Bad Company: Company of Sinners MC #1

by Lisa J. Hobman

  How the fuck dare she do this to me? And of all times she could do it, she fucking abandons me now when I need her the most.

  I needed to see her. I needed to talk to her. But the only way that could happen would be for me to break out of the fucking prison I was being kept in.

  I had to think fast.

  Kelly

  Esme and I sat enjoying the plush dining room of the Kingsmill Hotel. We’d had a wonderful afternoon of last-minute pampering following my eviction from work and were now eating a posh dinner in romantic surroundings that should have been experienced with a lover and not a best friend. Esme, my oldest and dearest friend, had been plugging me for information all day. But so far I had managed to avoid her questions and change the subject. She was staying over at mine, where she had parked her car, so I knew the Spanish Inquisition was set to continue into the night.

  The problem was that she could read me like a book. The way she looked at me told me that she had drawn her own conclusions, and I knew I’d have to come clean at some point. We sat in ponderous silence, savouring a delicious meal, and I could feel her eyes on me.

  I huffed and placed my cutlery down. “Okay… what do you want to know?”

  Esme placed her wine glass down and clapped her hands like a giddy schoolgirl, making her blonde curls bounce. “Thank goodness! I thought you were going to keep this up all bloody night! Okay… so what’s his name? What does he look like? Have you fucked him? If so, was he good?” Her eyes were wide and her grin even wider. I couldn’t help but laugh. Sadly, the laughter was short-lived.

  “Oh, Ez. As much as I really want to I… I can’t tell you. I would be putting you in a very awkward position, and that’s just not fair.” My lip began to tremble, and a look of grave concern replaced the excitement on my best friend’s face.

  She reached across the table and squeezed my arm. In a just audible voice she asked, “Kel, how long have you known me?”

  I shrugged. “I’ve know you most of my life.”

  “And have I ever broken your trust in that time? Have I ever judged you? Have I ever given you a reason to not trust me?”

  I shook my head as I dabbed my eyes with my free hand. “No, no and no.”

  “Then whatever it is you can tell me. Okay?”

  “Remember Clara, my therapist? I saw her today and she said I need to tell someone because I couldn’t tell her either.”

  Esme’s worried gaze burned into me. “But you usually tell me everything. And I know how much you trust Clara. So this must be something big. Look, I promise I will listen with an open mind. Like I said, I won’t judge you.”

  I swallowed to try and dislodge the ball of emotion that was tightening my throat. “But… this may be the one time you do judge me. And you’d have every right.”

  “Kel, you’re worrying me, honey.”

  I took a deep breath. “I… I kind of met someone. But… oh God, Esme what have I done?” My stomach knotted and my appetite was gone.

  She scooted her chair around to me and took my hand firmly. “Go on.”

  “He’s… he’s a patient.” I waited for the gasp and the look of horror to descend.

  But her face stayed impassive, completely non-judgemental, and in that moment I loved her deeply for that. She nodded. “Okay. Tell me more.”

  “He came in under suspicious circumstances. Unconscious, and we discovered he had overdosed. There was a suicide note. But… it’s stupid… I felt drawn to him immediately. Couldn’t stop thinking about him… still can’t. When he gained consciousness, he turned out to be American but was suffering amnesia. I’ve been working with him to figure things out, but he’s struggling to regain his memory. There have been… encounters…” Tears left wet trails down my face, and I closed my eyes as guilt and shame needled my insides, convicting me of my unethical and highly inappropriate behaviour.

  “Oh, honey. Have you… have you slept with him?” I simply nodded and more tears spilled over. She scooted her chair around to my side of the table, pulled my head to her shoulder, and stroked my hair. “Kelly, do you love him? Have you fallen for him?”

  I pulled away as I thought about her question. Oh my God… I wasn’t falling at all… I was already plummeting into the abyss. The deed was done. My heart was given.

