One Real Thing

by Anah Crow

  Oh. “I didn’t know. He’s got his hands full with my mother and the business—” and his first family, “—I figured he’d be focused on that.”

  “Dad can make time for anything,” Joaquin said dryly. “He always makes Jonah and me feel like slugs. And when he was out to see Dev and Dylan last month, he mentioned your mother was doing a lot better.”

  “That’s good,” Holly said, swallowing to keep his throat from going tight. “I get an email from the staff once a week, says the same thing. Did he say if he’d been to see her?” After how the last phone call with his mother went, Holly had to do something differently. With Nick’s approval, he’d spoken to the nurses about getting email updates instead, and it was working well. Mostly.

  “He did. He brought some things for the kids he said she’d asked him to bring. A new dress for Dev and a video game for Dylan to replace the one he lost on a school overnight trip.”

  That was Mom—she loved spoiling kids, starting with him, when she was lucid enough. Holly remembered her making baby blankets for all his brothers’ kids. She said it didn’t matter how much money people had, kids loved things made just for them. Jonah’s second, Lane, had literally loved his to pieces, and Mom’d had to make him a new one. Even if she never saw Jonah’s and Joaquin’s families or heard from them other than holiday cards, Mom never hesitated to do things for the kids.

  “That’s a good sign,” Holly made himself say. It was—it was better than she had been ten years ago, when she hadn’t known anyone or anything. Devon’s blanket was the last one she’d made, but she’d knit Holly a scarf for Christmas last year. She was putting herself back together. “I’m glad to hear it.”

  “Well, Dylan sure likes her now. I’d told him I wasn’t replacing that damn handheld again, but if your Mom was going to give it to him, I couldn’t say no.” Joaquin laughed. “He even wrote her a thank-you card without being asked.”

  “I’m sure she loved that.” Holly had been sending her postcards like he had when he was in college. It was easier than the phone, which upset her, or letters, which she sometimes couldn’t understand if she was having a bad day. “Speaking of mail, can I get your address so I can send the kids their stuff?”

  “Sure. But you’re welcome to come yourself if you have time. Whenever. We’ve got the lake house as well. I don’t suppose you know how to water-ski?”

  “You think I could have gotten a job with Danner Stone if I didn’t?” Holly wrote down Joaquin’s address.

  “Okay, right. Well, I’ll drop you a line when we’re planning to go up if you’d like to come by. I can’t do anything but drive the boat, and Dylan’s going to explode if he doesn’t get someone to teach him some tricks.”

  “I could do that.” Holly could, he realized. In the last few months since L.A., he’d realized there was a lot he could do. Including, maybe, feeling like a part of his own family.

  “It’ll be good to see you. We’re glad you’re doing better.”

  Holly got Jonah’s address as well. He could send a few things to Lane and Eleanor, now that he knew they might be interested. By the time he was off the phone, he felt like he’d switched lives.

  Looking around his apartment, Holly felt, for a moment, like he was in the wrong person’s place. The person who’d been packing didn’t have much of a family, didn’t know what to do about how far he’d fallen from his older brothers and father. The person who’d hung up not only had that family, but realized the distance wasn’t all because of him. Some of it seemed to be that they didn’t know how to deal with him. Knowing didn’t make things better, but understanding them was a far cry from where he’d been half a year ago, alienated and angry.

  The phone rang again. “Hello?”

  “I can’t find my game.” Danner. Yes, this was still Holly’s life.

  “I have it,” Holly said. “You left it at the diner yesterday. I’ll bring it.”

  “I can’t go on the plane without it,” Danner warned. “It’d better be mine. I’ll know if it’s a new one.”

  “Don’t worry.” Holly picked up the scuffed toy and turned it over, laughing. Maybe I should have Mom knit you a blankie too.

  ***

  Holly lay in the Baja sun under a white-blue sky. He’d been out too long, but he didn’t care. Filming didn’t start until the day after tomorrow, and he was so relaxed, he couldn’t move. A snore rattled almost in his ear—Danner, on the next lounge chair over—which meant sleep was out of the question, but dozing was just right. In the quiet moments, Holly could hear the chatter of the staff and the occasional barking of the playful puppy someone had brought along.

