The Chef Chases his Cowboy Dream (Silverstone Ranch Book 3)

by April Murdock

  Wesley stared out the window and mumbled a few one-syllable utterances. Whatever reason Christian had for visiting Lily on a Sunday morning couldn’t be good. Christian had all but threatened to steal Lily out from under him. Now they were chatting like they were the best of friends.

  His hands tightened at his sides. If he stormed out there and made a scene, that would only push Lily further away. He ground his teeth together. They were too old to be fighting over the same woman. Lily was meant for him. He could feel it deep in his bones.

  Wesley’s body went slack. What if Lily didn’t want him? Had he stepped between her and the love she deserved? His whole body shuddered. Was he so blinded by what he wanted that he didn’t see what was right in front of him? He’d practically forced himself on her, begged her for a chance.

  Christian gave Lily a hug and strode toward his truck. Wesley continued staring until the truck disappeared from view.

  “Wesley? Are you okay?” Azalea nudged him, a little smile on her face. “You love her, don’t you?”

  He stiffened. Did he? How could she tell? Lily was everything he wanted. She could make him forget everything he hated in his life—the stress of work and failed relationships. “Yeah, I guess I do.”

  “Aww, that’s so sweet. I can’t wait ‘til I find that… someone who looks at me like you’re looking at Lily right now.”

  Yes, he loved Lily. He just didn’t know if she loved him back. Of course she cared about him—they’d been friends for most of their lives—but he really wished he knew if she could possibly be in love with him. How could he tell? He thought he could see it in her eyes, but now he wasn’t so sure. Maybe he needed to step back and let her decide who she wanted to be with. He wanted her to be happy, whether she chose him or not.

  He grabbed the towel off his shoulder and tossed it on the counter. “I’m headed out. Thanks for the help, Azalea.”

  She waved him out. “Anytime.”

  Wesley grabbed his hat off the coat rack by the door and strode toward the last place he saw Lily—in front of the storage shed. She appeared in the doorway with a box that looked bigger than she did. He rushed forward and grabbed it from her hands. She jumped and smiled.

  “Oh! Wes, you scared me.” She brushed her hands on her jeans, peering over his shoulder. “You done already?”

  “Azalea helped with putting the dishes away. Looked like you needed some help.” He studied her for any reaction. Would she admit to Christian’s visit? Did it even matter?

  She glanced behind her. “Thanks. I have a few more in there. I’m just putting them right inside the cafeteria.”

  He jerked his head toward the building. “You go on, I’ll finish bringing the boxes.”

  Her soft smile warmed the chill he’d developed over seeing Christian being so friendly with her. What did it matter if Christian attempted to win her over? They weren’t a good fit, anyone could see that. Lily just needed a nudge in the right direction. Maybe Mia would be able to help with that.

  Lily disappeared through the double doors as he followed the path she’d made. He just needed more time. He’d win her over. It was only natural to have doubts. Right?

  After he deposited the final box on the floor, Wesley took his hat off and ran his hand through his hair. Lily had busied herself with setting up round tables on the edges of the room. She rolled one to a spot, kicked out the legs, and turned it over. She wiped the back of her hand across her forehead and glanced in his direction.

  “Isn’t this Marguerite’s job?”

  Lily shrugged. “She has the rodeo to plan. It’s not like I was busy with anything else. The least I can do is set up the reception.”

  He drew closer. “You’re always thinking of everyone else.”

  She turned, surveying the tables she’d already gotten out. She placed her hands on her hips. “Huh? Oh. Yeah, I guess so.” She shrugged and smiled.

  Wesley slipped his arms around her waist and nuzzled the back of her neck. She sucked in a quiet breath, her hands settling over his. Gently, she tugged his hands apart and withdrew from his grasp.

  She backed up, smiling but not meeting his gaze. “We both have work to do, Wes.”

  He grabbed onto her hand and tugged. She shuffled toward him, coming in contact with his chest. Hooking a finger under her chin, he forced her to meet his gaze. His focus shifted from one eye to the other. “Lily,” he breathed, “I—”

  Lily closed her eyes and shook her head. “Not right now, Wes. This is all happening so fast.”

  His brows lowered. “We’ve known each other since we were kids. You can’t go much slower than this.”

  She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Yes, but that was as friends. I never thought—I never imagined this sort of thing could happen with us. Now you’re kissing me like we’re soul mates and—”

  “What if we are?”

  Lily let out a laugh. “What?”

  “What if we’ve always been soul mates but we didn’t realize it until now?”

  “Wes…”

  Her voice held that tone he’d feared. The one that said she pitied him, maybe liked him, but wasn’t convinced she cared for him more than that. He’d pushed her too far. It was time to ease back and let her feel in control again. His hands dropped to his sides and he stepped back. Maybe it wasn’t about him. His brows lowered. “Is this about Christian?”

  Lily’s mouth dropped open. “What? Where did that come from? Of course this isn’t about Christian.”

  “Then help me understand, Lily. Just a few hours ago, you said you wanted this too.”

  “I did say that.”

  He fought the urge to growl. “Then what happened?”

