APPETITE

by Kathyrn, Lorraine

  "Terminated?"

  "Killed. Put down. Executed." He sighed and looked at the side of her face, leaning forward a bit to see past her hair. "If it happens, I would be a risk, too great a risk and Darian would have to take care of it."

  "Because he's your brother?"

  "Because he's the alpha."

  "The alpha?"

  "We have a hierarchy, dolcezza. One wolf is the head of the pack, the alpha, and here that's Darian."

  "Firstborn?"

  "Yes and no. He was the firstborn, but even if he hadn't been, he was the one born to be the alpha."

  "What does that mean?" she asked, looking back at him. "You know what -- never mind. Totally off topic." She paused a moment, her face neutral. "So, when I leave, I am in essence killing you." Damien started to protest but she held up her hand. "You will go insane and need to be killed; therefore, my leaving sentences you to die."

  "It might," he admitted again quietly, his wolf was howling at her assertion she would be leaving. "But...I don't...that shouldn't influence your decision."

  "Oh really? Let's see, if I stay you live, if I leave you die. Yeah, no pressure there." She shook her head. "Do I have to change if I stay? I can't just kinda...hang out here? You know, maybe be like a mascot or something?"

  "We would have to mate."

  "Of course we would." She rubbed her eyes, suddenly exhausted. "And I would have to become like you."

  "Yes. You would have to be changed."

  "And I don't suppose there's any way for you to not be a werewolf, to reverse it, is there?" She laughed at that, harshly. "I can't believe I'm sitting here talking about werewolves like they actually exist. I keep wanting to believe I must have wrecked my car and I'm in a coma somewhere dreaming all this."

  "You're not dreaming."

  "I know I'm not," she ground out. They were quiet for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts. "So can you?" she asked at last.

  "Can I what?"

  "Can you stop being one? Can it be reversed?" He looked at her, appalled at the suggestion. "What?"

  "No one's ever wanted to stop. I...would you want me to stop being a werewolf?" He seemed offended that she would even think of asking him to do that.

  "Maybe." He grimaced and looked away, upset she would even think to ask him to change who he is. "What's the matter? Did I offend you? Are you angry that I would ask you to do that? To change yourself for me? To change who you are so fundamentally?" His eyes went wide at that. "How is that any different than what you would ask of me?" He hung his head and didn't answer. "Answer me, dammit."

  He looked back at her and she could see the understanding in his eyes. Charlie nearly sobbed, looking at him laid so emotionally bare to her was overwhelming, and she hated being the cause of any of his pain, but he needed to see her perspective, as much as he could. Their eyes held for another moment before Damien shifted, making Charlie jump at the suddenness of it and reflexively scoot herself back a few feet.

  Damien looked at her and whimpered, laying himself on the ground in front of her. He puts his head on his paws and laid his ears back, looking -- as much as he could -- contrite.

  "Are you fucking serious? Did you really just change to get out of answering my question?" Damien whined a bit but didn't change back. "Un-fucking-real." She stood up and dusted herself off, tucking her hair behind her ears and staring down at the huge wolf at her feet. Damien remained still, following her with only his eyes. "I can't believe you changed to avoid admitting I'm right." Another whimper. "No -- giving me puppy-dog or big wolf eyes is not the same thing."

  She turned to head back to the ranch house but decided to turn back, making her spin in a complete circle. Damien would have laughed if he was able to. Instead, he just grinned with his tongue out.

  "You know what? You're an idiot. Just because you can't speak to me doesn't mean I'm going to shut up. It only means you can't shut me up." She turned again and stalked back towards the house. "I swear I feel like I'm in a bad Ozzy video." She heard the wolf snort behind her, and turned her head to glance at him. "Yes. I knowthat's redundant. Not my point, asshole."

  Damien stopped, stunned. Somehow Charlie had picked up on what he had been thinking. Twice. He grinned again, tongue hanging out the side of his mouth. My mate, he thought, pleased. He started after her again, trotting a bit to catch up. She was still muttering under her breath -- something about neutering and flea collars -- but she didn't flinch away when he nosed her hand.

  He was leading her, or trying to anyway, towards the back entrance to the main house, but she kept veering off. Not intentionally. At least, he didn't think so. She was just lost in her own mind, caught up in her own anger. It took her a bit to realize what he was doing.

  "Are you -- for fuck's sake, you're herding me? Seriously?" she stopped walking and looked at him. He sat and looked at her, wagging his tail. "I can't believe this. I'm sitting here talking to a giant wolf who happens to be the man I'm dating. There is not enough therapy in the world to make sense of this shit." She started off again, and Damien was happy to see she was heading the right direction.

  'Everything alright?' Darian sent to his brother.

  'You heard?'

  'Adrian stopped by.'

  'I see.'

  'How is she taking it?'

  'She's mad. Really mad. Keeps talking about neutering.'

  'Ouch.'

  'Yeah.'

  'Do you need anything?'

  'A time machine.'

