Family Baggage

by Monica McInerney

  ‘Austin, I’m sorry, but I still don’t understand. You ring out of the blue, you won’t tell me anything, you say I have to get to Cork for Lara’s sake …’

  ‘It’s not something I want to tell you over the phone. It’s awful news. Really awful news.’

  Her breath caught. ‘She’s not—?’

  ‘No, she’s not dead. I haven’t seen her yet, but she’s alive.’ As far as he knew. ‘It’s about her parents.’

  The relief made Harriet impatient with him again. ‘Austin, we’ve talked about this. That’s Lara’s business, not ours. If she needs to visit where the crash happened, we have to respect that, don’t we? Give her some space?’

  ‘It’s not that simple. There was more to it than that.’

  ‘What do you mean more to it? Was it drunk-driving? Was someone else killed in the crash?’

  He had no choice. ‘Harriet, Lara’s parents didn’t die in a car crash. Lara’s mother killed her father, then killed herself. In a holiday cottage outside Cork. That’s where Lara is. She’s staying in the cottage right now.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘No, that can’t be true. You must have confused them with someone else.’

  ‘Harriet, it’s them. It’s their names. The right dates. It’s them. I’ve read the newspaper report. Spoken to the local police.’

  ‘You’re sure that’s what happened? It wasn’t an accident?’

  ‘It wasn’t an accident. She stabbed him and then she took an overdose.’

  Harriet felt a chill. ‘But how could that have been hidden from us? Surely people would have known?’

  ‘It happened on the other side of the world. It was more than twenty years ago. There was no Internet. I don’t know how, Harriet, but it happened.’

  ‘But why would the police lie about a thing like that?’

  ‘It wasn’t the police. It was Mum.’

  ‘Mum?’

  ‘Mum made up the story about the car crash and the only person she told the truth to was Gloria. I don’t think it was deliberate lying. Gloria said it was to protect Lara.’

  ‘Gloria knew too? All this time? And she didn’t say anything?’

  ‘She made a promise to Mum.’

  ‘But you don’t keep a promise in these circumstances.’

  ‘Gloria did.’ He told her everything Gloria had said to him.

  They were both silent for a long time afterwards. Then Harriet spoke again. ‘Would Lara think we all knew already? That we’ve always known and kept it from her?’

  ‘Maybe. I think so. It would explain why she disappeared so suddenly. Why she hasn’t been in contact with any of us. Harriet, I’m going to go to the house tomorrow. We need to talk to her. I need you to be there too.’

  ‘Of course I should be there. I want to be there.’ She didn’t hesitate. ‘But Austin, I’m worried about the group being on their own. They’re old people.’

  ‘I told you, Nina can take over. She’ll be able to handle anything that comes up. I’ll arrange what I can from here, get all your flights sorted out. There’s only a couple during the day, we haven’t got a lot of choice. And I think you should read the newspaper report before you get here, as well. Let it sink in. I don’t want to shock you any more than I already have. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. I know you’re still fragile—’

  ‘I’m all right, Austin. I’ve been all right for a while. I can handle more than any of you think I can. I just can’t believe it. Any of it.’

  ‘It’s true. It’s horrible but it’s true. I’ll fax the article to you now, Harriet. And I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  ‘See you, Austin.’

  She hung up, and turned, ashen-faced, to Patrick.

  Nina was waiting when Austin came back to his room after faxing the article to Harriet’s hotel.

  He started talking as soon as he came in. ‘You’re still sure you don’t mind taking over the tour? It should be fairly simple. You’ll be handing them on to another tour leader within a couple of hours. Think of them as a flock of sheep being moved from one field to another.’

  ‘I’ll be fine. Do you need to let anyone else know it’ll be me? Or can you and Harriet just change things like this?’

  Austin had thought about it. It was a Turner Travel tour and he and Harriet were Turners, weren’t they? They were allowed to sort it out between themselves. ‘No, it’s fine. I’ll take responsibility for it all. As I said, it’s straightforward anyway. Meet them all at the airport, take the group to the other tour company meeting point and then make sure Patrick Shawcross gets his flight home.’

