A Home for my Heart (Matters of the Heart #3)

by Velvet Reed

  It’s been six days since I’ve had sex with Sam, four days since I’ve seen him, and it’s killing me. He’s been working crazy hours and catches up on his sleep in between, so we haven’t been able to spend any time together. While the quick phone calls and text messages have been fine, they’re not enough. The memories of making love to him for the first time keep playing on repeat through my mind and I feel even more sexually frustrated than I did before we were together.

  I want to feel his hands on me again. I want him to kiss me until I’m breathless. I want to be connected to him so completely like we were when he was inside me. I want to just be with him.

  I knew this would happen! I knew that once I gave myself to him completely, there would be absolutely no turning back. Sam may not realize it, and I sure as hell am not going to admit it to him, but I’ve fallen so unbelievably head over heels in love with him and that scares me to death.

  He’s been with so many women he probably just assumes everyone else does the same. I’ve had two serious relationships in my life and I guess to some people being twenty-five, almost twenty-six years old and only having slept with two men, now three, is kind of pathetic. I was just never the kind of person to have one night stands or to be with someone that way unless I had feelings for them and was in a relationship.

  Guy number one was my high school boyfriend, Tristan. He was a basketball playing jock and I thought I was in love with him. Jeez… I was so young and so naive. Two weeks before graduation, I finally gave in, after all his promises of forever and college not tearing us apart. It was the most unfulfilling and painful four minutes of my life. He moved to another state a few months later. So long, Tristan.

  Guy number two was Leonard. We started seeing each other just before I turned twenty and we were together for a little over two years. At least Leonard was able to educate me on what an orgasm felt like. His preoccupation with wanting to try anal sex all the time should have been a red flag raiser, but I just thought he was into kinky shit. On the eve of my twenty-second birthday, I discovered the reason for his preoccupation when I walked in on him and his roommate, Henry. All I could think about as I stood there in shock and honestly morbid fascination was the fact that his penis that was currently ploughing into Henry’s ass had been in my vagina. Truly not a pleasant thought.

  When they offered for me to join in as a ‘birthday present’, I thought ‘hey, what the hell, I’m young, why not experience something new and exciting?’ It was incredible for the first few minutes while I had the attention of both guys on me, but they quickly turned their interest back on each other. As I laid there beside these two guys devouring each other, it became pretty obvious that while they might like to indulge in a taco every now and again, their favorite meal was definitely a big fat sausage. Needless to say, I walked away from Leonard, with pretty low sexual self-esteem and a clean bill of health after some blood tests.

  So here I am, six days after having the best sex of my life with the man that I’ve fallen in love with, and I’m panting like a dog in heat. Maybe Sam didn’t think I was good. Maybe I really do suck when it comes to sex.

  “You okay, sweetie? You’ve been in here for ages,” Mary enquires from the doorway of my office. I shake my head to clear my thoughts and look up into her concerned eyes.

  “Oh yeah, I’m fine,” I reply with an overly bright smile, but when she raises her eyebrows and looks at me knowingly, it’s clear I haven’t fooled her.

  I glance away and then look back at her. “That obvious, huh?” I grumble.

  “It’s obvious to me because I’ve worked with you six days a week for two and a half years, and I know you like a mother knows a daughter.”

  I feel a small pain in my heart at her words because, hell, I don’t have a mother, and I haven’t had Grammy for seven years. From the day Mary started working here in my little florist shop, she became the closest thing I have to a mother.

  She walks into the room and closes the door behind her before sitting on the only other chair in the small office space. “Does this have something to do with a certain handsome doctor?” she asks.

  I sigh heavily, resigned to the fact that maybe I do need some advice. “Yeah, it’s about Sam,” I admit and Mary gives me an encouraging look, waiting for me to continue.

  As if those words opened a flood gate everything comes spewing out of my mouth in a rush. “We finally slept together last Friday, but I haven’t seen him since Sunday and any conversation we’ve had has been rushed because a colleague’s father had a heart attack and then his replacement got sick and Sam’s doing all these crazy hours. But given my previous experience with men or lack thereof, I’m starting to doubt if he’s actually working, because maybe he’s just avoiding me because I’m really bad at sex. I’ve fallen in love with him and I’m probably the worst sex he’s had in his life and I just want to see him and…” I trail off when I see Mary’s staring at me in wide eyed bewilderment.

  “Never mind,” I mutter, looking down and shaking my head. Goodbye, bright, confident, fun Ashley. Hello, nut job!

