Money Bags

by Leanne Davidson

  ‘I’m fine. Couldn’t be better, in fact.’

  ‘Could have fooled me,’ Mum mumbles under her breath as she walks to the car then jumps in.

  I watch her crank up the engine and drive away, shaking her head. Then I plonk down on the verandah with Mischief snuggled up beside me, thinking about Puzzle Palace. I could be one of the first kids inside.

  Could? Ha! I’m as good as in there!

  CHAPTER 8

  Daramour Grammar was running like clockwork. Since Jeebs had taken over the role of principal, enrolments had been steadily increasing, and the school council members were, naturally, relieved.

  The buzz and innuendo surrounding Prescott Heath’s shock resignation was now like a speck in the distance, almost forgotten.

  Jeebs relaxed in his comfortable leather chair, and sighed contentedly as he glanced around the room. He still could not get used to the fact that it was his. Well, not exactly his, but for his personal use. Principals were afforded such privileges. And best of all, he no longer had to put up with Prescott Heath and his arrogance. There would be no more snide remarks, and he would never again have to endure his wrath. It was such a relief. The place was happier and far more pleasant without Prescott.

  ‘Good morning, Mr Jeebs.’ Connie, one of the office girls, smiled as she poked her head round the door on her way past. ‘Lovely day, isn’t it.’

  ‘It certainly is,’ replied Jeebs, smiling too. ‘And please, Connie, call me Jeebs.’ Every day was a lovely day now that Prescott Heath was not a part of it.

  Still, he wondered what the former principal was doing. Three months had passed and there was not so much as a whisper. Not a hint of gossip. No one seemed to know a thing.

  Well, Jeebs for one wasn’t complaining. He pulled himself out of his comfy leather chair and went over to the safe that was tucked away behind a framed Albert Namatjira print. Jeebs carefully lifted the picture off its hook and set it gently on the desk, then he keyed in the combination, which was already firmly embedded in his memory.

  The lock clicked and Jeebs yanked open the metal door. He reached inside for a large yellow envelope bearing the words PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL in black ink. For a moment he stared at it, then tucked it under his arm, rushed over to the door and flicked the lock.

  He sat on the sofa near the window overlooking the schoolgrounds, and tipped out the contents: copied pages of Prescott Heath’s diary, the photo of the Woozers that caused Brain Davis’s attack of hiccups on Quizzical, a sample of a Woozer and, of course, the video – actual footage showing Prescott Heath placing the bag of Woozers next to Brain’s glass of water on the set of Quizzical. The ultimate in incriminating evidence.

  And Jeebs had it all in his keeping.

  Prescott Heath sat in gloomy silence. The visit to the doctor’s had achieved nothing. Stress, he’d said. Nothing that a little relaxation wouldn’t fix, a little less worry.

  Stress! Ha! What a load of hogwash! He was not stressed. What a nerve to even suggest it.

  He knew what it was. Or should he say, who it was.

  Two people alone were to blame: Maxwell Jeebs and Brain Davis. They were ruining his life. But they would pay. Both of them. At times he felt his head would explode with the pressure that seemed to be building inside it, as one thought threatened to consume him: revenge.

  Outside the afternoon sun shone bright in the sky, casting shadows about the room, but Prescott Heath hardly noticed as he stared at the wall in front of him.

  A plan. He had to come up with a plan.

  And he would.

  He always did.

  CHAPTER 9

  ‘What do you mean there were none left?’

  ‘Just that,’ says Mum. ‘There was not one single, solitary box of Choc Puffs left in the entire supermarket. Sold out, apparently. And there’s no guarantee when there’ll be more because of the demand.’

  ‘I don’t believe it! How am I going to get into Puzzle Palace now?’

  ‘So that’s what this is all about,’ says Mum.

  ‘There’s a puzzle inside each box,’ I tell her. ‘Five kids are getting the chance to be the first inside Puzzle Palace when it opens.’

  ‘And you want to be one of the five kids, right?’

  ‘Fat chance of that now,’ I say glumly.

  ‘Well if I see any Choc Puffs when I’m out and about, I’ll make sure I grab you some, okay?’

  I nod. ‘Okay.’

