Beautiful Life

by Bruce Thomas

  My cheeks were flaming by now.

  Fred moved himself from over me and went to the bathroom flicking on the light and closing the door behind him. I reached down to pulled the covers back over me even though I felt like I was on fire. I couldn't grasp that fact that I just did that with Fred. Within a week's span I went from having my first kiss to my first orasm and giving a semi-handjob. I'm happy he didn't push for more even though I'm sure I would have given it to him at the rate I was acting.

  In a burst of panic I grabbed the pillows that wouldn't be in use tonight and made a surrounding barrier between my side of the bed and his. I turned onto my side that wasn't facing the bathroom. I could hear him banging things around. I abruptly remembered that Matty was just a few doors down from us. I swear if he heard anything I won't be able to show my face in this house again.

  I did not just do that...I didn't even agree to the "terms" that Fred gave me and I still did that! I am no better than the other girls he messed around with. Though I'm sure they were better than me technique wise.

  The panic was starting to dull as I felt my eyes become heavy. My body was tension free thanks, and no thanks, to Fred. Fred walked back into the bedroom in plaid pajama pants, having to have changed his now soiled Annaefs. He took one look at the pillows separating us and tore them off the bed and back onto the ground.

  I felt the mattress dip again from his weight and felt the almost familiar tug of his arm Annanging me closer to his chest and flinging itself around my waist hugging me to him. He fit his chin into the crook of my neck and let out a content sigh.

  I smiled feeling relaxed and light.

  =================

  18

  I woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs wafting under the doorframe of Fred's childhood room. I stretched out expecting to feel him next to me but my heart sank when the space came up cold and empty.

  I sat up and looked around the room hoping to see the bathroom door closed signaling that he was occupying it but the room was dark and barren. I quickly got dressed and pulled my hair up not really caring about my appearance.

  A sick feeling settled its way into my stomach making me feel nauseated and guilty.

  I walked down around the banister and made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen. I padded my way to the table and was greeted by a beaming Matty whose smile quickly faltered seeing it was just me. Gee thanks kids.

  "Where's Fred?" He asked setting his fork back onto his plate. "Fred was here?" I turned to see Mr. Montgomery with a plate of food in his hands for me. I didn't expect him to be home this early from his business trip. I thanked him and took a seat next to Matty at the table.

  "Yeah," I said looking at my plate not feeling hungry. "But he didn't stay."

  I hated myself for letting what happened last night effect me. What was I thinking, that he would push his present life behind him and change for me because I made him come in his Annaefs? I'm an idiot. I finished my breakfast in silence hoping that Fred would walk back through the front door holding a cup of coffee for me and offering to give me a ride back to campus but, of course, he didn't. Maybe something came up and he had to leave. Or, more likely, he was being

  his normal self, my conscience mocked me. Oh, why did I let what happened last night happen?

  "Thanks again Annaanna for watching Matty for me," Mr. Montgomery praised while handing me a wad of cash. We were standing in the foyer parting ways for myself to go back to my dorm. Matty was in the livingroom watching cartoons on the flat screen ignoring the fact that I was leaving, upset that his brother didn't say goodbye.

  Yeah well that makes two of us buddy.

  "Oh I can't take that," I rejected politely.

  "It's just some money for helping last night plus cab fare. Please," he insisted placing in into the palm of my hand and closing my fingers around it. "I insist."

  I thanked him and waved goodbye to Matty who limply raised his hand before turning his attention back to the tv. Fred's dad called a cab which was waiting for me when I stepped outside the door. I pulled out my phone once I got into the back of the car and checked my phone only to find a missed call from my uncle Pat. None from Fred. But of course there wouldn't be, he doesn't care enough to get my number. Once I paid the cab driver and was safely inside my dorm I crashed onto my bed. Burying my face into my pillow I denied myself to cry.

  This was my fault. I can't blame anyone else but myself. Except Fred, but what would that do. He was probably laughing to himself or with his buddies about last night. I don't know what would make me think that he would want me in any way.

