by Sienna Grant
“Oh god, she’s going to kill me.” Covering my face with my hands, I reassure her I didn’t mean to have unprotected sex. “It wasn’t planned.”
“Always the way.” She looks again, “Ah, well love, you’re right, it seems you’re pregnant Shelby.”
We run over my dates, and she books me back in for four weeks, she gives me some papers, but I haven’t looked at them. According to my dates, she thinks about four or five weeks which makes it about right or whenever that party was. I just can’t believe this has happened. I don’t remember the rest of the conversation with the doctor, I just know I’m screwed, and now I have to tell Jax.
“Do you want me to come to Jaxon’s with you?”
“No, but thanks. You better go back to school; I don’t want you to get into trouble too.” Opening my phone, I send a quick text to Jax to make sure he’s at home.
I get one straight back saying 'yes.' That’s all I get, one word. No, ‘yeah babe,’ I know he’s pissed with me.
“Jax is in,” I tell Addison, “So I'm going there, I need to explain why I’ve been AWOL for the last few days and tell him the news.”
Addy wraps me in a tight hug, “Good luck.”
“Thanks,” I sigh heavily, “I think I’ll need it.”
Going our separate ways, I head for Jaxon’s house, and Addy goes to school. School is the least of my worries at the moment.
Jaxon
That’d be right, I can’t get hold of her for days, but as soon as she wants something, she expects me to be here for her? What kind of bullshit is that? It doesn’t take a genius to know that I’ll hang around and wait because I want to know what the fuck is going on with her.
There’s a knock at the door just minutes later. I open the door to a pale and nervous Shelby. I always know when she’s nervous, she nibbles on her lip, that does nothing for my state of mind though.
“Come in,” I sigh. She sits on the couch, and I stand in front of the fireplace. “What’s up?”
“I’m sorry I haven’t answered your calls and messages.”
Shrugging, I act like I don’t care.
“What’s going on Shelb? If you don’t want us to be together anymore, I’d rather you just tell me now, so we can go our separate ways.”
Taking a cigarette from my box, I light it up, taking a long drag. I don’t mean to act like a huge dick, but it’s a defence mechanism. If she walked back out that door now, it would break me. Once the nicotine hits, it settles my nerves.
“It’s not like that…”
“So, explain.”
“Oh god, I don’t know how to say this…. I know why I’ve been ill, so that’s something.”
She swipes at her eyes and looks up at me. I soften my mood towards her, I can’t be angry when I know she’s upset. I finish my cigarette and put it out in the ashtray on the table. Blowing out the smoke, I put a piece of chewing gum in my mouth; I don’t want to breathe smoke over her.
I take my place at her side and take her hand.
“What’s happened, Shelby?” Her big brown eyes look up at me making me feel like shit. “You need to tell me, babe, because I’m shit scared here.”
With a shaky sigh, she looks at me. “I’m pregnant.”
“You can’t be, you’re on the pill,” I answer shell-shocked.
This can’t be happening to me - to us.
“Are you sure?”
She nods. “I’ve come straight here from the doctors.”
“No fucking way Shelb,” I argue. “It has to be wrong.”
“I’ve done one test, and now the doctor has done another. It’s right.”
Dropping her hand I shoot up from the couch, my hands going into my hair, pulling at it in frustration.
“This is my fault, Jax. I told you to carry on even though we didn’t have protection. I thought the pill would be enough but was obviously not. I was the one in the wrong here. I take full responsibility.”
“I can’t let you do that.” I frown in disbelief. What does she think I am. “It takes two after all.”
She holds out some paperwork towards me. “The doctor gave me these, I haven’t looked at them yet.”
Taking them from her I quickly glance over them, the word ‘abortion’ sticks out like a warning sign, flashing on and off.
“Seriously? You want this?” I wave them around angrily.
“What? What is it? Like I said I haven’t looked at them, I was more concerned with getting here and telling you, so I could get it off my chest.”
He stares at me for a long minute before throwing the paperwork down to the table.
“How far are you?”
“The doctor thinks I’m about four or five weeks…”
“And what about your mum?”
“Oh don’t. I don’t even want to think about her at the moment. She’s gonna go crazy.” She looks up at me again, “Look, Jax, I’m not asking for you to stick around, I’d understand if you don’t want to, it’s a big commitment for anyone…”
“Whoa,” he puts up his hand cutting me off, “I’m not going anywhere. This is my baby too.” Her big eyes concentrate on me as they glaze over with tears.
“Really? You need to be sure Jax, I don’t think I can do this on my own? I need you with me.”
“I’m not sure of anything in my life, but this...?” I drop to my knees in front of her, “This is probably the most certain I’ve ever been.”
The tears she’s been holding back fall over one by one, and like a dam has been removed, they roll down her cheeks. I wipe the tears away, cupping her face in my palms.”
“Let’s see the dragon keep me away now.”
“Don’t doubt her abilities, she’ll find a way.”
“I’d like to see her try.”
Her face lights up with a small smile. “I love you, Jax.”
