Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

by Kaja Foglio

Agatha shook her head. “At this point both Gil and Tarvek are too worn out. The si vales valeo procedure hasn’t got a chance of working without someone stronger in the donor position.” Agatha noticed that her hand was trembling and dropped it to the console. “At the moment, the strongest person is me.”

  “But…” Snaug frowned, “if you use all your energy on them, then won’t you all be drained when it’s time to revive you? It’s just, well, I’m as big a fan of perpetual motion machines as the next girl, but they hardly ever work.”

  “Well spotted. Yes. It’s possible there could be some problems at that point, but I’ve got a few things set up that will fix that.” She poked at her devices and fiddled with a dial. “Probably.”

  Snaug frowned. “Oh, that fills me with confidence.”

  Agatha didn’t bother to argue further. “To your station, Snaug,” she ordered.

  “Yes, mistress,” Snaug moved to her place.

  Agatha looked around, her gaze lingering first on Gil, then on Tarvek. They lay still, strapped in their arrays on the slabs that flanked her, and took a final deep breath. They were all as ready as they were going to get. “Good luck, you two,” she whispered. She then wheeled about and unhesitatingly threw a large lever. “First switch!” she called.

  There was a crackle of electricity and Tarvek shrieked and strained against his restraints.

  Violetta went pale. “He…he sounds like he’s dying!”

  Agatha rolled her eyes. “Well of course he is. That was the point.” She sat herself down in an elaborately constructed chair. “Now come on, it’s time to get me strapped in.” Violetta tore her eyes from Tarvek’s thrashing form and fumbled at the first of a series of straps and buckles. “Make sure those are really secure,” Agatha admonished.

  “I know! I know,” Violetta mumbled.

  Agatha studied a bank of readouts next to her chair. “Hurry! Tarvek’s readings are almost terminal!” She raised her voice. “Professor! We’re getting power fluctuations!”

  Mezzasalma swore. He scuttled over to a smoking cable, ripped it apart, and slammed a new connector into place. “We’re burning through fuses faster than expected,” he shouted back. “But I can deal with it!”

  “Sturmvarous is flattening on all meters,” Snaug sang out.

  “Good!” Agatha hunkered down in place. “Keep the power running as smoothly as you can!” She glanced towards Violetta—

  “This is the last strap,” Violetta said.

  “Then start the countdown—Now!”

  Numbers started flicking down on the board. “Professor!” Snaug shouted, “My controls just went dark!”

  “Sorry,” Mezzasalma returned, “this thrice-cursed fuse has melted! I’m shunting to number four array!”

  Agatha ignored them. “Violetta?” she asked nervously, “did you remember to strip all the metal off them?”

  “Yes. Of course.” Violetta assured her, settling a heavily-wired crown of lights onto her head and strapping it on.

  “Even Gil’s…ring?” Agatha whispered.

  “Sheesh! Yes! You only told me three times!” said Violetta, connecting wires in the crown to the rest of the array.

  “You’re nervous,” Violetta said. “If you don’t relax, this is really going to hurt like crazy.”

  Agatha gave her a grim smile. “Oh, I certainly hope so.”

  “Prince Sturmvarous is prepped for revivification!” Snaug announced.

  Agatha closed her eyes and grit her teeth. “All right—Do it! And then get back!”

  Violetta nodded. She took hold of Agatha’s locket and held it in place while she undid the clasp. Then, all at once, she leapt backward, taking the locket with her.

  Agatha’s head slammed back against the headrest of the chair and she screamed, initially in agony, but midway through it changed into a scream of triumph. The blue lights on the crown device went red, and Lucrezia opened her eyes.

  “Why, I’m back!” A wicked smile crossed her face. “What a lovely surprise!”

  Then her eyes widened in panic and she tugged at her restraints. “Wait—What is this?” She looked up and saw Violetta watching her intently. “Release me at once!”

  Violetta licked her lips. “Wow. That really is weird.”

  Instantly Lucrezia looked scared and vulnerable. “Yes! There’s something very wrong! There’s been a terrible mistake! Quickly now, untie me!”

  Violetta shook her head in admiration, never removing her eyes from Lucrezia. “So, you’re the…evil twin thing, eh? Tarvek said you could be really convincing.”

  Instantly Lucrezia snapped out of her helpless routine. “Oh, did he? Did he also say that he’s neck-deep in a plot to steal my work? Release me now, and I’ll show him—!”

