Alex's Destiny (Racing To Love)

by Amy Gregory

  “Dallas! Ruby!”

  “Shh, we’re right here, baby. We’re right here.”

  Her eyes opened with a start. Blinking against the soft light of the lamp it was Dallas’s face that came into focus first. A wet slobbery tongue was running up her cheek. Panting, she pulled them both closer to her, gasping for a deep breath that wasn’t coming fast enough as adrenaline flowed through her. The adrenalin made her shake and she cried even harder. She tightened her hold on both the man and the dog and tried to focus on his soothing voice.

  He was keeping a mental tally of the nights he’d spent with her, lying beside her warm soft body with a huge furry lump stretched out on her other side. It was almost morning and the count would have reached four. Four nights beside her. Four nights holding her, smelling her sweet perfume. Four nights running his fingers through her long golden curls and caressing her skin. Four nights without a flashback.

  Turning into her, Dallas kissed her forehead. She snuggled into him, and Ruby scooted closer to her back. At the rate he was going, both girls were going to make him fall out of the bed completely. He grinned in spite of himself, mainly because he needed the blip of humor. Otherwise, he’d probably break down and cry.

  The torture that still had her in its grasp was killing him. What had started out as a casual mention, he needed to start ramping up. She needed to talk to someone. Whether it was post-traumatic stress, or the horror of coming close to being raped, Dallas didn’t know, but she needed more. Her stubborn streak reared its head when he’d mention finding a counselor or group, and he knew she’d dig her heals in, demanding she was fine.

  She wasn’t. She was far from fine.

  After hearing the words she had so desperately spoken to him in her nightmare, his heart had broken wide open. With her clinging to him, he pulled her tighter and worked his leg in between hers. She let go of Ruby, and with her eyes still closed, she wrapped her arm around him. Lying intertwined he watched her face relax in the light of the lamp. Brushing her hair off her face, he tucked a strand behind her ear, and continued to run his fingers over her forehead, her hair, her cheek, and gently over her ear.

  He fingered the earring she had in, the same pair she’d worn for years. Dallas remembered picking out the diamond studs, carefully wrapping them in Christmas paper, and painstakingly tying the bow—multiple times. He still couldn’t wrap a present to save his life, but the surprise on her face when she’d opened them that Christmas morning was a joy he’d never forget. Alex wasn’t an emotional girl, he’d seen her break an arm while racing and never shed a tear. As a matter-of-fact, she had been royally pissed that day when no one in their family would let her back on her bike to finish the race.

  But that Christmas morning, her eyes pooled as she stared at the black velvet box. And five years later, he had yet to see a different pair of earrings replace the pair he’d given her.

  He needed to get her back to that place. Where happiness was the norm, and she didn’t struggle to eat and sleep.

  “I love you, Dallas.”

  Glancing from the diamond sparkling in her ear to her eyes, he saw they were wide open. And though the words had been said softly, he heard them loud and clear—for the first time. “Oh my God, Alex—I love you too, baby.”

  “You called me that,” she admitted quietly.

  “What, honey?”

  “Baby. You’ve called me that over the years. Like Grandpa, and Dad sometimes, too. I heard you call me that—in the darkness. I was running to you. Away from him. When I heard you say ‘baby’, I knew it was you, I just couldn’t find you. Or…or Ruby. But I knew it was you.”

  It was the first step.

  The first time she’d mentioned anything about that night, or what her fear of the dark was. What she saw when she closed her eyes. The sadness washed over her face.

  Without thinking, he tipped her chin up and gently kissed her lips—for the first time.

  Another first in a night of firsts. Some painful, two however, were perfect.

  They had shared thousands of I love you’s, hugs, and kisses over the course of their lifetime together, but they both knew tonight was different. He had waited patiently for years to hear those words come from her in a different light, and though the night had brought them pain, those three powerful words also brought a sense of healing as well.

  Pulling back from her soft lips was excruciating, wanting more, but knowing that wasn’t a step she was anywhere close to being ready to take yet. Dallas opened his eyes to see the wonderment dance in hers.

