Proving Ground

by Stanalei Fletcher

  The prospect of staying alone at the house filled her with more dread than facing Smith. With Smith, she’d known what had to be done and had resolved to do it. That thought kept her from sinking into the darkness of having taken a life.

  But, facing the empty house with her father in the hospital, and Mac ready to drive out of her life, was more than she thought she could take.

  Mac shook his head. “I need to return to the hospital and pick up Jack. He’s not supposed to be alone tonight. Tomorrow morning I’ll have to join to my crew. That fire still needs attention.”

  The fire. In all the excitement, she’d almost forgotten about it. She looked toward the mountain where smoke spiraled into the sky and then up at the afternoon clouds gathered in the north. “It’s going to rain.”

  “That’ll help.” He looked back at her, a long silence stretching between them. “You’re going back to D.C." It wasn’t really a question.

  “I…” She swallowed. She was still on tenuous footing with her father. And the way Mac was acting, maybe she should just leave. “I have some decisions to make, so I don’t know yet.”

  Mac nodded, his eyes serious. “You’re good at what you do, Caitlin. Your father has every reason to be proud.”

  Tears stung her eyes. She blinked them away before Mac could see. “Thanks. I guess coming home helped a little. I’m still not sure my head is on straight, but I think I got what I came for.”

  “I hope you did.”

  She took a deep breath. What she had to say would hurt. It was as close to good-bye as she could come, but it was something she couldn’t leave unsaid. “I don’t have the words to change your mind about us, Mac.”

  “Caitlin, I—”

  “No. Please just let me finish.” She resisted the tears threatening to spill over. “I want you know that what I feel for you isn’t going to change. I hope, in spite of that, we can still be friends.” She swallowed the lump threatening to choke her. “Thank you. For everything.”

  He fixed her with an intent gaze that rooted her on the spot. Long moments passed. The silent gap between them shrank until she felt only inches away from him. Yet, she hadn’t moved and neither had Mac. Then he spoke, and the spell was broken. “I’ll always be your friend, Caitlin.” He turned and stared out the windshield.

  She nodded and shut the car door.

  Mac pulled into the street, and she watched the man she loved drive away and disappear from her life.

  Chapter Eighteen

  It was still dark the next morning when Mac wandered into Jack’s kitchen and started a pot of coffee. All night long, he’d wrestled with his conscience, falling into a restless sleep, only to awaken because his brain was trying to figure out that elusive jigsaw puzzle named Caitlin Malone.

  The more he thought about his feelings for her, the more confused he became. He loved her. Of course, he loved her. They’d grown up together, shared experiences as though they were family. Except she wasn’t his sister.

  Those past hours yesterday, being together in the mountains, running for their lives, trying to save her father and countless others from an enemy with no morals, Mac had glimpsed a different Caitlin from the one who’d sneak a ride on his bicycle without asking. He’d shared her fears, seen her strengths, come to appreciate her as a woman, instead of a kid who was too young to know her own mind.

  He owed it to Caitlin to stand up and face the hard facts, instead of turning his back and hiding every time the situation grew uncomfortable.

  “That coffee ready yet?” Jack shuffled into the kitchen and pulled out a chair at the table.

  “Just finished.” Mac pulled down another mug from the cupboard. “How are you feeling this morning? Did you sleep okay?” He poured two mugs of coffee and walked over to the table.

  “I slept a damn sight better than you.” Jack snorted.

  Mac looked at his uncle in surprise. “How’d you know I didn’t sleep?” He set a mug in front of Jack and settled at the table with his own coffee.

  “Because that old couch creaks every time you move. I knew you were checking on me.” Jack took a sip, sighing in satisfaction. He eyed Mac over the rim of his cup. “Didn’t I tell you to stay with Caitlin last night? If you had, you wouldn’t be so restless now.”

  Mac clunked his mug on the table a little harder than necessary, making the hot liquid slosh down one side. “The situation between Caitlin and me is none of your business.” He was not discussing his feelings for Caitlin, especially when he couldn’t figure them out himself.