  “So let me get this straight,” Mary says and waits for me to look up at her again before she continues. When I meet her eyes I feel like weeping because I can see the compassion, understanding and warmth in them. She gives me a reassuring smile before she goes on. “You’ve fallen in love with a handsome, intelligent and successful doctor.” It’s not a question, but I nod my head in confirmation.

  “You made love to said doctor and since then he’s been incredibly busy, doing his job of bringing precious little miracles into the world.” I nod again.

  “So now you think that because he’s been so busy, that he’s avoiding you because you’re bad at sex?” Did I not just say all this? I nod again because yeah, that’s what I said and that’s what I’m thinking. Mary just sits there looking at me expectantly. My eyes dart around the room waiting… just waiting.

  “Where’s the confident Ashley that doesn’t take crap from anyone?” Mary demands and I’m shocked that Mary… sweet, motherly, wholesome Mary said the word crap.

  “Oh, don’t look at me like that, Ashley. Crap is hardly an expletive and I’ve been known to use far more colorful language than that,” she states in a no-nonsense tone and rolls her eyes at me. “Where has your confidence gone?” she demands.

  I shrug in resignation. “When it comes to sex, I don’t have a lot.”

  “Was it good?” she asks, and her eyebrows are raised again.

  I flush bright red, but I answer honestly. “It was the best sex of my life. I’ve never felt so connected to anyone. It was beautiful and incredible.”

  Mary gives me a dazzling smile. “Sweetie, trust me when I say, that if it made you feel like that, then you better believe that Sam probably felt exactly the same way.”

  I want to believe her. I want to believe that Sam thought it was incredible, too.

  “Ashley, sex can just be sex. You can have it without feelings attached and both people can find release. But sex with feelings involved is a whole different thing. For you to come away from your time with Sam feeling like that means that you were both right there in the moment. You were both giving and receiving, your bodies and souls connecting on a far deeper level.” She stares off into the corner of the room like her mind is somewhere else.

  A minute passes before she comes back to me and I notice the tears glistening in her eyes. “I know what making love like that feels like, Sweetie, and when it happens, it’s special because it’s definitely not like that for everyone.”

  It dawns on me that Mary was thinking about her husband. He passed away a year or so before she started working here with me, and I know that she still misses him like crazy. I guess the way I’m missing Sam is nothing in comparison to what she feels. A loud clap draws my attention, and Mary gets to her feet.

  “Enough of this!” she practically shouts. “You love the guy. You miss the guy. So get your boney little butt out of that chair and go see him
at the hospital.”

  “B… But he’s busy,” I stutter.

  “So you wait until he isn’t busy. Five minutes is better than nothing, Ashley, and to tell you the truth, your pouty little face is making the flowers wilt.” She winks at me. “Andy and I can handle things here, now go.”

  I grab my bag and head for the door before turning back. “Are you sure?”

  “GO!” she demands again. “Get out of here.”

  I can’t help the chuckle that escapes at her theatrics and I head for the door, giving Andy a small wave on the way as she looks at Mary and me, clearly not having a clue of what’s going on. I’m practically skipping towards my car as the excited anticipation of seeing Sam bubbles to the surface.

  I’ve been waiting outside Sam’s consultation office for about twenty minutes. When I arrived I asked the clerk if he was busy, and as luck would have it she informed me that his last scheduled appointment just went in and that he was due for his lunch break when they finished. I might actually get to have lunch with him. The kind older woman’s curious glances have me feeling a little self-conscious, but I just smile brightly and continue to wait.

  The door to his office finally opens and his smooth, professional voice washes over me. “So just take it easy, Laura. There’s only four weeks to go before this little one arrives, and Adam? Make sure she gets as much rest as possible.”

  “I will, Doctor Evans,” another male voice replies, and a heavily pregnant woman steps out of the office followed by another man who I assume is Adam, and then there he is. As stupid as it may seem, my mind really doesn’t do him justice when I think about him. From his sandy-blond hair, to his gorgeous green eyes, his broad shoulders to his long legs, he looks absolutely delectable. When his eyes land on me in the waiting area, his brows furrow slightly in confusion, it seems, but he continues talking to the couple. Shit! Maybe I shouldn’t have come.

  He finishes with the couple and bids them farewell before walking over to the clerk, while I continue to sit here now feeling completely ridiculous for showing up unannounced. I make a move to stand and leave when he turns around and comes to me, takes my hand unceremoniously and pulls me into his office. The protest I have on the tip of my tongue doesn’t even have the slightest chance of being communicated before I hear the door slam shut, the pop of what I assume is the lock and I find myself pressed against the wall and Sam’s mouth on mine.