  She nodded. ‘What’s he like? Not a prima donna or anything?’

  ‘No. He seemed nice enough. Friendly.’ He got a mental image of Harriet and Patrick Shawcross together. He realised something else. Harriet had been in Patrick’s room when he rang. ‘Nina, could you ever have a fling with a much older man?’

  ‘I’ve heard of sudden subject changes—’

  ‘I’m sorry. My mind’s all over the place. It’s something I thought I saw when I was in St Ives. And something I realised now.’

  ‘About Patrick Shawcross and one of the tour group?’

  ‘About Patrick Shawcross and my sister.’

  ‘Did she say something to you?’

  He shook his head. ‘No. It was just a feeling when I met him. The way he looked at her, or she looked at him. Something, anyway.’ He knew the look well, from his own experiences with women over the years. ‘And she was in his room tonight. Now.’

  ‘How much older is he than her?’

  ‘Harriet’s thirty-two. I’d say he’s in his mid-forties.’

  ‘That’s nothing. You made it sound like he was in his eighties. You’re not suffering from protective older brother syndrome, are you?’

  ‘I am her older brother.’

  ‘And how old did you say your sister was? Thirteen or thirty-two?’

  ‘It’s just she’s been shaky lately.’

  ‘So maybe what she needs is a nice big affair to get her back on her feet. Nothing like it to soothe the spirit, so I hear.’

  ‘You’re supposed to be on my side.’

  ‘No, I’m not. Leave her alone, Austin. She’s a grown woman.’ She seemed to realise it wasn’t a laughing matter. She went across and pulled Austin into a hug. ‘I’m sorry, she’s your sister, but that’s what I think.’

  He hugged her back. She felt good. ‘You’re probably right. I forgive you.’

  She looked up at him. ‘You’re sure? I’d hate to leave you on bad terms.’

  ‘I’m sure,’ he said. She didn’t just feel good. She felt better than good. He leaned down and kissed her.

  After Austin called, Harriet quickly dressed and collected his fax from reception. She stood in the foyer and read the newspaper article three times.

  She returned to Patrick’s room. He’d asked her to come back. He read the fax while she sat at the table opposite and watched his face. He looked up, serious. ‘It’s terrible. It’s a terrible thing to find out.’

  ‘I have to go there. We need to see her, to talk to her. My brother and I.’

  ‘Of course. Do you want to go tonight?’

  She shook her head. Austin had already told her there were no flights that night. ‘Tomorrow.’

  He offered to take charge of the group. She explained about Nina coming over. He asked more, about Lara, about her arrival in the Turner family. The stories spilled from Harriet. She spoke about it in a way she hadn’t before with anyone. The entire time the fax lay on the table between them.

  She didn’t stay with him that night. She couldn’t. Something had shifted inside her. It was as if her confidence had gone. That happiness. It didn’t seem right to feel good, to want to be in Patrick’s arms, in his bed, when Lara was alone in the house where her parents had died so violently. Harriet kept getting terrible images in her head, of Lara mimicking her mother, taking pills, bringing it all in so
me terrible full circle.

  She told Patrick she was sorry. She told him the truth, that it didn’t feel right. She said goodnight and went back to her own room. She undressed, brushed her teeth, tried to read. Nothing was calming her. She tried to picture Lara’s parents as they had been, not in the way the article had described them. All she had was a child’s eye view, from the time they came to collect Lara, a few months before they died. She tried to picture Lara’s mother, summoning only a hazy image of dark hair and nervous laughter. Her voice on the phone all the times she would ring and Harriet would answer. It was so hard to reconcile those images with thoughts of a woman stabbing her husband, then killing herself, abandoning her only child.

  She couldn’t sleep. She couldn’t stop thinking about Lara, what this all meant for her, what it meant for their whole family. She kept trying to understand why her mother would have invented the story of the car crash. Thinking again and again of the horror that had happened to Lara’s parents. And thinking, more than anything, of how Lara must be feeling right now.

