Surrender Forever (Surrender Trilogy Book 3)

by Raven J. Spencer

  “Okay. I’ll be there.”

  That was the easy part. I have to remind myself that we’re going to meet in a public place, and besides, in terms of the real bad guys I’ve encountered, he doesn’t even qualify. He’s stubborn and probably macho enough not to apologize, but that is not the point.

  I admit that I’m nervous when, at the time we agreed on, I walk into the coffee shop and see him sitting in a booth by the window. I suppose someone with his qualifications doesn’t have a hard time landing on his feet. He doesn’t look like someone grimly plotting revenge…but you never know.

  “Hi. Thanks for coming.” We shake hands, and I sit across from him. I can’t help thinking how much has changed, and how different this situation is from the day he and Carter came to the Café Vienna, trying to determine my daily schedule, finding the best possible moment to act.

  “No problem. What can I do for you?”

  I’m relieved that his presence is a lot less intimidating in the light of day, outside of the near empty room he and Muriel had set up. That was the worst for me, not being able to tell who the good guys were anymore.

  “You and Carter probably shared a lot of secrets over the past years.”

  He doesn’t confirm nor deny.

  “What I’m saying I know you’re probably pissed at her, and me too, but I don’t want this to come back to her in any way. You always had the business’s best interests in mind. I hope that’s still true.”

  “I signed the NDA, if that makes you feel any better.”

  “I’m serious. All of you invested a lot of time so Carter could be free to do what she does. That would make you very valuable for the competition, I imagine.”

  The waitress brings our orders, a latte for me, a black coffee and chocolate cake for him. At least in some ways, Nick is reassuringly predictable.

  “You really think I’d betray her?”

  I hold his gaze. “You thought the same of me.”

  “All right, I’ll give you that. I was wrong. I’m sorry.”

  “Good enough. I understand you and Carter left things so that there is a door open as long as you’re okay with Colette Grady calling the shots. You think you’d be able to live with that?”

  To my surprise, he laughs. “Now, this is interesting. See why we were so worried about you and Carter? She has high expectations for you, and maybe for a reason. It looks like you’re making these decisions now.”

  “I’m aware I know very little about what it takes to run a business. I never meant to mess with any of that. I’m happy with the job I have. I’m not dumb either. I know you liked that job. I’m just trying to figure out if you’d be okay being in the department, or only being the boss of that department, because I don’t think that’s going to happen now.”

  “You’re saying Carter would be okay with that?”

  “I wanted to ask you first. She might. I really don’t care all that much.”

  He drinks his coffee slowly, mulling this over. “I’ve had a few job offers, still thinking about it. As you know, there’s always a bit more action at Forbes Inc. And I never planned to go on a revenge spree. Carter knows that.”

  “What about Colette? It wasn’t my plan to kick her out of job she just started.”

  “I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out. Look, I’m not sure you understand how…”

  “You don’t have to explain,” I say with a dismissive gesture. “It wasn’t fun. You and Muriel should have known better. We’re all adults, and there’s a lot at stake, so I suggest we move on. I’ll talk to Carter, and I call you.”

  Somehow, I like myself in that role, the tough negotiator. What can I say? I learned from the best. I toss a bill onto the table and walk away.

  “Penny,” Nick calls, and I turn around. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” I say, thinking I might sleep better tonight.

  * * * *

  “Are you sure?” Carter asks when I tell her about my meeting with her former head of security.

  “I am. You know he has connections that are helpful for us, and you don’t really want to stop helping when we can. Now that we cleared the air between us, I think it would be a good idea to call him back. He even did say sorry.”

  “He better. I see your point, and yes, it would be good to have him back. He’s not the type to sell Intel to the highest bidder, but it’s tough. For so many years, I had no doubt whatsoever.”

  “I know, but I think we can all move past this. Speaking of which, I’d be ready to go whenever you are. You could meet with him this week, and we make it a long weekend?” I feel better than I have in a while. We’ve hit this road block, sure, but we contained it best we could, and only Haley knows about it on my side. None of my friends or family assumes there could have been any trouble, and after the trip, everything will have worked itself out. I know it.

  “Sure. Let’s do it.”

  Just like that, there’s no turning back. I have no reason to be nervous. I am back in my home, with the woman I love, and everything else is nothing more than a formality. We’ll take the private jet, spend a few days in a place that was wondrous and intimidating when I lived there the first time. I have changed. We have changed. Now, it will be just a beautiful place where we spend some time as a couple without worrying about criminals or cops coming after us. What could be better?

  * * * *

  I didn’t forget my promise to call Nick, and he and Carter met to talk over the details of his reinstatement. He’s not exactly a humble person, but humble enough to know he’s been given a chance, and that his previous work has been appreciated. I don’t expect us to talk much more than we did before, but he’ll know better than to doubt me this time.

  Then it’s just us—Carter, Marlene and I board the private jet early in the morning. Marlene retreats to a more private area to work on her magic or maybe just listen to music while Carter and I sit across from each other.

  “How are you feeling?” she asks.

  I want to say something reassuring, though I’m nervous, but the first thing that comes out is a yawn, making her laugh.

