Letting Go

by Ann O'Leary

  Just then, they were interrupted by the arrival of Kelly Johannson. She’d noticed Laura at the table, as she was heading for the bar to meet her friends.

  “Hi,” she said to them all, then smiled warmly at Laura.

  “How are you, Laura? I think it’s time I called you about that dinner you promised to have with me.

  “Yes, okay,” said Laura. “Ring me next week if you like.”

  “See you later then,” said Kelly, sliding her hands into her jeans pockets and casually striding away.

  Laura laughed at the surprised expressions on the faces of her friends. “What’s the matter with you?” she asked them all.

  “Kelly Johannson?” said Jude in an incredulous tone.

  “You’re going out with her?”

  “You’ve gotten over Debbie pretty quickly, I see,” said Megan with a grin.

  “Well, let’s be honest,” said Laura firmly, pausing to light Megan’s cigarette and one for herself. “Of course I’m hurt about Debbie’s behavior, but mostly I feel humiliated. I stopped loving Debbie a long time ago and I’m certainly not going to pretend I’m broken-hearted.”

  “We all know that, darl,” said Jude. “But you don’t want to go out with the likes of Kelly Johannson!”

  With a laugh, Laura said, “Well, I think I do as a matter of fact.”

  “Yeah, why not, Jude,” said Vicki. “Laura should get out and about again as a single woman and have some fun. And 26

  Kelly’s an attractive woman.”

  “And Kelly’s had her eye on you for ages, hasn’t she, Laura? I’ve seen her chatting you up before,” said Megan. Jude tugged on her earlobe, considering their comments.

  “Laura can do a lot better than Kelly. She’s bloody arrogant, and she screws around.”

  Vicki nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, and she’s attractive.”

  Everyone except Jude burst into laughter. “Well I know of women who’ve been really hurt by her, and I don’t like her at all,” said Jude defensively.

  Smiling at Jude’s motherly concern for her, Laura said, “Jude, I’ve agreed to have dinner with the woman, for Christ’s sake, not marry her. And just because Kelly apparently avoids serious relationships doesn’t make her a bad person. I think she’s attractive too and from the few conversations I’ve had with her, she seems like a lot of fun.”

  Laura didn’t add that as she’d looked into Kelly’s eyes earlier, her heart had skipped a beat. When they’d met a week ago, Kelly’s behavior made it clear she wanted Laura, and she hadn’t disguised her desire tonight as she’d looked candidly into Laura’s eyes.

  As the conversation turned to other matters, Laura thought that if an uncomplicated fling with Kelly was in the cards, she wouldn’t mind that one bit.

  One day the following week, Laura was sitting in her office around nine-thirty in the morning surveying an empty diary. They’d got the new Pasta Masta campaign out last week in a mad rush and things for now under control. Tony was going to be out for most of the day, drumming up new business.

  27

  She could spend the day usefully finding an experienced assistant without green hair, she thought, who doesn’t chew gum all day long. But, she had to admit that despite the alarming pink bubbles regularly emerging from her mouth, Jodie was doing a good job. She arrived on time each day, and although she lacked experience, she only had to be shown how to do new tasks once. She was still a bit slow on the word processor doing letters and things, but she got them done and she was improving. She’d also proven to be reliable taking messages and looking after things when Laura and Tony were out. As if to reinforce these positive thoughts, there was a knock at her door and, accompanied by a loud bubble-bursting snap, Jodie entered holding a cup of coffee.

  “I was just making some, and I thought you’d like a cup,”

  she said brightly.

  “Thanks, Jodie,” said Laura in surprise. Okay, she decided as Jodie left the room, she’d give her a go for a bit longer. She’d just talk to her about the gum.

  She was wondering whether she could go shopping instead, when she suddenly remembered her promise to take Kate Merlo to lunch. She reached for the phone. Today was the perfect opportunity, if Kate was free. When Kate hung up the phone, her heart was fluttering as she considered she was about to have the closest thing to a date that she could have dreamed of, with the woman she adored. Laura had asked her if she liked Japanese food, suggesting a restaurant across town. Kate said that sounded great but confessed, feeling conscious of her inexperience, that she’d never tried Japanese food before. In her warm 28

  smiling voice, Laura had reassured her that it would be all the better if she hadn’t tried it before. It would be an adventure.

