Fervor

by Chantal Boudreau

  “You didn’t answer my question!” Fiona barked angrily. “What just happened to Nathan!”

  The front door opened and the young man in question walked in. He looked over at Fiona and locked eyes with her, his face suddenly apologetic.

  “I’m so sorry. I should have been here. He should have never been able to lay a finger on you.”

  He never had the chance to finish his thoughts on the matter. Fiona ran over to him and wrapped her arms around him, burying her face in his neck. He silently returned the embrace, trying to avoid getting any blood on her from his wounded hand.

  “Can you walk? I can finish fixing you down on the beach between stretches of working on the hover,” Sarah whispered.

  Sam nodded. He was not as concerned about himself now, feeling much more like his usual self other than the fuzzy thoughts and mild ache. Sarah was already looking exhausted from her efforts with his injury. He hoped that Elliot would recognize that and give her plenty of opportunities to rest once they started work on the hover again.

  Sam rose shakily to his feet. Weaving their way around the older couple, who no longer seemed to really notice them anyway, they joined Elliot outside. The technician was staring up at the dark clouds overhead.

  “It’s going to rain. We had better hurry. If we work fast, we may be able to finish up the bottom of the hover before the weather worsens. We won’t be able to do anymore than that until Nathan helps us flip it, and we’re going to have to set up that hoist that Sarah suggested first. Then it will just be a matter of some few final touches and we can finally leave this cursed island,” he muttered.

  The tide was high and the waves choppy when they reached the shore. Sam was surprised at how much progress that they had already made since he last laid eyes upon the hover. The sleek, bullet-like shape was gradually being restored; and although it was discoloured in places and its surface slightly marred in others, Sam could get a good idea of what it had originally looked like before the accident. If Sarah had invested as much effort in mending the vehicle that morning as it would appear, followed by having to fix him, Sam was amazed that she was even still able to stand. Nevertheless, she joined Elliot unwavering, a determined look in her eye and desperation in her expression.

  Sam wished he could be more useful while sitting around waiting for Sarah to have a moment to spare. She flitted back and forth between him and the hover, and just watching her do this made him tired, but her energy seemed limitless despite her fatigue. Sam gained a new respect for her that day, deciding that perhaps it made sense that she was the Fixer with the strongest presence in the connection out of everyone in the house-family, since she seemed to have the strongest spirit. He knew that it was because she was so anxious to find Francis, and that the sooner the remainder of the repairs for the day had been made, the sooner they would be able to try and hunt him down and possibly fix him.

  From time to time, Sam did check on the young man by means of the connection. Francis was still on the go, and getting steadily farther away. There was purpose to his travels, but Sam could not figure out what that was. He did not dare peer in through one of those Swiss cheese holes, for fear he might get lost in the turmoil and chaos that he saw within and never escape.

  Sarah and Elliot did manage to finish the repairs before the rain began, with time to spare. Elliot called Nathan down from the house to help set up the hoist, but the Watcher would not agree to leave Fiona alone in the house no matter how far away Sam claimed that Francis was. Sarah had fixed the Finder to her satisfaction, so he volunteered to return from the beach.

  Fiona and Nathan met him at the door. She was reluctant to let the young man go, but she understood the importance of completing the restoration of the hover as quickly as possible. As he departed, she dragged herself over to a chair and stared forlornly out of the window. Sam sat nearby and fidgeted for a while, not knowing quite how to deal with Fiona anymore.

  “Are you going to be alright, Fiona?” he finally asked, the stillness in the room getting to him.

  “I wasn’t sure at first,” she answered, still gazing out through the window. “I had my problems with Francis, but I never expected him to try anything like this. I was worried about the memories this would leave. You know what it’s like for me. Once it’s there, it’s there for good. It isn’t a matter of time making the experience fade for me.”

  She hesitated, shuddering.

  “It was awful, Sam. The things that he made me say...the things that he made me do. He was merciless. I didn’t want any of it, but I had to do it.”

