by Sara DeHaven
She reviewed her weaknesses, where Gelsenim could manipulate her, and it came quickly to her that her fear was the place he would go. Clearly, Gelsenim was an exceedingly powerful and old demon. With him on board, there were very few demons that could get to her. She could protect her loved ones. If she’d had Gelsenim before, she could have saved Seth, just as she'd saved Daniel.
It was a harrowing thought. She could feel her reluctance to be rid of Gelsenim building the more she thought about how he could work on her fears to stay. And given how Gelsenim had been able to hear her thoughts during the battle, she knew he was likely listening in right now, that she'd just shown him how to get to her.
Daniel stirred, just slightly, drawing her attention back to him. There was some expression in his eyes that she couldn’t quite read. If she could unfreeze him…
I could show you how, Gelsenim offered.
It finally hit her that Daniel had told her demons had a hard time communicating to their human hosts whatever magic they had learned in previous hosts. She realized she and Gelsenim should not have been able to do what they just did. She felt more unnerved than elated by the idea. How are you able to show me?
We are compatible, Gelsenim replied.
She felt disgusted at the idea that she would be compatible with a demon.
Nonetheless, it is true, Gelsenim replied, his voice gone wry.
Show me how to unfreeze him then, she demanded. She felt Gelsenim hesitate, a long hesitation, but finally, the spell emerged in her mind. She realized that she was familiar with it. She'd seen it performed before, and some part of her brain had taken note. It was like Gelsenim made the information stored in her unconscious conscious. She told herself to figure out how it all worked later.
She laboriously rolled onto her side and performed the spell with a flick of her wrist, murmuring, “Unfreeze.”
Daniel drew in several big breaths before he tried to move. For a moment, he just looked at her, eyes narrowed, probably reading her energy. “Is Gelsenim willing to leave you for now, if you agree to allow another possession soon?” he asked in a dry whisper. Bree got the sense he was being very cautious with her, and with Gelsenim. His question confirmed her belief that he didn't have the power left to master Gelsenim and force him out of her. Maybe that's why Gelsenim had agreed to show her how to unfreeze him.
Bree felt Gelsenim stir uneasily inside her. I wish to stay. We are compatible. I can help you.
“Give me a moment,” she told Daniel, and focused her attention back inside. It was one hell of a struggle to pull her thoughts together, given how badly her head hurt.
I'm not comfortable with you staying. You helped me, and I’m very grateful, but I’m used to being alone in my own head and body.
You could get used to having me here, Gelsenim wheedled.
I’m not sure I could, Bree replied silently. I don’t have any positive experiences to go on when it comes to demons, apart from the last five minutes.
I have waited long for a compatible host, Gelsenim replied, ice coming into his voice. Daniel is very close, and he is more powerful than you, but he is not as compatible. It troubles me that I did not notice you before, did not see our compatibility.
I know you said something of the Seldenai, Bree tried, attempting to find some way to persuade Gelsenim to leave rather than force him. She wasn’t sure why, but she had an instinct that it would be the best course, even if Daniel recovered enough to banish him.
You are not Seldenai, but you are the closest I have found, Gelsenim told her with a mixture of sadness and satisfaction, then he went on to say something that chilled her to her bones. Others will want you.
You mustn’t tell others about me!
We have bonded. Others may smell it on you, even if I say nothing. Even the ones born from taint have some small memory in their structure of what it means to be joined with the Seldenai.
“Bree?” Daniel's voice rose in question and demand.
Well, I'm not Seldenai. I have no idea what it would do to me to stay joined with you, Bree replied.
"I've got just enough left to banish him if you need me to. I swear it won't kill me," Daniel said hoarsely.
You are young in your powers, little Demon-Master-who-is-not. Don’t be so certain you can control me. And do not be too certain Daniel can do so either. We are both stronger when we are joined.
I’m asking you to leave. I’d rather not have Daniel command it. It really would be risky for him to try. If you are responsible for his death, I could never forgive you.
