Bucking Bareback

by Maggie Monroe

  I presented it to my mother along with a tall glass of ice water. “Here. Try this.”

  “Thank you, honey, but I don’t feel like eating.”

  “I know you don’t feel like it, but you have to eat something. You can’t live off wine.”

  “I don’t see why not.” She crossed her arms.

  “Just please eat it. I won’t bug you again about food until tomorrow, I promise.”

  She picked up the sandwich, pulled off a corner of the crust, and popped it in her mouth. “Mmm…who taught you how to make such a good grilled cheese sandwich?”

  I smiled. “That would be you. Extra butter, always.”

  I waited for her to finish the sandwich and brought her a second glass of water. No more wine tonight.

  “Mom, Derek called me.” I could hardly look at her. “How are you doing? What’s going on?” There were too many questions, so I settled on starting with those two.

  “I don’t want you in the middle of this. I can handle it. You should be at your job. Your dream job. I’d rather hear about Austin. And how is Ben?”

  “Nothing is more important than you. I can take a few days off work. I’m here to spend time with you, and make as many grilled cheese sandwiches as you need.”

  “How did you even get here so fast?” It seemed like she was starting to emerge from her fog.

  “Ben let me borrow his jet.” I chewed on my bottom lip. I didn’t want the conversation to transition to Ben. That was too much to tackle right now.

  “Oh, well that was nice of him.”

  “Yes, it was. But I’m worried about you. What can I do to help?”

  She chuckled. “Help?” She tossed more of the papers on the floor. “I can’t make heads or tails of any of this. Your father has assets all over the place and property. How can we possibly own land I didn’t know we had? But my signature is on here plain as day. I don’t remember signing any of these. I can’t figure any of it out.”

  I reached for the stack closest to me and read the top document. It was the title for the general store. “Mom, this is the deed for the store.” I searched my mother’s face for an explanation. “What are you doing with this?” I was surprised my father didn’t have these in a safe place. Then I realized the safe in the wall was wide open and I was looking at all its contents.

  “Oh good, you found that at least.” She snatched it from my hands.

  “What are you going to do with that?”

  “I’m gathering everything for my attorney. I have a meeting in Nags Head tomorrow. I need to take these with me.” She patted the deed on top of a few other documents.

  “But, wait. Are you trying to take the store from Dad?”

  My mother’s eyes drifted across the room then back to me. “That man has stolen everything I thought existed in my life, and I’m going to take everything I can.”

  I stiffened in my seat. “I don’t understand. Why don’t we talk through some of this? I think you’re in shock.” This was a surprising way to wear her heartbreak.

  “I don’t need to talk about it.” She stood from the couch. “Chelsea, this is going to be hard for you to hear, but I knew.”

  “What?”

  “I knew about the affair. The question should be, how long have you known? All this time, I thought I was protecting you from something hurtful and dark your father was doing. But you’ve known, haven’t you?”

  I swallowed hard. I hadn’t actually wanted the word ‘affair’ out in the open, but that was stupid. We needed to face what had happened with my dad head-on. I could barely nod. I had only been trying to protect my mom from this exact moment.

  The guilt from not telling her when I had the chance was overwhelming. If I had been the one, maybe I could have spared her some of the public embarrassment caused from Bertie’s discovery. But she’d known all along?

  “You knew? You knew about them? Then why-why are you doing this?” I looked at my mother as if she were a complete stranger. She was speaking as if she were playing the part of someone else’s mother, not the devoted woman who tended my scraped knees and brought brownies to my class birthday parties.

  “Because we had an agreement. And he broke that agreement. He has made a complete fool of me. A complete fool.” I was prepared for tears, but instead her eyes flared. “I will not look like an idiot. If he thinks he can be happy with that shell-painting bimbo, then let him. I’ll have the house and the store…and-and all the property. He will walk away from this marriage with nothing.”

  She stepped over the box of files and headed toward the door. The deed to the store was clasped in her hand.