  I didn't give him it, but I gave him something and now he was done with

  me just like he is with all the other girls he fools around with.

  I turned onto my back and had to talk myself down from suffocating myself with my pillow. "What are you doing?" Janet asked from my doorway. I didn't even know she was home.

  "Trying to see how long it takes to suffocate myself without force," I mumbled from underneath the pillow. I could hear her laughter as she grabbed the pillow from my face.

  "What's up chica?"

  I puffed out my lips and sat up pushing the hair out of my face. "Do you have Fred's number?" I asked out of the blue. "Maybe," she said accusation in her voice along with confusion. "You don't?"

  "No, why would I," I snapped.

  "Something happen that you want to talk about?"

  Why was she being so nice? She hated Fred. Despised him really, she even told his closest friend that. I shook my head and continued to pout. After Janet got bored with trying to get me to talk she left my room and I pulled out my homework and reading assignments. Being Sunday I really needed to get this stuff done. I have found myself neglecting my course work more and more as the semester carried out. I needed to push aside all negative things and focus on my future.

  Just when I'm about to open my textbooks my phone goes off. Stupidly, my heart picks up at the thought of it being a certain someone but drops slightly when I see who it really is. Guilt weight on my chest that I felt disappointed that it was my uncle calling instead of a boy.

  "Hey Pat," I tried to sound as happily as I can.

  "Hey kiddo! How are

  you?"

  For some odd reason, tears spring to my eyes. It was so nice hearing his deep, clear voice, even if it was over the phone.

  "I'm okay," I lied, re-shutting my book. There really was no use in my trying to do anything when my mind is scattered in a thousand directions.

  You did this to yourself, idiot.

  "I was starting to think you joined one of those gangs and I was never going to hear from you again." I rolled my eyes. This man...

  We talked about nonsense for a good half an hour, talking about school and him talking about Cathie keeping herself busy with festivities coming up in town, it being close to parade season and Thanksgiving around the corner.

  I felt such sadness when I ended the phone call with my uncle that I just curled up in a ball and forgot about my studies. I then walked into Janet's room to mope around her seeing it was too depressing doing it by yourself. "What's wrong with you," she laughed throwing a pillow at me. I caught it and chucked it back at her. "I hate everything," I claimed collapsing on her bed.

  She closed her laptop and laid down next to me. "You got them midterm blues?"

  I just hummed not wanting to tell her what happened last night between me and Fred. She had an actual boyfriend that she was trying to make it work with. She didn't need my petty problems. While laying there I just became more angry. Angry with myself and angry with Fred. What in my right mind made me think that I could possibly be the one that he would catch feelings for? Yeah he was hot, too attractive for

  his own good, and there was no way he would turn the table for me. It was all hormones. I was so naive. What happened last night will never happen again.

  The first step was wiping away last night.

  I grabbed clean clothes and went t
o take a shower. I really reavaluated my life during that shower. I told myself that I was going to forget Fred. He was nothing but trouble since the night I met him. He was such a moody person whose emotions were everywhere and I really didn't need that on top on my own.

  No, sir, this was the new and improved Anna. I also told myself that I was going to call my uncle along with Katy more often and focus on my studies.

  Janet knocked on my door some hours later asking if I wanted to go get dinner with everybody. I closed my laptop, accepting with a smile. Janet and I walked a few blocked to the mexican restraunt that we were meeting our friends at. I didn't bother to ask who was going to show up because it wasn't up to me in the end. Janet is friends with who she is friends with along with everyone else sitting at the table.

  Anne, Dakota, Bruce, Lauren, Dianna, and Elmer called us over to the table when we walked through the door of the restaurant. I was relieved to see that Fred was not one of them but someone else seemed to be missing too.

  Janet kissed Elmer hello and Anne gave me a friendly hug. Dakota pulled out a chair that was placed next to his and I thanked him politely as I sat down.