  I stared into her concerned gaze and my face crumpled. “Yes… Yes, I have fallen for him. But… he told me that he had used me for sex. I can’t blame him because I acted like I was ashamed of what I’d allowed to happen… And I was, but not because of him. I was ashamed because I’d broken so many bloody rules. But he was so cruel with the way he acted afterwards.”

  “Oh, sweetie, no.” She folded her arms around me as I sobbed into her shoulder, and I clung to her as my anguish and self-hatred poured out.

  Ten minutes later we were walking home arm in arm. I was inhaling deep lungfuls of air, trying to calm my raging heartbeat and churning stomach. Esme hadn’t outwardly judged me, but I wondered how she really felt and if she would admit it to me even if she was disgusted with me.

  As if she read my mind, she stopped me in my tracks and turned me to face her. “I can see those cogs turning, Kel. But I want you to know that I don’t judge you. At all. Okay? So you’ve fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have. So what? These things happen and the heart makes up its own mind sometimes.”

  I gasped at hearing her say the words that Cain had also said. “But… it’s got to stop. I can’t treat him when I have such strong feelings for him. This has happened so fast, and that in itself tells me that it can’t be real. I slept with him to get him out of my system, Ez. That’s all I thought it would take. But now I know I’m a fucking idiot. Sex with him was like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. There was this deep connection. And despite what he said, I know he felt it too. I think his reaction afterwards was pride because I had rejected him and told him it had been a mistake.”

  She appeared thoughtful for a few moments. “Once he regains his memory, will he be returned to the States?”

  I shrugged. “I… I guess so.”

  “Well, lovely, I think until then you are going to have to be strong and pass his case over. Tell Doctor Clayton you feel intimidated by him or something.”

  I nodded, but the thought of not seeing him every day twisted my insides and made my heart ache. Fresh tears sprang forth, and once again I was enveloped in the arms of my very best friend.

  We eventually reached my home and Esme gasped. “Oh, fuck. I… I think you have a visitor.”

  I spun around to see a dark, shadowy figure sitting on my doorstep. I knew that Cain was locked in the ward back at the hospital, and so I presumed it was Dermott hoping for a late-night hook-up. That is until the figure stood and walked towards me.

  “Kelly… I had to see you.”

  My eyes widened and I covered my mouth. “Cain!”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Cain

  My heart began to pound as I saw the shock register on her face. She’d no doubt call the cops and have me arrested for stalking. I stepped toward her with my hands held up in surrender. “Kelly, please don’t be scared. I… I just need to talk to you. They wanted me to talk to some old fucking dude who knows nothing about me. But I… I couldn’t do that. You’re the only one I trust. You. No one else.”

  She held up a hand to halt me. “Cain, you have to go back. Think of the shit storm this will cause. You can’t be here.”

  The blonde-haired woman she was with clung to her arm. “Kelly, should I call the police?”

  Kelly kept her eyes locked on me and shook her head. “No, Ez, it’s okay. I’ll call a cab and have him taken back. This is crazy.”

  “Please, Kelly. I’m not gonna fucking hurt you. I just need to talk. That’s all. Just talk. I… I had another dream. It kind of shed some light on shit. I need to talk to you… to apologise… to explain.”

  The woman called Ez turned Kelly around, and they had a whispered conversation with manic hand ge
stures. But then the woman pulled out her cell and dialled.

  I stepped forward, closing the gap between Kelly and me and took her hand. “Please, Kelly, I need you. Don’t do this. Don’t send me back without hearing me out.”

  She closed her eyes for a moment and inhaled a shaking breath. When she opened them again, I could see the pain and conflict reflected back at me. “Esme is calling herself a cab. She’s going home so that you and I can talk.”

  Relief flooded my veins, and my legs almost gave way beneath me. I released her hand and ran my hands through my hair, letting the air from my lungs rush out. “Thank you. Thank you both.”

  We stood waiting outside the gate in silence until the cab arrived. Kelly walked Esme to the car, and they had another whispered conversation that ended in a long hug. Esme smiled over at me before she climbed in, but her expression was tinged with a mixture of worry and sadness. I guessed that Kelly had told her about us.