She felt Gelsenim’s energy grow agitated. I don’t wish to leave.
Before Bree could respond, Daniel's voice rang out. “Gelsenim, I command you! Leave this host without hurting or damaging her in any way! Leave her and do not return!”
The energy of the demon rushed out of her. It was a hot sensation, but it didn't burn her. His demon form coalesced between she and Daniel. “You cannot command me forever. I will return to her,” Gelsenim ground out in his neck-hair-raising, fully demonic voice.
“Be gone!” Daniel commanded.
And with that, Gelsenim vanished. Daniel's extended hand dropped to the concrete floor, hard. He turned pale and his eyes fluttered closed.
"Oh dear God, Daniel!" Bree rolled to her knees and put a hand on his neck, feeling for his pulse. "Please, please, please," she chanted.
He drew in a large breath, like a swimmer who had just come up for air. Then another. Relief surged through Bree as his eyes opened. She started to cry.
He raised a shaking hand and wiped away her tears. "It's okay," he whispered. He put a gentle hand behind her head, and guided her down to him until her head was on his shoulder and he could wrap his arms around her.
Bree melted into him, and he clutched her tightly, tremors of exhaustion rolling though him in waves. To her surprise, she had none of the usual after reaction that was typical of a possession. No convulsions, no nausea, no loss of consciousness, though the pain in the back of her head had gotten worse. She just felt unutterably tired, too tired even to feel the usual spark that such close contact with Daniel would normally create in her.
Slowly, stealthily, everything that had just happened started whirling through her brain. She had allowed herself to be possessed by a demon, and she had enjoyed it. Not only had she enjoyed it, she’d felt half inclined to allow him to stay. And worse, there was some way in which she was apparently particularly good at being possessed. The idea was so horribly disturbing that she stiffened in Daniel’s arms.
He felt it and pulled away enough to look down at her. “What is it?” he asked softly.
She looked up at him. "What am I, Daniel?”
“You are a good, strong, smart woman, and you just saved my life, and Kevin’s.”
That did not answer her question. She pulled away from him, pulling into herself. She actively sought out that numb place that had come into being at Seth’s gruesome death, and that she had retreated to just minutes before, when she'd killed Scanlon. And it came for her. She felt herself shutting down, and she welcomed it.
“Bree?” Daniel asked, concern evident in his voice, but she didn't want to answer. He put a hand on her shoulder and shook her a little. “Oh lord, you’re in shock,” he muttered.
She felt guilty as she registered his shaky efforts to get to his feet, felt him spread his coat over her. He shouldn't be trying to move, he had to be in worse shape than she was. She stirred and tried to get up, but Daniel got down on his knees and pushed her gently back down. "I'm okay, and Kevin's coming around, he's fine for now. Javier and his team will get here any minute. I'm going to rest. See, I'm going to lie right here beside you." She watched to confirm that he was doing it, then closed her eyes. Numbness and exhaustion claimed her, and everything after that faded in and out of her awareness.
She heard Kevin’s voice, opened her eyes when he shook her shoulder. His worried face hovered above her, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak. She just
closed her eyes again. Yes, it was better this way.
More quiet voices, then a lot of noise. More people arriving, the sounds of people milling around. Daniel said something about Franchesca getting away, about Hunter touching the amulet, about using casting to get the better of Franchesca. Then cries as two bodies were found behind some crates, two Keltoi, one dead, one coming out of a freeze spell. Bree remembered that Scanlon wouldn’t have a body, and she went even deeper into her own mind, and fell asleep. Later, she woke to Javier’s voice, felt him examining her, heard him bark, "Thorvaldson, lay the hell back down!" After that, Javier put her into the back seat of a car. What was left of consciousness faded out then, and she fell back into an exhausted, welcome sleep.
Chapter 28
Bree lay in bed, the headache from the concussion squeezing the back and sides of her head. She looked out her bedroom window at a perfectly blue sky and tried to think of nothing.
