“I don’t know what they were thinking,” I say, which is almost true. We’re entering dangerous territory. Of course, the only story Haley knows is that I met Carter, fell in love with her very quickly, and she offered me a timeout from my life for a year. We fell in love even more, and the rest is…history. “The worst is that she knew about it. If she had asked me right away, I could have told her that I’m not after her money, but no, we went to New York, and all this time she didn’t mention it with one word.”
“Maybe she thought that there was nothing, and so it would go away by itself…?”
I’m not sure if Haley’s words are a comfort. “Hey, whose side are you on?”
“Yours, you know that. You also know that this relationship has completely transformed you. You were happy. Don’t call it quits yet.”
“I didn’t say I was going to.”
“Good. I would be mad if I was you, for sure, but you have to talk if you want to move forward.”
I finish my glass, and like a good BFF, she refills it right away.
“I know,” I say. What I don’t know is when—or how I’ll get through this.
Chapter Eleven
Carter
“All right, Carter, what do you need? You didn’t kidnap her again, did you?”
I can barely hold back the sigh. It’s disconcerting how Colette knows the darkest recesses of my mind. I asked her to dinner—of course that’s enough for her to know something is up. She wants to be blunt? I can put up.
“How much do you like your job?”
“Uh-oh. What do you mean?”
“I told Nick that I might let him come back and work for me, but there’s no way I’m going to give him his old job.” He knows the whole story—I can’t ignore this severe breach of trust, mine and Penelope’s.
“That’s…harsh, but I see where you’re coming from. Have you thought of a replacement?”
I give her my best poker face. “I have indeed,” I say, waiting for realization to dawn.
“So who is it?...Wait. This is not why I’m here tonight, right?”
“What if it is? You basically have worked for me for a while now, with all the risks and few of the benefits.”
“Few?” She takes a sip of her wine. “You gave me a condo and said we would work something out. I still haven’t paid any rent to this day, which is, by the way, not my fault.”
“Because you had a good reason not wanting to go back to your apartment. We talked about this. I need someone good, and I need them right away. It’s not like your job situation is going to drastically improve anytime soon.”
Colette laughs. “Wow, Carter, thanks for the optimistic outlook. You’re right though,” she continues, more serious. “I’ve been looking for a change.”
“I know. Here’s your chance.”
“I was thinking of a transfer. I’m not sure I want that much of a change.”
“Why not? I asked Scott to come to headquarters. His only job will be to make sure you’re up to date with everything. I wouldn’t ask you if I didn’t think you could handle a challenge. Besides, you kind of can’t say no, because I already told Rachelle that she’ll have Scott’s job. So you say yes?”
“If you promise you’re not on a guilt trip because of Baxter, I’ll think about it.”
That came out of left field. “It has nothing to do with Baxter—and I need you to think quick. Rachelle would be next in line, but she hasn’t been with the company that long. Besides, she was in on the conspiracy.”
“I know you, Carter. You always think you haven’t done enough, and then you hand out jobs and houses like cookies. Let me be clear. This would be big for me, but I don’t want the job just for having connections. We’re friends, yes. That shouldn’t play a role in this.”
“Right.” I give her a wry smile. “Don’t worry, I don’t expect you to go shopping or to mani-pedis with me. I spent the better part of one entire morning checking up on your résumé and talking to people about your qualifications. I know what I’m doing. You have until after dessert to think about it, but don’t say no out of false pride. I don’t hire amateurs, and I pay the ones I hire, well.”
“Yeah, so I’ve heard. Okay. I’m going to do it. Nick is not going to go ballistic and come after me? I know he invested a lot in your business.”
“I invested a lot in him too,” I say grimly. “No one’s coming after you. I needed him to be beyond any reproach, and he knew it. That is gone, and it will be hard to get any of that trust back, if he’s willing to try, that is. He’s been good for the company, but I can’t have him do this job any longer if Penelope is asking herself what might have happened that night in her apartment.”
“Yeah. I understand it’s a difficult situation.”
Marlene brings the dessert, a magnificent creation with fresh peaches and white chocolate mousse. I can’t help thinking how much Penelope would enjoy this. Thinking of her—the fact that she hasn’t shown any interest in communication yet—it hurts. I’m much better at being the tough bitch everyone expects me to be, and taking the lead.
It doesn’t do anything for the lingering emptiness. I can’t live like this for much longer.
* * * *
I call Haley’s this time, and to my utter surprise, she hands the phone to Penelope.
“Hey.” Her tone is matter-of-fact, somewhat resigned. Maybe she knew that I wouldn’t be able to stay away. Maybe she feels the same. The thought fills me with hope.
Which is, admittedly, foolish after one word.
“Carter, are you still there?” She sounds a little impatient now.
“Yes, of course. First of all, I wanted to tell you I suspended Nick. I also assume that Muriel came to find you, and he didn’t.”
“That’s right. Suspended? What does that mean? I’m sure he’s not happy about it.”