  Laura paused in her reading of the wine list and looked across the table at Kate. She was studying the menu with great interest. Her hair was braided today, and she had pulled the plait over one shoulder, twirling the end of it in her fingers. She was softly biting her lower lip in concentration.

  “Do you have to hurry back to work today?” asked Laura.

  Kate looked up at her. “No, it’s a quiet day. I’ve given them the number of the restaurant, so they can call if they need me.”

  “Good,” said Laura with a smile. “We can order some saki then. You’ve got to try that. I thought I’d order us both a glass of Chardonnay to start with. Does that sound all right?”

  “Yes, fine,” said Kate, smiling. She held Laura’s gaze with her usual unsettling directness.

  Glancing down at the menu in Kate’s hand, Laura asked,

  “Is there anything there that appeals to you?”

  “It all sounds great, but I think you’d better order,” said Kate with a grin, handing the menu across to Laura. Laura laughed. “Okay, I’ll order a selection of entrees. I think that’s the best way to enjoy Japanese food.”

  Soon the dishes began to arrive. “These little fried dumplings are called Gyoza,” Laura explained. “You should mix a tiny bit of that Wasabi paste into the dipping sauce. But be careful with it. It’s hot.”

  “Oh, and California rolls,” said Kate enthusiastically, 29

  helping herself to some. “I’ve had these before. I love them.”

  The flasks of warm saki arrived, and Laura poured some into Kate’s tiny cup. “You have to pour mine now,” she said.

  “It’s considered either rude or bad luck to pour your own saki. I can’t remember which.”

  Kate laughed. “Okay,” she said, filling Laura’s cup. Laura savored a piece of sashimi and looked at Kate. She was obviously enjoying this experience and Laura found herself taking delight in introducing it all to her. They talked about all manner of things as the lunch progressed, and Laura discovered Kate was interesting and good company.

  “So, you mentioned you paint in your spare time,” said Laura. “What sort of painting do you do?”

  “Well, I studied fine art at college, as well as graphic art,” Kate said, running her plait through her fingers. “I like working with acrylics on canvas. I paint lots of different subjects, but I’m really getting into landscapes at the moment. My style is surreal, though. I’m more interested in portraying moods and engendering emotions than creating reproductions of things.”

  “Has any of your work been shown anywhere?”Laura asked.

  Kate laughed again. “God, no. That’d be wonderful, but I wouldn’t know where to start. The truth is, I don’t know really how good they are.”

  “Well, I know the woman who runs the Women’s Art Gallery. She’s a friend of a friend,” said Laura. I could give her a ring if you like and see what she has to say. I’m sure she’d want to look at your work. She’d have some advice for you at least.”

  Kate’s eyes widened in delight. “That’d be great. I’d really appreciate that.”

  30

  Laura smiled. “I’ll give you a ring when I’ve got onto her then.”

  “I’d really like you to have a look at some of my pictures
,”

  said Kate. “I’d value your opinion.”

  “I’d be delighted to see them, but don’t ask me to give you an educated critique.” She grinned. “I’m one of those people who only knows what they like, without knowing why.”

  Glancing at her watch, Laura was surprised to see it was five o’clock. The time had passed very quickly. Calling for the check, Laura settled the bill, and they got up to leave. Kate seemed slightly unsteady on her feet as she stood.

  “I feel like I’ve drunk too much,” she said. “It didn’t seem like we had that much, though.”

  Laura laughed. “That’ll be the saki. It creeps up on you. I’ll drive you home and you can collect your car tomorrow.”

  “It gives you a nice feeling, saki, doesn’t it,” said Kate as she settled into the car beside Laura. “I don’t feel at all drunk, just sort of floaty.”

  Laura nodded, smiling, as she started up the car. She glanced across at Kate’s profile again and decided she was really very sweet.

