Anger began to bubble up from somewhere deep inside me. My nostrils flared and I gritted my teeth. “Um… yeah I was there when it happened.” I sat and swung my legs over the bed turning my back toward her. “Don’t worry, we don’t have to do it again,” I bit out.
“You think?” I clenched my jaw at the derision in her voice.
I gathered my jeans and boxers from the chair in the corner of the room and disposed of the condom in the little garbage pail underneath it before I pulled on my clothes.
“Well, I’m glad I rocked your fucking world.” Sarcasm dripped from my tongue and I was suddenly filled with self-loathing. Why had I pushed her so far? Why had I insisted on this? It was too fucking soon. Dumb fucking prick. I began to walk toward the bedroom door.
She reached out and grabbed my arm, and I swung around to face her. I took a long look at her naked form standing before me, figuring it was probably the last time. Her hair cascaded down her back, leaving her perfect breasts exposed to my hungry gaze. And fuck if I wasn’t getting hard again. So fucking beautiful. Why does she have to be so damn beautiful?
“Cain, please.” When I locked eyes with her again hers were sparkling with unshed tears and all I wanted to do was fucking hold her. I hated that. Hated that I was so drawn to her. Like I knew her already. Like I needed her. It was dumb and clearly not reciprocated. I had to get the hell out of Dodge.
“Please what, Kelly? Huh?” I was trying hard to keep my temper in check when all I wanted to do was holler in her face and tell her how damned frustrating she was. My attention was drawn to her breasts again. “Put some fucking clothes on, would you, before I take your mind off all this shit.”
She grabbed a robe from her closet and pulled it on, securing it around her waist. “Cain, I’m begging you, please don’t tell anyone what happened here.” Her lower lip trembled and for a split second I wanted to turn and walk out of there.
I shook my head as something akin to hurt squeezed at my insides. “I can’t fucking believe you’re even saying that. Did I not already tell you that what happens between us stays between us? Does nothing I say get through to you?”
“I’m just so scared. This is one colossal bloody mistake I’ve made. And I keep compounding it. It has to stop.”
I stepped toward her, closing the space between us. “Yeah, I get it. Fucking me was a mistake. I’m not good enough for you, I already knew that. Not only am I your patient, but I’m a criminal with tattoos who doesn’t even know who the fuck he is. Well, you have nothing to worry about, Kelly. You can forget this ever happened. But excuse me if I don’t.” After taking one last look into her eyes I turned and left the room.
Chapter Fifteen
Kelly
I dashed around my room, grabbing fresh underwear and a blouse to replace the ruined one—I just hoped no one had been taking notice of my attire this morning when I called in to collect Cain, or this could be the end of my career—and hurried into the bathroom to clean myself up. I was terrified he would do a runner. My heart pounded at my ribs and I kept bursting into tears. The shitty thing was that he had the wrong end of the stick completely. I was terrified that the way he had made me feel when he was making love to me was just that… I felt loved. The way he worshipped my body as if I meant something to him and he meant something to me. The intensity of my desire for him went beyond lust. How could I possibly have felt so connected to the man? It was utterly, ridiculously, effing crazy. You don’t fall for someone so quickly. I know they do in romance novels but this was real life.
I needed to get a grip.
My career was on the line here. And love wasn’t as important as that… was it? Especially when the so-called feelings were one-sided. He was clearly a player. The way he handled my body didn’t ring true as someone who believed in monogamy. Nor did it ring true as someone who couldn’t remember his own life. I began to question how genuine he was being. And that was wrong of me. This was my fault… my guilt making these thoughts occur. If I hadn’t let things get so far, I wouldn’t even be thinking this way.
Once I was dressed, I ran down the stairs as quick as I could and found him sitting on my couch. His head was hanging down and he looked a little lost. Was I wrong about him? A tiny spark of hope lit up inside of me. He must have heard me come in because he stood and turned. His face was a mask of seriousness.
I forced a weak smile. “Hey. Thanks for not running away.”
He snorted derisively. “What am I, eight?”
