Act Your Age

by Eve Dangerfield

  Aunty Rhonda would have been perfect but she’d gone where no call would reach her. Her sisters would answer, so would her mum, so would Maria. But Kate didn’t want to be lectured, or sneered at, or made to feel guilty. She didn’t want to be told to see a shrink, or a new Dom, or to date only mildly attractive men her own age. She wanted someone who understood and who would listen without judgement. A silly thought occurred to her—messaging Deirdre Peterson on Facebook and asking her for Mr Peterson’s mobile number. Another daddy figure to rescue her from the first. Fresh tears welled in her eyes. “I am such a fucking idiot.”

  The waiter delivered her tart and coffee, and she ate with single-minded numbness. As the caffeine and sugar absorbed into her blood, Kate did feel a little better, and by the time her plate was clean and her cup was empty, she realised there was another number she could call. She hadn’t spoken to Rapunzel since derby season ended, but if anyone would be able to help, it would be her. Her hand hovered over her phone and then she reached up and slapped her cheek, just a little. “Come on bitch,” she whispered. “Do it.”

  Rapunzel answered after the second ring. “’Sup Peach! How you been?”

  “Rapunzel…” Kate hadn’t realised how terrible she sounded. Her voice, which alternately got her called a man and a pornstar at school, was even throatier than usual, clogged with tears and tart. She swallowed thickly and tried again. “Rapunzel…”

  “What’s up? What’s wrong?”

  The concern in Rapunzel’s voice took her from tears to all-out weeping. “Something bad’s happened, and I have no idea what to do…”

  “Talk to me. Tell me everything.”

  Somehow, between gasps and napkin dabs, Kate managed to tell her Ty was her boss, they’d been dating in secret and that she’d been sent to The Breton Club where she’d overheard him talking about her like she was a piece of ass.

  When she was done Rapunzel cleared her throat. “You free tonight?”

  “Yes. Well, Ty was meant to come over—”

  “Fuck him off.”

  “I don’t know if I can talk to him…”

  “Don’t talk to him, text and say you’re on your rag. Guys hate that, or so I’m led to believe.”

  “But I had my period two weeks ago…”

  “He’s a fuckin’ man, Peach. He doesn’t know shit about periods. Just say you’re cramping and have no need for his dick. Then text me your address, and I’ll come over. I’ll invite Tam and Casey. We can have some drinks. It’ll be fun.”

  “Are you sure? What about work?”

  “No stress, I’ve sold all I needed to sell today, I’m golden.”

  “I meant me, I’m supposed to go back to work.”

  “Ditch,” Rapunzel said without hesitation. “Say you’ve got diarrhoea. Or use the period story, two birds, one stone, that whole thing.”

  “I do have some time in lieu…”

  “Use it.” Rapunzel gave a soft groan, as though she was getting up from somewhere. “I’ll catch the train in and meet you at yours. Text me your address, yeah? Also, do you like Southern Comfort?”

  “I’m…not sure.”

  “Well I’ll bring a bottle anyway. If old mate shows I can use it to knock his head in. I’m taller than he is, you know?”

  When Kate left The Breton Club she was sure she’d never smile again and yet hearing that, she did.

  Chapter 19

  Rapunzel prodded one of Aunt Rhonda’s bronze statues of Eros. “Peach, what the fuck?”

  “I’m sorry,” Kate said nervously. “I know it’s a bit fancy.”

  “No, it’s beyond a bit fucking fancy.” Rapunzel brandished her bottle of Southern Comfort at her. “Here. Although, I feel like I should have brought caviar or quince paste or something.”

  “It’s great, thank you so much. Do you guys, um, want to come in?” Kate gestured down the hall where her immaculately clean lounge room was waiting, the coffee table loaded down with sweet potato brownies, fairy cakes, veggie sticks, homemade hummus, and sandwiches—the result of a slightly manic cooking outburst when she got home from work.

  None of the girls moved. They looked at her, she looked at them. It was strange to see Tam, Casey and Rapunzel in non-wheeled shoes. They all looked shorter than usual, even Rapunzel, who had to duck to get in the doorway. Both Tam and Rapunzel were in jeans and hoodies, but Casey was wearing a long-sleeved amethyst coloured maxi dress and—Kate had to admire the way she made it look utterly natural—a white rose flower crown. “Macca,” she said in a conversational tone, “Do you seriously live here?”