“That’s not my problem. I promised you he was safe, and he messed that up. If he comes back, he’ll have to work to earn that trust again, but certainly not as head of security. Colette will take over his duties.”
“Oh. Wow.”
I realize that the conversation is slipping out of my control—I didn’t mean to give her a business update.
“I’d like to talk to you…In person. I know I hurt you too, but I want to make things right, any way I can. I swear to you I thought this wasn’t important, that they’d find Laurier and where the money was going. I thought it would be better not to bother you with any of it.”
“Bother me? We’re married!” On the other end of the line, Penelope takes a deep breath. “You had doubts sometimes, didn’t you? For a moment you wondered, what if?”
“I…yes. I’m sorry. I knew it was ridiculous, that you would never do anything like that. Can we meet?”
Her hesitation makes it a nail-biting moment.
“I guess we should, if we want to move forward. Would you be free for dinner sometime?”
“Whenever. I’ll clear my schedule. Would you come…home?”
“I think I’d rather go to a restaurant,” Penelope says.
Baby steps. I have to remind myself that as long as we’re talking, there’s hope. I want to ask her if she can imagine coming home eventually, but I don’t want to push my luck. I’m good at negotiating, and I usually win. In order to get her back, I’m ready for some compromise. And sometimes, it helps to use the element of surprise.
“Can I take you to New York for dinner? Friday night? I know you enjoyed it, and we didn’t have a lot of time there.”
“New York?” She gives a surprised laugh. “I was thinking of something closer. I don’t know.”
“I’ll be transparent here, okay? I know that would give me some more time with you, and that’s all I want. I promise not to dazzle you with luxury. You were never that much impressed with it anyway.”
“Oh, it’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, and you know it. I just never wanted more than you were willing to give me. The thought of stealing from you never crossed
my mind. I wish everyone would get that.”
“I will talk to everyone. I promise.”
I sure asked a lot more of her than she was willing to give, in the beginning, when I decided that she should stay with me for at least a year, unlike the other women we’ve helped who left as soon as the danger was past.
I want to do more than a fancy dinner in New York. I want to take her back where everything began, and re-evaluate our relationship, what we have now. “If you could come by at four in the afternoon, I’ll make reservations. We spend one night, and if you want, I’ll get a room with two beds.”
“Don’t be silly. I have to be back for book club on Saturday.”
“You will be, I promise,” I say, excited that she didn’t insist on the twin beds. We’re getting somewhere.
* * * *
For the next few days, I make the rounds and inquire about the ridiculous conspiracy theory. I don’t want a divorce, and I’m almost sure Penelope doesn’t want one either, but my staff needed to know that good intentions aren’t enough.
We are a tight-knit group, and I appreciate the effort to protect the integrity of Forbes Inc.—not at all cost though.
Gillian wears the same apologetic expression that I’ve seen a few times in the past days when I ask her about the clause.
“When I told you to get the documents ready, did you think I was sane and capable of making that decision?”
It’s not often that I have to be the mean sarcastic boss. I have no alternative now. Her face reddens. I think it’s remarkable that of all the people involved in this, Nick is still the only one who hasn’t said a word in apology or even feels like he should. Male privilege, it gets to the best of them, and sometimes it makes me wonder if money can even the score, or if the messages in our heads just stay the same.
“Yes, of course. I just thought—you were, are, in love.”
“Oh my God. Whenever I sign something, are you worried about things like PMS as well? I learned this business from the bottom up, and you all know it. Please tell me I didn’t spend all this time trying to advance skilled women so they could turn into patronizing dudes on me?”
Gillian sighs deeply. “I see your point, Carter, I really do. It seemed like a good idea at the time, because no one thought it would even matter in the long run. We had to check all the boxes, and since you didn’t want a prenup, we thought it was for the best…”
“To go ahead and not ask me about it at all, I get that. See, you’ve all done incredible work for me over the years. I’m not looking at a complete change here, but if any of you goes behind my back one more time—because you think I’m emotional—all bets are off. Do you hear me?”
“Clearly.”
“That’s good. Very good.”
It’s been exhausting, these few days, trying to re-establish my leadership and my marriage. As it is, I have a good chance of saving both, but it was a call too damn close.
I pay a visit to the security department where everything is back to quiet and normal. I study Scott and Colette working together and feel assured that I made the right decision here. There’s no talking down, no pissing contest, just one co-worker bringing the other up to date.
Colette asks me if I can join her on a quick lunch break, and I affirm. “There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”
“I’m curious. You’re still dating that detective…”
“It’s not that kind of introduction,” she says, making me curious. “This is more business oriented.”
The woman who’s waiting for us in the restaurant across the street is a tall brunette, a little younger than Colette. “This is Eve. Carter Forbes.” We shake hands, and Eve gives me an amiable smile.
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” she says.
“I, on the other hand, have no idea why we’re here. This is going to be interesting.”
