Bucking Bareback

by Maggie Monroe

  I gripped his shoulder. “I get it. It’s business. Thanks for letting me know.”

  “Just between us right?” Brandon raised his eyebrows.

  “Of course.” I walked out of the office. “Catch you later, man.”

  “Good seeing you.”

  It didn’t matter what part of show business I was in, because it was all the same. I leaned toward Diane. “Where is she?”

  “Down the hall and at the very end take a right. You’ll see where they write. Knock first though.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I tried to keep my pace slow and steady, but I wanted to run to the end, knock down the door, and shake some sense into that blue-eyed girl.

  I hesitated outside the door. I could hear their voices. Quinn was humming, but Chelsea kept correcting her. It surprised me, but I had to muster courage to knock on the door. When wasn’t I confident about something?

  “Yep?” Quinn called.

  “Hey.” I tipped the door forward.

  “Hey, stranger.” Quinn hopped off the couch and wrapped me in a hug. “Haven’t seen you in forever.”

  I tried to focus on her, but Chelsea was boring holes into the back of my head from the couch.

  “Good to see you. How have you been?”

  “You know, getting ready for tour, putting the new album together. Same ole stuff. But, I’m guessing you’re here to see that one.” She pivoted toward Chelsea.

  I rocked back on my heels. “Yep. Could I steal her for a minute?”

  “I can’t right now. We were just reworking a chorus,” Chelsea explained.

  “Whatever. I’m getting coffee. See you in a few.” Quinn bounded out of the room, closing the door behind her.

  An awkward silence filled the space between us. I didn’t think that was possible. Being with Chelsea had always been the most natural thing in the world. I heard a guitar next door.

  “So, this is where you write?”

  “Sometimes.” She shoved her notebook on the table. “Why are you here? I’m working. We have a schedule to keep.”

  “Darlin’, we have to talk.”

  “How would you feel if I showed up on your set when you were in the middle of one of your bondage scenes with Rebecca?” She glared at me.

  “Whoa. Don’t you think that’s a little extreme?”

  “Not really. That’s what you do, right? Spend your day tying her up, kissing her, getting her naked.”

  “Hold on. We have talked about the movie. I thought we were good. I thought you understood the role.” How had she flipped everything back on me?

  “I just find it ironic that you spend your days practically naked with your ex-girlfriend, and the instant there is a picture of me drinking a cup of coffee, you drop everything and we have to talk it out. For all I know, I’m spending my days with another one of your exes. Don’t you think that’s messed up?”

  What in the hell was she talking about? This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. She wasn’t letting me use my speech. How could I smooth everything over if she was this angry?

  “You know, Chelsea, you don’t really know what I think. You won’t let me talk.”

  She folded her arms and landed on the cushions behind her. “Ok, then tell me you’re not here because you were jealous. Tell me you didn’t fly from L.A. because you thought there was some tiny ounce of truth in those photos. Tell me you had nothing to do with Scott’s visit. Tell me I am completely wrong. Because right now, I don’t think there’s anything else you could say to turn this around.”

  I swallowed hard. Could I use the speech now? I kneeled in front of her, noticing how she bristled when my palm grazed her thigh.

  “There’s some truth in what you’re saying, but it’s not that bad. I never thought you cheated. I never said that. Those were not my words—not ever.”

  She focused on a spot at the back of the room.

  I continued. “Don’t you know I would have sat up all night with you until we fixed this? It killed me sleeping down the hall, knowing you were angry, knowing you were only feet away and you wouldn’t let me in.” I shifted to the couch. My knees couldn’t take the floor.

  “I admit I overreacted. And I didn’t know Scott was going to say any of those things to you. But that doesn’t matter, because he did. And he did it for me. He never should have thrown out those kind of accusations. I will have a talk with him. A serious talk.” I paused. “This is going to sound like an excuse, but I swear it’s not. When I saw the pictures, it was like Rebecca all over again. But not the same way.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not saying this right. Hold on. Let me start over.” I took a deep breath.