  “Mom, you don’t even sound like yourself. You don’t want the business. Think about what you’re saying.” I felt panic tugging at me. I realized I might be witnessing the process of a mental breakdown.

  “Why? Because I’m a housewife? Because I’m the perfect Brees Island homemaker? You don’t think I can run the store?”

  “No, that’s not what I meant.”

  “I know that’s what everyone thinks. I’m quite talented at the church fundraiser cookie drive, and I have the best tomatoes on the island. You know I certainly have a way with chicken salad.” She paused. “But I can do more than those things. There is more to me than raising a daughter and sewing Halloween costumes. Always having dinner on the table for my husband. There is more to me than that.”

  “Mom, I know. I know. You’re amazing. Dad just needs to get his priorities straight.” I was grasping at straws, but things were spiraling. I ignored the biting child-rearing comment. It wasn’t the time for hurt feelings.

  “I appreciate that you flew all this way, honey. But, as you can see, I’m fine. I’ve got this under control. I just think it’s going to put you in an awkward position if you stay. Maybe it’s better if you take your boyfriend’s fancy jet and head back to Texas in the morning. Come back home when things have been finalized.”

  Before I could protest, my mother walked out of the room, resembling someone in a trance. A strong and determined woman in a trance.

  I stared at the empty doorway. What in the hell just happened?

  ***

  “Hey, Der, I don’t think it’s the best time for a visit.” I held the kitchen door open.

  “Can I at least get a hug? I haven’t seen you in a month.”

  I leaned into him and felt his arms wrap around my shoulders. Something about the hug almost brought a tear. The sudden warmth and closeness. Letting someone hold me who knew everything about my life. Yet, nothing was the same. Standing here in my family kitchen with only one parent upstairs, it had never been more evident.

  “Wow, your hair’s different.” He stood back and took it in.

  I felt self-conscious about my fashion changes given the circumstances. I closed the door behind me and ushered Derek onto the porch.

  “Yeah, I guess a lot of things are different since I left.” I joined him on the porch swing.

  “How’s she doing? How are you doing?” He kicked off the porch, and we swung over the rose bushes.

  The only place left to fall was on to Derek’s shoulder. I let my cheek rest against his T-shirt. “I think she’s in a state of shock. She’s talking about going after everything they own and all the financial assets.” I sat up. “I’ve never heard her talk about the business, ever. Unless it was a complaint because it kept Dad away from home.”

  “Yeah, I’d say that’s a turn of events. But what about you? How are you taking all of this?”

  “I guess I’m fine. It’s not like it’s news.” I thought back to all the times I almost told my mom the secret. To all the times I could have blurted it out or pulled her aside, but I never did. I held on to it. I buried it like the dirt it was.

  “How long do you think you’ll stay?”

  “I haven’t thought that far. Mom wants me to go back to Texas, but I can’t leave. I just got here.” I sighed. “I’m going to have to talk to my dad.”

  “Are you re
ally?”

  “Yeah, I need to see him before I go back. He and I are, or were, in a good place for the first time in months. He really came through for me with my writing contract. Now I don’t know what to think.” Things were confusing.

  Derek tucked his arm around my shoulder and pushed off harder than the first swing. “Where’s your cowboy? Shouldn’t he be helping with this stuff?”

  I laughed. “You mean Ben?”

  “Yeah, that one.”

  “He’s in L.A. shooting a movie.”

  “Ahh, think he’s coming out this weekend?”

  I shook my head. “No, he’s in the middle of filming and they have a tight schedule. But he let me take the jet.”

  “Nice perk. What’s it like dating an actual movie star?” He poked me in the side.

  “I don’t think we can talk about this, can we?”

  “Sure, why not? I’m kind of seeing someone. You’re seeing someone. Why can’t we talk about it? That’s what friends do, right?”

  I pulled back. “You’re seeing someone? Who?”