  Her first kiss.

  The knowledge pushed the air from his lungs.

  The truth she’d rushed out in the pleading to her captor had been like a punch to his stomach. Assumed information her nightmare confirmed. She had only ever wanted him. That night’s horror was compounded by that bastard’s attempt to get more than just even with her, a blow to her face wasn’t enough. He had been after so much more. The fact she was a virgin, amped the terror up of the unknown, and by her love for him.

  She had no clue of the visions running through his mind.

  Alex still had a bedroom smile tipping her lips, though she had no idea of the effect that could have on him. He wasn’t thinking about what he wanted to do with and to her. All he could picture was her pinned against her office wall, and what that monster almost took from her. What was his to take—on their wedding night.

  Right then, he made up his mind. It would be a long, slow road, one he demanded she set the pace for. But she was his. His to love and to cherish, till death. She was his to caress and explore. Alex was his to make love to when she was ready. And Dallas was going to stop at nothing, doing whatever it took to heal the woman he loved more than life itself.

  ~~~

  There was a tree in their backyard that slowly stretched to the sky over the years. In a branch that nearly reached her bedroom window there was a perfect fork that was the home of new bird nest each spring. Recently the newest babies hatched and with the morning sun, Alex heard them chirping away, demanding their mama bring them breakfast. It was something that never grew old, a comfort of sorts, knowing she was so close to them. The mama knew Alex would watch them from her bedroom window, but she never seemed to mind, and Alex never moved quickly, not wanting to startle her.

  The babies quieted down, and she knew without looking they’d been served breakfast. Grinning, she stared at the man lying beside her. Dallas was flat on his back, with one arm under her neck and wrapped around her, the other under his head. The blankets had fallen down around his waist, and although he had on pajama bottoms, his chest and abs weren’t covered. Pulling in a deep breath, she looked at him…really looked at him.

  He was hers now. She knew it finally.

  Alex had been swimming in so many layers of guilt it had been hard to define them all, but one rose to the top. She wasn’t the same anymore. Another man had touched her. She’d passed out without knowing for sure just what had happened, but they confirmed in the hospital Levi had gotten to her just in the nick of time.

  She and Levi hadn’t spoken about it either nor did she want to. All she cared about was at least she still belonged to only Dallas. For years she had only seen Dallas. Tunnel vision to an extreme. She was so focused on only wanting one man, other men hadn’t existed in that way. Since that night, she had been too ashamed to let him get close to her. There had to have been more she could have done to fight him off. She could have swung, could have bitten him, something—anything.

  She had been terrified Dallas wouldn’t want her. After the whole thing with Heather was worked out and explained in detail, Alex still hadn’t let herself believe. Even though he told her she was the one, even after she sat surrounded by pictures that confirmed in color what he said…there was still a huge part of her that couldn’t let go of the fact she was in a large way—tainted, gross, dirtied, by another man.

  Alex needed confirmation.

  Dallas had said the words. And the first n
ight he said I love you she’d been running so low on fumes she was incoherent. The words had done nothing but bounce around in her empty head. Since then, he told her he loved her many times. She could feel it. It was there, and Alex knew he had always loved her. But last night…when he kissed her, it was real. And it had been as perfect as she always imagined it would be.

  His chest expanded with a deep breath. Grinning, she wanted badly to run her hand over his skin, feel the steel he worked so hard to build. The man he’d become was sculpted to perfection. Beneath the muscle though, was his heart, and she’d loved that from day one.

  She didn’t want to wake him. They’d had a rough night, and though she’d finally drifted off thinking about their first kiss, Alex knew he hadn’t. Sleeping lightly, she was aware of the squeezes, caresses, and kisses to her forehead and knew he was still awake.