  “I got in that Jeep and drove to Brees Island last summer because I was tired of seeing my love life on display. I was tired of not having a normal relationship. It hurt. I felt like a complete failure. There was proof all around me that I was a failure.

  “And when the pictures showed up yesterday, it drudged all of that up again. Rebecca found someone else because my heart wasn’t in it. I kept thinking, what if I’ve done that again? What if you think my heart isn’t in this? What if you were just having coffee with a new friend, and eventually coffee turned to dinner, and dinner turned to a movie, and before you know it, you’ve got someone who is there for you? Someone who can do things I can’t. Someone who is with you when your family falls apart. Someone who comes home at night. What if I gave you someone else?”

  Chelsea’s eyes shifted across the couch and landed on mine. “That’s what you thought? That Mark was going to be my new someone?” The tenderness in her voice stirred my blood.

  I nodded. “I’m embarrassed, and I’m an ass—a jealous ass. But, God, Chelsea, it was just a glimpse of what could happen even though I know, I believe that it was just coffee. I believe that, but my head fast-forwarded six months from now. And that six-months-from-now image is what got me on the plane.”

  “And you know what I thought?” She uncrossed her arms, her voice growing softer.

  “What’s that?”

  “That you thought I was just like my father. That I was capable of lying and cheating and ruining everything we had together just because I was lonely or unhappy. You didn’t think I was strong enough to do this. Dammit, Ben. You don’t trust me.”

  “No, no, I don’t think you’re anything like Hayden. That wasn’t it at all. It was about me and how every relationship before this one has fallen apart in the press. I don’t ever want to go through that again. I don’t want to put you through it. We can’t let that happen to us.” I blinked back tears. “I do trust you. I trust you completely.”

  “Maybe I don’t belong in this world with you, Ben. All I do is screw it up.”

  I saw the thick drops in the corners of her eyes. “Don’t say that. It’s still new. It’s only been a few months. It would freak anyone out.”

  “But look what’s happened in the few months since we left the island. ‘Benecca’ was reborn. We’ve barely seen each other. You thought I was staking out a new boyfriend. How much do we need to see before we realize that maybe we don’t belong together? No matter how much I love you, how much I want to be with you, maybe we just don’t fit off the island.”

  “Hold on.” I clasped her hands, pulling her closer to me. “It’s just a tabloid story that’s going to blow over. And ‘Benecca’ will be replaced by another couple. While we’re clearing the air here, there was nothing between Quinn and me ever—always been friends. Only friends.” I tried to read her expression. “I only have two more months in L.A. Two months, baby. We can get through two months.”

  “Two months? We barely made it through the first one.”

  “It’s nothing compared to the big picture. We’ll figure it out.”

  “And then what? You’re going to retire? I can never be seen with another guy? We hide out at the ranch for the rest of our lives and raise cows? I know you need more than cows and rides on a four-wheeler.”

  I knew Quinn would be back any s
econd with coffee. Time was running out and instead of bringing Chelsea back to me, I had set her on a path that was cracking the glass in every direction.

  “There has to be a way. We can’t let this go. I’m not letting this go. I know you don’t want that.”

  A tear slipped off her lashes and rolled along her cheek. “Maybe it’s what we need to do.”

  “Knock, knock.” Quinn peeked her head through the door. “I brought coffee for everyone.”

  Chelsea quickly wiped the tears from her face. “Great. Ben has to get back to the ranch and I’m ready for the chorus.”

  She stood, and I knew my window to convince her had closed. I should have used the damn speech.

  “Sure you don’t want to stick around? You can watch us work.” Quinn smiled.

  “Nah, that’s all right. You two have important things to do here.”

  I cupped Chelsea’s jaw and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll be at home.”

  “But you have to fly back.”

  I turned at the door. “I’ll be at home.”