  “Melanie Tillis.” Derek cracked a smile.

  “What? Are you serious?”

  Melanie was a kindergarten teacher at the island school. She was older than we were by two years. I remembered the year she was homecoming queen. On Brees Island, homecoming was during basketball season because the school was too small to have a football team. But still.

  “What, you don’t approve? You don’t like Melanie?”

  I tried to wipe the shocked look off my face. “No, it’s not that. She’s great. Her family is great. It’s just I’ve always thought of her as older since she was ahead of us in school. She’s still a teacher, right?” I was trying to picture surfer Derek with a petite beauty queen.

  “Teachers date too. You think a surf instructor’s not good enough for her?”

  “No, no, of course not. You’re right. I can totally see why she would date you. That’s not what I meant.” I leaned back into the crook of his arm with a new understanding that I might be in Melanie’s spot. “You and the homecoming queen.” I whistled. “I guess I’ve missed a lot.”

  If I hadn’t wanted so desperately to write music, maybe things would have turned out differently with Derek. He was sweet, funny, and hot. Of course Melanie would want to date him. Half the island girls did too.

  The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Melanie was the kind of girl who was ready to settle down and make Brees Island her permanent home. Teaching at the school had always been her dream, and it made her parents happy to have her so close. Derek may have found a perfect match.

  “Not too much. You running off with a movie star and now this are the biggest pieces of news to hit the island since the hurricane.”

  I sighed. I used to hate the rumor mill and how quickly gossip spread through the village. But I realized it was nothing compared to landing in the paper, on magazine pages, or the evening news. This was a simpler way to deal with headlines. I just hadn’t realized it clearly until now.

  “Der, everything is so different.” The salt wind whipped at my hair.

  He squeezed my shoulder. “You knew we were going to have to grow up some time.”

  “I guess I did.” I heard the neighbor’s dog bark and wondered how things had drifted so far from center.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Ben

  “Have you seen the dailies?” Scott smiled over a cup of coffee.

  “I’m not much for the headlines. You know that.” I watched him scroll through his phone for the third time this morning, glad that was not my job.

  “I know, man, but this is pretty damn exciting. Your face is on everything. Everything.”

  I waited for a waitress to refill my coffee. Since word had gotten out that the secret movie location was no longer secret, I could barely leave the hotel. Scott had agreed to meet me in the hotel restaurant, where other celebrities met without being hounded by the press.

  “Listen to this one: Is Ben Baldwin up for the role of Julian Love? Yes, definitely yes.” He turned the screen around so I could see it. “And look at that picture of you. It’s fitting for the part. When did you pose in that suit?”

  “I think it’s from the Spy Cross campaign. Suits by day, black ops by night.”

  “Right, right. That was a great movie.” Scott leaned back in his seat, grinning. “This is unbelievable. We knew it would be huge. But this huge? Come on, man—not even a smile?”

  I faked a toothy grin. “I’ve got other things on my mind.”

  “What could be bigger than this? You are officially an international topic of conversation. You’ve made it. You thought you were big before, but this, this is it.”

  I nodded at the waitress when she returned to the table and filled my cup to the brim. “Look, you told me I didn’t have much of a choice. I wasn’t exactly ready to retire, so I’m dealing with it.”

  “Dealing? I don’t want to hear that. This isn’t a life sentence. It’s a gift. A beautiful, career-defining gift.” Scott put his phone facedown on the table and leaned forward. “Tell me why you got into acting.” His tone had quickly changed.

  “What do you mean?”

  “What makes someone who could have played in the NFL hand that over for this?”

  “I think my NFL prospects have been blown out of proportion like everything else I do. I wasn’t going to go that high in the draft. Besides, I don’t know if I can explain it.” I reclined in my seat.

  “Try me.” He looked sincerely interested.