  There is a knock on the door, and Ted pokes his head in.

  ‘Hi Brain. Hi Mrs Davis,’ he says cheerfully.

  ‘Hi Ted,’ Mum replies.

  ‘What are you so happy about?’ I ask him.

  ‘Well, someone looks like they could do with a bit of cheering up, don’t they?’

  ‘And I suppose you’re just the person to do that?’

  ‘I dunno if I could do it,’ says Ted. ‘But these might,’ and he hands me one of those plastic snap-lock bags that you put your sandwiches in to keep them fresh. Except that this one doesn’t have sandwiches in it.

  ‘Oh … my … gosh,’ is all I can manage as I quickly open the top and pull out the contents.

  ‘It’s the three puzzles from inside the Choc Puffs boxes!’ I shriek.

  ‘I thought they might put a smile on your face,’ says Ted, grinning.

  ‘But I thought you wanted to do them yourself.’

  ‘I did,’ says Ted, then he hesitates for a moment. ‘Oh all right. They were too hard. I couldn’t do them. I might as well just have given them to you in the first place.’

  ‘Oh Ted, thank you.’

  ‘And that’s not all,’ says Ted. ‘Mum managed to pick up the last few boxes from the supermarket when we were in there earlier. With a bit of luck the last two puzzles will be inside. If they are, you’ll be the first to know.’

  ‘So that’s who bought out the last of them!’ says Mum, smiling.

  ‘I guess I’ll just have to find something else to distract me from Money Bags now,’ sighs Ted.

  ‘Actually, I’m glad you brought that up, Ted.’

  ‘Yes, about that,’ says Ted quickly. ‘I think Mum was talking about going on a very late picnic lunch. We could be gone all afternoon.’

  ‘This Money Bags stuff is not going to go away, Ted,’ I sigh. ‘Today, tomorrow, the next day. There is no escaping it, no matter how hard you try.’

  ‘Oh I give in,’ sighs Ted. ‘But I’m going to have a bite to eat first. There’s no way my brain will function properly on an empty stomach. Then I’ll have to let it settle. Then …’

  ‘I’ll be over later,’ I tell him. ‘And you’d better be there.’

  Ted heads for the door, shoulders sagging. ‘Catch you later then,’ he sighs.

  I give him a sly wink. ‘You can bet on it.’

  As soon as Ted is gone I race to my room and pull out the puzzles. Then I put my brain to work.

  Answers to puzzles at the end of the book.

  Okay, let me just think about this for a bit.

  The first line tells me there are three answers, so the clues come in the lines after that, obviously.

  One is a curve in the shore or sea

  Two is a wound from teeth so mean

  And three forms data in a computing machine

  Of course! Homophones! Words that sound the same but have different meanings!

  In no time at all I have figured out the answers. Which I knew I’d do all along. But Ted on the other hand …

  Oops, Ted! I’m supposed to be over at his house preparing him for Money Bags.

  I quickly put the puzzles away, grab my backpack and race downstairs.

  ‘I’m just going over the road,’ I call out to Mum on my way past. ‘Ted and I have some very important Money Bags stuff to attend to.’

  ‘Don’t be too hard on him,’ says Mum.

  ‘Too hard? Me? Never! But that doesn’t mean hard won’t come into it.’

  CHAPTER 10

  ‘I don’t know why we�
��re bothering with this,’ sighs Ted.

  ‘You’re not still feeling nervous, are you?’

  ‘I can’t help it. As soon as I start thinking about it – the lights, the cameras, the audience … the fact that I probably won’t be able to answer a single question – my hands go all sweaty. I hope the face thing doesn’t start again. I’ll have to go to school with a paper bag over my head.’

  ‘Ted, you have to think positive. What happened to the positive self-statements we practised for Quizzical?’

  ‘Oh yeah, those. How did they go again?’

  I roll my eyes. Sometimes Ted can really stretch the friendship.

  ‘It’s simple, Ted. The way we see ourselves, and the way we think and talk to ourselves, controls the way we will respond in stressful situations.’

  ‘Yes, I remember you saying something about that, now.’