  Violetta backed away with a small laugh. “Tempting, but you already had your shot at him.” She glanced at the nearby panel, where a green light flashed. “No way.” She grasped a large handle and threw it triumphantly. “Second switch!”

  Nothing happened. Frantically Violetta jiggled the switch back and forth a few times. Still nothing. She glanced back and saw Agatha’s body, strained almost to the breaking point, as Lucrezia tried to tear free of the straps, regardless of the physical consequences. “Professor,” she screamed.

  Mezzasalma jammed a screwdriver into a partially melted panel and brutally wrenched it open, exposing the cracked unit behind it. “Useless, inferior, coprolithic components!” he snarled, as he yanked the unit free and slammed a new one into place. Orange lights blossomed around him. “I wouldn’t electrocute my mother with these!”

  Lucrezia screamed and collapsed back, panting. While she marshaled her strength, she examined Violetta. “You,” she hissed. “You’re one of the Order’s Smoke Knights! You fool, you people have sworn yourselves to me! Do your duty! Release me! I demand it in the name of the Holy Child!”

  Violetta paled. “Whoa!” she said, nodding. “I’d heard the Order was in thrall to some secret cabal…so that’s you, eh?”

  Lucrezia stared at her. “You refuse to honor the First Command?”

  Violetta shook her head. “Noooo…I think you’ll cause a lot less trouble by staying right where you are.”

  Lucrezia screamed with all the power of the Spark. “Release me!”

  Violetta folded her arms. “Nope.”

  Lucrezia stared. “You’re…you’re a Smoke Knight…” Her voice rose to a shriek of frustration. “But you’re not wasped?”

  Violetta shuddered. “I’m supposed to be?” She was so shocked at the idea that she almost didn’t catch Snaug as she attacked from behind.

  “I’ll release you, Mistress!” Snaug seemed mesmerized. Her eyes were glassy.

  Violetta slammed her fist across the woman’s jaw with no small satisfaction. “Oh great,” she muttered as Snaug collapsed. “PROFESSOR?”

  A bank of lights went from orange to green. “Soon,” the Professor called back.

  Lucrezia seemed to swell as she screamed at the top of her lungs. “RELEASE ME OR I WILL GRIND YOU TO DUST! CAN ANYONE LOYAL HEAR ME? HELP!”

  A voice shrieked back from deep inside the shaft in the floor. “I HEAR YOU, LUCREZIA! AND I AM FREE!” The unearthly voice echoed throughout the huge chamber.

  Lucrezia froze, and then rolled her eyes toward Violetta. “Um… Perhaps I should have asked, but…where are we, exactly?”

  Violetta had finally taken her eyes off Lucrezia, and was staring at the shaft. “Hm? Oh. A big power chamber under Castle Heterodyne. Your ‘friend’ is in a…well, I guess it’s a secret room or something we opened underneath.”

  Lucrezia screamed again, this time her eyes wide with terror. “Get me loose!” she cried frantically. “Get me loose NOW!”

  There was a terrible laugh from the shaft, and the thing spoke again: “I’ll get you loose! Oooh, yessss…” intensely bright light flared at the bottom of the shaft. Von Zinzer shut his eyes in pain. When he opened them again, there was something silhouetted against the
glare, laboriously making its way up the side of the shaft.

  Von Zinzer stared at his broom and gripped it tighter. “You guys really need to hurry up with the zapping, ’cause whatever is down there, it’s coming up here!” he yelled.

  Lucrezia’s voice was a frantic whisper. “Release me!”

  Violetta idly clicked the switch again. “Are you still going on about that?”

  “Fool!” Violetta caught something different in Lucrezia’s voice and turned to listen. “If that thing reaches me, this girl will die! And I know that will spoil your Master’s precious plans!”

  “Violetta,” Mezzasalma called out. “The power should be restored! Hit it!”

  Violetta nodded. She shrugged apologetically to Lucrezia. “Sorry, you’ll have to come up with a better threat than that.”

  Lucrezia looked wary. “Oh, really? But—”

  Violetta narrowed her eyes. “Tarvek’s not my master, and the Lady Heterodyne was planning on dying today anyway. Second switch!”

