Family Baggage

by Monica McInerney

  Lara was right. She could remember all of these things. It’s just that those good memories, those funny memories, weren’t the ones she kept taking out to look at again and again. She seemed to bring out the ones that made her feel sad, or scared, or lost. Or jealous.

  ‘I do remember, Lara. Just not as easily as I remember other things.’

  ‘You remember the sad things instead?’

  Harriet nodded.

  ‘I do, too,’ Lara said. ‘All the time. But I’m trying to tell myself not to.’

  Harriet tried to take that in. How could Lara not think of all those sad things. Those tragic things … ‘Is it something you can choose? Something you can decide?’

  ‘I don’t know yet.’ Lara’s voice was soft. ‘I hope so. I have to try. I have to try to remember the good things that have happened. Try to understand the bad things, but not let them win. I’ve been thinking about it ever since I found out. Trying to work out what I can do. Life is all about choices, isn’t it? On a physical level, what we do, where we live? Perhaps it’s the same with your mind and your memory. Perhaps we can choose what we want to remember. We can choose what we think about. I hope so. I hope it’s like that.’

  ‘I’m so sorry, Lara. I should have been so much kinder to you. All the time. I should have understood. And I didn’t.’

  ‘Yes, you did. Harriet, you were allowed to be mad that I arrived to live with you. But you weren’t mad all the time. Things aren’t one way or the other, Harriet. You can feel lots of different things at once. That’s normal. Why wouldn’t it be normal?’

  ‘Because I knew it was wrong. Because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.’

  ‘It hurt me more when I could see you were pretending. You’re allowed to have feelings, you know,’ she said again.

  ‘I have feelings. They just haven’t always been the most grown-up ones.’ So many memories needed sorting through. ‘You’ve always been able to be so calm about things, Lara. How do you do that?’

  ‘I don’t know. That’s just what I’m like.’

  Harriet looked at her. That was it. Lara was one extreme, Harriet was the other. ‘I wish I was more like you, Lara.’

  ‘Do you?’ Lara gave her a sweet smile. ‘That’s funny. I always wished I was more like you.’

  Harriet was up first the next morning. She was filling the kettle when Lara came out of her bedroom. She was fully dressed, wearing jeans, the pale blue shirt and suede boots. She was carrying a suitcase.

  Lara came straight over and gave her a hug. ‘Thank you,’ she said. ‘For last night. For coming back.’

  It felt right, natural, to hug her back, to thank her as well. Then she noticed the suitcase. ‘You’re leaving? Now?’

  ‘Not yet. After breakfast.’

  ‘You don’t want to stay here any longer?’

  She shook her head.

  ‘Where will you go?’

  ‘Back to Bath for now.’

  ‘Do you want me to come with you? I can. Whatever you need.’

  ‘Will it hurt you if I say no?’

  ‘No. I want you to tell me the truth.’

  ‘I need time, Harriet. I need to think all of this through. Let everything sink in. And I need to finish my course. And then I need to decide what to do next.’

  Harriet nodded. She understood. ‘Lara, will you keep in touch? Please?’

  ‘Will you keep in touch with me?’

  ‘I asked you first.’

  ‘We sound like we’re eight years old.’

  ‘As a thirty-two-year-old, will you please keep in touch with me? With us all? Let us know what you decide to do? Where you’ll be?’

  ‘I will let you know, I promise, but not yet. It’s too soon. When I feel ready.’ Lara hesitated. ‘Is that okay?’

  ‘That’s more than okay.’

  They made coffee and toast. Normal day-to-day actions that changed the mood, lightened it. It allowed them to talk about different things. Ordinary things. Lara spoke about her course, about living in Bath. Then she changed the subject.

  ‘Tell me more about the Willoughby tour, Harriet. Did it go well?’

  Harriet had to gather her thoughts before she answered. The Willoughby tour felt like it had been years before. ‘Yes, it did. It was good. They loved every minute of it, I think.’

  ‘I’m sorry for leaving you in the lurch like that. Especially after you’d stepped in for James.’

  ‘It’s fine. It was probably the best thing for me.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Really.’