  Kate rented a two-bedroom apartment with another young woman, on the other side of the Yarra River, which divided the city. It was an area known for its good fresh food market, and enclave of gay cafes and bars. They’d decided on the way home that this was a good opportunity for Laura to have a look at Kate’s paintings.

  “I think they’re wonderful, Kate,” said Laura, genuinely impressed. “I particularly like these bush scenes.” She turned to Kate. “As I said, I’m no expert in matters of form or technique, but I can clearly see your talent. I’m sure the 31

  woman at the gallery will be interested in these.”

  “Thank you,” said Kate, clearly pleased with Laura’s response.

  They stood in her bedroom where the paintings were hung on the walls and stacked up around the walls. While Laura was concentrating on another picture, she could feel Kate gazing at her.

  When Laura turned to say she’d better be going, she was struck by the way Kate was looking at her. Her look was openly sexual, and the afternoon sun edging in through the window was casting a hazy golden light across Kate’s face. Her eyes held that disconcerting warm intensity, and her hair glinted in the light. Laura, transfixed, shuddered slightly as Kate brazenly stepped forward and kissed her softly on the mouth.

  Kate put her arms around her, and Laura felt a dangerous warmth unfolding inside her. Kate kissed her again passionately, and without thinking, Laura found herself instinctively returning her kiss.

  Kate moaned, and Laura came to her senses. She withdrew from Kate quickly. She felt disoriented and mortified. “I’m sorry, Kate, I shouldn’t have done that.” She headed immediately to the front door.

  Kate followed her. “Laura, please don’t be angry. Are you in a relationship? Is that what’s wrong?” Laura hesitated in the doorway. Kate’s eyes were dark, and the passion in them forced Laura to quickly look away. “No, Kate. But that’s not the point. I’m sorry, I have to go.”

  As Laura drove home, she wondered about her sanity. The kiss with Kate had been inappropriate. She worked with her and their embrace was unprofessional. She blamed herself, being so much older. But her reaction to Kate 32

  concerned her more. The kiss she’d returned had sent a current of desire cursing through her body. She hadn’t had sex for months. That must be it, Laura decided. She’d just have to make light of it the next time she saw her. She’d handled more embarrassing situations than this. She was left, however, with a lingering memory of Kate’s mouth on hers, and the disturbing feeling that there was something about this young woman that fascinated her.

  It was Saturday, a few weeks since Debbie had left, and Laura spent the day reorganizing her apartment. With Debbie’s things gone, she set about filling the empty spaces and changing things around. She’d been to the market earlier and returned with lots of fresh tall blue Agapanthus and golden lilies, which she’d placed in vases all around. Late in the afternoon, with classical music playing in the background, she relaxed in a bubble bath, a luxury she seldom had time for, and read a book.

  She was feeling more settled and enjoying her time alone at home. She realized just how much tension she’d been living with. There’d been a lot that was unsatisfactory about her relationship with Debbie apart from her affairs, and life was now much more relaxed.

  Later, she prepared herself a light meal of salad and fruit, and took it out onto the balcony. She sat watching the activities on the beach across the road as the light began to fade. She breathed in the warm evening air and felt quite at peace with the world.

  At around eight o’clock, her intercom buzzed. When she answered it, she was surprised to hear Kelly Johannson’s voice.

  33

  “I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d drop by and see if you were doing anything,” said Kelly.

  “I wasn’t intending to go out tonight, but you’re welcome to come in for a drink if you like.” Laura opened the door to her a moment later. “Come in,” said Laura, quickly appraising Kelly’s appearance. She was dressed in the casual way that suited her well, in jeans, T-shirt and a light jacket. As usual, her hands were in her pockets.

  “Hope I haven’t turned up at a bad time,” said Kelly with a grin. She kissed Laura on the cheek.

  “It’s not a bad time,” said Laura. “But if you want to go out to dinner, I’m afraid I’ll have to pass tonight. As you can see,” she said with a smile, pulling at her bathrobe, “I wasn’t expecting company. Anyway, what would you like to drink?”

  “A scotch and soda would be great, thanks.” Kelly followed Laura across the room to the kitchen, and Laura could feel Kelly’s eyes on her. Kelly slipped off her jacket and hung it on the back of a chair.