“I just meant—”
“Yeah, I know what you meant, Kelly. I wouldn’t want to ruin your fucking life would I? Oh wait… I already did that.” The bitterness in his voice made nausea rise up my throat.
I stepped toward him. “Please don’t be angry with me, Cain.”
He held him arms out wide. “Angry? Why would I be angry, huh? I got what I wanted. It’s all good, baby.”
Okay, I’m going to throw up. He can’t mean that. But then again, how could I blame him if he did?
“Okay… okay.” My eyes began to sting once more and I nodded but couldn’t bring myself to look in his eyes. I didn’t want to see what was there. I doubted that it would be good. “I just thought that it was… I don’t know… more to you.”
He laughed without humour. “Ha, I can’t believe you actually thought I wanted something other than a quick fuck. Man, talk about gullible.”
I closed my eyes as tears came once again. It served me right.
But it hurt like hellfire.
The walk back to the hospital felt like the longest journey I’d ever taken. He walked a couple of steps in front of me and didn’t speak. I was clueless at that point as to how he would handle returning to the place he considered a prison. I just hoped that he would be decent about things and not make the situation any worse than it already felt.
Once we arrived back at the ward, Patty was waiting at the nurses’ station and she visibly relaxed as we walked toward her.
“So, did you enjoy your taste of Scotland, Cain?”
He glanced at me briefly before answering. “Oh yeah, it tasted amazing. Shame it couldn’t last.” The double meaning wasn’t lost on me.
“Well, maybe Doctor Darrow will take you again soon.” I cringed at her choice of words.
“Nah, I doubt that. She has better people… erm… things to do with her time.”
Ouch.
“Well as long as you enjoyed your wee taste of freedom, eh?” Patty was relentless.
“Oh yeah. I really enjoyed it. It was fun while it lasted.” He glanced at me again. “Well, excuse me, ladies, but I think I’ve had enough exercise for one day. I’m going to go play some cards with the guys.” He turned and walked away.
“Is everything okay, dear? You look like you’ve been crying. Did something happen?” The look of concern in Patty’s eyes had me on the verge of tears again.
I shook my head. “No, I’m fine. It’s just the wind out there is quite strong, and I think I may be coming down with a cold.”
“See, I always tell you that you work too hard, Kelly. You maybe need some time off.”
“Yeah, maybe you’re right, Patty.”
She laughed. “Well, it had to happen sometime, I guess.”
Bless her. After the way I had snapped at her lately, I really didn’t deserve her friendship. But I was more than grateful for it. I smiled and turned away to make the short journey to my office, feeling more than a little grateful that she hadn’t noticed my change of clothing.
Although it was my day off, and I could’ve gone home, but I was afraid I’d burst out sobbing before I made it to the hospital’s lobby. My office was the closest safe spot I could think of. Once I was behind my desk again, I rested my head on my arms and let the tears flow. If only time machines had been invented. I would climb right in there and go back to life before Cain Somers or Cameron Iss or whatever the hell his name was.
There was a knock on the door, and Alex walked in before I had time to wi
pe away the evidence of my pity party. I peered up at him angrily. “Isn’t it customary to wait until you’re invited in, Alex?”
He scrunched his brow. “I’m a doctor not a vampire, Kelly.” Huh? “Anyway, aren’t you supposed to be off today?” Without waiting for my answer, he continued. “Word on the Patty-vine has it that you’re feeling under the weather.”
Good grief, talk about word travelling fast. “Oh, yeah, just a little tired, that’s all.”
“Well, I’ve been investigating, and you haven’t taken any holiday time this year yet. What’s that all about? Even today, on your day off, here you are. Don’t you have any friends?”
“Excuse me?”
“Friends? You know? Those people who put up with us when no one else will? The ones who encourage us to get drunk and let our hair down.”
“Alex, I know what a friend is, and of course I have friends.”
“Well, good. As of now you’re on annual leave.”
What? “You can’t force me to take leave. That’s preposterous.”