  “All right. I feel something when I do it. It’s a rush. It’s as big, no it’s bigger than throwing a touchdown. It’s a high that I haven’t felt in any other kind of work.” I picked up the mug. “Stepping through that adrenaline, pushing through it—that’s how I know I’m doing something. It gives me a feeling of…” I searched for the right word. “I guess accomplishment.”

  “Then, why aren’t you owning that right now?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “This is your time. You’re playing the role of a lifetime. You’re popular, you’re liked, women are throwing themselves at you, and you’re doing something you love. Instead, you look like someone shot your dog. Come on, man. Enjoy it. This ride is never guaranteed. You are going to be a part of movie history because of Love & Bondage. You don’t want to look back on this time in your life and think it was a miserable experience, do you?”

  I couldn’t go there. I couldn’t tell Scott that without Chelsea everything felt empty and wasted. On the set, Rebecca made everything complicated. I wanted to love the role. I wanted to be Julian Love. I wanted to embrace the transformation that should be taking place. But I was afraid if I truly committed to it, I’d leave Chelsea behind and somehow relent to Rebecca. I couldn’t tell him all that. Better to just leave it alone.

  “You’re right. I’ll work harder on looking happy.”

  “I don’t want you just to look happy. Be happy, Ben. Enjoy this ride.”

  “Got it. Happiness all around.” I smiled wider this time, actually feeling some of Scott’s pep talk taking hold.

  “Good, because tonight you’re going to a party.”

  “I never got an invitation for a party.”

  “You need some fun. You need to get out and see what you’ve created. I’ll meet you in the lobby at nine.” He folded his napkin and tossed it on the table. “I’ve got a few calls to return on your behalf. See you then?”

  I chewed over my options. It was either the party or another lonely night in the cold suite. “See you then.”

  ***

  California nights were always cool, but perfect for outdoor parties. I walked into the Hollywood Hills estate nodding and grinning. Only a few steps onto the patio and the crowd parted to make way for Scott and me.

  “See, what did I tell you?” He whispered in my ear and patted me on the back. “You’re already a legend.”

  I smiled. “I think you’re overacting just a bit.
You haven’t been out of Texas enough.” I joked, but I couldn’t help but notice that people who were usually my peers were treating me differently. Scott wasn’t completely wrong.

  “I’ll get us some drinks. Mingle. And remember, you’re here to have fun.” He pointed at me before disappearing for the bar.

  The party was outside on the pool patio overlooking a steep descent into a ravine. A long glass wall bordered the edge of the property, giving the illusion that you could just drop right down into the abyss.

  I strolled to the edge and peered over the side. The lights stretched out until eventually the bottom was dark, and I had no idea how far it was to the bottom. I stepped back.

  I felt the graze of a hand along my shoulder. I turned to see Annalise Duchamp next to me.

  “So, what do you think is down there?” she asked, keeping her gaze on the darkness in front of us.

  “Definitely wildcats, maybe a bear or two.”

  “Have you ever seen any up close?”

  “I’ve seen plenty on my ranch. I’ve got all kinds of wildlife running out there.”

  I noticed she had yet to face me. Annalise was one actress I had always wanted to meet. She was in A Lonely Night, my friend Clara’s first novel turned screenplay. I always thought we’d have something in common since I had starred in Wanted, which was kind of a pseudo-sequel based on another one of Clara’s books. It was one of those Hollywood things that made us part of the same clique, even though we had never crossed paths.

  “You like the wild?” She stood on her tiptoes, leaning closer to the glass. It made me uncomfortable how close she was to the edge, even with the barrier. I wanted to grab her shoulder and pull her back from the ledge.

  “I guess you could say that. I like nature. I’m an outdoorsy guy.” I shoved my hands in my pockets.

  “I was wrong about you, then.” Finally, she pivoted and looked at me. Her auburn hair looked almost black under the night. It was layered around her shoulders, and she was wearing a strapless black dress.

  “How so?” I asked.

  “I’m just saying it’s nice to still be surprised when you meet a big movie star.” She winked.