with fury. Her stomach squirmed. “I should go.”

  “Not just yet.” Ty pulled her in for another hug and his palms dipped to her ass. “I hope you know you’ll be wearing this uniform to bed tonight?”

  Despite Maria’s expression and the very real possibility Thunderbox would smash her into the ground like a fence-post, Kate smiled. “I do know that, yes.”

  Ty leaned in close. “Yes, what?”

  Excitement throbbed from the tips of her fingers to her toes. “Yes, Daddy.”

  Ty released her behind. “Get going, then. Good luck.”

  “Do you want to come up closer? They have special spots for people who know players.”

  Ty shoved his hands back into his coat pockets. “I’m okay.”

  Kate kept smiling, but her giddiness deflated a little. She knew she should be amazed and grateful he was here, not already wanting more, but her hurt at being left in her bed hadn’t entirely faded. How could it? It would take more than a soulful kiss at a derby game to fix weeks of heartache and uncertainty.

  There was no time for the Barbie Trolls to heckle her about Ty. As soon as she was near them, Kate was dragged into a team huddle.

  “We can still win this.” Maria told them. “We just need to play fast and tight. No mercy.”

  Kate remembered Thunderbox’s finger sliding across her throat. Was she just razzing her or was she in actual danger? Girls broke bones playing derby, it happened all the time.

  “Kate,” Maria snapped. “Are you thinking about how we’re going to win this game or are you thinking about kissing?”

  The rest of the team looked at her and Kate was sure, in spite of the greasepaint on her face, they could see exactly how embarrassed she was. “Sorry.”

  “Concentrate,” Maria hissed. “That goes for all of you. Now hands in!”

  Kate placed her hand on the sweaty multi-coloured pile and shouted ‘Trolls!’ along with her teammates. The siren wailed through the stadium and The A-Bombs shouted “Kill!” and broke their own huddle. The battle cry did nothing to ease Kate’s nerves, still, knowing Ty was watching her, she clenched her jaw. She would show him what she was made of tonight, make him look at her in a way he never had before. She moved toward the starting line, but Maria gripped her wrist. “You’re not jamming, Gilly is.”

  “But—”

  “Bench,” Maria
said to her eyebrows. “Now.”

  The second half kicked off. The A-Bombs were determined to maintain their lead, and the play was bloodier than any Kate had ever seen. Elbows connected with faces, knees with thighs and feet stuck out to send unsuspecting players crashing to the ground. Gilly managed to steal three points before Thunderbox shoved her so hard she went spinning into the crowd.

  “Fuck,” Maria muttered, but she didn’t tell Kate to go on. Rapunzel helped Gilly to her feet, and she returned to the jamming line.

  The A-Bombs scored two points and their fans, who seemed as rough as the players, cheered and heckled loudly. They were forced to go quiet, however, when Gilly broke through The A-Bomb ranks to steal six points. The gap was closing; there were only three points between the teams. Excitement thickened the air, the possibility of a comeback alive and electric.

  Kate’s knees jiggled as she watched the plays. She wished she could help but knew she was probably doing more by keeping her butt on the bench.

  It seemed impossible, but the game became even rougher, long minutes passing without either team scoring. Girls kept going down like ninepins, Thunderbox and Rapunzel the only two whose height and strength kept them upright. Rapunzel was gunning for the defender, but Thunderbox didn’t seem keen to confront her, she kept moving away or dropping back to avoid a collision.

  Yeah, don’t pick on someone your own size or anything, Kate thought and shouted, “Come on, Rapunzel, knock her over!”

  As the timer dwindled down to ten minutes and the Barbie Trolls remained four points behind, Kate felt nauseous. They were so close, all they needed was one good run, but morale was dwindling and with it, their chances of winning. There was a scrimmage in the middle of the pack, and a sharp scream split the air. Jumping to her feet, Kate saw Gilly lying on the ground holding her forearm.