  Propping herself up on her elbow, his arm slipped from her shoulder and his palm now rested against her lower back. Soaking in every inch of him, Alex swallowed hard. With her bottom lip between her teeth, she crept her other hand toward his chest. Glancing up, she looked to see if his eyes were still closed. He was fast asleep, and he needed to stay that way. He was exhausted.

  He was giving everything of himself to her. She needed to give him something back.

  At the last minute she pulled her hand back. Right now, she’d give him sleep. Easing ever-so-slowly out of his hold, she crawled backward out from between the two sleeping bodies. Once out of the bed, she sneaked up near Ruby’s head, and wrapped her arm around the one hundred pound love bug. Grinning, she was always tickled watching the dog’s eyes move as if she understood. “Ruby, I need your help today, girl. Can you do that?” Alex whispered.

  With a wet nose, Ruby nuzzled her face against Alex’s. Breathing deep, she kissed the dog’s head, peeked at Dallas one more time to make sure he was still out, then tip-toed to the bathroom for a quick shower.

  As soon she turned her back, he opened his eyes and stared at the partially shut bathroom door with a raised eyebrow. Rolling to his side, he petted the best idea he’d ever had. “You’re a good girl. You need to go outside, Ruby?” He asked, whispering to the dog. She picked her head up and wagged her tail. Scratching behind her ear, he smiled, “Okay, let me throw on my jeans, but you gotta tell me what our girl is up to.”

  It wasn’t even eight yet, but he knew Carter would already be at the track. Reaching the bottom step, Molly turned toward him, a plate of hot muffins in her hand.

  “Morning, hon. I’ve got fresh coffee ready also. Sounds like you’re going to need it.”

  The smile didn’t reach her eyes. They must have been awakened by the nightmare as well. Dallas hadn’t given a thought to how loud Alex had screamed out but her parents’ room was just at the end of the hallway. Looking back, there was just no way they could have slept through it. “I’m sorry.”

  “No. Don’t you worry about us. I was so hopeful after the first few nights that maybe it was finally subsiding.”

  “Molly,” he paused to open the back door for Ruby. “Did you ever go see anyone, go to a group of some kind? Anything?”

  Sadness crept across her face, and after a long moment she shook her head. “No. Maybe I should have, but I just wanted to handle it my way.

  I know Carter had way too many nights like you had last night. I’ll always be sorry for that, but everyone just gets through it in their own way. Unfortunately for you, our daughter got a double dose of stubborn. Does she remind you of anyone?”

  Accepting the coffee mug she handed him, they both sat at the table. “Let me take a wild guess, Grandpa?”

  She rose to let Ruby back into the house. “You’d be absolutely correct in your assumption. She’s James Noland’s through and through. Hard-headed as the day is long.”

  “But with a heart of gold.”

  “Absolutely.” Molly winked.

  “You don’t think it would be good for her to see someone?”

  “It would probably be wonderful. I just don’t know if she’ll do it. And I don’t want you to think you’ve failed in helping her if you can’t get her in the door somewhere.”

  Now he knew what she was worried about. Standing, he bent down to kiss her head. Something that had become a long running joke, and he’d done since he’d passed her up in height when he was fourteen. “Don’t worry about me, Aunt Mol. I’m just fine.”

  “You’re so tired, Dallas.”

  “Nope. Never better.”

  She shook her head and rolled her eyes, “Yeah, and you have just as much of James Noland in you as that girl upstairs. God help us all.”

  Smiling, he turned to get back upstairs before his girl realized he was gone. His knees popped with each step, and Ruby was back in the bed before he ever reached the bedroom door. Sitting the coffee mug on the nightstand, he got back in bed, but sat up against the headboard. Through the open door, he could see her reflection in the mirror.

  It had taken all the patience he could muster earlier to keep his eyes closed and his breathing slow. She thought he was asleep, but before he could open his eyes and tell her “good morning”, her movements stilled him.

  Through the air, he could feel her nerves. The arch between her fingers and his chest as she hovered over him was enough electricity to bite him. The heat from her skin radiated over his, even though she never actually made contact. He knew she wanted to. Dallas could sense she wanted to touch him—differently. To explore.