  His eyes shot down to her lips where she sucked them between her teeth and worried them.

  “I don’t know if this is a wise step for me to take.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  Finally, she stared at him square in the face. “That means my instincts are screaming I need to be careful. We’ve both changed over the years. You live thousands of miles away.”

  “Fifteen hundred.” He offered her a crooked grin.

  She rolled her eyes. “You have a career—a different life than you have here. Are you willing to drop everything you have in New Jersey to move back home?”

  He opened his mouth and closed it. The conversation with his brother entered his mind. Christian had considered this. So had Lily. Did that mean she was serious about him? His heart skipped a beat. There was hope.

  “See? That. Right there. I can see it in your eyes, Wes. You built a life for yourself—one I don’t fit in.”

  “Lily, that’s not fair. You—”

  She held up her hand. “I know I most definitely won’t move away from Hennesy. I can’t follow you to New Jersey.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  Lily gave him a pointed look. One that said she, in fact, had no intention of changing her mind. His dreams of having her by his side as he attended restaurant openings came to a screeching halt. Lily wasn’t interested in that lifestyle. Staying close to family was the most important thing to her.

  Could he give up that part of his life? There was a great deal of risk involved in staying put. Then there was the competition with his brother. Already Wesley had a seemingly unfair disadvantage. Christian inherited the ranch. He’d live here for the rest of his life. If Christian was finally ready to settle down, he could give Lily everything she needed—stability close to home.

  Then there was the way Christian touched her. The way she had looked at him with those bright, beautiful eyes. Flashes of finding Charlotte with another guy filled his vision. He should have known better than to let his guard down. He was a fool to think he could get out of the friend zone and win someone over like Lily.

  He attempted to swallow the lump in his throat. “So, you’re saying you want to take a step back? Or slow down? What exactly do you want?”

  She lifted her shoulders and d
ropped them as if defeated. “That’s the hard part. I’ve been trying to convince myself that this… thing between us is okay. I thought I could make it work out and not get carried away.” Her eyes darted away from his. “But I don’t think I can do that.”

  “Explain that to me.”

  Lily covered her face with her hands. “I feel like I’m already losing myself in you. You’re making it too easy to fall for you.”

  “And that’s… bad. Hmm.”

  “Yes, it’s bad. Haven’t you been listening? I can’t fall for you, Wes.”

  “Why not?” His exasperated question didn’t help her frustration. Why was she beating around the bush? Was this conversation simply going over his head?

  “Because it would never work out. There are too many roadblocks. I can’t move. You won’t stay. Then there’s Mia and—”

  “Christian.” His voice sounded hollow. It was true. She had developed feelings for his brother too.

  “But it’s not just that.”

  “There’s more?” He took off his hat and tossed it on the nearby table. Did he even want to hear this? What was one more reason for her to decline getting close to him?

  “You were my best friend, Wes. Even though we’ve drifted apart over the last few years, I don’t want to lose that. What if this didn’t work out? We couldn’t go back to being friends after having a relationship if it blows up.”

  An argument was on the tip of his tongue. There were people who remained friends after breaking up. But she didn’t need to hear that. Lily needed her space. How could he convince her they were perfect for each other while not driving this wedge deeper between them?

  At some point they’d both dropped to the floor. They sat on the cold linoleum cross-legged. Her face had turned red and hadn’t faded yet. She pulled her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. “I’m sorry. I probably sound like a flake right now.”

  Wesley traced his finger along the lines in the floor. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed.”

  “Why?”

  He snorted. “I seem to recall you asked that once before.”

  The redness on her face brightened.

  “Why? Let’s see. Why do I love you?”

  Her eyes widened slightly and her mouth formed a small “O”.

  “Why do I suddenly find you irresistible? Why did it take so long to realize you are the most strikingly beautiful woman I know? Both inside and out?” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I’ve been blind to what was right in front of me my entire life. Whatever the reason, I figured it out too late.”

  He got to his feet. “You deserve to be happy, Lily. Don’t let my feelings stop you from having it all.” He stepped around her, his heart heavy. It had all been too good to be true. He should have just stayed in New Jersey.

  She spun around as he passed. “We’re still friends, right?”

  His chest tightened. He couldn’t breathe. Giving her a short nod, he shoved his hands in his pockets.

  “Are you still going to help Marguerite?”

  He forced a chuckle, one that sounded colder than he expected. “Of course. I wouldn’t dream of being the reason two people can’t have their perfect wedding day.” Rolling up his sleeves to his elbows, he backed into the kitchen through the swinging door. He smiled at her, but it felt more like a grimace.

  His stomach roiled. He was stuck here for the rest of the week, seeing her and not being able to have her. Not only that, but Christian would probably dive in when he saw the opening and sweep her off her feet. He already got her to go golfing.

  Wesley entered the pristine kitchen, all stainless-steel appliances and tools. He placed his palms on the cool counter and shut his eyes tight. Normally he wouldn’t give in so easy. He’d fight for what he wanted—do whatever it took.

  But with Lily it was different. He knew her inside and out. He’d give her the world. And if that meant losing the one thing he wanted, he’d make it happen. All he wanted was for her to be happy.