  A shared look of understanding again. Lara smiled. ‘And was Mrs Lamerton okay? Did her brooches make the trip?’

  ‘Every one of them, I think.’

  Lara’s lips twitched. ‘And my little Miss Talbot?’

  ‘She loved it. She bought a new red velvet pantsuit especially.’

  ‘Not that one from Tina’s Teen Wear?’

  Harriet smiled. ‘The exact one.’

  ‘And Mr Douglas?’

  ‘I heard him say the bay reminded him of a milkpond. He also told Patrick Shawcross he’s waiting on some autopsy results.’

  Lara laughed out loud, properly, for the first time since Harriet had arrived. ‘And what was Patrick Shawcross like? Was he difficult?’

  ‘No. No, he wasn’t. I was expecting some elderly man in a wheelchair, carrying his dentures. He wasn’t like that at all.’

  ‘No, he’s hardly changed from the Willoughby days,’ Lara said.

  ‘You knew what he looked like?’ Harriet said.

  Lara nodded. ‘I found quite a lot about him on the Internet a couple of weeks ago. It took a lot of tracking down but I found out he runs an actors agency in Boston now. There was a photo of him on the website. I was going to ask James to include all that in the Willoughby info, but it wasn’t in his official biography, so I decided he didn’t want it broadcast. I thought it was up to him what he told them about his life now. I had a feeling Mrs Lamerton wouldn’t leave him alone if she knew how to get in contact with him.’ She took a sip of her coffee. ‘So you got on okay with him?’

  ‘Yes, I did,’ Harriet said. Was it too soon to talk about Patrick? Perhaps. But Lara was her sister. And surely if you told anyone that you thought you were falling in love, you told your sister. ‘Actually, better than okay.’

  Lara picked up the tone. Her expression changed. A slow smile. ‘Something happened between you?’

  Harriet told her. Not every detail, but enough. It was the kind of conversation she had never had with Lara. She felt her way. She could see from Lara’s expression that she was enjoying hearing it. Not just the story but the fact they were talking about something like this. She asked a few questions, not many, not too intrusive. Just the right amount.

  ‘You think it might be serious between you?’

  ‘I don’t know. I hope so. I think so.’ She hesitated. ‘Lara, would you like to come and meet him? Before you go to the airport? I’ll understand if you don’t want to, but —’

  ‘I’d love to meet him,’ Lara said.

  It was cosy inside the hotel bar. The chairs were made of a deep red material, soft to touch. There were lamps lit on each table, soft music playing in the background, a clink of glasses and light laughter from a small group of elderly women in the corner table.

  Harriet, Patrick and Lara were at the window table, looking out over the river and Cork city. The rain had stopped. In its place was pale sunshine.

  ‘Lara, can I get you another coffee?’ Patrick asked. ‘Anything else?’

  She shook her head, glancing at her watch. ‘Thanks, Patrick, but no. I’d better go. My flight leaves at four.’ She stood up, picking up her coat and her bag.

  Lara had driven back to Cork at the same time as Harriet, following her car. For the past hour the three of them had been sitting together in the hotel bar. Harriet hadn’t felt nervous. She was introducing her sister to someone she cared very much about. Lara had been reserved at first. Not s
hy or stand-offish, but cautious. Harriet watched her as Patrick drew her out. He asked questions about her course, about other tours she had done. He laughed at her stories. She asked him about his agency. About Boston. The three of them swapped Mrs Lamerton stories. It had been good. Gentle.

  Lara smiled at Patrick now. ‘Goodbye, Patrick. I’m glad the tour went so well. I’m glad we invited you.’

  ‘I am too.’ He hesitated. ‘And Lara, I’m sorry, once again. For all you learned in the past few days.’

  She looked at him in her serious way. ‘Thank you.’

  Patrick stayed in the bar. Harriet walked with Lara to the front of the hotel where her car was parked. Lara had insisted on driving to the airport on her own.

  In the foyer she turned to Harriet. ‘He’s lovely,’ she said.

  ‘You approve?’

  ‘Completely.’

  ‘Are you sure you won’t stay?’ Harriet asked. ‘For the night, or as long as you like?’

  ‘And be the gooseberry?’