  It was a monumental step.

  He’d get her to sleep at night then pour over the Internet. Researching ways to help her cope, triggers, methods, cons, pros, finding anything he could that related to what she was dealing with. It all said the same thing that her mother did. The sites might have answers, but each person was different. They were affected differently and healed differently. There was no one right answer. Just time. They all said it just took time.

  He had that. Plenty of it. But he was impatient. Dallas suffered alongside her when she wasn’t eating. He felt the same surge of fear with the nightmares. They weren’t two people anymore, he felt every emotion she did. Without being able to pinpoint when it happened, Dallas made it his job to take care of her. He wanted her to not hurt anymore.

  What he felt this morning told him they were headed in the right direction. She wasn’t afraid of him, and she was reaching out for contact. His body had moved on auto-pilot last night when he kissed her then he wanted to kick himself for moving too fast. Afraid of what he’d see, Dallas opened his eyes surprised by the desire in her eyes, and he heard the need in her breathing.

  Ruby moved, laying her head on his thigh. When his friend on the force told him Ruby was plenty big enough to take care of Alex, he didn’t know the dog would outweigh her—easily. She was also a horrible bed-hog. Dallas petted her roughly, scratching her neck as she arched her head back. She moaned, stretching her legs, and he knew he’d found the right spot. Talking softly to the spoiled baby, he felt a spark.

  Looking up, Alex stood leaning against the bathroom door frame watching him with a smile on her face. She had the same thick pale blue robe on he was used to, with one exception. It wasn’t tied shut this morning. His jaw slowly opened, and try as he might it was impossible not to look, his eyes were drawn to the front of her. There wasn’t but a couple of inches revealed between the two sides, and she was probably used to not tying it shut since she normally didn’t have a hot blooded male sleeping in her bed. This morning what little bit he saw was more than enough to ignite a fire.

  She had on a lavender lace tank top and matching panties. Not only did the lace reveal a hint of her, there was a sliver of her flat abdomen visible between the two pieces, and his imagination started to run wild. Dallas wanted to go to her, to hold her tight, and run his hands under her robe, feeling more of her than he ever had before. He had promised himself he would remain strong, and not push her for more than she was ready for. Ever.

  Dragging his eyes upward, there was
a nervous innocence about her. Her eyes were trained on him, and her chest rose and fell with her rapid breathing.

  “Alex?” He struggled to get her name out. Dallas knew if he moved, his jeans would crush him he was so hard. As it was, the zipper was pressed painfully against him.

  “Yes?” she chewed on her bottom lip.

  Oh God, she was surely killing him. This was Alex he kept telling himself. He couldn’t snap. He couldn’t do anything to scare her. But her standing there like that, all sex kitten and innocence mixed into one, was enough to drive even the most perfect man right off the cliff. And he was not perfect. “Baby?”

  A shy grin forced her lip to fall from between her teeth.

  His hands grabbed two fistfuls to ground him. The blanket in one hand—the other moved. Looking down at Ruby, she had a raised eyebrow wondering what the hell was going on. Letting go of the handful of fur, Dallas patted her to apologize. He looked back at Alex, she once again was biting her bottom lip.

  “I don’t think I can trust myself to move right now.” He gritted out.

  “You…want... You want me?” she asked, her head tilted and forehead scrunched.

  Dallas had never moved so fast in his life. In less than a breath, he crossed the room and pulled her to him, gripping her tightly. His hands found their way under the robe, and he walked them into the bathroom, shutting the door for privacy. Running his hands over her back, shoulders and butt, he pressed himself against her. Her sudden intake of air told him he answered her question. Pressing his lips to her neck, he finally found the strength to lift his head. “Why would you think I don’t want you, Alex?” The question stole the air from his lungs, but he had to ask it.

  “B-because. I’m.” Her eyes started to well up. The ice blue coloring she’d inherited from her father, turned darker like her mother’s own sapphire blue eyes. “I’m…”