  This time Lucrezia’s scream was one of agony as the current roared through her. Violetta resolutely spun about and examined the console. “All right!” she shouted. “Her Si Vales Valeo connection is now fully engaged! Tarvek’s revivification sequence should start any second!” Silence answered her. “Hey! She’s really gonna be mad if I blow him up after all this trouble, so I need his readings, now! Professor? Answer me!”

  There was a flare of blue light from the banks of controls. “I dare not leave this junk unattended!” Mezzasalma shouted. He was holding two sparking components together with both hands. “Where is Miss Snaug?”

  Violetta glanced down at Snaug and bit her lip. The woman was still unconscious at her feet. “Moloch!”

  Von Zinzer stepped back from the lip of the shaft, panting. He’d so far managed to keep the impossible thing he’d seen in the shaft from climbing out, but it was hard work. All he had to hand was a broom. “Kind of busy here,” he yelled, prodding the thing back down with the bristled end. It giggled.

  “Snaug’s…she’s been knocked out! I need you on Tarvek’s system!”

  Von Zinzer shook his head. “Forget it! I’m—”

  What looked like an iron reaping hook arced up out of the pit and sliced von Zinzer’s broom handle in two, centimeters from his hand. He leapt backward. “On my way!”

  He lunged to the controls and, not liking what he saw, slammed his fist against the side of the machine. Instantly the readouts swung wildly and then snapped back to more satisfactory positions. Still, he frowned. “Sturmvarous’s readings are at eighty-three percent! We’re gonna need more! Can we increase the flow on this thing?”

  “Not from the Lady Heterodyne,” Violetta said, she’s already at her limit. She bit her lip. “I…I’m bringing Wulfenbach’s connection back to full strength!”

  Mezzasalma called out, “But didn’t she say that we shouldn’t?”

  “No choice! He’s the only other source we have! In three…two… one…NOW!”

  She slammed home a knife switch, and Gil shuddered in place. Lights blossomed across von Zinzer’s board. “Hey!” he said beaming. “That did it! It worked!”

  Tarvek’s eyes snapped open. With an inhuman scream, he tore himself free of his restraints.

  Tarvek grabbed von Zinzer and roared. “I LIVE!”

  Von Zinzer felt Tarvek’s hands tightening painfully upon his arms. “Whoa! Worked a little too well!” he squeaked.

  Tarvek’s face twisted into a maniacal scream. “And now I will—”

  “Hey!” Von Zinzer interrupted, distracted. He was staring over Tarvek’s shoulder and pointed, “Check it out.”

  Tarvek turned and stared. He dropped von Zinzer and reached for his glasses, which he adjusted carefully—never taking his eyes from the thing emerging from the shaft in the floor. “Good heavens.” He said, apparently shocked back to semi-sanity.89

  It was an angel. A mechanical angel almost three meters tall. Its wings had once been elegant, elaborate constructions, but now they were nothing but a twisted framework, dangling a few threadbare and grimy metal-lace feathers. Once, it had been dressed in some kind of tunic but this was also worn to a few tatters. Although there was an enormous cracked leather scabbard chained to its back, it was armed with a twisted girder and a rusty bladed hook.

  A pair of blazing, pitiless green eyes stared from its stern face. Matted hair framed its features, partially obscuring the golden fleur-de-lis of the Storm King that adorned its brow.

  “Aaaaahhh…Little rats…” The angel’s voice was harsh and strained—and hauntingly familiar. “Little rats busy in my cellar. Where is your Queen, little rats? Where is Lucrezia?”

  Von Zinzer saw the look on Tarvek’s face. “You know what that thing is?”

  “Otilia,” Tarvek whispered in awe. “The Muse of Protection!90 She’s been lost for over two hundred years!”

  The Muse straightened from its crouch and took a tentative step forward. Both Tarvek and von Zinzer noted the stiffness of its joints. “Where is Lucrezia? She has betrayed the House of Heterodyne.” Another step. “Give her to me, or I will crush you all.”

  Von Zinzer swallowed. “This is bad.” He whispered to Tarvek. “She’ll kill Agatha.”

  “Not if I can help it.” Tarvek whispered back. He strode forward, trailing the tubes and wires that still connected him to the great array. By the time he stood before Otilia, he stood as a Prince, radiating power and authority. “Stop! I am Prince Tarvek of the House of Sturmvarous. I am the direct descendant of Andronicus Valois and heir to the Lightning Throne. I am the Storm King, so acknowledged by your sisters Moxana and Tinka, who have sworn their allegiance to me.