  'Tapped out there, brother.' Damien could hear the chuckle.

  'Then I suppose I am out of options.'

  'Come by after you get her settled. Have Eric and Lisa join us. We'll figure it out.'

  'Thank you.'

  They had reached the back of the main house and were standing outside the door. While all the internal doors had levers or opened with a push, the doors leading into the house had knobs. Charlie stopped and looked at the door, turning to look back at Damien with a smirk.

  "Aren't you going to get the door for me this time?" He whined. "Manners give way to the wolf, huh?" She squat down in front of the big black wolf to look into its eyes. "Eventually you will have to change back and talk to me," she said quietly, her tone defeated.

  She stood back up and opened the door, pushing it wide before walking through. She heard his claws clicking on the wood stairs behind her as they head up to his apartment. Once inside she quickly turned and head for one of the bedrooms on the bottom floor, closing the door behind her. Damien paced back and forth in front of the door whining, but Charlie ignored him.

  She climbed on to the bed, only kicking off her shoes, and laid down, curling up on her side and facing the door. She could hear him on the other side, pacing, trying to shove his nose under the door and whining softly for a long time, his shadow dancing in the small space between the bottom of the door and the floor. When she finally heard his claws heading away from the door she sat up, surprised at the uneasy feeling of having him gone. She laid back down, rolling on to her other side and looking out the window, watching tree tops sway in the breeze, and quickly fell into a dreamless sleep.

  Damien, once again human and dressed, came back downstairs and paused by the door of the bedroom Charlie had taken. He could hear her deep and even breathing and knew she had fallen asleep. He considered going in and moving her to his bed, but thought better of it, smiling ruefully as he imagined her reaction to waking up there. Instead, he turned and head towards the front door, needing to talk with his brother. He 'called' to Eric to have him and Lisa join them in his brother's apartment.

  Eva opened the door as he walked up, grabbing him into a hug as he passed. "Sorry to hear it went so badly, Damien." They walked in to the sitting room to find Darian there, sipping a cup of tea.

  "How is she?" Eva asked, taking a seat next to her mate.

  "Sleeping." Damien paced, in too much turmoil to even think of sitting. "Something weird happened tonight. Twice when I was my wolf, Charl
ie picked up on my thoughts."

  "She heard you?" Darian asked, leaning forward to look at his brother closely.

  "Not exactly. At least, I don't think she did." He stopped, running his hands through his hair and gathering his thoughts. "I think she just barely picked up on what I was thinking. She caught the sentiment, the gist of it, but not the exact thought. It made my wolf so happy when she did, happy and proud."

  "That's not surprising," Eva said. "It's the pull, the bond you two are meant to share. She's able to pick up on your emotions. It bodes well for you that she is so receptive."

  "She's not exactly receptive yet."

  "What did you tell her?" Darian asked.

  "The truth. Or most of it, anyway."

  "Does she know what will happen if she denies you?"

  "She knows it might happen."

  "Damien!" Eva said, horrified. "Why didn't you tell her the truth?"

  "I didn't want her to feel forced, Eva. Not after what she went through before."

  "This is not the same thing." Eva was getting angry at her mate's brother. "To play with your life like this..."

  "She needs to make the decision because she wants to, Eva. Not because she has to. The last time she felt she had to do something..." Damien trailed off, unwilling to speak about what her ex-husband had done to her.

  "We understand, brother," Darian said, putting his hand on his mate's back to calm her. "We're just concerned."

  "As am I." He sighed and resumed pacing. "I explained to her about needing to mate, to change her, and she kind of threw it back at me."

  "How so?" Eva asked.

  "She asked if there was a way I could change. If there was a way I could stop being a werewolf and just be human."

  "Did she?" Eva smiled. "Interesting. And how did you respond to that?"

  "I went to my wolf."

  "You didn't correct her?" Darian asked, incredulous.

  "How could he?" Eva asked, turning to her mate with a smile. "She made an excellent point. Her wanting him to change is no different than him wanting her to. If it is unacceptable to one, why is it assumed to be acceptable to the other?" She turned back to Damien and shook her head. "My admiration for her grows and grows, Damien. But you should not have behaved so cowardly."

  "I know." He smiled at Eva. "And she knew what I was about, too."

  "I'm sure she did." There was a knock at the door.

  "I'll get it." Damien answered the door and led Eric and Lisa to the sitting room. They bowed respectfully to Darian and Eva, and took the offered chairs on the other side of the coffee table.

  "You know why you've been called here?" Darian asked.

  "Not exactly, Alpha," Eric said.

  "I've found my mate," Damien said. He came over and sat on the arm of the couch with the alpha pair. "My human mate. She didn't take finding out what we are -- what she will need to become -- too well."

  "Well, yeah, I can imagine," Lisa mumbled.

  "What was that, Lisa?" Eva asked. "Please, speak up."

  "I'm sorry, Ma'am. I didn't mean any disrespect."