  Once the cab had pulled away, Kelly silently walked past me without eye contact and unlocked her front door. She held it open so I could step inside and then closed it and locked it behind us.

  She removed her coat and flicked on the lights in the hallway. After assessing me with her gaze she said, “Well, you look like shit.”

  “Gee, thanks. I was thinking the opposite of you.”

  She gave me a small and brief smile and walked through into her living room. I followed and slipped off my coat. After throwing it over the couch, I slumped down against the soft cushions. And she eyed me warily.

  “Okay, so what was so urgent that you had to break out of hospital?”

  I peered up at her where she stood. “Aren’t you going to sit down?”

  She huffed. “Is it imperative to the story?”

  “Well, no, but—”

  “Well then, just get on with it and then you can go back.”

  Okay, she’s not going to be all warm and welcoming. Can’t say I blame her really. “Okay… I… I had another dream. I think this one was pretty significant and it kind of… explains a lot.”

  She folded her arms across her chest. “Go on.”

  “I… um… I had a woman… back home.”

  She snorted. “Only one?”

  Ouch. “Yes, only one. Her name was Melody… and she looks a lot like…”

  She slumped onto the chair opposite me. “A lot like who?” Her expression told me she already knew the answer.

  “Like you.” I gazed over at her. The guilt inside me squeezed at my gut, and I wanted to say so many things but just couldn’t find the words.

  She nodded. “I see… I see.”

  “I guess that explains why I was so drawn to you. And why I needed to be with you so badly.”

  “I guess so,” she whispered, and her eyes glazed over with tears.

  “Kelly, I’m so sorry. If I had known, I would’ve—”

  She sneered at me. “You’d have what? Not wasted your time on someone as innocent as me?”

  Dropping my gaze to my knotted fingers, I shook my head. “I wouldn’t have hurt you with the things I said. I’m so sorry. You’ve got to believe me, Kelly.”

  She laughed humourlessly and swiped angrily at the errant tears trailing down her cheeks. “Have I? Oh well, then. Everything is hunky dory and you can go now.”

  Knowing how much I had hurt her made me die a little inside. She didn’t deserve this. Immediately I stood and moved across the room to crouch before her. “Hey, come on. I didn’t mean to do this to you. I… feel like a total bastard. Not only have I hurt you, but I’ve been unfaithful to someone I can’t even really remember. What does that make me?”

  Her face softened a little and she smiled. “A lucky guy to have so many women who want you.”

  I returned her smile and pulled her into my chest. I stroked her hair and kissed her head. “This is all just so confusing. When I dreamed about her… the love I felt…”

  She pushed me away. “Yeah, I get it. Please don’t torture me more, eh?”

  “I didn’t want to talk to the other guy. Only you. I only trust you.” I gazed into her eyes and was immediately drawn in. Without thinking, I slipped my hand to the back of her head and kissed her. After a few seconds she pulled away, and I realised I was being stupid. “Aww, fuck. I’m sorry. It’s like I can’t help myself around you.”

  “Well, you have your woman to think about now. Although how she’d feel about being spoken of as your possession, I’m not sure.” She smiled and once again I felt like an asshole.

  “I wrote everything down. From the dream. I wasn’t sure if you’d want to hear… as… as my doctor, I mean.”

  “You’d better take a seat and tell me everything, then.”

  I moved back to the couch and began to tell her everything I could remember about the woman who supposedly had my heart.

  Kelly

  I listened to Cain talk about Melody and the way he had felt about her in his dream, and I fought my threatening tears. It served me right for falling for someone so inappropriately. And so damn quickly. What could I possibly love about him when I hardly knew him? I wished I could say it was just physical, but in all honesty it wasn’t. Sure there was a definite physical attraction and sex with him… wow. But there was so much more. It hurt so much that I had finally discovered what it felt like to love someone only to know that he had never really felt anything for me. It had been the woman I reminded his subconscious of that had his heart all along. In fact he loved her so much that he’d had her likeness tattooed on his skin. The reclining redhead on his forearm. A permanent reminder of his one true love. What a shame he only had shattered memories.

