“Have you checked out the reviews on your bakery lately?” he asked after swallowing hard then finally meeting her gaze.
“Reviews?” Merryn scrunched her nose. “I didn’t know people had reviewed it.”
“You do online sales, don’t you?”
“A few a month, and some around the holidays.” Merryn thought about it and realized her Easter sales had been lower than last year. She’d been caught up in Harriet’s passing and helping out at the farm grateful for the break.
“I made Stacia take down the reviews she posted.”
“She trolled me?” Merryn laughed, but realized she’d been affected by the poison spewed from his wife.
“There’s no way to know exactly how much damage she did, but I’ll be more than willing to write a check for your losses.”
“Don’t worry about it.” A few less lamb and bunny cakes this year was a blessing in disguise.
“I know how important it is for you to make it on your own. Especially, since alimony ends if you get married.”
“Where did that come from?” She spat before thinking. Something about his tone was confrontational. She’d heard it before, used against directors.
“Did I hear wrong?”
Now, it was the smugness she never recognized as being him when she witnessed tossed at others.
“Don’t you have someone now?”
“Afton Meyer?”
“I ran into her a month or so ago.”
“Why is your wife trying to sabotage me?”
“Because I screwed up the first time I got married.” He reached his hand across the table and covered her hand with his. “I married the woman I loved.”
“That’s funny, because I thought you married the woman who loved you.”
Chapter Nine
A smell was lingering in Austin’s dream. He was trying to locate its source as he traveled down a never-ending hallway. Rolling on his side his face smooshed against Merryn’s landline and soon the blare of being off the hook had him waking up. Stretching, he noticed the sun was lower in the sky. It was almost four thirty as it took a minute for him to figure out, he was once again half naked and in Merryn’s bed…he smiled a bit.
He hung up her landline and then searched for his cell phone. It was almost dead, but he wanted to make sure Trinity came up for the funeral. Most of her life, her grandmother had been mute, but she was sharing memories of when she was little with her at New Years.
“Rae,” he said after she picked up. “I can have Gretchen get Trinity if you don’t mind her coming up a day or two early.”
“Easter is on Sunday. Will you be bringing her right home?”
“I just figured…” he trailed off.
“Austin, she’s staying here. It’s not your holiday.”
“You’re pulling the custody agreement out on this?”
“Don’t make me call my lawyer.”
“Because he’s her son? Even Brad wouldn’t be that big of an asshat.”
“Have you met him?” Rae sneered. “As long as it pisses you off, he’ll back me.”
“Trinity lost her grandmother, please let me have her.”
“I’ll see if she even wants to come up there. It could be damaging to her.”
“She’s fifteen not five. Paying respects isn’t going to traumatize her.” Austin ran his hand over his face. “The wake is on Friday night, she can miss that if you want, but please Rae, please let her come and say goodbye.”
He heard her shifting around on the other end of the phone. The vision of her biting her bottom lip as she struggled to not say what she really wanted to, probably something like take a flying leap, but instead she let out a long sigh.
“I’ll bring her up, it’s the least I can do,” she said and Austin held in his joy. “But she has to agree to come and I’ll be checking her phone. If you try to talk her into it, she won’t come.”
“Agreed.”
“I’ll see you Saturday if she says yes.”
“Thank you Rae.”
After a long pause, he heard Rae breathe in deep.
“I am sorry about your mom.”
“I appreciate that.”
They hung up and he retrieved his pants. Wandering into the kitchen, he stirred the pot with the stew. The gravy was perfect and he savored a piece of meat so tender it practically melted in his mouth. This whole dating a cook was a perk, he hadn’t considered. The guys would love this, especially with Merryn’s cottage rolls to sop up the excess gravy.
Heading downstairs, he heard noise in the kitchen and smiled thinking about Merryn doing her final preps before closing everything down. “That stew you made should be a sin,” he said as he descended the staircase. “Seriously woman, is there anything you can’t do?”
“There’s a lot I can’t do, but then again I’m just a waitress,” Kristy said as he made it to the last step.
“Sorry, I thought you were Merryn.”
“I figured. I’m supposed to be gone, but I think she wants to be alone.”
“Why’s that?” Austin asked pushing the swinging door open enough to see Merryn’s back to him and a man with his hand over hers.
“Do you know who that is?” Kristy asked. “I think they’re friends, but…well from the little I’ve heard, he’s much more.”
“You’ve been spying?”
“No,” she said as her cheeks blushed. “More like I can’t tune out voices.”
“And those voices said?”
“I thought you hated gossip.”
“I do,” he said and the phone rang. “Triple B,” Austin said picking it up like he did during off hours.
“I’m looking for a Merryn Sota,” a woman said.
“Can I tell her who’s calling?”
“This is Peggy from Dr. Snyder’s office, is she available.”
“Please hold.” Austin pressed the button to put the phone on hold and then thought about the fact Merryn had a call from a doctor. She hadn’t been ill, but then again, maybe she wasn’t telling him everything because of his other stressors. “Merryn,” he called poking his head through the door.