  “Okay, I’ll ask you again after the coffee?”

  The plane is moving, making its way onto the runway. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” I look outside, where streaks of daylight are barely making it through the receding darkness. A metaphor? A good one? I’m glad we’re here now, making things work, in for the long haul.

  “I’m more conscious than the last time, that much is for sure.” It was meant to be a joke, but I realize it’s not that funny to Carter even before the words are all out of my mouth. She is silent, pensive, worried.

  “Also, I chose to come this time. I chose you, remember?”

  Her smile is slightly pained. “Can’t harm to remember that. When we’re there, I want to show you something.”

  “Sure.” I don’t ask. At this point, we have to tread carefully, because we’ll arrive at the heavier subjects soon enough. I’m glad I worked things out with Nick, and she did too. The rest is solely between me and Carter, trying to figure out what we have, at the core of it, marriage, love, an addiction. “I’m here. All the way. Well, after that coffee I’ll be all here.”

  There are the familiar butterflies in my stomach as we take off, and the plane climbs into the sky. It doesn’t take long until we reach altitude, and the flight attendant serves coffee with breakfast, a heavenly French toast with caramelized peaches and a hint of bacon. No champagne this morning—we’ll need a clearer head for the things we’re going to tackle.

  “If you ever thought I’m not grateful for all of this, please know it’s not true. I am.”

  “The next step is making you understand you deserve it,” she says. “All of it. I know it’s a long-term project, but I’m in it too.”

  The first time I was on this plane, I was unconscious. One of the later times, we had sex in the luxurious bedroom. Now we’re going on a soul-searching trip with our personal chef. This is
the new life of Penny Elliot. Reading about something like this, imagining it, is a long way from reality, but the more I accept it, the less frightening it becomes, and more thrilling.

  I’ll have a chance to reclaim this space now, where I once was a captive. I’ll make the most of it.

  Chapter Fifteen

  It seems like the closer we get, the calmer I become. It’s the opposite for Carter. In the back of the car that brings us to the house, I take her hand.

  “It’s not like the first time. I know you already.”

  “Yeah. Maybe you haven’t seen all of me.”

  “If that’s the case, I’m excited to learn more. We will be okay.”

  She nods, but remains silent after that. Minutes later, we drive up to the mansion. I can see myself in another car, in a panic because a man pretending to be an FBI agent had scared the hell out of me. Then another time, when Colette took me home to prevent worse fallout for Carter. Or maybe she thought it was the right thing to do at the time. It’s all different now. No more running away from places or subjects. We’re here to face them. It’s hard to pinpoint my sudden inner turmoil to specific emotions. I’m excited. I’m anxious. I think of the rooms I couldn’t access those first days. I think of my “quarters.” I remember Carter coming into my room, touching me softly, testing the waters—when she already knew or at least suspected I wouldn’t resist for long. I’m surprised at the rush of desire washing through me, the liquid heat pulsing between my thighs. There’s some talking we need to do, and we both agreed the island would be the best place to do it. Talking won’t be all we do. I can feel my cheeks flush with the images on my mind.

  “How about we unpack and freshen up first?” Carter suggests.

  “Yes, we can do that.”

  That other time, it took me a while until I made it to the master suite, spend the night with her. This time, we’re heading straight for this part of the house, emptying our suitcases and putting away clothes, underwear and everything else you need for four days in the Caribbean. I brought a few choices of bikinis, either for the stretch of private beach, or the pool.

  “What do you want to do first?” Carter asks after she has changed into a lighter shirt and skirt. I chose a bright sundress.

  “I don’t think I ever saw the whole house. Maybe you could give me a tour?”

  I only remember that was the first time I was confronted with crazy luxury, and the place felt like a maze to me—especially when I was still worrying about finding a way out.

  “That’s the easy part?”

  “I’m not trying to make it hard on you, I swear.”

  Carter is meticulous, showing me every bedroom and bathroom, every balcony and nook, and it’s almost too much, because I’m not sure what to do with all those emotions and sensations claiming me. We take a look around the library which is in the part that used to be accessible to me. There are some gaps in the shelves, books she had delivered to our home, but it mostly looks the same to me. For a bookaholic like me, this place felt orgasmic even before we’d touched, when I wasn’t sure about her intentions. Finally, my “quarters.”

  I step into the bathroom, the walk-in closet, remembering my shock at first seeing a complete new wardrobe, my familiar products, all new. I wasn’t allowed sharp objects or any meds back then—whether or not Carter was living out a fantasy along with saving me from the real criminals, she had thought of everything. I begged Marlene for a razor when we had come to a point where I thought sex was inevitable, when I wanted it—and I got her into trouble. I remember going from worrying and raging against my situation to lusting after the woman who kept me behind closed doors.

  Many things have changed, one thing hasn’t. I sit down on the bed, here, where we first made love, starting to untangle the complicated threads that held us together.

  “I need you to do something for me,” I say. The words might be cryptic, the tone of my voice isn’t, and I see her eyes darken with desire, understanding, anticipation.

  “Right now, like this?”

  “Yes. It’s not like we need to be, or to go anywhere, right?”