  My mind drifted back to the difficult conversation I’d had with Clara. She had been wonderful. I’d cried and she had let me. And as I had told Esme earlier, Clara had totally figured me out. Her words rattled around my head.

  “I know there is something you’re not able to tell me, Kelly. But you need to talk to someone. You need to share this pain. Please talk to a friend and let someone shoulder this burden with you. You can’t function and carry this alone. Whatever it is it will swallow you up if you don’t talk to someone.”

  I was grateful to Clara for encouraging me to spill my darkest secrets to Esme. And she was right. It felt good to know that someone else knew and wasn’t judging me. But what had been the point? The object of my affections now sat before me telling me how much he loved someone else. Karma is a bitch.

  Focusing my attention back on my patient, I made notes of the significant things. Tattoos of their initials, the room they’d made love in. The woman’s appearance. Her name—and an unusual one at that. All fairly significant memories. And I knew that as soon as I passed this information along to the authorities, they would place the final pieces of the jigsaw together and Cain would eventually go home. An email I had read before I was sent off on leave told me that they had discovered Cain’s home address but that I wasn’t to inform him of this until they completed their investigations and ensured he would be in no danger if he returned.

  The paperwork was already being processed, and although these things took time, it wouldn’t be much longer. As soon as his replacement passport was issued, there would be no reason for him to be kept here. I realised that the quicker the breakthroughs came, the sooner he would be fully aware of his past and his real home.

  At least there were no warrants out for his arrest. That was one saving grace. At least when he did go home, he would be able to commence the search for his sister; the police had uncovered nothing connected to her apart from a missing persons report. The authorities were simply dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s. And it was my duty to pass every breakthrough on to them. And this breakthrough would go some way to confirming what they had already ascertained. After all, his identity was pretty much confirmed. And if there was someone there, a loved one, whom they could contact to confirm his identity…

  Sadness flooded me at the thought that somewhere across the sea t
here was a woman waiting and wondering where Cain was. Worrying about him. Her heart breaking at his disappearance. I pitied her but at the same time envied her. In my breaking heart and my confused mind, I wanted so much to be the one he wanted. In an ideal world, I wouldn’t be his doctor, and he wouldn’t have someone waiting for him.

  But an ideal world it was not.

  We drank coffee and sat in an uncomfortable, tense silence. He clenched his jaw and the crease in his brow deepened.

  “Are you okay, Cain?”

  He shook his head. “She must be worried sick. She must wonder where the hell I am. She must think I don’t love her anymore.” He lifted his head, and the pain in his eyes took my breath away.

  “But when you get home and explain, she’ll understand. She’ll welcome you back with open arms. I can guarantee that.”

  “But… what if I don’t feel the same anymore when I see her? What if the feelings I had in my dream never return? What if this amnesia has changed all that?”

  I smiled, but I knew it would be tinged with sadness. “I’m sure the feelings will return.”

  He tilted his head to one side and scrutinised me. “Are you saying that as my doctor because you know it to be true or as someone who’s just too damn kind to say what she’s really thinking?”

  I cringed. “A little of both, I suppose.”

  The telephone rang and my heart leapt. We both turned toward it and gulped. Cain glanced over at me. “You haven’t seen me. I haven’t been here. You have no clue where I am.”

  I nodded and lifted the receiver. “Hello?”

  “Kelly? Oh, thank God. Are you okay?”

  “Hi, Alex,” I answered as breezily as I could. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just chilling with a good book.” I grabbed a magazine from the table and fanned my heated skin. I glanced over and caught a look of incredulity on Cain’s face, and when I flipped the magazine over, I was greeted with a stern-looking man staring at me in accusation from the cover of Psychologist’s Monthly. I cringed and rolled my eyes before remembering I was on the phone. “Is… is everything okay?”