  “I’m sorry. Sarah said that he was broken, and I don’t think that she was mistaken,” he offered quietly. “Elliot has been right all along. What they’ve done to us – the changes that they made to us and the changes that they prevented – the enforcement of the Directives, the making us act like little adults, but stealing the capability from us to actually grow up. How can they justify any of it?”

  “I’d probably be just as broken if it weren’t for Nathan,” Fiona admitted. “He’s giving me memories that overshadow the ones Francis left with me. Any time that I’m haunted by the bad things that have happened over the years, all I need to do is hold on to the ones of Nathan and they can’t hurt me anymore.”

  “Whatever helps you to cope, Fiona. Hopefully all of this will just be a bad memory soon for all of us. We’ll find something new – something better. Elliot has a plan for us.”

  Sam saw her smile, still watching outside.

  “It’s raining,” she announced. “That means that they’ll be back soon.”

  Fiona relaxed into her chair, her relief almost tangible.

  She was not wrong, several minutes later the threesome piled into the house. Nathan was tired and grimy, smeared with oil in places. Fiona greeted him joyfully and dragged him off to the kitchen to clean him up. Elliot, who entered behind him, was carrying Sarah, who was curled into him, exhausted. She was so tired that she had actually dozed off on the way back despite the awkward position in which he was forced to hold her. She was petite for a girl approaching thirteen, but Elliot was as fatigued as Nathan was, and Sarah was no longer a little child. He lay her down the first chance that he got, and headed off to shower. She stirred immediately.

  “Sam?”

  Groggily, she searched for the Finder first thing, wanting a resolution to the situation involving Francis.

  “Sam, we’re done. Now you have to help me find Francis so that I can fix him. You promised.”

  “How are you going to manage that, Sarah? You can barely keep your eyes open. Even if we do reach him, what good to him will you be,” Sam objected.

  “Sam, please,” she begged, leaning forward and clutching at his tunic. “I have to find him. I have to fix him. If you won’t help me do this, then I had better go pack my things and set off in the direction that I think he might have gone.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Sam scoffed. “It’s pouring out there, and you won’t have any chance of catching up to him let alone finding him. You’d be better off waiting until morning when you’re well rested.”

  “And when I’ll be expected to go back out there and finish working on the hover. I’m dead serious, Sam. I need this like you need to breathe. I have to know where he is, I have to know that he’s okay, and I have to try and fix him, right now.”

  Sam already knew that the errant young man was far from okay, and he was not so sure that Sarah was capable of fixing him even when she was well rested and at her full strength. Still, he decided it was better to humour her rather than have to fight with her and restrain her to keep her from wandering off into the rainy night. He heard Nathan and Fiona laughing in the kitchen — a sound that still persisted despite communicating through the connection — and knew that they would not approve of this. Nathan saw Francis as a despicable traitor at the moment – worse than Royce — and Fiona would be happy to see Francis rot in hell. They certainly did not share Sarah’s dedication to the man who had
been their Teller, unwarranted or not.

  “Alright. I’ll do this, but not here. Let’s go to your room. It’s quieter there, and more comfortable.” Not the reasons he wanted to go there, but truthful nonetheless. “I’ll do my best, but I can’t make any guarantees. Even if I do find him, he may still insist on blocking you out.”

  The pair crept stealthily into her room and settled into place side by side on Sarah’s bed. With an apprehensive expression, she grasped his hand and waited. Releasing a soft sigh, Sam began his search.

  He knew where to begin, having followed Francis sporadically during the day. There was something familiar to Sam about the path that Francis was taking, but he was not sure why. Their ex-Teller had long left the general area and was not headed towards the Hub. It was somewhere else – somewhere accompanied by an uneasy feeling. He tried to remember where that was, but Sam was no Keeper, so it did not come to him immediately. Sarah was following behind him in the connection and experienced the same awareness.