  The handover took place in front of Bristol Airport in the early afternoon, exactly as Austin had arranged.

  Harriet had explained the situation to the group at breakfast time. She kept it simple, mentioning sudden family business, hoping they’d understand if she didn’t go into detail about it and promising they would all be in safe hands with Nina. Only Mrs Lamerton had muttered about a revolving-door system of tour guides.

  The final outing of the tour had been a short journey along the coast to Marazion, and a boat trip over to the small island and dramatic castle of St Michael’s Mount. Harriet only half heard Patrick’s talk about the Willoughby filming that had taken place there. He didn’t seem to be telling any unusual stories. He kept it short, in fact.

  On the way back to St Ives for their farewell lunch she sat in the guide’s seat, looking out the front window, intensely conscious that he was sitting behind her. She knew he was concerned. She knew they needed to talk more.

  There wasn’t the opportunity. They returned from the bus trip with just enough time to change before they were due in the dining room. It was a lively lunch. Mrs Lamerton called out Willoughby quiz questions and answered most of them herself. There was some shifting of seats around the dining table to get close to Patrick for the final time, but several women in the group were already looking to the next trip, talking aloud about their favourite scenes from All Creatures Great and Small and Monarch of the Glen. Harriet made a short speech, thanking them all and presenting a bottle of whisky to Clive. The group gave her a big box of chocolates and a card they’d all signed. Mrs Kempton presented Patrick with her handknitted jumper, with the little Patch embroidered on the bottom right-hand corner. He put it on. It was at least three sizes too big. There was a lot of laughter. Harriet felt as if she was a long way away, watching it all from a distance.

  Patrick had come straight to her in the breakfast room that morning. Touched her arm. ‘Harriet? Are you all right? Did you sleep? Can I do anything?’

  ‘Thank you, but no, I don’t think so.’

  ‘We need to talk. Will you have time after breakfast? Can you come to my room?’

  She nodded. Twenty minutes later she was on her way to him when Mrs Kempton called out to her in the corridor. She’d lost not only her glasses but also her passport. She also had a row of small buttons on her shirt that she needed help with. It set off a domino effect in the group. Mr and Mrs Douglas broke a zip on their suitcase. The lens fell out of Miss Boyd’s reading glasses. Miss Talbot lost her macintosh. Harriet had to phone Patrick to say she couldn’t come yet.

  There was a moment after lunch when she and Patrick were alone, but then Mr and Mrs Douglas insisted on a group photo and urged everyone outside to the hotel steps. Then she needed to make sure all their luggage was out of their rooms and on the bus. There were more last-minute hitches. Miss Talbot lost her macintosh again. Mr Fidock couldn’t remember the combination of his in-room safe. Mrs Lamerton decided she wanted to take the Willoughby videos on the next tour with her and needed another bag to carry them in.

  Now they were at Bristol Airport and they still hadn’t had a chance to talk.

  Nina had arrived on the early flight from Cork. She was waiting in front of the airport when they drove up in the bus. Austin had described her as small and very pretty. Harriet liked her immediately. She introduced her to Patrick, and had a strong sensation Nina knew something about them or had picked up something. The way she looked at him and then her, as if she knew. Perhaps it was obvious. Nina told Patrick she would come back as soon as she had dropped off the group in Bath to make sure he made his Boston flight. He thanked her but said there was no need for her to come back, that he was happy to look after himself.

  Harriet’s flight to Cork was already boarding. There was just enough time for her and Patrick to say goodbye to the tour group. They lost three minutes when Mrs Kempton announced she couldn’t find her glasses anywhere. Clive eventually found them under one of the seats.

  Patrick climbed on to the bus first. All the women hugged him goodbye and more than half of them kissed him, too. Mr Douglas and Mr Fidock hugged him as well. Clive just shook his hand.