  We had simple table talk until our food came, talking about school and the Knicks game that Elmer and Bruce just couldn't get over. Anne rolled her eyes next to Bruce and he and Elmer got into it over a certain block. I never understood sports and I wasn't going to start now.

  "Hey Elmer," Bruce said after settling down from his heated argument. "Where's Fred at? He's like thirty minutes late."

  The burrito I was eating seemed to hit rock bottom in my stomach at the sound of his name. "He had some business to attend to. Said it shouldn't take him long." Elmer took another big bit off his place.

  I avoided Janet's gaze that snapped over to me when Bruce said Fred's name. I avoided it by taking another bit of my food.

  "Told you it was good," Dakota said smiling at me. I wiped my face and nodded agreeing with him. I let him order for me considering this was his favorite restaurant and he claimed to have known what was best on the menu. "Here have some," I offered cutting a piece for him. He took my fork and bit the piece off. "Only if you try mine too," he said once he was finished swallowing. I did and melted at the taste. "Oh my God, I think I died and went to heaven," I mused.

  Lauren and Diana sat on their phones not talking to anyone. They both casually took sips out of their diet cokes but other than that they were glued to their phones.

  I just realized who was missing. There was no one giving them orders or leading them to the drinking water. They were missing the queen bee, Sydney. "Oh there he is," Elmer said waving his arm in the air in the direction of the door.

  I turned even though I knew who he was. I just couldn't help

  but get a peek at him even though I was going to ignore him anyway. What he did was unforgivable. I was not like the other girls he fooled around with.

  Sure enough, Fred walked into the restaurant with no other than Sydney hanging on his arm and whispering in his ear. I snapped back around in my chair and focused again on my plate. I felt like I was punched in the gut. I heard Janet sigh loudly and when I looked up she was glaring at Elmer like he was biggest Neanderthal she had ever met. He looked back at her confused by her sudden burst of annoyance.

  "Hey man," Elmer said clasping his bro's hand, shaking off Janet's reaction. "Hey," Fred offered back, his eyes roaming the table. They stopped when they reached me and frozen on my face. I looked away acting like he didn't bother me being here even though I wanted the ground to collapse and take me with it.

  Lauren and Dianna called for Sydney to sit by them and she dragged Fred behind her who surprisingly obeyed without a word. Dakota placed his arm on the back of my chair and I leaned into him grateful for the comfort. Fred's eyes took in the sight and narrowed in on Dakota. I don't know if he saw that I noticed but that gave me an idea, a totally childish idea that would surely blow up in my face but the only thing I could focus on was Sydney's hand dangerously high on Fred's thigh under the table.

  I leaned further back into Dakota.

  Dakota's arm came off the back of the chair and draped itself around my shoulders. I prayed that he understood what I was trying to achieve here so he wouldn't get hurt, but I was being selfish; some sort of revenge on my mind.

  Dakota leaned over and took another bite of my food off my plate.

  Fred's eyes followed Dakota's fork go from my plate to his mouth, his own mouth set in a grim line.

  Taking my eyes off of Fred's face I reached sideways for Dakota's food and took a bite from his. I settled back into my chair acting casual about the exchange.

  When I leaned forwards to get more food off of his plate, Dakota's arm fell and his hand landed in between my shoulder blades. He left it there, completely oblivious of Fred's glare. Why was he glaring? He was the one with Sydney's hand practically on his crotch. He left me alone, it wasn't the other way around. An infuriating thought crossed my mind that maybe he left me in bed to be with Sydney.

  I tried focusing on a conversation that Janet started all while Dakota's thumb drew little circles on the center of my back. It felt rather pleasant and I felt myself relaxing. I sneaked a peak at Fred to see his eyes dart away from me, caught, to draw Sydney closer to his side.

  Hot anger flashed before my eyes. Pushing the limits just a little bit more, I turned to Dakota and smiled up at him. "So," he said shyly, clearly leading up to something. "What are you doing after this?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Nothing. What do you have in mind? Maybe that movie you wanted to see?"