We place our orders, and then Colette explains. “You gave me a great opportunity, and I’m grateful for it, but I was thinking what we did before wasn’t so bad either. In fact, I thought there should be some continuity, so…This is where Eve comes in. She joined the Bureau last year. You could say we all share some values. She’s ready to pick up where I left off.”
I’m surprised, but pleased at this turn of events. Raising my glass, I tell her, “That’s great to know. Welcome to the jungle.”
It never harms to have friends in high places, especially for the next rescue/extract project. There is no reason, no excuse to put off the most important task at hand any longer. Penelope said yes to a dinner in New York. Everything needs to be beyond perfect.
I’m optimistic—and terrified like never before in my life, because there’s this other idea I still need to break to her.
Chapter Twelve
Penny
Did I lose my mind? Did I find myself again by agreeing to the New York dinner trip? I have no idea, but the time until Friday can’t go by fast enough. I know there’s a lot we have to work on. Trust issues, open questions, a vision of what a shared future could look like—and if we still have that option.
I couldn’t resist Carter even when I didn’t know all her motives, and I had hoped we’d moved beyond that. If this marriage is supposed to work, we have to go even further than that.
I need her to let me in—she might have confused that with giving me access to her accounts and all the comforts of her life, even though I’m nowhere near ready to have a leading position in any company. I love the work, I love learning, and I want to support her any way I can. What I most need from her is to share her doubts and insecurities, and if she had, I wouldn’t still be considering running away.
I know it’s not all on her. I lost track, didn’t ask often enough, because it was so easy to lose myself in all the wonderful distractions she had to offer, food, travel, and the amazing, addictive sex. I feel the heat rising within even at the thought of it—why didn’t I insist on separate beds, separate rooms even? I agreed to dinner. If I let it go to a point beyond that, desire will take over, push aside the need to talk and see agreements through in the long run. I miss her like crazy, and if she wants to get naked after coffee and dessert, I’ll probably gladly offer my body. I love her so much. I want to be home.
I need it to be different.
I work overtime in order to cut off an hour on Friday, and even so I don’t have a lot of time to get ready. I pick out the blue dress I’ve worn on of the first evenings on the island, when for all I knew, Carter could have been a cold-blooded psychopath looking to own me. I went with my gut feeling rather than fears that aren’t irrational at all when you wake up in a foreign country, with strangers, realizing you’ve been kidnapped. I knew she would never intentionally harm me.
That was good enough back then, but in a marriage, I need more. Back then, I chose silver sandals from the incredible closet, now I go with a pair of blue and black pumps and a silver purse, with my hair up. Carter is always good for surprises, and it might be that while I’m getting ready for a fancy dinner, she chose a casual pizza place in a side street. The thought makes me smile, but the sentiment doesn’t last all that long.
It’s complicated. Nick might or might not come back. At this point I’m not even sure I’m still uneasy about the idea. I’m pretty sure he blames me for this turn of events, even though I’d never interfere with Carter’s choices for her staff. He might be right. She did this because of me.
Even if I never see him again, there are others who apparently looked at me with the same suspicion. I was just barely getting over my guilt for living rich when all of this started. If you’re not blessed with wealth early on, you can’t win, is that the conclusion?
I have no time for deep philosophical questions—a splash of perfume, and I grab the overnight bag I packed the day before and head for my car. I wonder if at some point, she thought about asking it back—or if any of Carter’s employees thought I should give it back.
We’re not there yet. We’ll be working on our relationship
, and if we both make the effort…At a red light, only a few minutes away from the Forbes residence, I choke up all of a sudden. There is no if, no safety net. If this doesn’t work out, money, or this car, will be the least of my concerns. I’ll be left with nothing.
* * * *
It’s been almost two weeks since I last walked up the stairs to the front door, and the mansion feels as intimidating to me as it did when I first moved in. I wanted to belong here, use all the chances that I was given to help other women who are less fortunate…it was other women who decided, in the majority, that Carter wasn’t careful enough where I was concerned. It’s hard to get past that. There is still Colette Grady, of course, who always had a pragmatic and kind approach. I’m glad Carter chose her to replace Nick—she has earned it.
“Hey. You look beautiful. Are you ready?”
Carter opens the door to me, enveloping me in a close hug. Of course, the friendly gesture is much more complex, because it’s her. My body is craving her. For a moment I can’t help thinking that working through stuff is overrated. There’s one form of communication where we always get the message across. She kisses me softly and then steps back, leaving me feeling bereft.
“I’m good,” I say. “I skipped lunch today too, so it better not be one of those gourmet places where you leave as hungry as you came in.”
Carter laughs. “Don’t worry. I won’t let you go hungry.”
The driver brings us to the hangar, and as promised before, she doesn’t try to close the distance or convince me to have a moment in the backseat of the BMW. It gives me pause. Part of me loves the way she naturally takes charge, the way she seduced me in the beginning and then many times after that. I want her to step up. I need to do the same.
She waits until we have boarded the jet and we head out on the runway.
Surrender Forever (Surrender Trilogy Book 3) Page 8