“You seem awful subdued, sweetie," Sophie said tentatively. A book was open on her lap. She'd been camped out since bringing Bree home from the hospital yesterday. "I thought the good guys won. I thought you’d be happy. You got Hunter back, and no one got seriously hurt. And you helped break up some major Keltoi drug operation. Heck, you're pretty much a hero!”
Bree didn’t answer at first. That numb place she had called upon yesterday hadn't left her. A part of her wanted to answer Sophie, wanted to tell someone that she'd committed murder, to confess that she had some special form of corruption that made her compatible with demons. But she couldn’t bring herself to speak of it. She finally turned to Sophie and said, “I saw someone die, one of the Keltoi. He was burned up by a demon, like Seth.”
Sophie’s face crumpled in sympathy, and she reached out to take Bree's hand. “Oh honey, how awful! That must have been terrible for you!”
Bree felt the ghost of comfort descend on her, but it wasn’t enough to provide any real relief, or to trigger the cry she probably needed to have.
"I think if you talk about it, you might feel better," Sophie urged.
Bree went deeper inside herself. She couldn't stand the kindness. She didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve to feel better. "I'm not ready to talk about it yet."
Sophie sighed and some emotion more complicated then sympathy came and went across her face. Bree's Reader sense stirred, and she pressed it back down. After a moment, Sophie let go of her hand. “You have that headachy look about you. It’s time for some more Percocet.” Sophie got her the painkiller and some water. Just as Bree was handing back the glass, the doorbell rang.
"That'll be Bruce," Sophie said, sounding relieved. She went downstairs, and Bree heard them talking. She heard Daniel's name, and Javier's, but everything else was just a murmur. They both came upstairs, and Sophie made her goodbyes as she had to go to work.
"Bruce, I really don't need you to stay," Bree tried half heartedly after Sophie had left.
"Just for tonight, just to be on the safe, side" he replied. "You know Sophie isn't going to let me off the hook for this. So just give it up and go back to sleep."
"I wasn't sleepy." Bree felt annoyance stir. She wanted to be alone, but she didn't have the energy to fight about it.
"Well then, just go back to brooding." Bruce smiled to take the sting out of his words.
"So I just left Daniel's," Bruce said as he settled his big frame back in the chair Sophie had vacated. He regarded her closely as he continued. "Javier gave the green light for him to go home. He was able to confirm that Franchesca got on a plane for Las Vegas yesterday evening. The Keltoi are in disarray with their chief dead. It looks like they're not likely to come after Daniel right away."
She attention sharpened, then she felt a spurt of panic that she might be coming out of her numbness.
"He's nearly recovered from the power loss," Bruce continued. "He said he'd stop by later tonight."
And that sent Bree's panic through the roof. "No, he can't! He can't come over!"
Bruce’s eyebrows rose in question. “Hey babe, it’s your deal, but did he do something to upset you? Something I should know about?”
Bree shook her head, then regretted it, grimacing at the pain the movement caused. “It’s nothing like that, really, it’s just that, well, I need out of the demon research project. And I’m not strong enough right now to explain why, to tell him…” She sputtered to a halt.
Bruce looked more and more concerned as she spoke, and she was having a hard time putting into words what she wanted, how she felt. “It’s because of what happened with the Keltoi, seeing that man die. It just broke something in me. I feel broken. And you know how persuasive Daniel can be. I don’t trust myself with him, I don’t know if I can, if he, and I don't know how I feel about him because…” she stammered.
Bruce leaned over and put a hand briefly on her arm in reassurance. “You don’t have to explain right now. I’ll take care of it.”
The agitation fell out of her, leaving behind an illogical sense of disappointment that Bruce hadn't fought her on it. She felt hollowed out. She thought whimsically that her head felt stuffed full of that fake spider web stuff you saw everywhere at Halloween. Her thoughts moved slowly, and her emotions went back to nearly non-existent. She didn’t care why she felt numb. She didn’t care if she ever felt anything again.