She snatched her hand away from the man when she turned.
“Phone call.”
“Can you take a message?”
“It’s a doctor’s office, they don’t do that.”
“Right.” She looked up at the clock then to the phone behind the counter. Standing up, she came back into the kitchen. “Kristy, I thought you went home.”
“Just heading out now,” she said gathering her bag as she scurried out of the kitchen.
Merryn took the phone from Austin then stared at him.
“I’ll just make myself scarce,” he said as he went into the storefront as Merryn took the call.
He became transfixed with the light on the extension by the cash register as he counted the seconds until she hung up. When had she gone to the doctor and why?
“You the dishwasher?” the man at the table asked.
He had a foreign accent and Austin had to process his words more than once. “Why would you think that?”
“You came from the kitchen didn’t you?”
“Merryn…” Austin stopped his explanation. Whoever this man was he didn’t need to hear Austin’s life story or be added to the gossips speculating on where he slept at night. “Who are you?”
“Erik, Erik Sota,” he said extending his hand.
Austin felt obligated to shake it, even though he wanted to smash Erik’s face in instead.
“I’m Merryn’s ex-husband.”
“Austin Larsen. Merryn’s current…” Boyfriend sounded so juvenile, lover too European, and fuck buddy too crass and less than they were. “We’re seeing each other.”
“How’s that going? Dating my ex, when we all know she’s still in love with me.”
“She drove until her car broke down to get away from you.”
“To be out of my pull,” he challenged as he leaned back and placed one fo
ot on the bottom rung of the chair across from him. Even sitting, it was clear he was shorter than Austin by at least three inches. Thick black hair shone as he ran his fingers through it to keep it from falling in his obsidian eyes. The tanned skin must come from heritage, not current living location as Merryn had told Austin more than once that Erik lived in the office.
Then why is he here? “You part of the group scouting movie locations?”
“Bernie’s movie?” he asked not waiting for a response. “They weren’t scouting, they were absorbing. It’ll be shot up in Vancouver.”
“Should be Iowa, but shot in Canada, makes sense to me.”
“That’s how it works.”
“All lies and misconceptions, no wonder Merryn never fit in.”
“Oh, she fit.”
The words from Erik stung and Austin’s already frayed nerves were itching for a fight. “If she fit, then she’d still be there.”
“I understand you may have discovered feelings for her, but I want her back.” He knocked his knuckles three times on the top of the table. “And I usually get what I want.”
“There’s one thing I know for sure, Merryn isn’t a usual woman. I doubt she’ll want to come running back to you. If you wanted to have kids somewhere else, you two could of adopted or used a surrogate.”
“Merryn’s the one who left.”
“Because you made her feel like a failure.”
“That’s on her.”
“No, it’s on you,” Austin said standing his ground.
A swoosh sounded behind him and Merryn came out and approached the two men. “Don’t you have a plane to catch?” she asked.
“Yes, interesting people you have in town,” Erik said as he pushed up from the table. “A bit uninformed on life, but I assume that’s the appeal.”
“It was nice seeing you Erik.” She gave him a hug.
The embrace lasted a bit too long for Austin as Erik ran his hand up and down her back before they broke the embrace and he took her hands in his.
“Next time call first.”
Erik reached in his inside coat pocket and retrieved a check. “Take it, let me know if it’s not enough.”
“It’s not necessary.” Merryn held her free hand up.
Austin felt a bit of a point in his direction, even though the whole interaction had a thick fog of uncertainty wafting up from both Merryn and Erik.
“Why? My assumptions about your money situation wrong?”
“You could cut off the other checks right now and I’ll be more than fine.”
“Fine isn’t good enough for you Merryn.” Erik placed the check on the table and knocked three times again, with his knuckles before leaving.
Merryn crossed to the door and locked it. “I better check on the stew.” She headed to the kitchen, but Austin caught her by the wrist and he saw a tear resting on the edge of her eye. “Please Austin, not now.”
* * * *
Merryn knew her duty was to Austin at this time. She couldn’t discuss the visit from Erik earlier today, not with the wake the next day. At three in the morning, she woke from the flood of nightmares. Austin held her tighter than he ever had. His arm locked around her waist and his nose buried in her hair right at her neck. If she could get her mind to shut up, she’d roll over and ravage him. That would clear up everything, but once again, he’d actually found sleep and she couldn’t take that from him. Not when it had been such an illusive bitch to him lately. Instead, she unlatched his arm from her hips and slipped out of the bed.
Pulling her hair up into a bun, she found a pair of pajama pants. In slippered feet, she made her way down to the kitchen and started to pull out ingredients for the spread at the wake. If nothing else, she could bury her head in the kitchen for the next few days. In her peripheral vision, she saw the phone and the conversation from that afternoon played back in her mind.
“This is Merryn,” she said unsure why her doctor would call her.
“Ms. Sota, this is Peggy from Dr. Snyder’s office.”