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. There was no coming back from this. All he could do was move forward. That meant being friendly until he could escape—again. It was time to go home empty-handed.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lily dropped her face onto her knees as the door squeaked shut. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. Why couldn’t she just keep her mouth shut for the next few weeks? Then at least she wouldn’t have to see the hurt plastered all over Wesley’s face. She’d seen it before. It was the same look he got when a girl in high school dumped him. Only now it was worse, because she’d caused it.

  Pain ripped through her chest and she hugged her legs tighter. Something wasn’t right. The ache within her deepened. Her lungs ached for air. Was she even breathing? Lily sucked in a deep breath, the shock of fresh air bringing little comfort.

  She’d done the right thing. Deep, deep down, she knew it. Moving was out of the question. Just like asking him to move had been. They were two very different people now with very different goals and needs.

  The back of her eyes burned. No. She wouldn’t cry, not now. Not when he could walk out of that kitchen at any moment and see her hurting. Everything would unravel at that point. Knowing Wesley, he’d try to fix it. That wasn’t his job. The fairytale had been a nice escape but this was the real world she was living in. Tears didn’t fix anything.

  Lily sniffled and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. She got to her feet and pulled a pair of headphones from her pocket. Once they were attached to her phone, she swiped through her favorite music and turned up the volume. Time to find another escape.

  She spent the better part of the day decorating the main area of the cafeteria. Sheer fabric billowed across the ceiling. Tables were covered with white, shimmery tablecloths. Elegant, silk, ivory roses adorned the center of every table. Lily stood back and shoved her hands in her back pockets.

  Wesley had left hours ago, without so much as a word in her direction. It was just as well. The moment he opened his mouth, she could burst into tears. That pain she’d felt earlier still hovered just beneath the surface. Had she made a mistake? Would moving really be so bad?

  She’d always thought Marguerite needed to get her own life. Instead, her sister paved the way for the rest of them to accomplish what they dreamed of doing. Everyone but Lily. She’d never figured that part of her life out.

  Lily had been too busy having fun in high school to consider what she could do when she “grew up.” She’d never wanted to move to the city and get a high-brow kind of job. She wasn’t cut out to ride horses or even care for them professionally. The only thing she’d felt she was good at was running a household.

  A family. That was what she wanted. Things just got in the way.

  Lily pulled out a chair and slumped into it. What exactly was standing in her way of that kind of dream? She couldn’t blame it on a career. There had been plenty of opportunities to meet eligible men. After Zinnia married, there seemed to be more guys hanging around at the events. Tyson was part of a large rodeo community. Wherever he went, they followed. Lily could have gotten to know any number of them. So what was holding her back?

  She rested her elbows on her knees and placed her head in her hands. There were always excuses and she’d been the one to make up each and every one of them.

  The guy wasn’t her type.

  They didn’t have the same interests.

  He was a jerk.

  He wasn’t Wesley.

  Well, now she had a really good reason. He lived across the country and it just wouldn’t work. She needed to get up and stop moping. She’d made her bed…

  Lily got up, pushed the chair in, and headed for the door. With one more glance over her shoulder at the work she’d done, she smiled and flipped off the lights. She was good at this kind of stuff. Maybe she could be some kind of wedding decorator. One day.

  Wesley showed up early the following morning but he seemed to be avoiding her. He didn’t meet her gaze through the window as he o
rganized the delivery folk who brought the food for the wedding. Nor did he wave to her when she came out on the porch.

  It felt like there had been too many things left unsaid. But what else could she have added? She went over their conversation again and again in her head, staying up until the early hours of the morning before finally drifting off to sleep around three.

  The last thing she wanted to do was ruin their friendship over this. Lily wiped her hands on the dishtowel that hung from her apron as the last of the delivery guys drove away. Her eyes followed Wesley’s figure as he strode toward the cafeteria building and vanished through the doors that stood open.

  He’d begin preparations for the wedding today. She didn’t know how long it took to make a wedding cake large enough to serve a couple hundred people, but she imagined he needed all the time he could get.

  She hovered at the edge of the porch. This wasn’t fair. She’d just gotten her friend back. He owed her an explanation for his behavior. It wasn’t like they had committed their lives to each other. They spent some time together, and shared some heart-stopping kisses, but that didn’t mean they were going to get hitched. Their friendship was more important than all of that.

  Lily scowled. Wesley was better than that. She’d given him enough time to cool off. She stormed down the stairs and took a few steps before a large green truck pulled up in front of the house.

  Christian stepped out, waved to her, then leaned into his truck. He grabbed his hat and placed it on his head before he dug deeper and retrieved something else.

  The sound of the truck door slamming shut sent a flock of birds from a nearby tree up into the air. Christian grinned at her as he closed the distance between them.

  “How’re you doin’ today, Miss Lily?”

  She glanced in Wesley’s direction. If he caught them talking, it might ruin things further. Lily folded her arms and gave him a small smile. “I’m doing well. You?”

  Christian lifted a shoulder. “Better now that I’m with you.”