Surrender Forever (Surrender Trilogy Book 3)

by Raven J. Spencer

  I can feel tears in my eyes, from the intensity of the experience. From fear.

  Fortunately, Penelope goes for the former interpretation. She gives me a soft smile, before she, still on the floor, curls up in my lap.

  Whatever the outcome of this bizarre story, she owns everything.

  When we finally arrive at our destination for the evening, both of us are giddy, not to mention hungry. Penelope, now in a dress over the new inspiring undergarments, looks up the skyscraper in amazement.

  “I know you promised me a view. I didn’t expect it to be this.”

  “Wait until we’re up there. It’s really pretty.”

  We have a glass of champagne before dinner. Penelope is quiet now, absorbing the atmosphere. I know that never in a million years she will take this life for granted, the way I mostly have, which is probably a good thing, something that creates a balance between us. I couldn’t change her this much if I tried—and I don’t want to.

  “Are you okay?” she asks. “You seemed really far away for a moment. You heard from the folks at home?”

  “Yeah. All is quiet. It’s perfect, actually.”

  I take her hands in mine, thinking how tenderly they’ve touched me, less than an hour ago. We both made our choices. We’re fortunate.

  “I love you,” Penelope says. “The life we have together is so much more than I could ever imagine…and I read a lot of romance novels.” She laughs, self-conscious. “You probably can tell, but I don’t think it hurts to say it more often. I am happy.”

  “I am too,” I whisper, wishing that for once in my life, some divine intervention would tell me what the right thing to do is. Serves me right for thinking I’d always be the one to know.

  Tell her or not? I am clueless. It’s a feeling I don’t tolerate well.

  Chapter Seven

  Penny

  It’s hard to tell what’s up with Carter—or if there is something up with her, something between the lines that I notice even after all the euphoria of New York City, my own success, the usual mind-blowing sex. Sure enough, after dinner, she had the idea to use those scarves, and sure enough, it was that moment Haley knocked on the door.

  “I’m sorry, Penelope is in the shower,” Carter lied. “We’re really tired. Can it wait until tomorrow morning?”

  “I guess so. It’s not that important,” Haley amended and went back to her room. Carter returned to the bedroom and within minutes, she made me see stars. I love her, so much more than I ever thought I could love someone, but I sense there’s something unspoken, and I don’t know how to approach it. Maybe she’s just nervous about her mom’s impending visit—their relationship is still a somewhat tricky subject. But my parents will be there, too, and it will change the dynamic slightly. We will all be just fine, right?

  Carter is possessive even in sleep, holding on as if trying to keep me from running away, still.

  I’m wide awake, not thinking of running away, ever, but of a way of sorting this out, without even knowing what “this” is. I am happy. I want both of us to be.

  When we’re back at home, she goes straight to the office, but promises to be there on time for when her mom arrives. Brenda will stay with us for the weekend. Frankly, I’m a bit nervous too. They might think that they don’t have that much in common, but Brenda has a commanding presence not unlike Carter.

  My parents will be okay though. They pretty much get along with everyone.

  I spend the morning of Brenda’s arrival with Marlene, talking about last minute details. Marlene is in her element here. I imagine that of all her responsibilities of which some go far beyond that of a chef, she still loves cooking the most. It’s not like we have guests that often. A dinner for five is more of a rarity—she and I want to make sure everything is perfect.

  In some way, I still need to convince everyone, that neither Carter nor I made a terrible mistake, and the fact that Marlene is my partner in crime here makes me feel really good. We have found common ground after all.

  A driver will get Brenda at the airport, and Nick will be sent for my parents, so there’s nothing left to do but get dressed for the special occasion. Carter arrives from the office half an hour later than she said she would, and apparently, finding me half-naked in my closet is not helping.

  “Come on.” I find it hard to protest with her mouth against my neck, her hands wandering over my stomach and further down. “We don’t have much time.”

  “Usually, you don’t need that much time.”

  I can’t argue with that…

  “It’s been such a long week. We could still cancel dinner and do it another time,” she suggests.

  “Marlene would be so disappointed. Frankly, I would be too. We really worked hard to make this amazing. Well, she did, but we created the menu together.”

  With a sigh, Carter lets go of me and sits in the armchair. I don’t think about it very often anymore, but every once in a while it strikes me that I have a walk-in closet that’s big enough for an armchair—and a vanity. Like I said, we don’t have the time.

  “You seem stressed. What’s going on? Is it another of those…projects?”

  “No,” she says. “I told you, we wrapped up things for Mom’s friend, and everything else is on the books. I’d like to keep it that way for a while. It’s a drop in the ocean, and…I’m really tired.”

  “Your mom leaves on Saturday evening, so we’ll still have Sunday. How about we make it a nice, slow day at home?” I suggest.

  “That would be nice.” She smiles, but I’m not sure if I convinced her. I’m still confident that this might be exactly what we need, for things to slow down, if only for a day.

  My parents arrive first. Marlene has the aperitif and small appetizers ready, of course. I am ridiculously happy watching them greet Carter, with none of the reservation they had at the beginning. It’s not because she gave them a cruise—they’ve come around, understand that she didn’t force me into anything I didn’t want. At this point in my life, I’m in the perfect place, which has little to do with the luxury I’m surrounded with. I can’t say it harms though.