  “Yes.”

  “Alone?”

  Kate tugged at the hem of her A-line skirt. “Yes.”

  “No, seriously? Do you live here?”

  “Yes.”

  “Really?”

  “I think she’s made it abundantly clear that she lives here, Case.” Rapunzel set off down the hall toward the lounge room. “Fuck,” she called behind her. “You guys have to check it out. This room’s even fancier.”

  Tam and Casey followed Rapunzel, wearing dubious looks, as though this might be a practical joke. Kate walked behind them and when she entered the lounge she found Rapunzel lying across her couch, a sandwich in each hand.

  “Thanks for all this food, Peach. You didn’t need to make anything, we coulda just ordered pizza.”

  “Its fine, I really needed something to do while I waited for you guys.”

  Casey was gaping at her again. “Do you…?”

  “I promise I do live here.”

  “Right…” Casey’s indigo-blue eyes narrowed. She turned to Tam who was toeing off her pink Cons. “Where did you picture Macca living?”

  “On one of those red mushrooms with white spots?” Tam glanced at Kate. “I’m saying you look like a fairy, no offence.”

  “None taken. Would either of you like a drink? I have red wine, white wine, orange juice, apple juice, tea, coffee, or—”

  “Macca,” Casey said. “You live here? By yourself?”

  “The next person who says that is going to collect a bottle to the head,” Rapunzel said through a mouthful of chicken and cheese.

  Casey walked over to the window and looked out at the city. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be a dick, but this is the nicest apartment I’ve ever been inside. I thought you were an office drone like me.”

  “I am,” Kate said at once. “Or you know, a civil engineer.”

  “So you’re like…wealthy?” Tam asked.

  “No, she isn’t,” Casey said before Kate could reply. “She grew up poor, with heaps of brothers and sisters, like me, Maria told me.”

  Rapunzel pounded a fist on the coffee table. “Stop talking about Peach like she isn’t here and sit down and eat some fucking sandwiches.”

  Perhaps she was a Domme, because Tam and Casey instantly grabbed food and dropped their asses onto Aunt Rhonda’s couches. Kate hovered, wondering if she should offer drinks again. She’d never had friends in the apartment before. It was stressful.

  “Mac,” Rapunzel said. “Sit down.”

  “What about drinks?”

  “Got any glasses? We’ll crack open the Comfort.”

  Kate pulled four of Aunty Rhonda’s crystal tumblers from the bar and set them on the coffee table. Rapunzel poured large quantities of peach-coloured liquid into them as Tam stood and wandered toward the window.

  “What a view,” she said. “This place would be excellent for parties.”

  Kate almost said she didn’t have enough friends for parties, but stopped herself just in time. “You guys can always crash here if you’re in the city. I have heaps of space.”

  “Don’t say that in front of Rapunzel, unless you want a roommate,” Casey warned. “She’s on the prowl for new digs.”

  “I wouldn’t mind a roommate.”

  Rapunzel looked up from her bottle work. “Seriously?”

  “Yeah, I thought
about putting up an ad on flatmate finder, but I’m worried I’ll get stuck with someone insane and then I’ll have to evict them and they’ll kill me.”

  Casey made sympathetic noises. “I get it. My last roommate used to wash her pet chickens in our shower.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah, seriously. And I’ve learned there are two responses to that statement: ‘what the fuck’ and ‘why would you wash a chicken?’”

  “Here, this one’s yours.” Rapunzel handed Kate a tumbler full almost to the brim with peach liquor.

  “Do you think it’s big enough?” Casey asked.

  Rapunzel poured a thimbleful of Southern Comfort into a tumbler. “That one’s yours, Case.”

  Kate laughed and took a small sip of her drink. It was sweet, spicy and strong . “Thanks. It’s good.”

  Tam wandered back toward them and picked up her glass of Southern Comfort. “Kate,” she said in her red-velvet voice. “I don’t want to be rude, but I have to know, how do you afford to live here with no roommates? The rent must be insane.”