  Jack chuckled. “That’s all I needed to hear.” He took another sip of his coffee. “Why don’t you tell Sean how you feel about his daughter? I’ll bet he’ll tell you to quit dragging your feet or you’ll miss the opportunity of a lifetime.”

  Mac might be trying to reestablish a connection with his uncle, but that didn’t give the older man the right to poke into his personal business. He pushed his chair away from the table with a hard scrape. “I need to get to the station today. The doctor’s instructions are on the counter next to the phone. Follow them.” He drained his cup and placed it the sink. “I’ll be by to check on you, later.”

  As he stomped out of the kitchen, Jack shouted, “Go see Sean first.”

  ****

  Mac strode through the front doors of the hospital just as the first light of dawn was struggling to get through the rain clouds. Smoke still billowed on the mountainside, but the fire was nearly contained. He didn’t know what he was doing here. He didn’t know what he’d say to Sean. But some unseen force, besides Jack’s insistence, had drawn him down the street to the hospital, instead of to the ranger station.

  The detour wouldn’t take long, and with all the excitement yesterday, he could justify a visit to make sure his old mentor was doing okay.

  He turned down the hallway to the east wing. The hospital was eerily silent, as many of the patients had been moved to neighboring hospitals in La Grande or Pendleton after the chaos yesterday.

  Nurse Angie was coming out of Sean’s room as Mac approached. “It’s too early for visitors,” she said.

  “I promise I won’t stay long. I just want to talk to Sean for a moment.”

  She glanced back at the room, her mouth quivering. “You can’t.” Her voice broke. “He’s gone.”

  “Gone!” Mac felt as though he’d been sucker-punched. He looked inside the room, saw the empty bed. After everything Caitlin had gone through, and now to lose her father, too. “Does Caitlin know yet?”

  “She was called during the night,” the nurse said. “She went with him in the ambulance.”

  “Wait…what?” Mac reeled in his mind from the dark corner and grabbed the nurse by the shoulders. “Where did Sean go?”

  “He took a turn for the worse. He’s scheduled for surgery at St. Anthony’s in Pendleton this morning to remove the bullet.”

  “Thanks.” Mac let go of Nurse Angie and raced down the hall while pulling out his cell phone and then dialing the station. “Bob. Sorry to leave you short-handed again today, but there’s been another emergency.”

  ****

  “I’m sorry,” the surgeon told Caitlin. “You’ll have to wait out here.” The automatic doors swished closed, severing the invisible thread that connected her to the man on the gurney. She stood frozen to the cold tiles. Her boots barely touched the red demarcation line proclaiming No Unauthorized Admittance.

  Through a small window, she saw the orderly wheel her father through another set of doors to the operating room. Then he was gone. He hadn’t even known she was there before he lost consciousness. She was too late. If he didn’t survive the surgery, the opportunity to be with her father the way she’d always dreamed of would be lost forever. She’d failed him by waiting too long. And, in doing that, she’d failed herself.

  She should have stayed with him at the hospital last night. Instead, she’d rushed home to schedule her flight back to Washington, D.C., but before she could book her flight, Sean’s doctor
had called to tell her they were moving Sean to Pendleton for emergency surgery. Not once during the ambulance ride did he regain consciousness.

  She limped toward the waiting room, where a couch and end table sat under the softly glowing lamplight. A couple of chairs completed the room’s furnishings. Magazines, tattered, worn and woefully outdated, covered the coffee table. The sterile hospital scent mingled with despair. This waiting room reminded her of the one she’d been banished to when her mother lay dying of breast cancer.

  That was when all the feelings of abandonment, the loneliness had started. The fear that she was doomed to repeat the cycle of neglect crowded out all other thoughts. She’d left two years ago, rejecting every opportunity to make amends with her father. If she hadn’t been so rash, she might’ve eventually patched things up with Mac, too. She had no excuse for her behavior, other than defiance. She’d been pushing everyone away as punishment for her own foolishness.

