Penance (Long Slow Tease, #2)

by Mayburn, Ann

  Michelle lifted her chin and radiated cold control as she put on her ice queen mask. “Mother, I have nothing to say to you right now.”

  Michelle started to turn away, but her father held up his hands. “Wait. Please give her a chance to explain.”

  Wyatt drew Michelle back into his arms and whispered into her ear, “Hear her out. Better to just get it said and done with, like ripping off a Band-Aid.”

  Mrs. Sapphire looked down at her hands, a far different woman than the harpy who’d screamed at him earlier. For one brief second he’d wondered if he was having some kind of fucked up side effect of PTSD and imagined she’d tried to bribe him, but for once he wasn’t thankful he was still sane. What really bothered him was that Michelle’s mom wasn’t rational when she’d been yelling at him after she cornered him in the house, of that he was sure. Talking to her was odd because she would skip around subjects until he wasn’t sure what was going on, then pause before picking up with her rambling accusations again. He’d brush it off as her being just drunk, but that wasn’t it. She blathered incoherently, but it wasn’t from being wasted.

  “Michelle, I owe you and Wyatt an apology. But I’m afraid it’s going to have to wait until after I go to rehab.”

  Mrs. Sapphire looked up and the shame in her gaze made Wyatt feel sorry for her, even as he braced a shaking Michelle against his chest. Suddenly everything clicked and he realized that Michelle’s mother wasn’t just drunk earlier, she was wasted when she’d been accusing him of all kinds of shit. No wonder her pupils had been so off.

  “Rehab? For what?”

  Her lips thinned and he saw that irrational anger fill her before she visibly fought it off. “I’m addicted to OxyContin, Valium, and Percocet. After I broke my hip skiing five years ago my doctor gave me some pills for my pain. It made me…for the first time in my life I wasn’t anxious. I could sleep at night without worrying until dawn. I discovered that my doctor could be persuaded to write additional prescriptions. With you and your brothers gone I had far too much time on my hands and an empty house. I know I’ve driven my children away, that I let my own personal issues affect you for too long, but it still hurt when I realized that you all avoided me as soon as you could leave. Your father was busy with being a Senator and I didn’t want to add to his burdens. The drugs helped me to not feel how alone I was. They…they took away my pain both inside and out.”

  “Wait.” Michelle’s grip on his hand tightened. “You were high tonight?”

  Her mother nodded slowly, shame radiating from her. “I’m an addict, Michelle. I can’t function without my drugs and I was so nervous about you and Wyatt coming tonight that I took more than usual…and I drank.”

  Michelle’s hand trembled in his and he tightened his grip, trying to lend her his silent support as she confronted her mother. “Drugs are no excuse for what you said to Wyatt.”

  Her mother’s gaze darted to Wyatt then back to the ground. “Darling, in my own messed up way I really was trying to look out for you. After Owen’s death we almost lost you. You obviously love Wyatt, I could see it the moment I laid eyes on you, but I didn’t think he was good enough for you. He comes from a working class family, has no fortune of his own, he doesn’t even have a job, and I worried that he was a gold digger.”

  Guilt shot through Wyatt, and he tried not to show it. Michelle’s mom was right, he was basically a loser. While he wasn’t after Michelle’s money, he’d certainly been reaping the benefits of it. Though they’d been together for less than a month he hadn’t spent a dime of his money on Michelle other than the roses he’d bought her. If he was looking at this through Mrs. Sapphire’s very distorted gaze he could see how she could consider him a loser. Hell, he felt like a loser.

  Michelle must have picked up on his mood because she entwined her fingers more firmly with his. “Did you try and chase off Kevin’s wife? After all she was just a freshmen in college when they met and her dad is a janitor.”

  Her mother’s lower lip trembled and tears rolled down her cheeks. “No, but Kevin is stronger than you are. I didn’t have to worry about a breakup killing him.”

  “What?”

  Now Mrs. Sapphire looked squarely at Wyatt instead of Michelle. “Kevin knows how to forgive both himself and others, something Michelle and I aren’t very good at. He’s not as fragile as we are.”