  Harriet said goodbye to them one by one. It wasn’t even a final farewell. She’d be meeting them again in Bath in a week or so and escorting them back to Australia. Not only that, many of them lived near Merryn Bay, so she would see them again. She was still sad.

  Clive started up the bus. Nina climbed on board and belted herself into the tour guide seat. She looked at home and very capable, Harriet thought as she waved goodbye.

  Patrick walked her to the departures gate. The boarding sign was flashing. The flight was about to close.

  He didn’t touch her. ‘Harriet, will you be all right?’

  She nodded. She tried to sound in control. ‘I’m sorry to abandon you like this. It’s not our usual way of doing business.’

  ‘I don’t think much of this past week has been usual, has it? For either of us?’

  ‘No, it hasn’t.’ What could she say to him? Where did she start? Thank you for being our special guest? Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for making me feel beautiful and sexy and looked after and … all those things. She decided to say it as it was. ‘Thank you for everything. I’m sorry it’s ending like this.’

  ‘I am too.’ He touched her on the cheek and it nearly finished her. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to talk to him and hear him talk until they ran out of words and stories. She wanted him to say, stay, don’t go. She wanted him to say, I’ll be here when you get back. She wanted him to say, I want to see you again, this wasn’t only a dalliance for me. He didn’t.

  ‘You’d better go.’ She said it first, not him.

  He kissed her lightly on the lips. Then he stepped back, or perhaps it was her.

  ‘Thank you again.’ She couldn’t stop thanking him. It wasn’t what she wanted to say, but it was all that was coming out.

  ‘Goodbye, Harriet.’

  She walked through the gate and had to force herself not to look back.

  Austin stood at the arrivals gate at Cork Airport, waiting for Harriet to emerge. His thoughts were with Nina. It was ironic. It served him right. The first woman he’d seriously been interested in for years hadn’t been interested in him.

  Their kiss the day before had lasted only a few seconds. He’d felt the faintest of answering pressure from her, the start of a response and then she had pulled away, her face serious for once.

  ‘That was a very nice kiss, Austin, thank you.’

  ‘I could give you another one if you like.’

  She’d smiled and shaken her head. ‘I’m sorry. It’s not you. I’m just not ready.’

  ‘I like you very much, Nina.’ He did. She had touched him in a way he hadn’t expected. Not just her looks, but her intelligence, her sparkiness. She made him think about things and she challenged him, too. He liked the feeling.

&nbs
p; ‘And I like you very much. And I very much want to be your friend—’

  ‘But that’s all?’

  She nodded. ‘For now, yes, Austin, I think so.’

  ‘For now? So we could revisit the idea in a year’s time?’ He tried to make light of it but he was serious. It felt important to say it. To be honest with her. ‘Sooner, even? Could we keep in touch with each other?’

  She smiled. ‘I’d like that. Now, will we get back to work?’

  She’d handled it as nicely as that. That morning before leaving for Cork she had given him a tight hug goodbye. ‘I’ll see you again, I know. And give Lara my love. Lots of love. Tell her the room is hers whenever she wants it. For as long as she wants it.’

  ‘Can I ring you later? Tell you what happens?’

  ‘Please. As soon as you can. Ring me any time you need to.’

  ‘Nina …’

  She waited.

  ‘If you did decide you were ready to see someone again, would there be a list of possible candidates?’

  ‘There might be. A small list, perhaps.’

  ‘Could I put my name on it?’

  She smiled. ‘I already have, Austin.’

  ‘At the top?’

  She’d laughed then. ‘I’m not telling you.’ They’d shared another hug goodbye.

  Harriet emerged through the gates then. She was wearing the yellow uniform. Austin stepped forward. She started talking before he even said hello.

  ‘How would she be feeling, Aust? I keep picturing her on her own in the house. You don’t think she would have—’

  ‘No.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘I don’t know for sure. I don’t want her to have done that, so that’s what I’m telling myself over and over. Will we go straight there?’

  She nodded.

  ‘We’ve got time for you to change if you like,’ he said.

  His attempt at a joke. She didn’t laugh but she took him up on it.