  “You were created to serve me and I demand your fealty.”

  The casual blow from the girder that caught him across the chest threw him back into the machinery where von Zinzer cringed. “That never works, you know,” von Zinzer said sympathetically as he helped Tarvek back his feet.

  Tarvek brushed him aside. “No! That should have worked! Something is not right!”

  “Tarvek!” Violetta’s voice held the beginnings of panic. “Lady Heterodyne’s readings are starting to crash! I need another Spark over here!”

  Tarvek rolled his eyes. “Get her ready for the next step,” he called back, never taking his eyes from the giant clank. “Disengage the Si Vales Valeo circuit, then begin reversing my settings!” He shoved von Zinzer towards Violetta. “You! Hook her up to the electricals. I’ll be right there.”

  “Yessir!”

  The clank had paused to listen and was now slowly looking about the great chamber. “Sparks…” It mused, “What are you people doing down here? Where is the Lord Heterodyne? Which of you bellows pumpers is his Chief Assistant?”

  “I am!” Tarvek again strode forward. “Now listen to me! You did not hear Lucrezia!”

  The clank stared down at him and lazily twirled the girder around her fingers as she spoke. “I know who I heard.” The girder froze, pointing at Tarvek’s face. “And you? I see the resemblance, and can well believe you to be a degenerate whelp of the Valois.” Again the girder moved around its hand. “You are no assistant to the House of Heterodyne and I have no patience with your obvious lies.”

  The girder arced down and Tarvek caught it in his hands. The momentum of the great piece of metal drove him several steps backward, but he remained undamaged, and held it firm.

  “I am not lying,” he said in a strained voice, “Look about. Do you see Lucrezia here?”

  “You…are surprisingly strong.” The clank paused. Its head moved slightly with a whine of servos, and it was obvious that it was examining the others.

  Violetta’s jaw sagged down. “That’s a steel girder. How—?”

  Von Zinzer grimaced. “Post-revivification rush.91 He’ll feel it later.”

  Meanwhile, Tarvek fought to bring his mind to speed. He’d pay for everything that happened to him later, but here and now… he felt the pressure on the
girder relax, minutely. He spoke again.

  “Yes. I am. Now listen. The person you heard was Lucrezia and Bill Heterodyne’s daughter, Agatha. The current Lady Heterodyne. Yes, she sounds like her mother, but she’s the last person who would help Lucrezia in any way.” His voice lowered to a menacing growl—“And I will not let you touch her.”

  The girder was pulled back abruptly as the eyes of the clank flared bright. “The current Lady Heterodyne?” The clank began to vibrate. “Then the old Lord is dead?”

  Tarvek nodded slowly. “Dead and gone for many years. Agatha is the last of the Heterodyne famly.”

  “The…the last? But his brother?”

  “Also gone. Agatha is the last, I tell you.”

  The clank looked off into some mechanical infinity. “A girl child…” it mused. “If true, I could work with that…but…”

  Next to Violetta, Lucrezia groaned as she regained consciousness. “Miserable lackeys,” she whispered. “I’ll feed your flesh to the spiders. Grind your bones to powder to sweeten my tea…”

  Von Zinzer slapped a hand across her mouth. “Violetta! Hurry!” He searched for the last couplings and yelped. “We’re all prepped here! Really, really prepped! Ow! And she’s biting me!”

  Violetta resolutely tried to ignore him and keep her attention focused on the tortuous sequence scrawled on the paper before her. She flipped another switch. “Going as fast as I can,” she shouted back.

  The clank focused again upon Tarvek. “The last of the family… and she is a true Heterodyne? You are sure?”

  Tarvek nodded. “Absolutely. She has even been accepted by the Castle.”

  The girder smashed into the floor at Tarvek’s feet. “Oh, no, she has not!” the clank screamed.

  At this, Lucrezia roused enough to look at what was happening around her. At the sight of the angelic muse, she squealed in fear and froze, allowing von Zinzer to slam a final restraint across her mouth. “Now!” He turned and yelled even as he tightened the last buckle. “Hit it now!”

  With a roar, the generators spun faster, and bolts of electricity began flowing through Agatha’s body.

  Violetta shielded her eyes against the glare and stared at the console. “Power readings—” She paused in surprise. “Um…the power readings look pretty good, actually.”