  To his surprise Michelle didn’t protest, instead turning her focus on her father who quietly stood by her mother’s side, still holding her hand.

  “Dad, did you know what was going on?”

  He nodded. “I’ve been trying to get your mother to go to rehab, but so far she’s refused. At first I blamed myself for it, that I’d driven her to seek relief in a pill bottle, but after going to therapy and doing a lot of soul searching I realized that while my actions may have contributed to her addiction, that the actual addiction itself is an insidious disease.”

  “You’ve been in therapy?”

  “Of course.” He glanced at Wyatt then back at Michelle. “While I haven’t been directly in the line of fire during this never-ending series of wars in the Middle East, I’ve had to deal with the fact that decisions I’ve made have gotten good men and women killed. I’ve had to meet with grieving parents, visit with our troops in the hospital, and attend more funerals than I care to remember. I didn’t want to burden your mother with my issues, not when I’d betrayed her, so it started to bottle up inside of me until I couldn’t sleep at night. I…I only went to get help when your mother told me she would leave me if I didn’t. In my selfishness I never saw how much she needed help as well. I’ve done many things in my life that I’m not proud of, but my worst was being a bad husband.”

  Mrs. Sapphire briefly touched his face with their joined hands. “But you never gave up on us.”

  “And I never will. I mean it, Bethany, I will do whatever it takes to make things right between us. That’s why I’m going to cut this short. We need to get you in a car and off to rehab where they can help you with easing you off of these drugs and get you the therapy you need before you change your mind.”

  To Wyatt’s surprise Michelle’s mother grabbed his hand and squeezed it. “I promise. This time I’m going. Anytime I think about chickening out I’ll remember being so screwed up that I broke my daughter’s trust in me. I realize I’ve done so many horrible things to you Michelle, and while I’d like to blame it on the drugs I think…I think my mind may not be quite right sometimes.”

  Michelle stared at her mother. “What do you mean?”

  Mrs. Sapphire looked away, her gaze going to the windows looking out over the now-dark backyard. “My whole life I’ve had anxiety, a need for order and structure to keep me in balance. My mother was the same way, if not worse. I used to think that I just had a very good work ethic, that my need for control wasn’t anything unusual. But I’m beginning to see that isn’t true, that there may be something wrong with the way I think, with the way my mind processes things. I have issues from my past that I need to deal with, and even though I hate admitting it, I need help.”

  “Come on, honey, it’s time to go.” Senator Sapphire pulled Mrs. Sapphire to the door. “Wyatt, I’m sorry we had to meet under these circumstances, but you have my blessings. Kidnap my daughter and take her to some beautiful island, and don’t let her go until she agrees to marry you.”

  Michelle stiffened against him and he tried to keep his tone light as he said, “Will do.”

  Moments later they were alone again and Wyatt slowly turned her in his arms. “How are you holding up?”

  Her lower lip trembled, but she lifted her chin. “I’ll survive.”

  “Come on, Domina, let’s get you back to the hotel and we’ll take a bath where I’ll pamper you, then I’ll make love to you until you pass out.”

  She sighed and leaned her head against his shoulder. “Thank you Wyatt. I don’t deserve you.”

  “Ditto.”

  The next afternoon Wyatt followed Michelle through
the entrance to the massive atrium where the wedding would take place. The atrium itself was over six stories high and boasted fully grown potted palm trees and a variety of fountains. While it didn’t have butterflies, it did have elaborate festoons of purple and white flowers decorating the seating area for the ceremony. There would be a brief, traditional reception afterwards then most of the crowd was headed to the Velvet Fist. Looking at all the immaculately bejeweled and coifed women and the stylish men Wyatt tried to imagine who would be going and if they were a Top or a bottom.

  Michelle wore a pale ice blue gown that fell to her ankles and was beaded in geometric designs on the top half while the bottom flared out, making it look like she was floating when she walked. Her hair had been swept up into a sophisticated twist accented with diamond pins and a diamond necklace sparkled against her throat like ice. When she’d casually looked through the selection of jewelry that she’d brought with her for the party Wyatt couldn’t help but feel ashamed that he wasn’t the one who’d bought it for her. Not that he could afford it even if he liquidated all of his assets, but he couldn’t help but feel like a failure for not being as financially successful as everyone in this room.