  When his phone beeped, he was loath to look at the text message. Almost everyone important was within shouting distance. Except Nick. That was enough to get Holly on his feet and into the shade by the outdoor bar that stood between the house they’d rented and the ocean that pattered against the sand. Terrible day for surfing.

  The bartender passed over a lime mineral water while Holly pushed his sunglasses up and squinted to make out the text.

  Alison. Heard from Nick lately?

  Well, hell, said Holly’s brain.

  His fingers skittered over the tiny screen. No. You?

  No. Rich neither. He’s freaking out.

  Maybe he’s on a story. That was what Holly had been telling himself.

  Honey, he’s not at the Gazette anymore.

  Holly choked on his drink, spattering water all over.

  “You okay, sir?”

  “Uh, yeah, sorry.” Holly took the proffered towel and mopped off his phone while the bartender cleaned the bar.

  Why isn’t he at the Gazette? A chill settled in Holly’s gut in spite of the warm wind and his sunburn.

  I’ll get Rich to call you.

  Alison, what the fuck is going on?

  Rich knows more than I do.

  Holly gave up on texting and dialed Nick’s cell phone. It went to voice mail, where a pleasant voice informed him Nick’s inbox was full. Fuck. Holly dithered a moment, then called Nick’s home number.

  “The number you have dialed is not in…”

  Holly hung up and put the phone down before he dropped it. His shaking hands were slick with sweat. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh… The phone rang, and Holly snatched it up. Alison worked fast.

  “Rich?”

  “Hey, you haven’t heard from Nick?”

  “I thought he was on a fucking story.” Holly couldn’t stay in the shade anymore. He was freezing. Leaving the cold drink behind, he went back to the patio and huddled on his lounge chair in the sunlight, trying not to shiver.

  “He told me not to tell you, but…”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake, what?”

  “I only found out through the rumor mill, myself. And then he quit answering my calls.”

  Holly was going to fly back to New York and kill Rich. “Rich!”

  “Caroline left him for his editor.” The words came out in a rush. “He didn’t want you to know. He said he’d tell you when he got things worked out. But then he quit answering my calls and no one’s been able to reach him and I found out he moved out of his apartment. The landlord doesn’t have a forwarding address for him either. The post office might, but…”

  Holly was going to kill Caroline and her piece on the side while he was there too. “When?”

  “Right about when you left,” Rich said in a very small voice. “Look, I was in Thailand on business, and I figured he’d tell you and…”

  “I’ll call you when I get to New York.” Holly hung up and put the phone down with shaking hands. He trapped his fingers between his knees and closed his eyes. This wasn’t happening.

  “Who’s going to New York?” The clatter of Julie’s heels on the patio cut into the haze of worry.

  “I don’t like New York,” Danner said sleepily. “Let’s not go.” Holly could hear the creak of the chair as he sat up.

  “Me, I’m going.” Holly stood and shoved his phone in th
e pocket of his jean shorts.

  “You can’t go. I need you here.” Julie was at the top of the steps, hands on her hips. She didn’t look happy. “Look, I know you and Danner are the Impulse Twins, but you’re supposed to be the responsible one.”

  “It’s an emergency. If you want to fire me, fine.” Holly twisted to get past her so he could get inside and pack.

  “Wait, why are we firing Holly?” Danner was finally awake, shoving his sunglasses up and squinting. “I’m not firing him.”

  “You didn’t hire him,” Julie pointed out. “Holly, stop.”

  Holly had the screen door half open, but he slid it shut and turned around. He had no idea how he was still standing. He should be falling. There was nothing to hold him up anymore. Nick was missing. Holly’s mind kept churning up the worst-case scenarios.

  And he’d left. He’d left Nick and Nick hadn’t told him and…Why? Holly wanted to hit something or cry.

  “What going on?” Julie came over, holding out her hand. Holly stared at it a moment and then took it, but even that small delay felt like a betrayal. He had to go, he had to find Nick. Julie tugged him over to Danner and then shoved. Holly’s knees gave out, and he thunked onto the chair next to Danner.