  “I think I sprained my wrist,” she said as Rapunzel helped her onto the team bench.

  Maria swore. “Can you keep playing?”

  “Of course she fucking can’t.” Rapunzel extended Kate a hand. “Up you get Peach, it’s showtime.”

  “She’s not jamming!” Maria whirled around to look at Casey. “Can you go back on?”

  “No, she can’t. She’s injured too,” Rapunzel snapped. “And don’t you think about going up there, either. Peach is the obvious fucking choice.”

  Maria jabbed a finger into Rapunzel’s clavicle. “Don’t you tell me how to run my plays.”

  “Rapunzel,” Kate said, feeling sick. “It’s fine—”

  “It’s not fine,” Rapunzel didn’t take her eyes from Maria’s. “You need to sort out your Sapphic fucking feelings, Mama Bear, and you need to do it when we’re not on the cusp of winning a fucking final. Now, let Peach jam.”

  It was a mark of how serious Rapunzel was that she didn’t laugh at her unintentional condiment pun.

  Maria glared at first Rapunzel then Kate. “She can’t go up there. Look at her. She’s not strong enough to push through the pack. Do you want to win? Or do you want to spend the last ten minutes of this game trying to keep Katie from killing herself?”

  Rapunzel said something, but Kate didn’t hear it. Rage, genuine rage, was boiling up inside her. She couldn’t remember ever being so angry, it was wonderful—hot and sharp as a needlepoint. It made her fingers tingle and her heart race. It told her what to do. She stood up. “Gilly, can I have the jammer’s cap, please?”

  “Sure.” Gilly gingerly removed the pink and white cover and handed it to her. “Good luck. Watch out for Thunderbox, she’s rabid.”

  “Sure.” Kate pulled on the cap and without another word to anyone skated to the jamming line.

  “And the Barbie Trolls have substituted Shrilly Temple with Princess Bleach,” the announcer, a chubby man in his fifties, shouted. “A risky choice this late in a high-contact game. Bleach is quick, but as you can see from those baby giraffe legs of hers, not very strong. One would guess it’s the last possible option.”

  “Cunt,” Rapunzel growled, sliding up alongside her. “I’ll give him the last possible option. You ready for this, Peach?”

  Kate thought about Ty, Maria, her parents, the guys at work, all the people who saw her as sad, helpless, baby Kate. She bared her teeth. “I’m ready.”

  “Good. Go hard, no mercy.” Rapunzel clapped her on the back and sped off to the defenders line.

  The skating official’s whistle blew, and Kate pushed herself forward with all her strength. The announcer was right—she was quick. Within seconds, she was attempting to shove her way around The A-Bombs as Rapunzel, Tam, Nikki, and Jenna tried to help her. It was like throwing herself into a sea of hot tangled bodies, no one accomplished much of anything and then the play was over and they all had to return to their starting lines.

  Though Kate had well and truly thought the game couldn’t get more aggressive, it did. Jenna was sent off with a bloody lip, and Kate collected more elbows than she ever had in any previous games. She barely felt the places where they connected, though—all she could feel was the track moving beneath her feet like buttered marble and her clear bright anger. Three points, all she had to do was score three points in eight minutes.

  Then the A-Bomb jammer broke through their defences and secured an extra point. They were now five points down. The crowd cheered and booed, and Kate felt defeat lay a soft hand on her shoulder. She skated back to the starter’s line and found Rapunzel waiting for her. “You feeling brave?” she asked.

  “I’m feeling angry.”

  Rapunzel grinned. “That’ll work. I’m gonna J Thunderbox. It’s the only way you’ll be able to get past her.”

  Kate recoiled slightly. “Are you sure?”

  “Course I am, I was born to J.”

  J-blocking meant bending down and arching your body back in a J shape, using almost all your body weight to knock a player off her feet. There was a strong chance you’d go with them, and the fact that you needed to drop your weight backward, like a trust fall in which no one was going to catch you, deterred most players from attempting it.