It took more than a week for Bree's head to stop hurting, and when she finally got a clean bill of health, she returned to work, lost herself in it, in the sense of normalcy it brought.
Day followed day, and the numbness and apathy never really lifted. A few times, she tried to work out what had happened with Gelsenim, but her mind shied away from the subject after very little real effort.
It took more effort not to think about Daniel. She knew it was wildly inconsistent to risk her life for him, then avoid him. But the one thing that was clear was that she was afraid to see him. Sophie told her that avoiding Daniel was obviously the same as avoiding the whole trauma of what had happened to her, and Kevin played on her sympathy for Daniel. “He’s crazy with worry about you, Bree. Put him out of his misery before he drives me crazy,” he pleaded.
But she refused. Predictably, it was Dion who took action. One Saturday morning in late November, he knocked at Bree’s front door shortly after she emerged from a shower. She had just pulled on some jeans that were getting too loose and the Irish sweater her mother had gotten her during her most recent visit to family in Ireland. She trotted down the stairs from the bedroom to answer the door.
Dion had on a long black coat over the uniform he wore for work. He loomed over her in the entryway as he wiped his feet, then put a hand on her shoulder. He looked at her with an unwontedly serious expression. “Look girl, I know you’re going to be pissed, but trust me on this, something’s got to give. I won’t watch you go downhill again. You need something to pull you out of this depression, and this is the best I could come up with.” He turned to open the door, and waved a hand in a beckoning gesture. He gave her one last look, half defiant, half uneasy, then backed out the door, making way on the stoop for Daniel Thorvaldson.
Bree's heart stuttered at the sight of him. The terror she felt was the most emotion she'd felt in weeks. Hard on its heels came anger at Dion, who had retreated from the field completely, leaving her facing Daniel alone.
“Can I come in?” Daniel asked diffidently.
She could see that he was uncomfortable and braced for her refusal, and somehow, now that he was here, she couldn’t send him away. She backed away from the door without a word, and he came in. She retreated to the couch, and he followed her into the living room. He took off his leather jacket and draped it on the back of one of the chairs, then moved to sit on the one across from her. He was wearing a black v-neck sweater and jeans. He looked freshly scrubbed and shaved, Bree registered as she took a fugitive look at him.
He put his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands in front of him as he leaned toward her. “I’ve been worried about you,” he said softly
. "And I’ve been wondering what I’ve done to anger you so much that you've refused to see me.”
At that, Bree’s head jerked up, and she looked directly at him for the first time. “I’m not angry at you,” she said, but as soon as the words left her mouth, she knew they were a lie. Anger filled her up, shocking in it's intensity.
Daniel seemed to know it too. His mouth twisted in a wry expression, and he replied, “I think you are."
"Why the hell did I let you talk me into all this?" Bree spat out past the tense knot in her throat. "Now I've got a fucking Erekim who thinks I'm his perfect match. There's no way I'm going to be able to keep him off me. I can't expect you to keep doing it. You'll probably go all dark side, then I'll have to keep you off me too." She was half horrified at what she was saying, but she couldn't seem to help herself now that her attempts to repress it all had failed.
Daniel's face flushed a little, but otherwise, he showed no outward reaction to her tirade. "I did get you into all this. Before I came along, you were just recovering from your husband’s death and taking your first steps towards reclaiming your power."
"Reclaiming my power, hah! I never should have agreed to go back to exorcisms in the first place, let alone agree to doing such colossally dangerous research."
"I know I pushed you too hard about that," Daniel continued evenly. "I was too focused on what I thought needed to be done. So maybe I deserve some of your anger. In my own way, I was being selfish.”
“Not for yourself,” Bree said, stung a little out of her fury into being fair. She paused, tried to think through the impulse that had made her defend him. And as she did, some of the anger faded. She couldn't dump all this on him, as much as that would be convenient for her aching conscience. “I know you can be obsessive, but you were trying to do something good. And I volunteered. All along the way, I volunteered.”