by S. H. Kolee
“I’m on the pill,” I said, trying to put his mind at ease, although he hadn’t seemed too concerned when he had mentioned not using protection. “And I have a clean bill of health, so no worries there.”
“I wasn’t worried,” Logan replied, kissing me gently on top of my head. “And you have nothing to worry about with me, either. I just didn’t want you to get upset when you realized I didn’t use one. Not that you getting pregnant is the end of the world.”
I didn’t know how to respond to his statement. Getting pregnant wouldn’t necessarily be the end of the world, but it would be pretty close to it, yet he seemed so cavalier about the prospect. I decided to just ignore it.
I checked the time on the clock next to the bed, surprised by how late it had gotten. “I’m starving. What do you want to do for dinner?”
I yelped in surprise when Logan flipped me on my back and positioned himself on top of me.
“I know what I want for dinner,” he said with a grin and an exaggerated diabolical wiggle of his eyebrows as his eyes trailed down my body. I laughed at his goofiness, but any trace of amusement disappeared when he proceeded to show me exactly what he meant.
Chapter Twelve
The next couple of weeks were amazing. Logan and I spent as much time together as possible, though sometimes it was difficult because of his heavy workload. On the nights that he had to work late, he came over afterwards, and we shared late dinners and spent the rest of the night in bed. We were insatiable when it came to our desires, as if we were working through all the pent up sexual tension that had built up between us throughout the past few years.
On the days that Logan was able to get out of work at a decent hour, we were like a newly dating couple, which I guess we were despite having spent a lot of time together already as friends. Simple things, such as going out to dinner and a movie, took on a whole new light now that we were a couple. The weekends were the best when we had two whole days together, and I spent both days at Logan’s place. I realized how quickly we were moving and that we were spending practically every minute together, but I didn’t question it. We had a lot of wasted time to make up for. We hadn’t really given our status much discussion beyond that Sunday night when we had first slept together, but it was understood that we were seeing each other exclusively, and I was happy with that.
The only moments I wavered were when thoughts of Cassie crept into my head, but I pushed those aside as quickly as possible. The past was over, and I could only concentrate on the present.
I had given Emily the full report about my refusal of Adam’s proposal, as well as what was happening between Logan and me. She had been nothing but supportive, even knowing the truth about our past, and I was relieved that she didn’t think less of me.
I checked my watch on a late Tuesday afternoon after having spent the entire day working on my latest article. It was almost five o’clock, and I decided I had gotten enough writing done for today. I saved my work before putting my computer on sleep mode. Logan was working late, so I decided have a snack to tide me over so that we could eat dinner together later.
I was standing in front of my open refrigerator debating my choices when the buzzer to the entrance of my building sounded. I frowned as I walked over to the intercom; I wasn’t expecting anyone.
“Hello?” I said into the speaker.
“It’s me. Let me up.”
I froze, shocked by the unexpected sound of Adam’s voice. It had been a little over two weeks since I had turned down his proposal, and I hadn’t heard from him since then. The last thing I expected was for him to show up at my apartment unannounced.
“What are you doing here, Adam?”
“I need to talk to you. Please just let me in.”
I hesitated. I wanted to ignore him, but this wasn’t someone I had just gone on a few dates with. Adam and I had been together for three years, and I felt obligated to hear out whatever he had to say.
I sighed in resignation as I buzzed the front entrance open and waited for him to reach my apartment. It was taking longer than expected, so I opened my door and peered out. I could hear him climbing the stairs, although it sounded like it was taking more effort than it should have. When I finally saw him walking up the last flight of stairs to my floor, I understood why it was taking so long. He had sounded normal enough through the intercom, but I could tell that he was more than a little drunk by his staggering movements.
“Are you okay?” I asked, concerned. It wasn’t like Adam to get drunk.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said when he reached the door to my apartment. I could smell the alcohol on his breath, and his eyes were bloodshot, but I was surprised by how steady his voice sounded. He didn’t slur his words at all, and if it hadn’t been for his appearance, I would have thought he was perfectly sober.
He pushed past me into the apartment, and I didn’t protest. Maybe I could get a few cups of coffee in him and send him on his way.
He half-stumbled his way into the living room, bumping into the coffee table before he collapsed on the couch.
“You’ve been drinking,” I said matter-of-factly, not wanting to sound accusatory. After all, I had been the one to hurt him. I couldn’t blame him for drowning his sorrows, especially since I had done the same thing a few times lately.
Adam shrugged. “Just a little happy hour celebration. It’s no big deal.”
“Let me make you some coffee.” I turned to go into the kitchen, but his voice stopped me.
“No. We need to talk.”
This was what I had been dreading since I had heard his voice on the intercom. He had taken our breakup and my refusal of his proposal pretty well, but now it seemed he was back to hash it out. This was the last thing I wanted. I also didn’t want him to have any idea that Logan and I were together now, because that would make him think that I had been cheating on him before we broke up. Emotionally, I wasn’t sure he was entirely wrong. And I had kissed Logan while Adam and I were still together.
“Okay,” I said as I took a seat on the couch, making sure to leave plenty of room between us. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Us. I think we should give our relationship another shot.”