  “What about a cross block?” Kate asked. “We can try—”

  “No time. There’s less than two minutes on the clock, we need to go big before we go home. The question is can you back me up?”

  “Yes,” Kate said, not knowing if it was true.

  Rapunzel grabbed her wrist and shook it. “You’re stronger than anyone thinks you are. Let’s fucking show them.”

  Again she thought of Ty and Maria. “Yeah,” Kate said. “Let’s.”

  The ref’s whistle sounded, and Kate and the A-Bomb’s redhead jammer burst forward like bullets from a gun. As they circled the track, Rapunzel surged ahead, positioning her Viking berserker body in front of Thunderbox’s. She bent low, so low the crowd gasped but as she arched back into her, Kate saw Rapunzel’s aim was too far to the right. Thunderbox wobbled but pulled up straight again and with a flick of her hip sent Rapunzel crashing to the floor.

  The crowd gasped and so did Kate, partially because she was scared for Rapunzel, mostly because Thunderbox had just met her gaze and her grin said that she was finally going for the kill. Kate skated faster toward the scrimmage. The crowd, perhaps sensing that blood was about to spill, seemed to swell around her like arteries.

  “Get her,” a woman screamed and Kate had no idea if she was the ‘her.’ It felt like she was the ‘her.’ She remembered that Ty was out there watching her and so was Maria. If she got knocked down, she’d lose the game and any chance of them seeing her as anything other than a helpless baby. It wasn’t fair.

  Like something in a movie she remembered what Rapunzel had said, you’re stronger than anyone thinks you are. Her expression had been completely serious, she hadn’t been lying or flattering or trying to pump her up for the game. She’d seen something in her that Kate had only ever seen in herself—a drive to persist even when everything screamed not to. She’d kept her aunt’s apartment even though i
t made her family hate her, she spat in Dutchy’s latte for saying football groupies deserved to be raped, and she went into Tyler Henderson’s office and gave him a sex note. She could be strong and Rapunzel had seen that and Kate had promised to back her up.

  Thunderbox loomed large as a dinosaur in front of her. Ordinarily, Kate would have tried to skate out of her path, but not this time. She picked up her pace.

  “Mac,” someone—it sounded like Casey—shouted. “No!”

  She ignored them. As her and Thunderbox’s bodies drew closer, Kate swerved sharply right. The crowd gasped, but Kate knew she was okay, knew she’d stay on her feet. She could have easily passed Thunderbox then, but instead, she slammed her hip into the defender’s side.

  The big woman was going to fall, Kate felt it the instant she struck Thunderbox’s stomach. She felt her weight shift against hers like a planet tipping on its axis, a pool ball tapped in exactly the right place so that it went spinning into the corner pocket. Kate didn’t have time to inspect the damage; she pulled ahead as Thunderbox collapsed, the weight of her body shaking the stadium floor. From the cries that emanated from behind her, it sounded like she’d collected a few other players on her way down. Kate barely had time to hope one of them was the A-Bombs jammer before she swerved around another blocker in neon green fishnets and a girl in gold booty shorts. The announcer shouted something, but Kate didn’t hear him. She’d passed three players. That meant she was two points down. She raced in front of a dark haired A-Bomb, and the crowd bellowed their excitement, expanding and contracting like Kate’s lungs. The Trolls only needed one more point to draw, two points to win.

  The last two A-Bombs were in front of her, a round blonde and a tall brunette. They were skating shoulder-to-shoulder with their hands joined and Kate knew they’d do anything—legal or not—to stop her passing. It was time to do or die. She skated faster, recklessly fast, unsustainably fast. As the track turned, she swung wide and grabbed the brunette by the hips. The woman shrieked and tried to elbow Kate in the face but as the joint descended, Kate leveraged her weight against the brunette and whipped herself forward. The brunette yelped and Kate turned back and watched her flop onto the ground, taking her teammate with her. She was still looking the other way when she crossed the finish line.