Edge of Something More

by Andi Loveall

  Devin opened the back door. They walked into the kitchen. The house appeared still and normal.

  He turned back to Lucius. “It looks clear.”

  “Clear of what?”

  They walked across the kitchen and then Devin shouted, pretending to see something in the dark of the living room. It spooked the others, and he led them into the study, slamming the door behind them.

  “What?” Panky shouted. “What was that?”

  The entrance to the basement was closed. Devin ran to the globe.

  “I know you didn’t believe me before,” he said, unscrewing the top and hovering his fingers over the controls. “But you will now.”

  “What the hell?” Rocky said, his eyes wide as Devin pressed down on the button. The passageway slid open. The others all gasped, and Panky let out a scream just as Cora went into another fit of laugh-sobbing.

  “What—” Lucius started.

  “There’s no time!” Devin shouted, grabbing them by the arms and pulling them toward the passageway. The power of suggestion took them over, and they tore down the steps after him, too afraid to be left with whatever was supposedly lurking.

  When they got to the basement, it was dark. Devin hit the lights, and the disco ball started spinning. A second later, a deep, sexy beat began to boom. They all stood there, stunned. Before anyone could speak, Walter leaped from the closet, roaring at the top of his lungs. There were two cans of silly string in his hands, and he tossed one of them to Devin.

  They ganged up on Lucius, who fell on the ground, shielding himself. Devin stood over him and emptied half his can like an animal urinating on its kill. He used the second half to go after everyone else, refusing to stop until they were laughing and no longer angry with him.

  “The master!” he roared with triumph. “The master lives!”

  Lucius was wailing. “What the shit! Why would you joke about something like that?”

  “I don’t know,” Devin said. “I’m on drugs.”

  “This was what was going on in the study the whole time?”

  Devin nodded, satisfied with his performance. It was all so easy to explain. Walter had originally designed the passageway because it was always a childhood dream of his, and the basement was once a dusty storage space. It was only this spring that they had decided to clean it out and remodel it. Over the next couple of months, they were going to stock up on canned goods, bottled water, and all of the herbs and medicines they could get their hands on. They were also going to start having weekly dance parties down here. It was just another way they could create the feeling of abundance and ensure the survival of their ever-growing tribe.

  Before bed, Walter pulled Devin aside. They walked out back under the open sky, out of earshot from the others.

  Walter spoke first, chuckling. “Where do I begin? To say the timing was impeccable doesn’t quite cover it, does it?”

  “Was it Casey’s boyfriend?”

  Walter raised an eyebrow. “How did you know about that?”

  “A little birdy told me,” he said. “How come you didn’t?”

  “No point in stressin’ you with my affairs. Not when we were already in the process of closing up shop. Which is thanks to you, by the way. If you hadn’t inspired my wife to inspire me to make some major changes in our life, there’s no way this place would have been cleaned up in time. To tell you the truth, you just might have saved me from prison. Thank you, son.”

  Devin shrugged him off. “Giving me way too much credit: something you and your wife have in common. You’re the one who pulled this off. Thank yourself.”

  “It was great to see the looks on their faces,” Walter said, grinning.

  “What happened?” he asked. “Were they mean to you?”

  “Not really,” Walter said. “The head honcho was steaming at the ears when they didn’t find anything, but the wife ended up charming them all into a cup of tea.”

  “So,” Devin said, pausing. “You gonna ice this guy or what?”

  “Aye!” Walter let out a whooping laugh. “Son, your wit will be sorely missed.”

  Devin laughed too. Everything about this place would be missed as well, but he was too tired to start getting all sappy about it. Instead, he would acknowledge this gift of fortune and observe the rest of his time here in a state of humbled awe. So much fortune, shooting at him like a water cannon. He didn’t know why he deserved it. He didn’t know how anyone could be as lucky as Walter and Raven were tonight.