  They’d already been greeted at the door by a group of Michelle, James, and Yuki’s old friends and were now making their way to their seats for the ceremony. As they walked through the crowd Wyatt found himself being introduced again and again to an almost endless list of people he had no hope in hell of keeping straight. James helped, naturally easing Wyatt into the conversation while Yuki, dressed in a black silk sheath gown, charmed everyone enough that they didn’t seem to notice Michelle’s lack of participation in the conversation.

  But he noticed.

  Everyone was cordial to Wyatt and seemed genuinely happy that Michelle had brought him as her date. The only one unhappy with the situation seemed to be Michelle. She hid it well, if he didn’t know her he’d think her radiant smile was genuine, but he could feel the strain slowly building up in her and he worried about her. When one of her friends casually mentioned Owen in passing she’d frozen up next to Wyatt. A soft, whispered moan of pain escaped her before she nodded along with the conversation, but he could practically hear the mask of perfection that she fortified herself with cracking.

  He could feel her distancing herself from him, but had no idea how to stop it. This wasn’t the place for one of their volatile conversations and he didn’t want to do anything that would stress her out further. Just the fact that she’d brought him here said more about her commitment to their relationship than a thousand words so he tried to honor her trust in him by giving her subtle touches, little glancing caresses meant to warm her from the inside out. By the time they’d taken their seats Wyatt was seriously considering dragging Michelle out of the room. Her pulse was racing hard enough that he could see it throbbing along the side of her elegant throat, and whenever he’d tried to hold her hand, it felt as if she was attempting to touch him as little as possible.

  Yuki leaned across James to speak to Michelle, “Hey, are you sure you want to go to the reception?”

  Michelle’s response was instant and venomous. “Yes, I’m sure. Don’t worry, I won’t embarrass you.”

  Yuki’s eyes got big. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  Before Michelle could respond the music for the wedding began to fill the atrium and Michelle locked her eyes on the flower-festooned arch where the bride and groom would stand. The ceremony itself was brief but moving, and the obvious love between the couple getting married had more than one woman grabbing for a tissue. Michelle was no different as the couple read their vows to each other, but when Wyatt tried to hold her hand she jerked hers away. He could practically feel the cold radiating off of her and though he tried to not take it personally, her standoffishness still hurt.

  Once the official ceremony was over Michelle left him with some muttered words about needing to use the restroom. Yuki went after her, leaving an increasingly frustrated Wyatt and James alone together. Michelle was obviously losing it, but she wouldn’t let him help her. It was as if she was afraid to let him touch her and he didn’t know what to do to help her.

  “Come on,” James said with a sigh.

  The men made their way towards the back of the atrium with its view of a dark Lake Michigan. Wyatt took a quick look around, then said in a low voice, “I’m worried about Michelle.”

  “Me too. She’s not handling this well.”

  “I think taking her to the club tonight is going to be a huge mistake.”

  James shook his head. “Maybe not. It might be just what Michelle needs, a chance to work off her guilt and frustration.”

  “That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one that she’ll be working out her frustration on.”

  With a grin James gave his shoulder a quick squeeze, the man version of a hug. “I bet once Michelle sees the surprise we have for her she’ll snap out of her funk.”

  “I think it’s more than a funk.” Wyatt glanced around at the crowd now filling the tables for dinner. “I’m worried about her.”

  “Yuki’s with her now. I’ll take her aside and talk to her before we leave. If she thinks Michelle can’t handle the club I’ll let you know and help you shove her into a cab myself.” Running his hand through his short blond hair James let out a low sigh. “The last thing you want is for Michelle to think that you see her as being unable to handle herself. If she feels like she has to prove something she’ll push herself too far, no matter the consequences.”

  Wyatt thought back to the times he’d seen Michelle push herself to the breaking point while treating the wounded. For a moment sorrow hit him hard enough that tears came to his eyes as he thought about the men and women who would never have the chance to go to a wedding again, to appreciate the sight of the moon reflecting off the water, and have the opportunity to enjoy the beauty of the world.