  Kate looked down at her drink. “I…”

  Tam put a hand on her shoulder. “We’re not bitches. I promise we won’t judge, it’s just…this is like when the regular kids go and visit Richie Rich, and he has a McDonald’s inside his fucking house.”

  Kate couldn’t help but smile at that. “I’m not Richie Rich, I only have this apartment because…”

  “Go on, Peach.” Rapunzel was reclining on the couch again, big and butch and calm.

  Seeing her there, blatantly not giving a shit about anything, gave Kate the strength to say it. “My Aunt Rhonda was kind of rich because she took photos of Patti Smith, and when she died, she left this place to me. I like living here, but I can’t get my head around living here. Having this much money and space after being so poor freaks me out. I know it’s ungrateful, but sometimes I wish Aunt Rhonda never left her stuff to me. If she didn’t, things could just be how they were before, which was shit, but at least it made sense and my family didn’t hate me as much.”

  She said all of this very fast. So fast that in the silence that followed, she wondered if they’d understood a single word. Then Rapunzel reached across and patted her leg. “I get it,” she said, as though she heard stories about blood feuds and excessive wealth every day. “It’s a cool place though; your aunt must have been awesome.”

  Kate started to cry. She couldn’t help it. “She was awesome. She was my best friend.”

  “Oh, Mac.” Casey stood and pulled Kate into her arms. She smelled of patchouli and lavender oil and was as warm as a puppy. Kate hugged her for all she was worth, sobbing a big wine-coloured stain into the amethyst dress. When she finally pulled away, she expected to see the other girls staring at her in disgust. They weren’t. Both Tam and Rapunzel wore looks of concern so sincere Kate almost started crying again.

  “Sorry about that,” she said wiping her nose on her sleeve. “I know you shouldn’t cry because someone left you a nice place to live.”

  “It’s cool,” Tam said. “Still, if everyone I loved died, none of them would leave me with shit.”

  “Tam,” Casey scolded. “Don’t say stuff like that!”

  “Why? Will I curse them or something? Ooh, look, records.” Tam ran over to the shelf and scanned the rows of vinyl. She tugged out a record. “Can I put this on?”

  “Of course.”

  Tam let out an excited squeal, and a few seconds later Billie Holiday began to croon from her aunt’s record player.

  Rapunzel gestured to the couch. “Sit back down and drink up, Peach. You’ve had a shitty day, and this is the Janis Joplin cure for sadness.”

  Casey frowned. “Didn’t Janis Joplin kill herself?”

  “She OD’d on heroin,” Rapunzel said defensively.

  “So, should we be following her advice?”

  “Shut up and drink, moll.”

  So they sat down and drank and talked about the derby league and a conservative politician’s gaffe and the fact that Thunderbox and Rapunzel went on a date.

  “Pillow queen,” Rapunzel said with a mournful sigh. “Funny how they come out of nowhere. I’d have thought a girl like that would have been a tiger in the sack…”

  As the Southern Comfort bottle emptied and the sandwiches and brownies disappeared, Kate began to feel a hot, internal glow. Most of that was alcohol, but part was knowing she had guests in her home. The girls were enjoying themselves, she could tell by the way they kept talking and laughing, the way they accepted glasses of wine once the Southern Comfort was gone. She decided she wouldn’t bring up Ty. This was her first ever get-together, she didn’t need to freak Tam, Casey and Rapunzel out by divulging all of her secrets. Unwittingly, her thoughts wandered to Ty. He’d accepted her period lie instantly, but she had no idea where he was now. Was he at home or trawling a bar for another dirty little secret? Her chest clenched.

  It doesn’t matter. It’s over, it doesn’t matter.

  Rapunzel slapped her hands to her knees. “So, we all know why we’re here, to suss out where our mysterious teammate lives, get drunk and help her with her life-woes. Now, I think we can all agree Macca’s apartment is the tits.”

  Casey nodded. “Oh yeah.”

  “No question,” Tam said.

  “And we’re pretty drunk?”

  “Oh yeah.”

  “No question.”

  “So we need to get a move on before we’re too wankered to give good advice.” Rapunzel nodded toward her. “Mac, I hope you don’t mind, but I already filled Tam and Case in about how Ty’s your boss and a prick, hope that’s okay?”