  “What’s wrong?” For all his jackass reputation, between him and Julie, Danner was the sentimental one. He slid his arm around Holly’s back, and his bristly cheek scuffed Holly’s sunburned shoulder. “You can’t fire Holly,” he said again. “He’s family. Can’t you see he’s upset?”

  “I see it,” Julie said patiently. “I want to know why. I know what you get upset over. Running out of potato chips.”

  “Nick is missing. My best friend.” Saying it aloud made everything worse; the words ripped at Holly’s throat on the way out. “He’s been hiding shit from me. When he quit calling, I just assumed he got busy.” Just assumed Nick had something better to do than talk to him. God, he was always assuming. Never asking, so he never had to hear an answer he couldn’t handle. “Now he’s just gone.” The bottom had fallen out of Holly’s world.

  “I’m sure he’s fine,” Julie said. “Isn’t he the one you say is just like me? His wife’s a bitch—from what I recall—but he seemed like he could manage himself. He’s a grown man, Holly.”

  Julie didn’t understand. Without Caroline, Nick was alone. If even Rich couldn’t find him…

  Nick’s father had killed himself after losing the family’s money—every fucking penny that wasn’t locked in Nick’s trust fund—playing fast and loose until a Ponzi scheme pulled the rug out from under him. Nick’s mother couldn’t take the fallout and went home to England. Everyone fucking left Nick, even Holly. God, how could he have walked away?

  Nick was totally alone. It wouldn’t take much for him to end up like his father. Too proud to survive. Didn’t that kind of thing run in families? Holly knew it did. He should have known Nick was just as broken as he was—how else could they have fit together so well?

  Julie’s voice stopped him. “Holly, we need you here.”

  “I know.” Holly didn’t want to bail. The idea of losing the whole SAS family when he’d only just found it was horrible. But Nick had always been there for him. Nick had to come first. “But I have to find him.” Danner’s arm tightened around him.

  “You can’t run off because he forgot to call.” Julie shook her head. “Holly, we have a dinner tomorrow night, and then we’re shooting a commercial series and viral video. You have all the plans for that. It was all your idea. We dropped a hundred grand into this whole promo setup, and there’s still so much more to do.”

  Holly knew. They’d trusted him with so much money and…“I can do most of it remotely. We’ve got a great director and producer.” Julie shook her head again. She was right. No logic in the world was going to get him out of this one. “I know something’s really wrong. I have to go. Please.”

  “Breathe, Holly.” Julie sighed. “Doesn’t his wife know where he is?”

  “She’s not…She left him.” God, Holly felt sick saying it. Nick was so private, and he must have been so fucking ashamed and angry and lost. Holly didn’t have room to hate Caroline anymore; all he had left was wanting Nick back. “I love him, Jules.” Holly’s voice broke on the words. “Since…since always. I have to go. Even if you have to fire me.”

  “Oh God.” Julie covered her face with her hands.

  “We are totally not firing him,” Danner said firmly. “Julie, seriously.”

  “No. We’re not. Goddamn it, Holly.” Julie kissed him on the forehead the way she did to Danner before she sent him out to compete. “Go pack. I’ll book your flight. Danner, call and see if you can get someone to come fill in.” She let him go and turned on her heel, heading inside. “God, why can I not pick men who do anything the easy way?”

  “Don’t worry about her.” Danner hugged him again. “You’ll have a job when you get back. I promise. Even if I have to pay you behind her back.”

  “What if he’s not okay?” The words pushed out of Holly’s tight throat. He wanted desperately for someone to have the answers. Usually Nick was the one with the answers.

  “Then you’ll worry about it when you find out. All you have to do right now is find him.” Danner let go and struggled to get out of the chair without unseating Holly. “You can do that, right?”

  “I know where he is.” As soon as the words were out of Holly’s mouth, he knew they were true. “I can find him.”

  Danner offered Holly a hand. “Then go get him. And bring him back with you.”