  I closed it behind me and walked down the hall. I didn’t know how long I’d have to stay in Texas, but there was no way I was leaving. My entire world was about to fall apart.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Chelsea

  There might be a new chorus in the song, but I knew it felt just as flat as the last one. I told Quinn I’d work on it tonight. Driving out of the city, I didn’t know if I had it in me. It was a love song. Who was I to write about love?

  It was dark when the guard waved me through the ranch gate. Ben said he’d be home, but I didn’t expect to see him. He had an early morning shoot. There was no way he’d miss that. He’d probably try to call or FaceTime later. All I wanted was a glass of wine and have Lenny fix some of his homemade mac and cheese.

  I slowed the car along the curves in the road. On the way to work this morning, I noticed some of the cattle drivers had moved part of the herd closer to the dirt road. They looked like statues as I passed them. I heard Lenny mention the big auction they had in the spring at the ranch as a fundraiser. Some of the steers went for thousands of dollars. It was an annual event for the workers.

  There was so much about the ranch I still needed to learn. I hadn’t even been on a horseback ride yet. Ben kept promising to take me when the movie wrapped. There was an entire stable of horses on the ranch I hadn’t met.

  After today, none of that was going to happen. How could it? None of this was real. It wasn’t my home. This wasn’t my car. Everything belonged to Ben, and I had accepted it as if fairytale endings were a normal part of life. My castle was a ranch, and my prince was a cowboy movie star who was never home. That part of the ending was never in the movies.

  I pulled into the garage. On my way into the kitchen, I noticed Ben’s four-wheeler was missing.

  I saw a note on the counter and picked it up:

  Bud’s waiting for you to take you out. See you in ten minutes.

  —B.

  I turned toward the door just in time to see Bud stroll through the hallway. “You ready?” He tipped his hat.

  I held the note out, hoping he could explain everything about the cryptic message.

  “Where are we going? Can I change?”

  He cleared his throat. “I was told to take you straight to the meeting location.”

  “But I—” I saw the look in Bud’s eye and knew better than to challenge him on the spot. “Ok, fine. I’ll go.”

  He led me through the garage. I expected to climb in the back of one of the black cars, but he jumped on a golf cart parked behind me. “Hop on.” He patted the seat next to him.

  It was dark, but after a few seconds, I recognized the part of the ranch that led to Ben’s favorite spot. I could never find it on my own, even though I had tried.

  Bud took us through the last tunnel of trees, and we emerged in the clearing. The Silver Sand Dollar replica was lit up, and Ben was standing next to a campfire. Bud stepped on the brake. “This is your stop.” He nodded at me.

  Reluctantly, I climbed out of the cart. “Thanks, Bud.”

  “Sure thing.” He tipped his hat, threw the cart in reverse, and headed back through the thicket.

  “What’s this all about?” I anchored my hands to my hips. I noticed the chairs were by the camper, and Ben had placed plaid blankets and pillows around the fire.

  “You said something today.” He walked forward.

  “Which thing? We both said a lot.”

  “The thing about how everything changed after we left the island.”

  “Oh, right. That thing.”

  He tugged on my hand and pulled me to him. I tried to resist the way it felt when his skin hit mine, but the burn was unmistakable.

  “Ben, don’t.” I pressed my palms into his chest.

  “Don’t what? Hold you and tell you I love you?” He wrapped a strong arm around my waist, making it impossible to move anywhere but closer to him.

  I looked into his eyes, darkened by the night. “This doesn’t fix anything. It doesn’t undo what I said.”

  “Why can’t it? This is real. This is as real as it gets. I know that. You know that.” He moved his hands to my face. They still felt warm from the fire. “If we have to stay on the island, or here on our pretend version of the island, that’s what we’re going to do. Because I am not giving up, or letting go, or starting over with anyone else. Do you hear me?”

  “But, this doesn’t fix anything.”