  “Where is he going?” she demanded fretfully. “We’re not supposed to be here. Why would he be going somewhere where we are not supposed to go?”

  Sam shrugged mentally.

  “Sarah, I can’t explain why he’s doing anything that he’s doing right now. He’s not acting rationally. He’s not acting like Francis. I wish I could give you some answers, but I can’t.”

  As they neared the ex-Teller, Sarah seemed to cringe.

  “What’s wrong with his walls? He’s gotten worse, hasn’t he? He’s much more broken than he used to be. It’s not just because of what happened with Fiona, is it? It’s because Elliot took his gift away.”

  Her words were frantic as she struggled to get near Francis. Then suddenly, he was gone.

  “Where did he go?” she gasped.

  Sam had no idea. He had never lost anyone in the connection before. They had grown faint, and sometimes had been beyond his reach, but never just disappeared.

  “Go back,” Sam insisted. “Leave me alone to look for him. He must have slipped away from us somehow. I’ll be able to focus better on finding him if I’m alone. I’ll come back for you when I find him.” He had done that with Elliot when he had first appeared on the beach, and he hoped that he could do it again with Francis.

  Sarah obeyed, distancing herself from Sam and returning closer to home. Sam began searching. He started in the area where he had last seen Francis and then moved away from there, looking desperately for the young man, but he could not find him. In fact, after a short while, when his panic subsided a little, Sam had to acknowledge that he was not going to find him no matter how hard he tried. His instincts told him loud and clear that Francis was no longer there in the connection to be found.

  Sam paused before rejoining Sarah, returning to the location where they had lost Francis in the first place. He wracked his brains to figure out where he was and why it bothered him so much. Finally it came to him – Francis had gone to the High Barrens.

  There was a part of Fervor that did not have sandy beaches and rocky shores and it was called the High Barrens. Instead, along that stretch of the island there were sheer cliffs that dropped off into the ocean. It had always been off limits to the children because it was considered to be too dangerous a place to venture. Sam suddenly felt queasy.

  If Francis really were no longer part of the connection, there were two possible reasons why. He may have found some way to subvert his access to the connection again, something like the Languorite, or whatever devices the scholars had been using to begin with. Of course, Sam was sure that the ex-Teller did not have the Languorite with him because he had seen Elliot use it on Nathan. As far as Sam knew, there was nothing else like it on Fervor.

  The other possibility was that Francis was no longer part of the connection because Francis was no longer part of anything.

  Sam rushed back to Sarah, almost in an attempt to escape everything that had just come to light. When he reached her, however, his heart filled with dread as he realized that it now fell upon his shoulders to share his impressions with his Fixer friend, and she would not react well to what he would have to tell her.

  “Did you find him? Can you take me to him again?” she asked excitedly.

  “No, Sarah,” Sam confessed. “I can’t take you to him again. He’s gone.”

  She froze up a little, confused.

  “Gone? Do you mean he left Fervor?”

  “No, not in the usual sense anyway. I mean he’s simply not there anymore, Sarah. If he had somehow managed to leave Fervor, I still should have been able to find him – he couldn’t have gotten far enough away to avoid me. Like with Elliot. He was on the Mainland, but I still managed to guide you to him the first time that we went looking for him,” he thought at her, trying to be kind about it. It was difficult, because Sam had already fought through his panic and was now starting to feel numb.

  “If he didn’t leave Fervor, then how can he not be there anymore?” Sarah questioned, bewildered. She had not considered the possibilities that Sam had.

  “He was at the High Barrens, Sarah,” Sam explained as delicately as possible. “He’s gone.”

  There was an instant backlash of denial from the petite girl.

  “No, no, no! You just didn’t look hard enough. You have to go back! You have to look longer. You have to find him for me,” she pleaded tearfully.

  “I’m sure,” he sighed. “He’s not part of the connection anymore.”

  “You’re wrong,” Sarah sobbed. “You have to be wrong. I never had the chance to fix him. Please, Sam. Tell me that you’re wrong.”