  A list of names and faces flashed through him in little memory explosions. Mikey Salazar from Encino, California. He’d had a beautiful girlfriend waiting at home for him but he’d gotten blown to bits by a direct hit from a mortar while he was on patrol. They didn’t even have a body to bury. Vince Caffries from some small town in Oregon had a mother who would write him every day, telling him about life back home. They’d been planning a parade to celebrate his return before he’d been shot in the neck and had bled out while Wyatt tried to desperately staunch the wound. The memory of that blood brought to mind pretty First Class Petty officer Tanisha Jones. She’d been found hanging from the rafters in a supply tent after she received word that her solider husband had died stopping a suicide bomber while on duty.

  His heart began to race and when James touched his arm he almost hit the other man.

  “Whoa,” James said as he held his hands up, his intelligent gaze searching Wyatt’s face. “You okay?”

  The urge to spit phantom dust from his mouth overcame Wyatt and he swallowed hard. “Give me a second.”

  He focused on one of the fountains nearby, making himself try to figure out the timing of the sprays of water. They weren’t like regular fountains that just burbled or flowed. These fountains had streams of water that would shoot through the atrium in impossibly high arcs, only to land in another fountain, then leap again. They seemed to move in arcs of seven seconds and he forced himself to follow the pattern of the leaping water.

  As his gaze moved to a fountain off to his right he caught a glimpse of Michelle and Yuki walking towards them. A little bit of redness rimmed Michelle’s eyes and he wondered if she’d been crying. Her gait was as lovely and controlled as ever, but he could read the tension in her body. She needed him right now so he had to put his bullshit PTSD on the back burner.

  Turning to look at James, he forced a smile. “Okay, I’m good. Now laugh or some shit so Michelle doesn’t worry about me.”

  James gave him an incredulous look. “I don’t know if Michelle knows how not to worry.”

  Before Wyatt c
ould respond the women joined them. Michelle took his hand with an almost shy look that broke his heart. “Hi. Sorry I flaked out on you during the ceremony.”

  Careful not to mess up her makeup, Wyatt drew her into his arms in a gentle hug, breathing in the light floral perfume she wore tonight. “I hardly noticed. I was too busy watching the mother of the bride go into hysterics.”

  She pulled back enough to look up at him. “Are you sure you’re okay to go to the club tonight?”

  “Are you?”

  “Yes.” Her lips thinned and she definitely did not have the look of a woman anticipating an evening of carnal debauchery, more like an execution. “I have to do this.”

  Yuki sighed and linked her arm with James. “We’re going to eat. Michelle, think about what I said.”

  Michelle’s chin lifted and she gave Yuki an unreadable look. “I have and I won’t let my past ruin my future.”

  James led a clearly upset Yuki away from them, giving Wyatt and Michelle some semblance of privacy.

  He cupped her chin, turning her attention back to him. “There’s nothing I’d love more than to take you back to our hotel room and let you handcuff me in the shower.”

  A hint of warmth chased away the volatile sorrow and she stroked his cheek. “I really want to do this, Wyatt. I want to show you the fun that we can have in a club together so that when we get back to Austin you might consider going to a BDSM club there with me. I want this to be perfect for you.”

  “How about we find a club nearby, but not in Austin. I know too many people there and it would be really weird to run into my third grade teacher getting a spanking.”

  She giggled and twined her fingers through the short hair at the back of his head, sending tingles down his spine. “I’d much rather give you a spanking.”

  While part of him felt like distracting her with sex was a cop-out, that he should get her to open up about what was going on inside her head, he was also more than aware that they were in a very public place with more than one set of curious eyes glancing their way. Michelle would forgive him for just about anything, but he was pretty sure she’d kick his ass if he made her cry in public. She was such a private person that he sometimes wondered about the social butterfly she’d been before Owen’s death. According to Yuki, Michelle used to be the life of the party and had greatly enjoyed having a large circle of friends. While he didn’t think Michelle could ever return to the carefree young woman she had been, he hoped that someday she would stop isolating herself and only letting a few people into her life. He could easily imagine her ranch in Austin filled with friends and family for summer barbecues and winter parties instead of standing almost empty most of the time.