  I lie back, and a moment later, she’s on top of me, her mouth on mine, my body ablaze at the contact.

  “I never wanted to make you do anything you didn’t want,” she whispers. “But I wanted you to feel it, this, what we had right from the start.”

  I’m feeling it all right, and God, yes, this is so good. No more worries. We aren’t trapped in fixed roles, but our needs complement one another just the same. I want this, to be taken over by her slow seduction…to surrender. She pushes the dress higher, then caresses my breast through the thin fabric, my nipples stiffening at the contact. Every brush of her fingertips sends liquid lightening to my core, and my hips rise instinctively.

  “I know. I want that too. Please.”

  It’s beyond pleasure, this wanton state, being sprawled on the bed and waiting for more of her attention. Distantly I notice the scent of fabric softener, realizing that someone prepared this room recently. Did Carter give the order, or do they usually do it anyway when she’s here? In all the rooms, or is everyone aware of the specific significance? A moment ago, she seemed surprised at my request, but perhaps she had the same idea…The thought is incredibly thrilling.

  She slowly pulls down my slip, then her lips brush over my hipbone, down my thigh. I’m trembling, but I will myself to be patient, because I know what my reward will be. The ultimate payoff.

  “Anything you want,” Carter murmurs against my skin.

  I gasp when her tongue touches my clit, soft warm pressure that soon makes me whimper. I wouldn’t mind going all the way like this, but as it seems, Carter has other plans. She sits back and urges me to sit up so she can pull the dress over my head. Every movement makes me aware of the sweet, unfulfilled ache between my legs, and it’s heaven and torture at the same time. She makes me lie back down then, on my stomach this time, and kisses her way down my spine. I’m squirming against the cool sheets, desperate for some friction. She reaches between my legs, massaging my clit. I press against her hand eagerly, sighing in relief when two fingers enter me. This will be it, I’m pretty certain. The position is somewhat awkward, but it makes for a great, satisfying angle, until the fingers disappear.

  “You can’t be serious.”

  “Oh, I am. Don’t move.”

  “Whatever you say.”

  A shiver runs down my spin when I hear those sounds behind me, a drawer and then a tube being opened. “Just in case you wondered,” Carter tells me rather cheerfully, “this is not something I had my employees prepare. I did that while you were in the shower earlier.”

  “I am so relieved.”

  The vibrator is slim, sliding inside me without any resistance, the sensation of cool smooth surface against my heated skin impossible to ignore. Anticipation explodes into shudders and moans when she turns it on.

  “Relax. It’s all going to happen. Breathe.” Her hand is warm and gentle on my back as my body is heading for an intense climax, and I’m struggling to take it all in, feel every split-second, every spike of heat. “Almost there. I’ve got you. I will never let you fall, okay? Let go for me, baby. Come,” she whispers, and I cry out, every muscle in my body tightening as she gives a sharp, somewhat unexpected tug to my hair. The way I like it, the way it takes me just a little bit higher when I thought it was impossible.

  I lie on the bed, spent, slow sailing down from an unimaginable high. Another pleasant shiver as Carter carefully removes the toy, and a moment later, she lies down next to me, pulling me close. My vision is a bit blurry, but her eyes are shiny too.

  “Thank you,” she says.

  “You’re welcome…but this is for me too.”

  We fall asleep for a bit, and then it’s time for lunch, a light salmon salad with a lemon vinaigrette, served on the deck. To my surprise, Carter starts the conversation by diving right in.

  “I’m sure somewhere in the past year you realized I’m
a control freak—and I know some of it is exciting for you, the other part…frustrating, I assume.”

  There’s no denying the charge on both counts. “I understand that you have an incredible responsibility,” I say. “Of course that’s part of it, but you must know you don’t always have to be so guarded with me. I love you. That doesn’t come with conditions.”

  Carter takes a sip of her water. No alcohol until later tonight, cocktails maybe after we’ve said everything that needs to be said.

  “This is the best that ever happened in my life. I’m serious—about this, us, and it’s not just a fantasy to me when we do what we just did.”

  Behind her, Marlene is clearing her throat, her cheeks lightly pink. “Whenever you’re ready for the dessert?”

  “Yes, thanks, Marlene.” We share an amused look, and Carter continues. “I can’t tell you how many people thought I’d slept my way up to where I am now. You can go far as a woman these days, but the sexism on the way there, and even when you’re there, it’s incredible. I had to keep a tight rein, and surround myself with people who were beyond doubt. I know you are, but it’s still hard for me to give up control completely. Even when I know someone is not going to stab me in the back.”

  This is not a regular lunch conversation, I’m well aware. I appreciate it. I am starting to get it.

  “It’s not going to change overnight, I see that now. All the time I thought I was the only one who had to adjust, but you had to as well. Those first nights when you went to sleep in your own bedroom—it wasn’t just to keep me off balance, or distracted.”

  “No.”

  She’s not denying that those were some of her intentions. Protection, seduction, it was always mixed together. I struggled with it for some time, but that’s long over.

  “I do realize that I might have wanted too much too soon. There’s no doubt we want this, each other, but it’s a different life from what we are used to, for both of us. If we keep that in mind, I think it will help.”