“Okay, was something wrong on my pap?”
“No, that was clear, but Dr. Snyder ran additional tests on you. We noticed you were unsure of when you’re last period was.”
“I have polycystic ovaries, it doesn’t exactly come like clockwork, but it always comes.”
“Maybe not for a while. You’re pregnant.”
Merryn’s heart clutched tight as she felt pain and her eyes teared up. She peered out a crack in the door and saw Austin squared up with Erik. Well out of earshot. “Well, it’s not like I’ll stay that way.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, so I can tell Dr. Snyder you’ll be terminating the pregnancy.”
“My body tends to do that. I will say though, this is the first time I got pregnant without the aid of hormones and doctors.”
“She’d like to try to prevent another miscarriage. Would you be able to come in tomorrow for an ultrasound and additional tests?”
She was torn, could she possibly have a child? A child with Austin? Unlike with Erik, she got pregnant naturally. No pressure, no stress, she shook her head, it was ridiculous, she might have gotten pregnant with Erik and lost the child without knowing it. Erik wanted her back and the first thought that came to her was I loved you once, but in your mind, I was never enough. With Austin, she was everything he’d ever wanted. At least that’s the way he made her feel. And Erik didn’t make her feel anything. The childish crush she’d had on him no longer tugged at her heart. Instead, he was just a nice memory of times gone by.
“Ms. Sota?” Peggy snapped her back to the moment.
“What’s the earliest I could get in?”
“Nine.”
“And how long will it take?”
“An hour, we’ll be able to call you with results by the end of the day. In the meantime, take it easy, no caffeine or alcohol. At least not until we have a plan in place for you.”
“How many high risk patients does Dr. Snyder deal with?”
“Not many, she would consult with the University of Iowa, you might end up going down there once or twice.”
“Let’s get me through a full trimester, then we can talk about the other options.” A tingle made her rest her hand on her belly. She got the details and looked at Austin standing tall at the front of her bakery. He wasn’t backing down from Erik, most men did. Instead, he was being a man…her man. Warmth coursed through her body at the sight of him. When he looked out the front window for a moment, she knew she couldn’t tell him. Not now. Not until she had a better handle on everything. This loss she would have to handle on her own. She looked to Erik and all she saw was pain covered in sweet words that never healed her.
The timer went off and she steadied herself. In front of her were diced veggies. She had no idea what she was going to do with them or what her plan had been. At least she hadn’t chopped off a finger in her blind cooking. The timer buzzed again, and she went to the oven to remove the rolls she’d been cooking to go with—her mind blanked again. Meat, that’s right. How could she be the hostess with the mostest? It wasn’t even five yet, but she heard Austin moving around upstairs. At least he wouldn’t think she was doing anything but preparing for the day. With the creak, she looked to the staircase and saw his long legs coming down the stairs.
“You’ve been busy,” he said looking at the diced veggies.
She glanced down and still couldn’t remember what her plan had been for them. “Yeah, I have to run to Waterloo this morning, so I need to have everything for the day done before eight.”
“What’s in Waterloo?”
“Rampant crime,” Merryn smirked.
“Is it about that phone call yesterday? You’ve been quiet since then.” Austin stepped further into the kitchen.
Merryn held tight to the prep table afraid of falling.
“If it’s none of my business, just tell me.”
Merryn turned and went into the fridge. Digging for her croissant dough, she began to remember what she�
�d cut the veggies for. A pizza like cold dish she’d been fed at any town gathering. She’d updated the veggie pizza with her cream cheese dill dip.
She should have been joyous. Instead, she held on to the fear of loss. Disappointment. If she didn’t tell Austin, she wouldn’t be tarnished. Broken. It’s one thing to be told a woman was broken, but it was quite another to experience it. Especially, when he’d lost a child once before. Not that she could compare a child she’d never held to one he’d raised.
“Maybe I should check on the farm,” Austin said.
Merryn’s heart clenched. She prayed she was doing the right thing. “I’ll see you at the school. Everything will be set up.”
He went back upstairs and she heard him moving around. The sound of rhythmic thumping was disrupted by Austin placing his hand on her shoulder. Her eyes snapped open and she recognized it was her heart pounding.
“Did I scare you?” he asked. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Of course.”
“You haven’t moved in the last ten minutes.”
“I haven’t?”
“Merryn, whatever is going on with you I swear, I’m here for you.”
“It’s nothing really, they messed up on some test, and I have to go back.”
“There is something, something medical?”
“Something human, error. I swear it’s nothing to worry about.” She placed her hand over his and saw the concern in his eyes as his jaw tightened. “I love you, Austin.”
He leaned down and captured her lips.
Warmth coursed through her removing the chill she hadn’t noticed until he thawed her and she melted against him. In this moment, the world was right. Freezing time seemed the only course of action. No matter the outcome from her visit with Dr. Snyder, their relationship would change when she came back. When Austin’s hands came to her hips, she felt her feet leave the ground as he brought her to an empty counter and set her down.
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