  “Shh.” He smiled. “It does. It fixes everything.” He tipped my head back before his lips came crashing down on mine.

  At first, I closed my eyes, willing my body not to react to the way his lips moved against mine. But his tongue dipped in my mouth and his hands tangled in my hair, breaking down any resistance I had cemented.

  “Ben, it’s not that simple,” I whispered between kisses.

  “It is exactly this simple.” He grinned. “Don’t think. Just feel.” He kissed my throat, his hands trailing down my back.

  “I can’t pretend none of this happened.” I groaned. God, I wanted to forget everything except the way he felt, but nothing was resolved. Seduction did nothing to solve our problems. Part of him thought I was capable of cheating.

  He took me by the hand, leading me to the campfire. “Look at me.”

  I watched the flames dance in his eyes.

  “Do you love me?”

  “You know I do.” I whispered the words over the crackling pops of the fire.

  “Then kiss me like this is the beginning and not the end.” He traced the side of my cheek. “Love me like we belong together.”

  The words settled on me, filling me, clawing their way into my soul. I didn’t belong to anyone else. Only him. It was crazy to think I could walk away from him without it shredding my heart. But what if I was right? What if we didn’t work off the island?

  I circled his neck with my hands and reached on my tiptoes, drawing him to my mouth. I kissed him like he was one of the songs I was writing, slow and deliberate, taking my time to make sure every touch was perfectly placed.

  His tongue lashed against mine, matching the rhythm I set. I felt the deep need I had for him surfacing, taking over my thoughts, invading my blood, firing desire in my core.

  I wiggled to the side just enough to ease on the blankets at our feet. Ben followed, taking my mouth again, this time at his own fiery pace. I felt all the hunger and the passion unleashed in his kisses.

  “Tell me,” he growled. He pushed me back on the pillow.

  My chest rose from the pressure of his hands, and my breathing quickened. Above his head was a sky full of diamond stars.

  “Tell me, baby.” He nuzzled against my neck, his teeth nipping at my ear.

  “Take me,” I moaned. “I want you to fuck me, please.”

  His hands coasted over my hips and unclasped the button on my jeans. He sat upright, jerking on the jeans until they were in a pile next to the fire. I reached for his
belt, desperate to do the same for him. The need to be a part of him, to love him just like he said was driving every fiber of my being. He wriggled out of the denim then focused on my lips again.

  His kisses grew deeper and harder. I pulled on the edge of his shirt, sliding it over his arms. He had a new chiseled physique that glowed next to the fire. I ran my hands along the hard ridges of his arms and chest, pushing out thoughts of Julian Love and Evangeline. He was mine. Only mine.

  He braced himself on his palms and stared into my eyes. “It’s been too long since we’ve been together like this.” He settled on his heels and flicked open the first button on my shirt. “I missed every inch of your body.” He kissed the tops of my breasts.

  I moaned under the contact. He slid the shirt from my shoulder, planting kisses along my collarbone. “Did you miss it when I did this?” His tongue glided along my stomach, stopping short of the lacy border running across my hipbone.

  I nodded, watching his every move.

  “What about when I did this?” He pushed my knee to the side, dotting kisses along my thigh.

  My back arched in response. “Mmm-hmm.”

  “And what about this?” He planted a kiss between my legs, blowing a gentle, heated breath through the silky fabric.

  I bit hard on my lip to stop the whimper hovering in the back of my throat. I grasped at his shoulders.

  “Tell me,” he urged. “Tell me what you missed.”

  I was sure it was the flames from the fire, but his eyes danced with a devilish expression.

  “I missed you,” I breathed. “I missed your body too.”

  Releasing the words unleashed a recklessness in me. All I could think about was being with him again, every part of him. I sat forward, pushing him on the other side of the blanket. I wiggled out of my panties and crawled toward him. As my hips straddled his waist, I kissed him roughly, feeling the sensation that was taking hold of my body.