  As a form of penance, she chose a cold, plastic chair instead of the couch. Tears ached behind her eyes but wouldn’t fall. The unavoidable truth was that she’d been the one who ran away. The justification she’d felt back then was as flimsy as the ridiculous notion that she could be the type of agent her father had been. She wasn’t even the human being her father was. He had courage, honor, and determination to do right by his only child. He might not have been the most attentive of parents, but he’d found a home where he believed she’d be safe from the ugliness of the world.

  Caitlin had thrown it all back in his face, believing she knew better. In reality, all she had was a phony bravado she tried to pass off as valor.

  Showing true valor would have meant facing the hard choices. Staying with her father and making the relationship work. Facing Mac with honesty, instead of childish resentment. She’d been taught differently, but ignored her lessons. Grandma Mac taught her that her gift, her curse, would guide her, if she’d only listen to it. She’d even failed at that.

  How ironic, that in his most desperate hours, Dunn had shown more character, more conviction, than she had shown in her entire time with Northstar. Now, Mac was gone from her life again and her father was on verge of leaving, too—this time permanently.

  A teardrop fell, soaking into the material of her jeans. Caitlin stared at it with wonder. Two more joined the first before she reached for a tissue from the box on the end table. Stripped of the barriers separating her from the outside world, heartless waves of repercussion battered her broken spirit. “Should haves” pounded through her mind. None more demanding for attention than the fact that she should have taken the help when offered.

  Grandma Mac would chide her for the tears. Caitlin could almost hear the old woman’s voice asking her how she expected to harvest anything but weeds when she hadn’t tended her garden.

  Discarding the sodden tissue, she selected another and blew her nose. Grandma Mac was right. It was Caitlin’s choice to wallow in her tears or accept responsibility for her choices. Wiping her eyes, she found the exit near the waiting room and stepped out on the rain-soaked patio. Taking the cell phone from her pocket, she made the long overdue call to Northstar and waited patiently for Byron to come on the line.

  “O’Neal.”

  “Hello, Byron.”

  “I expected to hear from you sooner.”

  “I’m sorry. Things happened so quickly yesterday. And Dad took a turn for the worse. He’s in surgery now.”

  “We’ve learned more information as a result of the details you gave us after the shooting.” He cleared his throat. “You took out a major player in Smith.”

  She’d done what needed to be done, and taken another’s life. She felt no satisfaction in that. “Who was he?”

  “We’re still trying to get through the aliases, but we believe he was the mastermind behind the plans to steal and sell the pathogens to a group of radicals in the Middle East. The authorities searched his motel room where he was staying in Rockton and found a laptop with a list of buyers. We’ve turned the list over to Homeland.”

  “Will they be able to arrest the buyers?”

  “They aren’t saying, but I have a hunch they’ll get who they can.” Byron paused. “This Smith character was a nasty piece of work. He even took out the target you and Sloan tracked in Atlanta.”

  “Why?”

  “Our best guess is because he was of no use once he’d been made.”

  “Then Smith would have killed Martin Dunn, too, if Dunn hadn’t taken off with those vials like he did.”

  “Most likely,” O’Neal said. “You saved a lot of lives, Caitlin. I’m glad you were there.”

  “Me, too.” Even though it was one day she didn’t want to live over again. “How’s Sloan?” she asked, feeling like it’d been a lifetime since he’d been shot instead of just a few days.

  “He’ll make a full recovery. We expect him back in about six weeks.”

  A little bit of her burden lifted off her shoulders. “Tell him I’m glad he’ll recover. And that I’m sorry.”

  “He doesn’t blame you.”

  No, Caitlin thought. Sloan would blame himself for letting her get out of his control. “He should.” An uncomfortable silence settled over the open line.

  “What’s the prognosis on Sean?” The digital connection didn’t disguise O’Neal’s concern.

  “Not good.” Bleak, in fact. “But there’s a chance he’ll pull through. If he does, he probably won’t walk again.”

  “I’m sorry, Caitlin. I owe your father more than I can ever repay. You know I’ll do anything to help.”