  Kate blinked at her. “Erm sure, but hang on…mysterious? I’m not mysterious?”

  “You are,” Rapunzel and Casey said at the same time.

  “We’ve been teammates for three years, and we barely know anything about you,” Tam pointed out. “And now we do know things about you, they’re things like ‘you’re sleeping with your boss’ and ‘you live in a rich person apartment.’”

  “When you say it like that, it sounds impressive, but I’m seriously not interesting.”

  “Then why does Maria like, worship you?”

  Kate gaped at her. “She doesn’t worship—”

  “She does.”

  This time all three girls spoke at once.

  “Put it this way,” Tam said. “Rapunzel thought you might be gay, Maria was that into you.”

  Rapunzel yawned. “Yep. Then we talked, and I realised you’re about as queer as this.” She tapped a foot on Aunt Rhonda’s coffee table.

  Kate stared at her. “But…Maria and I have been friends for ages. She never made a move and I promise I’m not one of those self-pitying people who think no one finds them attractive. If she did like me like that, don’t you think I’d have noticed?”

  Rapunzel shrugged. “Not if she didn’t want you to. She’s pretty devious. Great coach, amazing hair, devious as fuck.”

  Casey drained her glass of Cabernet. “Let’s talk about Maria later. I want to know Ty’s deal.”

  “What about Ty’s deal?” Kate asked.

  “How’d you start screwing him? You look so whole-wheat, I bet the story’s really sleazy.”

  And just like that, Kate was crying again.

  “Good one, Hindley. Ten out of ten for tact.” Tam got up and rubbed Kate’s back. “I don’t blame you, Mac. The man is insanely buff. Especially for an old guy.”

  “He’s not that old,” Rapunzel interrupted. “He’s forty-five. Only twelve years on me.”

  “Yeah, but Macca’s, what, twenty-three?”

  “I’m twenty-five.”

  Tam raised her eyebrows. “Shit, I was aiming high. I thought you were twenty-two.”

  “I have a baby face. If you want to know the whole story, me having a baby face is probably a good place to start.”

  Tam raised her dark eyebrows. “Go on, then.”r />
  “I should warn you, it might get weird.”

  “I love weird.” Tam settled back into her place on the couch. “Let’s do this.”

  Kate tried to start with the pub in Bendigo and Ty carrying her to his hotel room, but that demanded an explanation of her ADHD, and she couldn’t talk about her ADHD without talking about getting diagnosed, something Tam, who was doing a Master’s in psychology, found particularly interesting. By the time they returned to Bendigo, it was almost midnight. Explaining the daddy situation and Ty’s trip to Queensland and her eavesdropping session in The Breton Club took so long they needed two separate bathroom breaks. They also killed the two bottles of red Kate had dug out of Aunt Rhonda’s wine rack, hence the bathroom breaks. When she was finally done all of them were lying on the floor, their finger-stained wine glasses balanced precariously on the carpet in front of them.

  “So…” Tam said slowly. “That’s one intense story.”

  “Yeah,” Kate and Rapunzel said at the same time.

  Casey stared at Kate, her large eyes slightly unfocused. “So…you and Ty pretend like he’s your daddy while he fucks you?”

  Kate squirmed against the carpet. “Not my actual father, neither of us likes the incest thing but, yeah.”

  “And he spanked you?”

  “Yeah it, erm, felt nice, though.”

  “And Ty’s into that?”

  She said his name as though she was savouring a delicious cocktail. Kate remembered the hungry way Casey had studied Ty’s face, his body and his expensive clothes. She’d pressed him to talk about himself and laughed at his least funny jokes. Beyond moist just from breathing his air, as Rapunzel said. Kate hadn’t been jealous that night, and she wasn’t jealous now, only aware that she must have looked just as obvious in her own lust for Ty, probably even more so. “Yeah, he’s into that.”

  “God.” Casey closed her eyes. “God, that’s so hot.”

  “Seriously?” Tam said, looking surprised. “I didn’t think you were into kink.”

  “I’m not, but the way Mac described everything, and knowing what Ty looks like…” Casey let out a long, luxurious sigh. “Shame he’s turned out to be such a cunt.”