  They were about to head inside, when Walter paused, holding his head very still like he was listening. The hair on Devin’s arms stood up, and then he realized why: There was a noise coming from the pasture.

  Walter disappeared into the house and came back with a flashlight, heading for the pasture without a word. Devin followed him, squinting in the dim light coming from the back porch. As he got closer, he saw Judy/Rainbow lying on her side. The moan was a horrible and almost robotic. Maooogghhh. That was what it sounded like.

  “Oh Jesus,” he said under his breath.

  Chapter Six—Giving

  When Devin opened his eyes the next day, the first thing he noticed was a headache. Then he saw the sun shining in the window and remembered why he was needed.

  He found the others in the pasture, hovering around Judy/Rainbow—including Abe. Walter had left him a voicemail last night, promising Cora that he would be here first thing in the morning. It looked like he had arrived just in time. The horrible moaning continued, but now her legs were also stiffened and trembling with spasms.

  Cora’s tired eyes met his as he approached. They filled with sadness and spilled over with tears.

  “Hey,” he said, coming up to hug her. “Sorry I slept so late.”

  “She got worse during the night.” Cora looked down, crying. “Abe just got here.”

  “Cora,” Raven snapped. “Enough.”

  “What?” She sobbed. “It was an emergency! I told you she was really sick and to call him back and tell him so—”

  “Hey,” Devin said, rubbing her back. “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  Abe seemed to let Cora’s comment bounce off him. He looked down at Judy/Rainbow, listening and feeling around.

  “Look at her,” Rocky said. “She’s dying. She has to be, right?”

  “Don’t say that,” Cora said. “You don’t know.”

  “I can give her some smoke if you want,” Lucius spoke softly. “Maybe it would relax her a bit, ease her pain.”

  “She doesn’t need smoke, Lucius,” Cora said. “She needs a doctor.”

  Lucius looked hurt, like a little kid who had fallen down and had everyone laugh at him.

  Abe sat back, taking a deep breath and shooting Walter a glance. There was acceptance in Walter’s eyes. He climbed to his feet and motioned to Raven before heading for the house.

  “Cora, honey,” Raven said. “Maybe we should go for a walk.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Sweetheart,” Abe said, his voice soft and calm. “It appears that Rainbow is in a state of sepsis. My guess is that she has a rupture in her gastrointestinal track, likely from some sort of cancer. And unfortunately, when such a thing occurs, there isn’t much we can do.”

  “Your guess? Can’t she have some sort of exploratory surgery?”

  Abe’s eyes were shadows. “She’s an old girl. There’s no reason to prolong her suffering.”

  “She’s had a good life,” Panky said. “Better than most cows.”

  “Shut up!” Cora screamed. “I don’t want to hear shit from you! You … shitty vegan!”

  “Cora!” Raven scolded.

  “What? It’s the truth. She takes from people, and she doesn’t care about animals. That’s as shitty as it gets.”

  “I care about animals,” Panky said. “I just have realistic expectations from life.”

  “You’re right, Panky,” Cora snapped. “My expectations are unrealistic. Like, I never expected you would tr
y to sleep with my boyfriend. I knew what a slut you were, but I still expected better.”

  “You’re looking like a fool, little girl.”

  “At least I don’t have to intoxicate men to get their attention.”

  Rocky hooted. “Burn!”

  “Shut up, Rocky,” Devin said, stepping between the girls. “You guys, come on—”

  Panky shoved him, sending him stumbling into Cora.

  “You want him?” she screamed. “There he is! You’re the one who fucked it up. Don’t you dare try to use me as a scapegoat. Sorry, Devin.”

  She stormed off toward the house, and Lucius went after her. Just after they went in the door, it squeaked back open and Walter appeared. He was holding a rifle.

  Cora’s eyes filled with horror.

  “No.” She shook her head. “No way.”

  “She’s dying either way, sweetie,” Abe said. “It might take eight hours, a day, two days.”