  Sam looped his arm around her sympathetically. He felt badly about this, and he knew that Sarah would be feeling much, much worse. She still cared about Francis, no matter what he had done. It saddened Sam as well that Francis would likely not be missed by the others

  “I’m sorry, Sarah,” was all the solace that he could offer her. He had never lost anyone this way before. It was a very strange feeling.

  “Why?” she wailed. “Why wouldn’t he let me fix him before all of this happened? He was special. It should never have ended this way. Why wouldn’t he let me fix him?”

  She dropped her head into Sam’s lap, weeping loudly. A few moments later there was a knock at the door.

  “Sarah? Are you okay?”

  It was Elliot.

  “I’m here with her,” Sam replied. “I have this handled.” Not well, he thought, but handled.

  “Oh – alright. That’s good.”

  The technician was relieved at not having to sort out some emotional outburst from the girl. He still felt very awkward around the children, and Elliot figured that it was some delayed response to what had happened earlier in the day. The Finder had already decided that telling Elliot, Fiona, and Nathan about Francis could wait until morning. Sam had Sarah to deal with for now, and he would have to try and comfort her himself. Fiona wouldn’t understand, and Nathan had always been wary about how he should behave around Sarah, viewing her as more fragile than the others.

  Sam spent the rest of the evening just letting her cling to him for consolation as she cried. He stroked her hair the way that Francis used to, and continuously reassured her that it was not her fault. Eventually, she cried herself to sleep, still lying in his lap.

  The High Barrens

  Sam woke before Sarah did the next morning, which was not a big surprise considering how exhausted she had been when she had finally fallen asleep. He was glad. He had somewhere to go and something to do, and it would be easier for him to leave with her asleep. Leaving as quietly as he could manage so as not to disturb her, he headed out of her room and into his own. He gathered up several of his things in his backpack and crept into the kitchen.

  He collected supplies for his trip from the cupboards, since he could not necessarily guarantee that he would find what he would need en route, and he guessed that he would be gone for at least two days. He would not be able to match the outrageous pace Franc
is had maintained as he had made his way barefoot to the forbidden grounds. Sam realized that this meant that the others might take the hover and leave without him, but he needed answers and it was a pull that he could not resist.

  He tried to be stealthy as he moved to slip out of the kitchen again, and to sneak over to the front door, but Fiona was there as he opened the kitchen door.

  “What are you doing up this early, Sam?” she asked casually. Then she took note of the backpack. Her expression darkened. “Where are you going?”

  “I have a special finding trip that I have to make.” He wasn’t planning to elaborate. He wanted to make his escape before Nathan and Elliot got up as well.

  “What kind of special finding trip? Why would you need your backpack to go there?”

  Sam hesitated, reluctant to tell her anything. Then, to make matters worse, Nathan appeared as well. Sam sighed.

  “I’m going to look for Francis,” he admitted.

  “So you can bring him back here?” Fiona exclaimed. “No!”

  “How far away is he, that you need your backpack?” Nathan added.

  “I wasn’t intending on bringing him back here. I just want to figure out exactly what happened to him, and why he went there,” Sam replied.

  “Went where?”

  Sam could see Nathan was growing concerned over the direction of this conversation.

  “The High Barrens,” the Finder confessed, shifting the backpack up onto his shoulders and reaching for the doorknob. Fiona immediately looked horrified.

  “You can’t go there,” she insisted. “It’s off-limits.”

  “Why would Francis go there?” Nathan questioned. “It’s dangerous.”

  “That’s what I want to find out,” Sam explained.

  “Why don’t you just ask him then?” Fiona grumbled, rolling her eyes. “Following him all the way out there is crazy. He’s not worth the risk.”

  “I can’t just ask him.” Sam just wanted to go. He had been hoping to avoid this kind of interrogation. He dropped his gaze. “He’s not part of the connection anymore.”