  ‘You wouldn’t be. I promise. You wouldn’t be. If you need, if you want it to be the two of us, you and me, I’ll explain to Patrick and—’

  ‘Harriet, I’m teasing. No, I want to go home. Back to Bath, anyway.’

  ‘Could we see each other next week? When I’m back to collect the group?’

  Lara didn’t answer for a moment. ‘I don’t think so. Not yet. I might go away again. I need to think about so much. I think if I saw you, if I saw the group, it would interrupt me. Do you know what I mean? I’m sorry if that sounds hurtful, I don’t mean to be, I promise. I need to be away. For a while, at least.’

  ‘But not forever.’

  ‘Not forever.’

  ‘Lara, would you do something for me?’

  Lara waited.

  Harriet took off her bracelet. Her mother’s opal bracelet. ‘Would you look after this until the next time we see each other?’

  ‘Penny’s bracelet?’

  Harriet nodded.

  ‘But it’s so precious.’

  ‘I know. That’s why I want you to look after it.’ She passed it to her.

  Lara took it. She held it very carefully. ‘Harriet—’

  ‘Please, Lara.’

  Lara put Penny’s bracelet on her wrist. Then she hugged Harriet. Properly. For a long time.

  Harriet stood on the footpath and waited as Lara got into the car, put on her seatbelt and started the engine. She was about to pull into the traffic when she stopped and wound down the window. She looked over at Harriet. ‘Thank you, blister.’

  Harriet smiled. ‘You’re welcome, blister.’

  She stayed waving until Lara was out of sight.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Gloria was ready and waiting for Melissa the next day. She’d been in the office since seven-thirty. She wasn’t going to pussyfoot around. If there was anything she’d learned in the past few days it was that there was a time for plain speaking.

  Melissa bustled in, straight into her office, and turned on her computer. ‘Morning, Gloria.’

  ‘Good morning, Melissa.’ She was right about the beautician’s appointment in Melbourne. Melissa was a different colour. Gloria didn’t give her a chance to get another word in. ‘I spoke to Alex Sakidis yesterday, Melissa. Does the name ring a bell? Alex from Matheson Travel?’

  Melissa’s head shot up. ‘He rang here? You spoke to him?’

  ‘Yes. So you know who I mean?’

  ‘He’s—’

  Gloria interrupted. ‘Franchise and acquisitions manager. The man you were going to sell Turner Travel to. Secretly. Under all our noses. Or was James in on it too? Had you convinced him to be as sneaky, as underhand as you?’

  ‘You’ve got it wrong. It’s not—’

  ‘No, I haven’t got it wrong, Melissa. I spoke to him. He told me. He was coming down here to view the building. Discuss the value. Discuss a possible sale.’

  ‘That’s partly true. I did invite him down. I asked him to make me an offer. But not why you think.’

  Gloria couldn’t believe how calm Melissa was. How brazen could she be? ‘No? It was just out of interest, was it? You were just suddenly curious how much the business might be worth? And what the largest travel company in the country might be interested in paying for it? Don’t treat me like a fool, Melissa.’

  ‘I wasn’t suddenly curious. I’ve been curious – we’ve been curious, James and I – for nearly two years.’

  ‘I beg your pardon?’

  ‘Since before Penny and Neil died. But we didn’t want to rush anyone into it, and then after they died, it was too soon. This seemed like the most businesslike way to find out.’

  ‘Melissa, find out what? What are you talking about?’

  ‘I’d have preferred to wait, but since you’ve brought it up, I owe you the truth. Please sit down.’ Gloria took a seat. ‘James and I want to buy you all out, Gloria. Run Turner Travel ourselves. We’ve been thinking about it for some time. But we wanted to be sure we were offering what the business was worth. This was the best way we could find out. It wasn’t very fair to Matheson Travel, we knew that, to go on as if we really did mean to sell, but we knew it would give us the most accurate figure of what it was worth.’

  ‘Worth to who? Who were you going to make the offer to?’