  Carter is more relaxed with them too, now that everyone has finally stopped doing this cautious polite dance around each other. Now, we can just be family.

  Nick says goodbye just the moment Brenda arrives with a suitcase. A member of Marlene’s staff takes care of that quickly while Brenda walks in.

  “Penny, it’s good to see you,” she says and hugs me.

  “You too, Brenda.”

  She turns to her daughter, and the moment is every bit as affectionate as it is awkward. It takes time. Brenda had one vision for Carter. She’s still adjusting to the fact that while it didn’t exactly come true, Carter built something amazing. She should be so proud—but I haven’t been in this family long enough to understand all the implications. All I know is that I’m comfortable taking Carter’s side.

  We sit down and to my relief, the conversation is flowing. Brenda and my mom talk politics and the need to cut down the influence of big corporations.

  “No offense,” Mom hurries to say which prompts a mild smile from Carter.

  “None taken. For the most part, it’s still an old boy’s club up there, and yes, they do have too much influence.”

  It’s an odd space to live in, being a woman in this world with a lot of privilege, but still limited means to change the world to the way it should be. I see those limits at work every day, and I wish some of Carter’s peers would be more adamant about evening the score for women rather than stuffing their own bank accounts. We try to do something at least.

  For dinner, we move into the dining room where I helped Marlene set the table and decorate earlier. I’m glad this is going so well—and Carter seems to enjoy herself too.

  “I had nothing to do with this,” she wards off my parents’ praises. “Penelope hashed it all out with Marlene. But I agree, it’s delicious. Did Penelope tell you about her speech in New York? She has a great fut
ure ahead.”

  I blush, while Mom and Dad are practically glowing with pride.

  Brenda smiles. “Penny is someone special. I’m really glad you found each other.”

  By now, I’m bright red, and I can’t have a refill of the dark red wine soon enough. Under the table, Carter takes my hand and squeezes it gently.

  Who knew that we could have a normal family gathering?

  Mom joins me in the kitchen before it’s time for the coffee. “You know,” she says, “I was going to ask you if you’re still happy, but I don’t think I need to. I can tell. You are so comfortable here.”

  “I am happy,” I assure her. “Getting comfortable around all this…” I gesture around the chef kitchen, meaning my living quarters in general. “It took some time. I don’t get lost anymore.”

  She laughs at that. “I meant to ask you something—and promise me you won’t think I’m the worst mother of the bride cliché. It’s been a while since the wedding. Have you ever thought about children?”

  In plural?

  “It’s been a busy year—and you know it takes more than forgetting contraception for a day.”

  If that’s TMI, I think she asked for it.

  “I’m sure your mom is aware of that,” Carter says as she walks inside, sounding amused. “But it’s true, we haven’t had a lot of time to think about the specifics. I needed Penelope to say yes to me before anyone else had the chance to ask her, but when the time comes, we’ll decide this together, and I promise we will tell you first.”

  Mom beams at her. “See, Penny, that’s all I’m asking for.”

  Carter gives me one of those speculative looks that almost makes me forget we have guests. We’re still deeply in the honeymoon phase, and for the moment, it’s more than perfect.

  * * * *

  There’s little talk about Brenda’s friend, even the next day. Carter looks so relaxed in sleep I don’t want to wake her when I get up. When I walk into the kitchen, I find Brenda sitting in the breakfast nook, enjoying the beautiful sunrise and a first cup of coffee. Marlene is somewhere in the back of the kitchen, preparing breakfast, which leaves me and Brenda in relative privacy.

  “Good morning,” I say to my mother-in-law. “It’s a wonderful view from here.”

  “It sure is. You’re up early.”

  “I always am. I looked through some papers for work. I hope you enjoyed dinner?”

  “Oh yes, you did a fantastic job. It seems like things are good at the company too.”

  “We can’t complain,” I confirm.

  Marlene sets a cup of coffee in front of me which I gratefully accept.

  “I’m glad your friend is okay now,” I say. It’s a bit like with Carter, shooting in the dark. I have heard a little about the story, but after Carter decided to let me in more, she also decided to suspend those projects for a bit. I guess it’s for the better. In this, she sometimes has to rely on the authorities to look the other way, and Colette is just one woman.

  “Yes, me too. This made me realize I underestimated Carter for a long time—and I’m really sorry about that. I’m trying to make amends as you certainly know.”

  “Carter knows that too.”

  “She’s doing something important, something to change the world. I’m glad she found someone who is kind to her. I want her to be happy.”

  “I want that too,” I say without hesitation.

  “Yes, it’s good we’re on the same page here. I hated to see people come into her life who were after the money. Now that Carter and I talk more often, I could do more for her. I would make such a person’s life miserable. It’s a good thing that this is out of the question with you.”

  “I’d say so.” I try not to choke on my sip of coffee, laugh a little. Where did that come from?

  “You’re up already.” Carter walks in, still in a robe. “You didn’t wait with breakfast for me?”

  “We did,” Brenda says. “We just had a nice conversation.”