“No, Kelly. What’s preposterous is the fact that you never stop working. Today is a prime example of that. You go home and work on cases. You do the same on weekends. You never switch your brain off. As your immediate manager, I’m telling you to take some time.”
“I can’t just up and leave my patients.”
“Yes, you can. We have a member of staff on secondment whilst his department goes through some changes. He can step in. Magnus Reilly. I think you know him already. Anyway, you’re so efficient at your note keeping, he can slip right in for a couple of weeks.”
I shook my head. This wasn’t right. “But… but Cain Somers… we’re close to a breakthrough there—”
“Yes, and Magnus has dealt with amnesia patients before. Don’t sweat it. It’s time you took a break.”
I swallowed, trying to dislodge the ball of emotion tightening my throat. I wanted to be at home in all honesty. But I was scared of what may come to light when I wasn’t here. Would I have a job to return to?
“Do I get a say in all this?”
Alex smiled—it was a first—and shook his head. “Nope. Doctor’s orders.”
I nodded and my lip began to tremble.
“Hey, you’re not being suspended. I’m just concerned about you. Crying at work isn’t something you ever do. It just proves to me that you need some time out. That’s all. Okay?”
Once again I nodded, unable to speak in case I began to sob and told him everything. I grabbed my bag and slipped on my coat again. Suddenly a wave of tiredness washed over me. No wonder, considering the antics of the day.
With a small, feeble smile, I stopped beside Alex. “Thank you. And… I’m sorry if I’ve let you down.”
“Not in the slightest. Don’t go thinking that. Just take a couple of weeks, go away somewhere warm. Chill out.”
Going away somewhere warm sounded like just the thing I needed. Perhaps I would do just that. As I left the building, I pulled out my phone and hit dial.
“Hi, Kelly. How are you doing?” Clara’s friendly and concerned voice was my undoing and I broke down.
“Oh, Clara… everything is going wrong,” I sobbed.
Without hesitation she replied, “I’m free right now. Come on over.”
I agreed and hung up as I inhaled a deep calming breath. I wanted to feel relief, but I didn’t because as much as I wanted to confide completely in someone, in Clara, I knew I couldn’t. Once again I would have to lie, and that thought broke me yet again.
I left the hospital with a heaviness in my heart and made my way to see my therapist for another session where I would play ‘hide the truth’.
Chapter Sixteen
Cain
I’d made the decision to stay out of Kelly’s way for the rest of the day. I’d said some pretty fucked-up shit. None of which I meant. But that’s male pride for you. It was my intention to apologise at our appointment the next day. I was relieved that, since my memory was returning in pieces, the frequency of my appointments with Dr Darrow had been increased.
As it got to bedtime, regret was niggling at my brain and I wished there was some way I could contact her and apologise for my asshole behaviour. But alas, I would have to wait. After showering, I crawled into bed and switched the light off immediately. I had no interest in reading even though it was fairly early. I closed my eyes and it wasn’t long before sleep took me…
I let my eyes flutter open and turned my head to the side. She was smiling at me. Her beautiful green eyes full of life and vitality. Her deep red hair fell in curls and waves knotted with sleep around her pillow. My heart was filled with an intense love for the woman and I immediately pulled her into my arms. Her soft tits pressed against my bare chest and I slipped my hands down to cup her ass. I liked to wake and find her naked beside me. I leaned in and kissed her with a tenderness that I hoped she would read as my undying devotion to her. All the others before her… and there had been many… paled into insignificance when I looked at her. She made me a better man.
She reached out and cupped my face and I covered her hand with my own. “Have I told you how much I love you today?”
She smiled and shook her head no. “But then you have only just woken up, so I think I can forgive you.”
I pulled her and manoeuvred so that she was beneath me and placed a hand at either side of her head before I bent to kiss her full, luscious lips. She slipped her arms around me and played with my hair as I kissed the soft skin of her neck and trailed my tongue down to the ink on her shoulder. The tattooed roses and vines intertwined around her slender arm with our initials at the centre were the most beautiful way for her to affirm our love. Who needed a fucking wedding ring? I didn’t give a fuck that the rest of the crew ribbed me for being pussy whipped. They could stick with their fuck-‘em-and-leave-‘em lifestyle, but give me my woman and her smokin’-hot, curvaceous body any day of the fucking week.