“I love you too, Shelby Andrews.” I wrap her up in my arms and hold her tightly against me, burying my face into her neck. “Why didn’t you tell me instead of cutting me off?”
“I was scared, and I wanted to be sure.”
I lift my head to look at her. “You scared me.”
Leaning into her, I kiss her tear-soaked lips, the salty taste leaving its mark on my own. I push her down to the back of the couch and make up for the few days I’ve missed.
Chapter Eleven
Shelby
I’ve tried to drag this out for as long as I can, but I know I can’t anymore. I got Jax to meet me after school and come home with me, that way he’s already here and he can’t chicken out.
I lie at his side enjoying his comfort and the quiet until I hear the front door shut. I spring up from the Jax’s chest and straighten myself up.
“It’s okay babe. I’m here.”
She walks into the living room, her focus landing straight on Jax.
“What is he doing here? I told you, Shelby, you weren't to see him anymore.”
“Mum, I have to talk to you, we both do.”
Narrowing her gaze, she looks between us. “What’s going on?”
“I need you to sit down, please?”
“Fine, give me a minute.” She sighs, letting me hear her displeasure at actually having to do something for me.
My hands fidget in my lap while I wait for her to come back in. Jaxon’s hand covers mine to calm me, but it doesn't work, my knee starts to bounce instead.
"Please calm down Shelb."
"I can't - you don't know what she's like."
"I have a fair idea by now… all this stress isn’t good for you or the baby."
“I’m trying not to, but it’s so hard.”
"Look at me?"
Turning my head, I look him in his dark, intense eyes, the ones that captured me from the first time I saw him.
"I know it was a shock, but I'm here to support you. However, I can, I promise you, Shelby."
Nodding, I rest my forehead against
his.
"I promise. I love you Shelb."
Before I can answer, Mum enters the room. This is it. Closing my eyes, I wait for the fireworks.
"Come on then, out with it. What's happened?" She doesn’t look any more relaxed from when she walked in, which doesn’t bode well for us.
"Mum we have to tell you something. Now please don't get too upset but..."
Taking a shaky breath in, I try to ignore the sick feeling in my tummy for now and swallow the non-existent saliva in my dry mouth to prepare to tell her the news.
"Mum,” I take in a deep breath, “I'm pregnant." The silence in the room is deafening as she looks between us again.
"Say that again..."
I don't want to repeat it; it was hard enough the first time.
"Did you say you're pregnant?" She doesn’t give a chance to repeat it.
"Yes, she is, Mrs Andrews," Jax answers confidently. Her glare reaches Jax, but it's not a happy one, which I knew it wouldn't be.
"I was talking to my daughter.” She snaps, “But let’s leave that for a minute. How do you intend on supporting a child Jaxon? You don't work."
"I'm looking for a job. It's hard, there's nothing around."
"There's plenty of work around," she fires back angrily.
Jax drops his gaze to the floor leaving mum to sport a smug grin on her face thinking she’s won the battle, then turns her attention back to me.
"Well Shelby, since you're still a minor and you have to finish school, I get a say in this. You'll have to have an abortion,” she answers flatly.
"What? This is not your decision mum.” I blink back the tears that have collected in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. "I'm keeping my baby,” I announce.
"You aren't old enough to make that decision."
"Mrs Andrews. We love each other." Jaxon cuts in.
"And you definitely aren't old enough to know what love is."
She stands to walk towards me but not until she’s had a few more digs at Jaxon first, “Love can’t support a child. Love alone doesn’t feed a baby or clothe it.”
“You don’t think I know that…”
Ignoring Jax completely, she cups my face in her hands, looking down at me...
"Sweetheart, we can fix this, it's fine. Then you can carry on with your schoolwork like we planned."
"Why is it always about you? I love him."
"He's not good enough for you darling."
My head snaps to Jax, hoping for a miracle that he didn't hear her, but the crushed look on his face tells me he listened to every word.
"Jax?"
"I'll never be good enough, will I?" He asks her in a quiet voice as he stands too.
"Jax," I speak louder, but he doesn't hear me as they have a stare down.
"No Jaxon, you'll never be good enough for my daughter." She tries to kiss my brow, but I shrug away from her in anger.
"I'll make the arrangements."
Speechless doesn't explain how I'm feeling right now, I'm gutted and heartbroken, but I’m not strong enough to argue. Jaxon looks down at the floor.
"I... I need to get out of here."
"Jaxon, please don't leave, we need to talk about this?"
"There's nothing to talk about, obviously."
“But you promised me…” I shout after him.
Before I can run to stop him from leaving, the door slams shut. My body flinches from the sound.
“But you promised me.” My voice sounds meek even to my own ears. My head turns when I hear Mum, talking on the phone.
"Yes, thank you. Monday at four pm. We'll be there. Bye."
My heart almost forgets to beat, my breath gasps out in short, sharp puffs as I try to get my head around what's just happened. The tears that I wouldn't allow to fall earlier stream down my face, letting my weakness flow out.
Sliding down a wall, I wrap my arms around myself and cry tears for a baby I'm probably never going to know and a love that is never going to be, but both will always live in my heart.