  And bring him…That idea had never occurred to him. He could bring Nick back. He had a job, now, an apartment, friends. Something to offer, at least until Nick was on his feet again.

  Holly let Danner pull him up. “I will.”

  Chapter Eleven

  The sound of a key in the lock startled Nick enough that he fell off the edge of the bed when he tried to get up and see what was happening. Was it the super? No, Nick had remembered to pay the rent on time this month. He’d written it on the calendar with a big red circle, and he’d crossed it out afterward.

  On his ass on the floor, Nick stared at the door, but it didn’t open. He scrubbed his hands over his unshaven face, then pushed himself to his feet. Damn it. He stumbled over to the door and peered out the peephole.

  Holly. Standing in the hall, sunglasses holding back his wild, long golden curls. Sunburned, a ruddy glow on his nose and cheeks, his mouth too full and red. He had his hands in his pockets, and he was staring down, waiting. Then he looked up at the peephole like he could see right through. His eyes were clear and blue.

  Oh God. Something in Nick’s chest twisted, clenched, and his gut churned. What was Holly doing here? He’d been doing so well, following all the rules. Had he crashed? Did he need help?

  Holly didn’t look like he was in trouble, though. He looked good. So good. He looked beautiful, healthy and happy, just like he should. What was he doing here? Nick hadn’t checked the GPS log in weeks—he couldn’t do it anymore, couldn’t look at how far away Holly was and remind himself he had no right to Holly anymore.

  “Nick?” Holly knocked. “It’s Holly. You in there?” He frowned, looking worried.

  Nick turned and slid down the wall, hiding his face against his knees. Damn it all to hell. He couldn’t do this, couldn’t talk to Holly. He’d screwed up so much, so badly, when he’d thought he was making all the right choices. Choices that had cost him all the things he’d really wanted to be doing with his life—writing. And Holly. God, Holly. He didn’t want to screw Holly up too.

  “Please. May I come in?”

  “Go away, Holly.” Holly would listen, would obey, wouldn’t he?

  His only answer was silence. When Nick looked again, Holly was gone.

  It wasn’t as much of a relief as he’d thought it would be.

  He stared into the empty hall, empty like his life.

  He’d chosen respectable journalism over the uncertain life of a fict
ion writer, sure that would keep him from ending up broke and broken like his father, but what had that given him? Nothing. And Caroline, she’d been the right partner, but his marriage to her had cost him his friendship with Holly—and any chance he might’ve had for anything more—and it had left him with nothing but the utter certainty that everything he’d worked so hard to achieve had been a waste.

  Finally Nick did the only thing he could do: he went back to bed and closed his eyes. He didn’t know how long it had been when Holly’s voice, thin and tired, broke the silence.

  “Nick? Can I come in now?”

  “Why are you here?” Nick called without moving.

  “Because you’re here.”

  Nick made himself get out of bed. “You have a job, a life. You’re not supposed to be here.”

  “I can do both. I got a lot done today. One of your neighbors has open Wi-Fi.”

  “You’re not supposed to be here. You’re supposed to be…” With Julie and Danner, being happy and alive and Holly. Not with Nick, who didn’t even have a life to live anymore. “What are you doing here?”

  “Rich is an asshole, that’s what.”

  “Fucking Rich,” Nick muttered. Somehow, he’d ended up halfway to the door. Nick didn’t want to go to the door.

  Fucking Rich. Fucking Holly. Nick went into the kitchen instead and found a pot of cold, overbrewed coffee. Shit. After pouring himself a cup and heating it in the microwave, he gave up. It was too hard to stand there and fight the way his heart was trying to crawl out of his chest and get to Holly. “You can come in.”

  “Thank you.” A series of clicks and thuds signaled Holly opening the door, then closing and locking it again. Holly had a duffel bag and a backpack slung over one shoulder and his computer in his hand. He didn’t say anything, didn’t even look around. He took off his shoes and found a spot for his computer on the end table. Then he went over to the closet to unpack his things.

  It took a moment for Nick to parse what was happening. Even once he realized Holly was unpacking, it didn’t make sense.