  A smile split Dakota's face. He reached over and tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. "Are you asking me out, Miss Raine?" I should feel guilty for doing this to him; he was such a nice guy. I would go to the movies with him. Maybe we could even be more than friends down the road.

  "I guess I am," I answer, trying to hide the grin that spread across my face. A movie with Dakota sounded perfect about now. There would be no intense moments, no awkward pauses between conversations, nothing but relaxation and popcorn.

  Fred made a noise that sounded close to a choke and all eyes turned to him. Fred reached across the table and grabbed my glass of water draining the content in three big gulps. I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster but focused my glare on the glass in his hand and not actually him. I don't think I could look at him after last night. What I found amusing was he couldn't look at me either.

  Grabbing my glass I set it on the edge of the table, away from Fred's reach. My glass, that big buffoon. "Actually," Elmer said ignoring Fred, giving him a strange look that reflected something close to mine. "People are coming over to our place tonight." Elmer punched Bruce's arm playfully while Bruce chewed sloppily with his food in his mouth smiling.

  "You want to go?" Dakota asked me quietly.

  I shrugged my shoulders. Really all I wanted to do was go to bed and sleep, forgetting about all that has happened the last twenty-four hours.

  "Anna, we're going," Janet insisted. "Already signed you up as my partner for beer pong." She smiled at me with her nose wrinkled and I mimicked her.

  "Is that so?" I asked childishly making her shimmy her shoulders and cause the table to laugh. Everyone but Fred. He was too busy gripping the fake blonde to his

  side. My eyes snapped across the table to see Sydney whispering something in Fred's ear. His eyes were glued on me and for a second I swear I saw some emotion flash over those eyes of his but it disappeared rapidly.

  In a stabbing movement, he took Sydney's head in his hands and pressed his lips to hers. She didn't protest as she wrapped her scrawny arms around his shoulders and opened her mouth to him. Bile rose in my mouth.

  Murmuring an excuse to go to the restroom, I pushed away from Dakota's touch hastily trying to get away from the picture in front of me.

  Well that backfired in my face. I don't even care how guilty I looked leaving. I couldn't watch that go down. I rushed to the bathroom and closed the door. It was a o
ne person bathroom with a toilet placed in half a stall, a counter with a sink built into it, and a mirror that covered the section of the wall. I leaned into the sink and focused on my dinner not coming up.

  My emotions were everywhere and I needed to control them. If this is what having feelings felt like then I wanted nothing to do with it. I need to stay with my past expectations about love because so far they have been true. They always end, even if mine only lasted for a night.

  The door to the bathroom swung open with a bang revealing a very pissed off Fred.

  He walked in not even bothering to knock. What if I was peeing or it wasn't even me in the bathroom? Why didn't I lock the door, dammit. "What is wrong with you?" He snapped looking me over.

  I stared at him dumbfounded and hurt because he honestly

  didn't know why I was upset. He didn't even care that he hasn't mentioned last night to me. He probably doesn't even remember it apart from all the other nights he has spent with his conquered women. "Wait, are you jealous?" When I gaped at him he rolled his eyes. "You started this Anna, being all over Dakota in there. What the fück was that? Did you honestly think it would bother me?" "I didn't start anything!" I ignored the last part. "You're the one who showed up with her. You started whatever you're trying to pin on me. Which is nothing."

  What was he trying to start here? Clearly he knew what was going on and was just trying to get under my skin.

  "You kissed her, Fred. If anyone was trying to make the other jealous, it's you!" I exploded. I knew I had to keep my voice down because there was a restaurant full of people on the other side of the door but I couldn't control the height that my voice had reached and neither could Fred. "Why do you care?!"

  "Why do you care if I went out with Dakota?"

  "I don't," he spat.

  Now that I sort of accepted that I did feel something for Fred, it literally felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and thrown onto this dirty floor. I felt my face drop. Why do I keep feeling caught off guard about this?