“Shelby, get up off the floor.”
“How can you be so cold? Is this the reason Dad left, because you were so horrible?”
“Don’t speak to me like that young lady. I’m not the one that went out and got herself pregnant at sixteen. I should have kept you on a shorter rein.”
“A shorter one? Could you get it any shorter? I’m not even allowed out. How short do you want it?” I stand from the floor, “I’m not having the abortion.”
“There is no discussion about this Shelby, you are, and that’s final.”
We’ll see about that.
Jaxon
“ARRGH,”
I get outside Shelby’s house, and all I want to do is kick something. I should have known her bitch mother would do something like this. How dare she say I’m not good enough for Shelby. I know I think it myself, but it isn’t for anyone else to say that. I drop to the kerb outside her house, I can’t seem to make myself leave. I can hear Shelby shouting inside... I want to go back in there and swoop her up, taking her away from there. I know I can’t, it doesn’t stop me wanting to do though.
Why did I walk away? I left her.
Banging on the door again, it opens to her mother with a smug look on her face.
“I want to speak to Shelby.”
“No. This abortion will happen Jaxon.”
“You’d make your own daughter abort your grandchild? How sick are you?”
“She’s not mature enough for a baby, and she can do a hell of a lot better when the time is right.”
Shaking my head in disgust, I walk away defeated. I’ll call her later instead.
I’m moody and angry and haven’t a clue what to do with myself. There’s a knock at the door, I jump up hoping it’s Shelby. Looking through the small window in the door, I know it’s not. I yank it open with a sigh.
“What do you want?”
“What the hell's going on? I’ve had Addison yelling down the phone, it took me ages to calm her down.”
Picking up my box of cigarettes I light one up. Following me out to the front, Harry stands at the living room door with his hands on his hips waiting for an explanation. There’s a half-empty bottle of vodka sitting on the unit daring me to drink it. Grabbing it, I screw off the lid and lift the neck of the bottle to my lips and take a swig. The alcohol burns my throat as it goes down causing me to cringe. I still haven’t said anything to Harry.
“Are you going to tell me or just get pissed?” Harry asks.
“Getting pissed sounds good to me.” I lounge back and let the vodka drown my senses until I’m feeling numb. I always said I’d never be a heavy drinker but this kind of feels good, I can sort of see why Mum's always drunk.
“My girlfriend is pregnant and that bitch she calls a mother is making her have an abortion. I have no say in it. She told me to my face I’m not good enough for her, and you know what…? I’m not, she’s right.” I shrug and take another long gulp letting the alcohol numb all my senses.
“So you’re not going to fight for Shelby? She’s broken down on the phone to Addison, she needs you, Jax.”
“Let’s be honest, no-one needs me, H.” I take another long draw from the bottle, “I’m a waste of space. What can I offer Shelby? I was just fooling myself and everyone else.”
The seat dips at the side of me.
“I’m not going to let you do this to yourself Jaxon. You’re better than this. You’re better than your parents, and you're so much better than what my mum has always said you are.”
Taking a drag, I inhale the smoke for a long time, letting it fill my lungs, and blow it out again…
“If you want to comfort someone H, then go and comfort Shelby. I’ve found my comfort.”
He gets up abruptly, “I’m not dropping this Jax, but I also know how goddamn stubborn you are. Sort your shit out.”
I lift a hand above my head waving him of
f, but by the sound of the door slamming, he’s already left.
Lifting the bottle, I see there’s only a quarter left. I lay back on the couch, bottle in hand and put on the telly, flicking through the channels monotonously until the contents have been drained and I pass out. The last few hours blur into a surrealistic nightmare.
Chapter Twelve
Shelby
I haven’t seen Jaxon all weekend, I need him so much. I don’t want this abortion, but I’m so afraid she’s going to make me do it… I’m so scared he’s going to hate me after all this, and then I’ll have nothing; no Jaxon and certainly no baby. It’s crazy how you can attach to something so quickly.
Harry came by and said he’d seen him. He was drinking and having his own pity party and warned me to stay away from him for now as he’s a little volatile. It’s understandable with everything she said to him.
Mum is watching me even more closely now - it’s like having a bodyguard, so there’s no chance I’m going to see Jax. I’ve tried ringing him, but it goes to voicemail all the time.
I’ve tried so hard to get out of this, but I can’t. She’s making me go through with it. I want to scream at her, but all I can do right now is cry. I can understand Jax drinking, there’s one difference between Jax and me though, I can’t drink.
While looking through my stuff upstairs, I come across my dad’s address. I haven’t seen him for a few years, he’s probably forgotten I even exist, but all this makes me want to speak to him. Maybe he can talk some sense into her.
“Shelby.” Mum balls up the stairs. I get off the floor and grab my bag making my way out.
She’s sitting on the couch on her phone when I get downstairs. In a last-minute attempt, I try to appeal to my mother’s better side.
“Mum, have you got a minute?”
She looks at her watch, “Make it quick, we have to go.”
“Please don’t make me do this. I promise I’ll stop seeing Jax but please don’t make me abort my baby.”