  “No!” She scrambled over and threw herself on top of Judy/Rainbow, looking like a growling animal. The shrillness of her scream caused a silence, even from the birds.

  “You’ll have to shoot me.”

  “That’s not funny, Cora.” Devin reached out. “Come on.”

  “She’s in pain, honey,” Raven said.

  Walter came in the gate with hopeless eyes.

  “Move away, lass.”

  “How can you be so compassionless?” she cried. “It’s her life!”

  “He’s not compassionless,” Rocky said. “He’s just old school. He’s an Irish dude from the country. He probably had to slaughter goats while he was growing up. They’re old school over there, man.”

  Walter ignored the comment. “Move away,” he repeated. He and Cora stared at each other, and for a minute they were frozen there, her will standing strong against his. Her breath came out in angry little bursts. It combined with Judy/Rainbow’s moans to form some sort of bizarre and disturbing song. Things seemed to go on forever like that, everything stuck on pause.

  “Cora,” Devin whispered.

  She turned, showing the defeat in her eyes. Then she was off. She leaped over the fence and ran up the trail.

  He wanted to chase after her, swooping down like a hawk and flying her into the sky until everything was quiet.

  He started to follow but stopped, looking back at Judy/Rainbow. It was probably sick, but part of him also wanted to watch. He had never seen a big animal die before, and he had never seen anyone die by a gun. But Walter was looking at him in a way that told him to go, grab her, and fly away. She needed him now—and Walter understood what it was to be needed by a girl that you were desperate to be needed by.

  He went up the trail. Just as he was passing the vegetable garden, the shot rang out. He listened as it echoed, waiting for another. There wasn’t one. The silence hung in the air like clouds, resonating with the end of a life. It reminded him of waking up the morning after his mother had died during the night. It was like the air was thinner somehow, like everything had been wiped down with rubbing alcohol and tinted a slightly darker shade. He couldn’t explain it, but he knew she was gone before he got up and found Leon waiting for him in the hallway.

  He spotted Cora in the shadows at the edge of the trail, the tips of her beat-up sneakers sticking out under the sunlight. Her face was buried in her arms.

  “Hey.” He crouched down in front of her. “Cora … It’s okay.”

  “Go away!”

  “You don’t really want me to go away. If you did, you wouldn’t be right here by the trail where you know I’d find you.”

  “Stop!” She shoved him away, letting out a little scream. “Don’t hold me.”

  He held her anyway. Every muscle in her body tensed up. She pushed at his arms until she finally went limp. A second later, she gripped onto him and cried, and it was the best grip he’d ever felt.

  “Ugh,” she said after calming down a little. “I need tissue.”

  “Here,” he said, pulling his t-shirt over his head and giving it to her.

  She grabbed it, wiping her nose and eyes.

  “I’ll wash it for you,” she said, sniffling and crunching it up into a ball.

  “It’s okay,” he said. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”

  He took her by the hand and pulled her up.

  “I could sure go for some food,” he said, throwing an arm around her shoulder as they walked. “Maybe a nice curried omelet. What do you think?”

  He got a blanket from the cabin and brought it into the kitchen, wrapping it around her shoulders. She sat at the table as he got to cooking, rapping and dancing around the kitchen as he worked. The food was medicine and he was dedicating it to her soul, blessing each ingredient with love.

  “Got my carrots, my garlic and my ginger in the pan, and I can tell you babe I ain’t no ordinary man, I know this isn’t raw but sometimes I like the fire, I promise I’m so good that to my likeness you’ll aspire …”

  Something was happening to him. He felt as if he had been tinkered with by God, and parts of him were now breaking down and giving in to other parts, negotiating which pathways would be carved out. He was just so thankful for everything. He was choosing to love Cora and do everything he could to be her friend, even if she didn’t love him back. It was warm inside of him, thick like molasses. It was easy.

  When the food was ready, they sat down to eat it together.