  “I know. Thank you.” She took a deep breath and hurried on before she lost her nerve. “I’m resigning from Northstar, Byron.”

  Silence on the other end stretched until she started to think the connection had been lost, but then Byron spoke. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

  “Yes.” Her voice was firm. “Dad will need someone close by to care for him if he—” She swallowed the sob before it broke through her voice. “When he gets out of the hospital.” As she spoke the words, she closed her eyes. A brilliant light flashed in her mind. In the vision, she found confirmation of her statement.

  “What if he doesn’t make it? You have to face that reality, Caitlin.”

  The vision grew stronger. There was no doubt. “He’ll make it,” she whispered. The vision was too new, too incredible for her to shatter it by talking louder.

  There was a long pause then Byron spoke again. “I’ll accept your resignation. On one condition.”

  “What’s that?” she asked warily. How could a voluntary resignation have conditions?

  “You did good out there, Caitlin. You have talents we can use at Northstar. With a bit more experience, I think you’ll make a fine agent.”

  There it was, everything she wanted for the taking. However, there were still amends to be made. She straightened her shoulders. “I failed you, Byron.”

  “You failed yourself. Not me.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I think you do. Instead of asking for help when you needed it, you tried to resolve the situation alone.”

  “I know. It’s a habit I’m trying to break.” If it hadn’t been for Mac’s help with Smith and Dunn, she wouldn’t be standing here having this conversation.

  “Good. That’s an adequate first step. You’ll keep my offer in mind?”

  “I will. Thank you.”

  An orderly stepped out on the patio and lit up a cigarette. Caitlin followed his progress as he wandered to the edge of the lawn and stood with his back to her.

  Toward the east, the clouds were breaking up, and the sun glowed behind a dark raincloud, brightly outlining the cloud’s edges. Beyond that, the jagged ridges of the Blues stood as silent guardians. Only thin trails of smoke could be seen on the mountainside. The rain had likely extinguished most of the hot spots.

  “I have to go now.”

  “Tell Sean I want a call as soon as he’s home.”


  “I will,” she promised. She disconnected and pocketed the phone. Having Byron accept her resignation didn’t hurt as much as she thought it would. The vision of her father waiting for her took away that sting. The waiting room didn’t seem as ominous when she returned.

  ****

  The Jeep idled at the intersection as Mac waited for the light to turn green. His drive to Pendleton was one of the longest he’d ever experienced. The thought of Caitlin waiting all alone while Sean went through surgery ate at him the entire trip.

  Jack was right. Mac should have been with her last night. He’d promised Sean to take care of Caitlin and he’d neglected his duty. Except, as she was so fond of pointing out, he wasn’t Sean’s son. Would she even want him there? Especially, after he foolishly left her alone yesterday? Was he a fool to want her to stay? Maybe. But he had to try.

  The light changed and Mac drove through the intersection, straight for the hospital.

  A few minutes later, he walked into St. Anthony’s. After inquiring about Sean Malone, he was directed to the surgery waiting room. There he found Caitlin pacing like a caged tiger. She’d changed from the dirty, tattered clothing she’d had on yesterday, but she looked as though she’d slept in her clothes. Her hair fell loose around her shoulders in wild disarray. She stopped pacing when she saw him. A tentative smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. Mac felt his heart shatter. Caitlin walked to him, quickly.

  “You came.” She stopped a foot away.

  “How is he?”

  “He’s going to be fine.”

  Mac looked around. “Have you talked with the doctors? Is he out of surgery?”

  “No.”

  It was a simple enough answer, but one that brought confusion. “Then how do you…”

  Caitlin’s smile reached her eyes. “I know,” she said quietly.

  “You’ve seen—” What? He still had no idea what to call her gift.

  “All the time I was in D.C., I thought I’d lost the gift of second sight. And then, when I was talking to Byron O’Neal at Northstar, I knew.” Her smile widened. “Dad’s going to be okay—but he’ll need my help, so I turned in my resignation.”