  ‘All of you. You, Lara, Harriet, Austin.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because it feels like time. Something has to change. All of us have started going in different directions over the past twelve months. No one seems happy. Austin has stopped coming to the meetings. I’ve always known he doesn’t like me, in fact I don’t like him either, but it was starting to impact on the business. He was stalling on decisions when we needed to move quickly. I’ve also not been sure this is the right place for Lara any more, either. Or Harriet, for that matter.’

  Gloria could hardly believe this. Melissa had been noticing other people? Was she actually having this conversation with her? She looked around the office. Yes, it looked the same. The desks, the computers, the travel posters, the racks of brochures. Even Melissa looked the same, all blonde hair and brown skin and high energy. But she was making sense. And it sounded as though she had given all of this a great deal of thought. Gloria was still suspicious though. ‘And me, Melissa? What plans did you have for me?’

  ‘I know you’ve been thinking about retiring. But I didn’t think you would leave until you were pushed—’

  ‘You were going to push me?’

  ‘No. Never. You’re the backbone of this company. But I’ve seen it in you, Gloria. Your heart’s gone out of it. And I thought – James and I thought – that perhaps a big lump sum of money might make it easier for you and Kev to make some decisions.’ She gestured to the phone. ‘Ring James, Gloria, if you don’t believe me.’

  Gloria did, still in a state of amazement. James backed up everything Melissa said. He was also more apologetic about the way Gloria had found out.

  ‘It shouldn’t have happened like that. I’m very sorry. You must have been furious.’

  ‘That’s one word for it.’

  ‘Gloria, that absolutely wasn’t our intention. It wasn’t a matter of going behind everyone’s backs. We just felt it was better to produce the offer as a complete package, figures and all. So we had the answers to any questions anyone might ask.’

  Gloria knew it was true. James didn’t lie.

  ‘What do you think?’ he asked.

  She told him the truth. ‘I think it’s a brilliant idea.’

  After she hung up from James, she felt different. The anger and shock of Melissa being so upfront passed. She relaxed. So did Melissa. She made coffee. She left the answering machine on. And she talked to Gloria in a way she had never done before. Or perhaps Gloria had never listened to her in that way before.

  She wanted to organise even more theme tours, she said. The Willoughby tour especially had put lots of ideas in her head. People loved to travel for a reason. She was th
inking of exploring food and wine tourism. Literary tourism. Historical tourism. Working with the schools and universities, putting together special offers for students. She had some new ideas for marketing, as well. Joint promotions. A new website. More regular newsletters. Gloria was impressed. She told her she was.

  ‘Yes, they are good ideas.’ Melissa was matter-of-fact about it. ‘And it will be easier to put them into place if it’s our company. That’s if the others agree.’

  ‘I think they will.’

  ‘Do you? That’s a good sign. You’d know.’ She took a sip of coffee. ‘I feel a bit underhand, I suppose, the way we’ve gone about getting the valuation, but I’m sure Alex Sakidis will cope. Perhaps down the track we may think about doing some joint work with Matheson Travel. His journey won’t be completely wasted. Mind you, I actually think he’s only coming to see your suitcase stamps.’

  ‘The stamps? On the staffroom wall?’

  ‘He’s dying to see them. I told him all about the idea behind them. He said we should let one of the travel magazines know about it. So I did. They’re thinking about doing an article on us. Great publicity. James and I were talking yesterday about taking it one step further, if all of you agree to the buy-out. Using the stamps as our next logo and on all the stationery. Maybe even getting new uniforms made, yellow background of course, but with all the different-coloured suitcases as the pattern.’

  Gloria nearly choked on her coffee. That would definitely send Harriet into a new career.

  Melissa didn’t notice. ‘I’m going to get a photographer to take pictures of all the walls as a starting point. I actually did a count of the stamps last week.’

  ‘You counted them? Why?’

  ‘I was curious. Do you remember Penny saying that she and Neil would call it quits when she got to ten thousand suitcase stamps?’

  Gloria nodded.

  ‘I’m not sentimental but I wondered if we were close. If it was a good time to change hands. And there nearly is. We’re about a hundred off, but there will be ten thousand by the time the buy-out goes ahead, if it does. It’s a shame Penny didn’t see it. But I think she and Neil would be proud. And I don’t think they’d mind, do you? It’ll still be Turner Travel, after all.’