  “This is a fabulous apartment,” said Kelly.

  Laura handed Kelly her drink. “Thank you. The water view is wonderful. It’s always changing. It’s great from the bedroom upstairs. I’ll show you later. Let’s take our drinks out onto the balcony. It’s a beautiful night.”

  The sun was beginning to set over the water, and there was a gentle warm breeze. They sat talking comfortably for about a half-hour, and all the time, Kelly eyed Laura’s exposed thigh. The robe slipped off her shoulder repeatedly and Laura tugged it back into place.

  Laura was well aware of the way Kelly was looking at her and she was enjoying it. She decided that if Kelly made a move on her, she’d happily go along with it. She imagined 34

  sex with Kelly would be exciting and uncomplicated.

  “Another drink?” Laura asked.

  “Thanks,” said Kelly, handing Laura her glass. Their fingers touched and they both looked into each other’s eyes. The sexual tension was powerful. Laura felt a stirring deep inside her and with difficulty withdrew her gaze from Kelly’s. Kelly seemed to be nursing a desire for her that was increasing by the minute. As Laura went inside to get the drinks, Kelly got up and followed her.

  Kelly walked up behind her and slid her arms around her waist. “I want you, Laura,” she whispered. Laura turned in her arms to face her. She felt a sudden rush of desire, making her feel hot and weak. She looked from Kelly’s eyes, darkened with passion, to her inviting mouth. “Kiss me, Kelly.”

  Kelly’s arms tightened around her, and she kissed Laura. Slowly at first, exploring the shape of her lips, tracing them gently with her tongue.

  Laura was aching now. She could feel her own increasing wetness as she reached up and placed her hands behind Kelly’s head, kissing her hungrily. They kissed deeply and passionately and when Kelly moved one hand around to stroke Laura’s hip and thigh, Laura’s knees nearly gave way.

  “Come upstairs with me,” she managed to gasp softly. The sky was streaked richly in deep pink and gold from the setting sun, and upstairs, the bedroom was awash with the soft pink hues. The ceiling fan was turning slowly, and the crickets were singing outside. They were standing beside the bed, and Kelly drew Laura into her arms and kissed her again.

  35

  Kelly hadn’t wanted anyo
ne this much in a long time, and she fought against the desperate urge to just press Laura down onto the bed and unceremoniously take her, thrusting her fingers into the warmth and wetness she knew was waiting for her. Silently, she told herself to slow down, to savor every moment.

  Still kissing Laura’s mouth, she reached down and untied her robe. She pulled it open and ran her hands down Laura’s trembling body. She wasn’t wearing anything under the robe, and Kelly’s knees nearly gave way as she ran her fingers across the soft hair above Laura’s thighs. She moaned into Laura’s mouth as she reached up and slipped the robe off Laura’s shoulders. She then lowered Laura to the bed.

  Laura seemed deliciously helpless. Kelly was in control, which was just the way she liked it, and that appeared to be fine with Laura. Still fully dressed, she straddled her. She looked at the satin skin of her throat and the line of her shoulders, the small breasts with their hard cherry nipples, and across her firm stomach and hips to the small mound of brown hair. Kelly wanted to kiss every inch of her. She wanted to remove her own clothes and feel Laura against her. But she couldn’t stop now to get undressed. She was aching to taste her and to be inside her. She lowered her head and took one of Laura’s nipples into her mouth, teasing it with her tongue. Laura writhed, moving her hips.

  “Oh, Kelly,” she murmured breathlessly. She took Kelly’s hand and guided it down across her stomach, placing it between her thighs.

  Kelly gasped as her fingers slid along Laura’s incredibly warm wetness. She couldn’t ever remember touching a woman who’d been this wet. Kelly’s passion became 36

  overwhelming as she gently stroked in rhythm with Laura’s hips. Kelly entered her.

  “Yes,” Laura breathed, and she raised her hips taking Kelly inside her more deeply. Kelly could feel Laura’s powerful orgasm building as her fingers thrust deeply and rhythmically. Kelly continued to stroke her swollen nipples with her tongue, and in a moment Laura’s passion reached its peak.