  “Mmm.” She finished first, setting aside the empty plate. “It was so good.”

  “Thank you, thank you. Anytime you need breakfast, you come see me.”

  She giggled and then looked down. “Devin?”

  “Yes?”

  “Do you think Rainbow will be okay?”

  “Yeah,” he said. “I mean, think about it. She lived her whole life without ever hurting anybody. She’s gonna reincarnate as a supermodel.”

  “You really believe in reincarnation?”

  He paused with the spoon in his mouth, sucking on it a minute before setting it down.

  “I’ve never told anyone this.”

  “Okay.”

  “Not long after my mom died, I had a dream about her. Nothing too epic—she didn’t come down from the sky and give me a magical voodoo ring or anything like that. She was just sitting by my bed, holding my hand. My vision was all blurry and I couldn’t really see, but I knew it was her because I recognized the feel of her hands. She always had these really long, hard fingernails. I felt them and I just knew. I said it out loud in my dream: ‘I know it’s you!’”

  “So you believe it was her ghost?”

  “Yeah I guess,” he said. “The thing is, after that day, it never happened again. I never felt her. I never dreamed about her. It was like she came by that night to say goodbye and then just … reincarnated on.”

  Cora was looking down, fiddling with her spoon.

  “So … What do you think happens if a person commits suicide?”

  “I don’t know. Why?”

  He watched her for a second, and it came to him. “Oh shit … Maggie?”

  Her face fell. “What makes you say that?”

  “I don’t know. Do you think that?”

  She paused, her eyes welling with tears again. “This is hard.”

  “You can tell me anything.”

  She took a deep breath. “Me and Maggie used to go to this spot on the cliffs above the river. It was really high. You’d hear about crazy drunk people going over the edge and surviving, but we didn’t know anyone who had done it. Sometimes we’d go up there to talk, just the two of us. She would tell me that when things got bad enough, she’d jump.”

  “People say stuff like that all the time. That doesn’t mean—”

  “It does.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I found her letter.”

  “ … Oh.”

  Her face crumpled into a sob.

  “Hey … ” He reached across the table, taking her hand in his.

 
“She left it in my room. I didn’t see it until after.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  She let out a freaked-out laugh. “I ripped it into pieces. I flushed it down the toilet.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I couldn’t tell my parents. They would have felt like it was their fault. It probably was, but I couldn’t be the one to tell them.”

  “Jesus … Cora.”

  “It’s better,” she said, wiping her eyes. “Now they don’t have to know how sad they made her. They think she must have fallen in—”

  “Or, something worse. And what about you? You shouldn’t have to carry that burden all alone. You need to tell someone.”

  “I’m telling you.”

  “Is there a reason you don’t want to tell Raven?”

  “It would break her heart.”

  “The letter … What did it say?”

  “That it hurt too much, and she had to go. That she was sorry.”

  “Why did she feel like that?”

  “We had a lot of problems with our parents. Our dad had abandoned us to go to Greece with his girlfriend, and our mom was working six nights a week at the strip club so we could keep our house in Palm Springs. So Maggie would get sad a lot, and when she was sad, her eating disorder would act up. Sometimes I would catch her throwing up, but she always had an excuse. She had a stomachache, or she drank too much—things like that. She was really good at being manipulative and keeping her emotions under control. I didn’t know she was as depressed as she was, or I would have tried to do something.”

  “That’s really shitty. I’m so sorry you both had to go through that,” he said, squeezing her hand. “You took a major step telling me. I want you to get this off your conscience to the people it matters most to. Will you at least think about it?”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “Good,” he said. “Hey, I have an answer, by the way.”

  “To what?”

  “You asked me what I thought about suicides.”

  “Okay,” she said. “Go on.”

  “I think there are consequences. But, you have to figure, if the only constant is change, then all things have to change eventually. That means that someday, Maggie will get her chance for redemption. And when she does, she’ll take it. I know she will. She’s brave like you.”