Crap. I did not want to deal with this today. I took a deep breath before replying.
“Adam, I’m sorry that our breakup was a surprise to you, but I know it was the right thing to do. I really don’t think there’s anything more to discuss. Our relationship is over.”
He didn’t reply, and stared straight ahead, looking glum. Seconds stretched into minutes as we sat there in silence. I tried to think of a way to get him out of my apartment as quickly as possible.
I was about to suggest that we go to a coffee shop down the street when he whipped his head towards me. I was taken aback by the anger I saw on his face.
“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”
The venom in his voice ratcheted up my anxiety. “What’s wrong?” I asked, confused.
Adam jerkily motioned in front of him with his hand. I looked in the direction of his gesture, and swallowed hard. With Logan and I spending so much time together, it was inevitable that some of our belongings were scattered about at each other’s apartments. A pair of his cufflinks sat on the coffee table, and the monogrammed letters of his initials were clearly evident.
“Adam,” I started, not knowing how much I should tell him, but he cut me off before I could continue.
“Shut up!” he spat out, his voice seething. “I don’t want to hear your lies. I was a fucking moron for believing there was nothing between you two all this time. How long have you been screwing each other?”
“There was nothing going on between us while we were together. It happened afterwards.” I figured there was no point in trying to explain exactly what had been between Logan and I before the night we decided to give our relationship a try. Hell, I wasn’t even sure what had been between us before then, so I wouldn’t know how to explain it to Adam. Besid
es, it was better for Adam to believe that Logan and I hadn’t started dating until after we had broken up, which was the truth.
Adam laughed bitterly at my claim. “Right. We’ve barely been broken up for two weeks, and I’m supposed to believe that you weren’t fucking around with him while we were together?”
Adam had never been one to curse, and I didn’t know if it was the influence of the alcohol, but his behavior was beginning to make me nervous. I had never seen him like this, but I tried to tell myself his rage was understandable.
“I know it’s hard to believe,” I said calmly, trying to keep things civil. “But it’s true. Logan and I were just friends while you and I were together.”
“Not only are you a slut, but you’re a goddamned liar, too.” He was nearly frothing at the mouth as he glared at me, and I decided that enough was enough. I stood up and crossed my arms against my chest.
“You’re drunk and in no state to have a civil conversation. You should leave.”
“I should leave?” Adam mimicked with a mocking look. “I should fucking leave? Don’t look at me like I’m the one who did something wrong. I don’t know how I let you dupe me all this time.”
I made a move to walk towards the door but he grabbed my arm before I could get far. I gasped when he pulled my wrist so hard that it felt like my arm was going to pop out of its socket. My anxiety level was at an all-time high. Adam wasn’t in his right mind, and I was afraid of what he might do. I didn’t recognize the man seething in front of me.
“You’re hurting me!” I exclaimed as I tried to twist my arm free. “Let go!”
Adam did the exact opposite and pulled on my arm even harder, causing me to fall back on the couch painfully onto my side. I tried to push myself back to get away from him, but he still had a manacle grip on my wrist.
“You’ve been a waste of three years,” he snarled. “Don’t think I really even wanted to get fucking married to you. You were nothing but a convenient date to have around, and a regular screw. My mother was the one pissing and moaning about me settling down.”
I was shocked by the virulence spewing from Adam. I had only met his mother a few times, but she had always been gracious and pleasant—the epitome of a genteel woman who came from old money. I had gotten along well with her, but it had never gone beyond a few lunches and dinners when she was in town. We had a friendly but distant relationship, and I never expected her to be the one behind Adam proposing to me.
“She said she wanted me to get married and have kids. To find some stability.” Adam sneered at the idea of that. “She wanted me to get a fucking nine-to-five job so I could suffocate to death in some goddamn cubicle. She threatened to stop helping me financially, so I figured I’d give her at least one of her wishes to appease her.” He glared at me as he continued to speak. “That was before I knew you were a two-timing bitch.”
I yanked my arm back, finally succeeding in freeing myself from Adam’s grip. I had been feeling so guilty about turning Adam down, only to find out his proposal had been motivated by the fear of his parents pulling their financial support. It had nothing to do with his feelings about me. I felt a surge of anger overtake me.
“So that was all bullshit about you wanting to spend the rest of your life with me,” I spat out. “Excuse me if I don’t feel bad about breaking up with you when the only reason you proposed was because mommy wanted you to.”
My taunting words only enraged Adam more, and I bit back the rest of what I had been about to say. My anxiety about Adam’s behavior had been momentarily forgotten in my own rage, but when I saw the way his face darkened at my words, I was reminded that he wasn’t in his right state of mind.
Despite my fears, I was totally unprepared for the back of his hand that came crashing down against my cheek with brute force. I was thrown back against the couch and there was a ringing in my ears as my face throbbed painfully. I tasted blood in my mouth where my teeth had cut the inside of my cheek, and I instinctively shrank back when he made a move towards me.