  ‘Each time you start thinking negative thoughts like “I’m going to be embarrassed for life”, challenge that attitude with a strong, forceful, logical statement like “I’ve prepared well for this. I can do this!” You’ve got to change your paralysing stress to motivating stress. Remember?’

  ‘But that still doesn’t change the fact that it should be you going on Money Bags instead of me,’ he says flatly.

  ‘We’ve already been through this, Ted.’

  ‘But I can’t help it, Brain. I’m going to make a fool of myself. I know it, you know it, everyone knows it. I’m going to embarrass the whole school. I’m going to …’

  ‘Ted, STOP! Talking like that is not going to help.’

  ‘You’re right,’ he sighs. ‘It’s not. Nothing is. I’m beyond help.’

  I shake my head. It is like talking to a brick wall.

  ‘Oh Ted, I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this.’

  ‘Come to what?’ asks Ted worriedly.

  I place a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

  ‘Relax,’ I say soothingly. ‘Take a deep breath and try to stay calm. This won’t hurt a bit.’

  Ted looks terrified as I rummage around in my backpack.

  ‘Gee, is that the time?’ he says, glancing at his watch nervously. ‘It won’t be long until it’s dinner time. Maybe I’ll just go and see if Mum needs a hand.’

  ‘Stay right where you are,’ I tell him. ‘Your health is far more important than rushing off to help your mum with dinner. And by the way, I’d like to know how often you do that.’

  I pull out a piece of paper and a pen.

  ‘What’s that for?’ asks Ted, frowning.

  ‘It’s for you. It’s a stress test. And you’re going to take it.’

  ‘What! A stress test? Look, I don’t think –’

  ‘Ted, you are showing classic symptoms which, I might add, is quite understandable in the circumstances. I simply want to measure the level of stress you’re under so I can assess the situation and make improvements as necessary.’

  ‘And I don’t suppose I have any say in the matter?’

  I shake my head.

  ‘Sorry Ted, but this is for the best. So, are you ready then?’

  Ted looks at me, uncertainty in his eyes.

  ‘As ready as I’ll ever be,’ he sighs.

  ‘Now all I require is a simple YES or NO. Are we clear on that?’

  ‘Yep. Right. Gotcha.’

  ‘No long answers. No umming or ahhing. Just YES or NO, okay?’

  ‘Yes Brain,’ sighs Ted. ‘I got all that the first time.’

  ‘Right. Do you frequently neglect your diet?’

  Ted looks thoughtful for a moment.

  ‘Um, well … sometimes I don’t eat as well as I should, but then …’

  ‘Ted, YES or NO?’

  ‘Oh all right. Yes. There – satisfied?’

  ‘There’s no need to get your jocks in a jumble. I’m just asking a few simple questions. All I need is some simple answers. Now, do you frequently seek unrealistic goals?’

  Ted rolls his eyes. ‘Well, as if you don’t know the answer to that one! I’m going on Money Bags, aren’t I? That’s about as unrealistic as you can get!’

  ‘Enough of the running commentary, Ted. So that’s a YES?’

  Ted nods.

  ‘Moving right along, do you frequently make a big deal of everything?’

  ‘I don’t know if I can answer that one on the grounds I might incriminate myself.’

  ‘Ted, just answer the question will you?’

  ‘Oh all right then, YES, but that doesn’t mean you can rub my face in it every chance you get just because I admitted it.’

  ‘I promise I won’t. Now: do you frequently complain that you are disorganised?’

  ‘Um, that would be a YES.’

  ‘And do you frequently neglect exercise?’

  ‘Put it this way, if you didn’t walk to school with me, exercise wouldn’t be on my list of favourite things to do.’

  ‘And do you frequently put off things until later?’

  Ted averts his eyes from my gaze. ‘Yes,’ he says quickly.

  ‘Actually, Ted, I don’t think I need to go on. I’ve got a pretty good handle on the situation already.’

  ‘Really? And what did you come up with?’

  ‘I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you are stressed. Stressed out to the max, actually. You definitely need my help.’

  ‘Yes!’ says Ted triumphantly. ‘I knew it! Now, once you tell Mrs Gribble, she’ll stick you on Money Bags in my place for sure. This must be my lucky day!’