  "None taken, we assure you," Darian said, giving her his most winning and soothing smile. "As the last human taken into the pack and turned, your opinion is most valuable."

  "Mr. Dimeo -- sir -- I only meant -- well, we can be overwhelming. When I first found out about Eric I pissed myself. Then I got pissed."

  "Lisa -- please," Eric groaned.

  "She's fine, Eric." Eva said, smiling warmly at Lisa. "Please, continue. Why did you react that way?"

  "Humans grow up hearing tales of scary wolfmen who run around under the full moon and murder and rape. We watch movies of them eating people. We love it, too. We love to scare ourselves with old myths and fairytales because we know it's not real. To find out they are real, well, it's a bit of a shock."

  "Why did that make you angry?" Damien asked. He never really thought about the culture in which Charlie was raised. Werewolf lore and movies always seemed funny to weres.

  "That's not what made me angry." She smiled and looked at Eric. "I felt I was played. I had this incredible desire to be with Eric, this need to be close to him from the moment we met. And he knew what was happening but didn't tell me." She paused, twirling a finger in her hair for a moment. Eric reached over and took her hand. "I felt like he took advantage of me, because he knew I was to be his, and he knew I would be drawn to him. That's...that's not a nice feeling."

  "Why?" Damien asked.

  "Well...it made me feel manipulated. I had no say in it."

  "But neither did Eric? Neither do I?" he pressed.

  "Yes, but you're born with that knowledge. You know your mate is fated for you, and you don't have to seek them out, you will just know them. Humans...they don't have that. They do things differently. They date, and get to know the people they mate with. So when something like this happened to me -- no matter how right it felt from the beginning -- it still made me feel powerless."

  "Thank you, Lisa. Eric. Your insight has been most useful," Darian said, recognizing the 'a-ha' look on Damien's face.

  "Thank you, Alpha, Madam, Mr. Dimeo," Eric said, standing and giving another slight bow.

  "Hope that helped, Mr. Dimeo," Lisa said. She had been with the pack since 1968, and even as tense as he was, she had never seen him so open and easy to talk to. She could see his happiness, and was sincere in her wanting to have helped.

  "Yes. Thank you, Lisa." He smiled at her and they left.

  "Well, Damien, what do you plan to do?" Eva asked after the door closed behind them.

  "Give her back her power."

  "How do you propose to do that?" Darian asked, eyeing his brother skeptically.

  "I will agree to be with her on her terms."

  "Damien!" Eva exclaimed. "You can't!"

  "Think about what you are saying," Darian cautioned.

  "If she leaves, I have no chance, no hope," Damien said.

  "But you can't leave the pack, brother. You can't live as a human without it destroying you," Darian countered.

  "I know it will -- eventually -- but it will give me her lifetime with her."

  "If you're lucky," Eva said. "We don't know how long you would last." She shook her head. "And what about babies? You won't be able to have any pups, Damien."

  "I know. But I'd have her."

  "No. You can't do this." Eva stood and shook her head again. "Please, Damien." She put her hands on his arms and looked at him earnestly.

  "I have to, Eva."

  "No, you don't," Darian said, stepping up to his mate and putting his arms around her. "I would urge you to think that through before you act. It is reckless and I fear it could have consequences beyond our comprehension."

  "Will you stop me?" Damien asked quietly.

  Darian thought for a moment before answering. "No. I won't."

  "Thank you." He looked at them both, envying their surety in each other. "I hope it won't happen. I really do. But I have to try everything I can."

  "We understand," Darian said.

  "I have to go." He smiled at them. "I want to get back in case she wakes and wants to find me."

  "Of course," Darian said, nodding at his brother as he turned and head back towards his apartment. He went straight to the door of the room Charlie took, laying his head against it and smiling at her even breathing. He desperately wanted to go in there and lay with her, taking her in his arms and burying himself in her scent, but knew he couldn't do that. He sighed and settled for the next best thing, taking off his clothes and shifting to his wolf before curling up outside her door and going to sleep.

  Her stirring woke him up a couple hours later, and he quickly shifted, grabbing his clothes and heading to the kitchen. The clock on the microwave read 6:30, and Damien dressed as coffee brewed, taking a cup on the deck to watch the brightening sky of the new day. He thought over what Lisa had said to him. He'd never thought of Charlie's feelings in the context of the culture she was raised in, only in light o
f her ex-husband.

  He sighed as he looked out over the ranch. He was worried. Much more than he let his brother and Eva know. He didn't think Charlie would want him to give up his family, his pack, but it was a risk. And he wasn't even sure how to proceed to approach this on human terms.

  He was brooding, deep in thought, when he heard Charlie leave the bedroom and go to the bathroom. He listened as she came back out, fighting the urge to go to her and grab her. He heard her bare feet make their way to the living room and stop. He knew she was staring at him, and he grabbed on to the railing to keep from turning around. She was still for a moment before he heard her head back to the bedroom and the quiet snick of the door shutting.