“Don’t you ever talk to me like that,” he spat out, his face flushed with rage. “You’re nothing compared to me! You come from some backwoods family from some white trash town. Your own mother couldn’t stand you enough to stick around. I have no idea why my mother even wanted me to marry you when you come from nothing.” He pushed his face closer to mine. “And don’t think you’re the only one who was screwing around. You’re a joke in the bedroom. I had to fuck other women to get any sort of satisfaction because you were such a disappointment. All those times I told you I was with Sam, I was really fucking another woman. Sam doesn’t even exist. It was just my excuse to get the hell away from you.”
My anxiety vanished, replaced by rage. Out of all the ugly things that Adam was spewing, the only thing that knifed my gut was the comment about my mother. I had wrestled with the feeling of abandonment my whole life, and I had shared that fear with Adam, only to have him use it against me now. At this point, I couldn’t care less about the other women he had apparently been cheating with or that Sam had been nothing more than a contrived excuse.
I forcefully pushed his shoulder back so that I could stand up. I was so angry that I was shaking, but I tried to keep my voice steady so that he wouldn’t miss a word I said.
“You’re nothing but a waste of space,” I said, only half-succeeding in preventing my voice from trembling. “You’ve never held a real job a day in your life. You expect your parents to support you while you play out some fantasy that you’re some big time author, when in reality I’ve never seen one word of what you’ve written. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s all a ruse, and the only thing you’re doing is spending your days pissing away mommy’s money. You like to pretend that you live this self-righteous lifestyle, and you’re this spiritual person, but you’re the most materialistic person I’ve ever met. You’re a fake! I know you’re not really vegan! I’ve seen the bacon wrappers in your trash!”
I was screeching by now, and my last statement was laughable but I was so angry that I was using any ammunition I had to try to hurt him. Instead of lashing out in return, Adam’s face turned white as he gaped at me.
“I never knew you felt this way about me,” he said, sounding hurt. I stared at him, not knowing how to handle this sudden shift in him. He had gone from an angry, crazed psychopath to a crushed ex-boyfriend. My anger died as quickly as it had flared to life. There was no point to this conversation. I didn’t want to know the truth about our relationship. His past transgressions were meaningless now, and I just wanted to put the past to rest. My future was with Logan, and Adam had no power to hurt me.
“Just leave,” I said tiredly, emotionally drained by our altercation. “Our relationship is over. No good is going to come out of fighting about our past.”
Adam stared at me for a few moments, and I was afraid that he was going to protest, but he finally stood up and made his way to the front door. I was reminded of how drunk he was when he stumbled along the way, although that didn’t excuse any of his behavior. My cheek still throbbed from his backhand, and I still couldn’t fully comprehend that he had actually struck me.
He opened the door and turned to me. His face was impassive when he spoke, and I couldn’t tell if he was being matter-of-fact or if he was trying to hurt me. “Your relationship with Logan will never last.”
I didn’t bother to respond to his parting words, and was relieved when I closed the door behind him. I winced as I grazed the cut inside my cheek with my tongue. I had never been scared of Adam while we had been together, and although I didn’t excuse the fact that he had gotten physically abusive, I attributed his uncharacteristic behavior today to alcohol.
Though Adam had left, my adrenaline was still running high, and I tried to calm myself with a glass of wine. I didn’t want Logan to see me upset, and I especially didn’t want to tell him about what had happened between me and Adam. I decided to tell him that Adam had come over because I didn’t want to hide anythi
ng from him, but I knew he wouldn’t be able to handle hearing that Adam had struck me, so I decided to omit that part.
It was past nine o’clock by the time Logan arrived bearing cartons of Thai take-out.
“You must be starving,” he said as he dropped a quick kiss on my mouth and set the bag of food on the coffee table. “Sorry I’m so late.”
“It’s okay.” Logan’s presence had a calming effect on me, and I could almost forget the ugliness of what had happened earlier with Adam. “I had a snack while I waited for you.”
Logan slipped his hand to the back of my neck and pulled me closer for a longer kiss when he stopped abruptly with a frown. “What happened to your face?”
The red, angry mark on my cheek where Adam had struck me had faded, but it was now turning into the beginnings of an ugly bruise.
“I tripped over my own feet, and my cheek hit the side of the coffee table.” I made a self-deprecating face. “I guess gracefulness isn’t one of my traits.”
Logan’s frown deepened as he tilted my head up by my chin and studied the bruise. “You must have hit it pretty hard to leave a mark like that. It must have been painful. You should have called me.”
I made a face at him. “For what? To tell you that I’m clumsy and apparently can’t walk without tripping over my own two feet? It looks a lot worse than it is. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”
“Poor baby,” he murmured as his lips grazed my cheek lightly, the touch barely a whisper. I instinctively melted into him, stirred by how gentle this strong man could be. Despite my growing desire, my stomach interrupted with a loud grumbling.
“Sorry,” I said with a laugh, feeling slightly embarrassed. “I guess I’m hungrier than I thought.”
Logan grinned. “It’s okay. There’s plenty of time for that later.”
We laid out the take-out on the coffee table and dug into cartons of Pad Thai and chicken curry. We caught up on our daily happenings, and I purposely waited until we were done eating to bring up the topic of Adam.