“I want you, Cain. Make love to me.”
Her sweet voice made my spine tingle and my cock spring to life. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for this woman. The love in my heart for her was overwhelming, and as she wrapped her legs around me and I sunk myself inside her welcoming body, I felt the tension in my shoulders melt away. “God, I love you so much, Melody, so, so much.”
“Unh, Cain, I love you too…” Her softness beneath me felt so right. I was meant to be with her.
She was mine.
I sat up with a pounding heart and glanced to my side. Of course I was alone and in a fucking hospital bed in Scotland, covered in sweat.
What the fuck?
Melody?
Oh my God, that was it!
The reason I was drawn to Kelly. It must be that she reminded me of my girlfriend back home who must be called Melody. And now I’d been fucking unfaithful to her with my doctor. Bastard fucking shit! From the way my heart pounded for her in the dream it was clear that she was my true love. I clutched to the dream with both hands as I searched for something, anything to write on. But of course there was nothing in my room thanks to fucking security.
I dashed out the door and over to the nurses’ station. Glancing at the clock, I realised it was almost nine thirty, and my appointment with Kelly was at ten. Patty was behind the desk on the phone, and I drummed my fingers on its shiny surface, impatiently waiting for her to finish. Finally she hung up the call.
“Patty, please… do you have a pen and paper I can use? It’s… it’s urgent.”
Concern washed over her ageing features. “Cain, is everything okay, hon?”
“Yeah, yeah, fine, but I need to write some stuff down as soon as possible, please.” My words fell from my mouth in a rush as my heart continued to pound. She scrambled around her work station and pulled up some paper and a pencil and thrust them at me. I grabbed them and began scribbling illegibly and frantically, every piece of the dream I had managed to recall. My chest heaved like I was running a marathon, and Patty looked on wit
h worry still etched on her face.
Once I was satisfied that I had documented every part of the dream I could remember, I made my way down the corridor and sat on the seat outside Kelly’s office. I had to explain. I had to apologise. I needed to find Melody as well as Rosa. And I needed to make Kelly see that I hadn’t intended to hurt her. That the reason I was so drawn to her was that she felt familiar to me and surely that was a good thing. Another piece of the puzzle clicked.
I bounced my knee and chewed on my nail. Why the fuck was time passing so slowly? I needed to speak to Kelly, and I was on the verge of barging into to her office and demanding that she speak to me when her door opened and some old dude stepped out. Must be another patient. He wore a pair of brown slacks and a cream shirt with a blazer. He looked a little too smart to be a patient, and I didn’t recognise him as one of the inmates.
“Cain Somers, I presume?” he asked, staring straight at me.
I scrunched my brow. “What’s it to you?”
“I’m Doctor Magnus Reilly. I’m replacing Doctor Darrow for—”
I stood quickly. “What the fuck? Replacing her why?”
He smiled warmly and held his hands up as he shook his head. “No, no, Mister Somers, you misunderstand me.” His voice was soft and he had a kindly nature, but that meant nothing at that precise moment. He continued, “It’s temporary. I’m just stepping in whilst Doctor Darrow takes some well-earned rest.”
I shook my head and clenched my fists. “Well, there’s no fucking way I’m talking to you, dude. She never told me she was going on vacation. Why would she do that? I mean… we were making progress. I don’t get it.” Anger rose within me, and I had to rein myself in before I punched the fucking wall.
“I understand your trepidation, Cain, but in all honesty I’m just as qualified to deal with your case as Doctor Darrow so—”
I stepped forward and pointed in his face. “Yeah? Well you don’t know me and I can’t trust you. So we’ll just forget it until Kelly gets back.” I turned and stomped down the corridor and back into my room, slamming the door almost off its hinges.
Bad Company: Company of Sinners MC #1 Page 12