  ‘I wouldn’t count on it,’ I say as gently as I can.

  ‘What do you mean?’ Ted fires back.

  ‘Well, you’re the one who’s been selected for Money Bags, Ted. Just because you’re suffering from stress doesn’t mean Mrs Gribble will replace you with me.’

  ‘It doesn’t?’

  ‘No Ted, it doesn’t. Stress is common to everyone. Our bodies are designed to feel stress and react to it. It keeps us alert and ready for danger. The key to coping with it is to identify the stressors in your life and learn ways to alleviate them, or to reduce their effect.’

  ‘But you said I need help.’

  ‘Yes Ted, you do. And that’s where I come in.’

  ‘Oh no, don’t tell me. Not another Brain Davis training program.’

  ‘You got it in a nutshell.’

  ‘I told you not to tell me,’ he groans.

  ‘I’ve devised the perfect program for you, starting at lunchtime on Monday. You’ll be on the road to a new, improved, unstressed Ted Dimple in no time at all.’

  ‘Great,’ sighs Ted. ‘If anyone knows how to make a kid’s day, Brain, it’s you.’

  CHAPTER 11

  As soon as dinner is finished I put together a cordon bleu meal of scraps and kibble for Mischief and take it outside.

  ‘You’re in for a real treat tonight,’ I tell her, as I set it down on the verandah.

  Usually Mischief would be bounding around me, practically bursting with excitement at the prospect of food, then she would wolf it down as soon as the bowl left my hands. But not tonight. Tonight she isn’t fussed in the least. Instead she just stares at it, then she stares at me.

  ‘What? You don’t want it?’

  She manages a bit of a sniff, but that’s about it.

  I shake my head. Dogs! They’re about as easy to understand as girls!

  She wanders over for a pat, and that’s when I notice her belly. It’s so swollen she looks like she’s having pups. But I know that can’t be because she was de-sexed before she even left the pound.

  ‘Oh Mischief, don’t tell me you’ve been pigging out on scraps. Someone else’s no doubt!’

  Mischief just blinks at me, and I take one look at that cute face and instantly melt.

  ‘I suppose I could just leave it for you, in case you get hungry later. But no more food from other people’s places, okay? Otherwise you’ll start looking like the back of a bus.’

  When I’m done with Mischief I head straight back up to my
room. I am just about to pull out the Choc Puffs puzzles when Mum waltzes in to remind me that I am a growing boy, and I do get sweaty, and that a shower at some time in the not too distant future might be a good thing, as well as very much appreciated by her and Dad because they’re the ones who have to smell me.

  So I head to the bathroom. But it is the quickest shower ever. And I don’t even check for zits afterwards.

  Then I race back to my room and get stuck into the second puzzle.

  Right. Obviously the highlighted words are the clues. Paddle. Wonder and dread. Mineral. Links two alternatives.

  Hmmm. What if I start off by substituting another word for paddle? The only word I can think of is oar. I scribble that down and move on. Another word for wonder and dread? Aha! I’ve got it! It’s obvious to me now. The four highlighted words are homophones! Again. They sound the same, but have different meanings!

  Oh, this is so simple! In five seconds flat I have all four answers completed. I may as well keep going since I’m on a roll.

  Hmmm. From looking at the puzzle, I have made the following deductions:

  1. Each circle has both a letter and a pattern, yet some circles have the same pattern.

  2. The meanings underneath the puzzle are the clues to help solve it.

  3. Some letters have a number next to them. That has to mean something. But what?

  Right. So far so good. I’m going to start with the circles that have the same pattern and see what I come up with. Let’s give the flowery pattern a try:

  S E T C2 R

  No, nothing yet.

  I look at the meanings underneath the puzzle itself, and begin with the first: To sink or fix firmly into a substance.

  No, I can’t think of a word with those letters that could mean that.

  On to the next one, then: The highest part of something.

  Now, if I just rearrange the letters a bit. Yes! I’ve got it! Crest! The highest part of a wave or a road is a Crest. Aha! I think I have a good idea what those little numbers next to the letters mean now! The 1 represents the first clue, the 2 represents the second clue, and so on; and the letter it is next to represents the first letter in the answer to that particular clue.