  I guess you could call it that.

  * * * *

  Brenda leaves in the late afternoon, and I’m determined to begin what little time we have to slow down and relax. Yes, I’m aware how this screams privilege—of course, New York wasn’t exactly slow and relaxing, Bora Bora seems like forever ago, but there are many people who can’t even dream of seeing those places one day. I will work harder to give back—but I am as passionate about being the best partner, wife, Carter could ask for.

  I have dinner served in the media room where we curl up on one of the comfortable couches and watch a couple of movies. A silly romantic one, and one with a badass lady main character—you have to have both to make it a perfect evening.

  Maybe in the morning, I can take Carter on a little trip for a picnic by the sea, just this one day before work starts over—the job, classes and study groups.

  “Did you ever think about children?” I ask. “Be careful, what you said to Mom sounded a lot like a maybe. She’s not likely to forget that.”

  “I haven’t had time to stop and think in a long time,” Carter says. “I wouldn’t want to leave it up to strangers to raise my child, but I also don’t want to mess with your career any more than I already have. I’m sure we could make it work somehow. With the means we have, I think it would be the responsible choice to adopt.”

  I never even thought I’d be in this kind of situation, but I can’t help agreeing with her. Maybe not right now, but we could offer a safe and loving home.

  “It’s also up to you, of course. If you say you can’t imagine it, it’s off the table. I’d be okay either way.”

  “There’s very little I can’t imagine doing as long as you’re with me,” I say, leaning into her embrace. “Let’s give it some time to think this through.”

  “Yes, definitely.”

  Evening turns into night, a romantic bubble bath and tender lovemaking. Life couldn’t be better.

  “I did not by any chance forget Valentine’s Day?” Carter jokes.

  “No way. I can be romantic every day.”

  “Yes, I’ve noticed that about you. I want to thank you, for…everything. For not running away yet. Instead, you represent my company in the best possible light, and you organize family dinners. I wouldn’t know what to do without you anymore.”

  “The feeling is mutual,” I murmur, cuddling up to her.

  The intimacy is too deep, too strong to make many words, a magnetic kind of attraction neither of us is able to resist. No ties tonight—but she pins my wrists over my head for a moment, and surrendering once more, there’s the familiar rush, emotion, sensation, my body greeting her warm and ready. Every time I think it’s impossible that she could take me even higher, she proves me wrong, and tonight is no exception.

  “I love to feel you inside me.” The words come out like that, no filter, no self-consciousness about them. Her fingers curl slightly, triggering another soft explosion.

  It’s true—how I ever managed to live without her, without this, is a mystery to me. I wouldn’t want to go back, ever.

  Later I sneak out of the bedroom and find Marlene to arrange for the picnic/breakfast tomorrow, my knees still weak.

  In the morning, our roles are reversed when I give Carter a sexy wake up call. She doesn’t resist at all, warm and pliant under my hands. I’m beginning to understand why this turns her on so much, and without a doubt, she enjoys herself on the other end of all that loving attention too. This is not the only surprise though.

  “It’s four-thirty,” she says, the breathless sated tone of her voice distracting. “Couldn’t sleep?”

  “Get dressed and come with me. I want to show you something.”

  Carter hides a yawn behind her hand. “I’m not sure about getting out of bed at this time. I have to stop by the office later, and you know it’s always hard to tell how long that will last.”

  “Please, come. You’ll like it, I swear.”

  The cooler and thermos, together with picnic dishes and napkins
and a big blanket, are already in the trunk of my car.

  “I can’t believe this.” Carter shakes her head as I pull out of the parking garage and onto the street. “Where did you say we’re going?”

  “I didn’t say,” I remind her cheerfully and turn on the music, a romantic tune fitting for a drive into the sunrise. In so many ways, this is a new beginning for us, the changes in my career, no more side projects for the moment, family reunions—we’re really doing this, taking a step back, taking time to think. The sky is getting lighter, some stripes of orange and pink breaking through the light blue.

  It’s about a half hour to the beach, and this early in the morning, there’s no one here.

  “You planned this.” Carter seems amazed when I open the trunk.

  “I’m a good planner. You said so yourself.”

  “You definitely are. This is…I love it.” She kisses me deeply. “I love you.”

  I don’t ask for anything else.

  Chapter Eight

  When we return around noon, Nick is waiting for us, pacing in the foyer, and I know that our relaxing day is over. He asks to see Carter in her home office, and I’m dismissed.

  An hour or so later, Carter comes down the stairs, a grim expression on her face. She carries a suitcase.

  “There’s been a break-in at the office in Chicago. We’re not sure about the damage yet, and there are people who are taking care of this, but I have to make sure.”

  “I can come with you,” I offer. “Just give me five minutes to pack.”

  “No, I don’t think that would be a good idea. You have classes tomorrow, not to mention Traci’s waiting for you to tell her all about New York. It’ll be okay, I’ll be back mid-week at the latest.”

  I try not to show my disappointment. I understand she has to take care of business, but those are going to be long days.

  “I know,” she says, kissing me softly. “I wish we had at least the rest of the day…that was a beautiful idea. We’ll do it soon again, I promise.”