  I surrender to his kiss immediately, giving as good as I get. Our teeth are clashing, our tongues are tangling and our lips are frantically trying to claim and devour. This desperate need is overwhelming. I’m breathless and panting. We’re moaning and groaning, his breathing just as erratic as mine. When he pushes himself into me further, I’m more than aware of how aroused he is as his hard cock presses so deliciously against my belly.

  Finally, Sam pulls out of the kiss and holds my face in his hands. “What are you doing here?” he asks, his voice a husky breathless whisper.

  “Sorry,” I mumble and attempt to lower my gaze as I second guess my unexpected visit, but find his lips against mine in another demanding kiss.

  “Don’t be sorry,” he says. “I haven’t seen you or touched you in what feels like forever. This is an amazing distraction after a really hectic and honestly shitty week.” He smiles and all my doubt disappears.

  “Well, I’m glad I can be a distraction for you then,” I reply cheekily and pull his head down to kiss him yet again.

  He leans his forehead against mine and closes his eyes. “I’m so sorry about this week.” He shakes his head and moves back a little. “I thought we’d get to spend the weekend together after Friday night, but it seems like this place was determined to get in the way.”

  “It’s okay. Gracie’s given me a lot of insight into what it’s like being with a doctor so I understand, Sam. I just…” I stop. Shit! Do I want to tell him that I’ve missed him? Yes! Yes, I do.

  “It’s just what?” he asks, regarding me curiously.

  Be confident, Ashley Brookes! I take a fortifying breath and look him straight in the eyes. “I’ve just missed you,” I admit, shyly looking up at him through my eyelashes.

  Sam answers with his panty dropping smile and damn, it does all sorts of things to my insides.

  “Funnily enough, I’ve missed you too, Beautiful and I have to tell you it’s been incredibly hard to get through the last five days when all I can think about is getting you back into my bed and reliving every single second of last Friday night.” He emphasizes the word hard by flexing his hips into my belly, demonstrating exactly how hard he currently is.

  I guess that means that I didn’t suck then. Bolstered by the knowledge that he’s been thinking about me as much as I’ve been thinking about him, I’m overcome with an unexpected surge of confidence. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about getting back in your bed again either,” I reply.

  Trailing my hand from his neck down his chest covered by his scrub shirt and further down I find his very prominently displayed erection. The scrub pants do absolutely nothing to conceal his arousal and I produce a sly smile as I begin to stroke his length. Sam inhales sharply. “God damn, I want you so bad, Ash,” he groans as I continue my ministrations.

  “Then have me,” I bravely suggest, even though my heart is pounding against my rib cage and I’m completely dumbfounded that I’ve just suggested we have sex in the hospital.

  Sam seems just as shocked. “What? Here? Now?”

  Be confident! “Why not?” I shrug carelessly. “You’re due for a break, right?” Oh this is really not like me.

  “Yeah, I am.” He eyes me uncertainly, so I start stroking him again since I unwittingly stopped when I made my uncharacteristic offer.

  Sam closes his eyes and his hips jerk against my hand. When he opens them again, they’re clouded with desire, then he pulls the band out of my hair so it falls down my back and his fingers dive into it.

  “This isn’t very romantic,” he rasps between kisses.

  “I don’t care.”

  He’s moving us backwards away from the wall, and I’m following even though I have no idea what his plan is or if he even has a plan.

  “You deserve better than this,” he mumbles against my mouth.

  “I want this,” I brazenly reply as my roaming hands find the lapels of his white lab coat and glide it over his shoulders. Sam’s hands leave me briefly as he assists with ridding his body of the coat, and then they’re on me again, sliding under the hem of my shirt and coming into contact with my skin. The fabric bunches up as his hands move higher to cup my breasts before inching behind me to unclasp my bra.

  This time it’s my hands that leave him and in one swift and quite graceful move, I remove the offending pieces of clothing so I’m now standing gloriously bare chested in front of Sam.

  “Damn,” he murmurs before taking both breasts in his capable hands and playing with them with such tantalizing precision that I feel like an instrument in the hands of a master musician. I throw my head back and cry out softly when he bends and takes one peaked nipple into his mouth and lavishes it with his tongue.

  “Sam,” I breathe while clutching his biceps to keep myself upright.

  “I know, Beautiful,” he mumbles as he kisses and licks his way across my chest to the other nipple and focuses his attention there.

  “Sam,” I whimper again as the desire to have him inside me burns through every inch of my body.

  Letting go of my breasts, he quickly pulls his scrub shirt over his head and then I’m in his arms. Chest to chest. Skin to skin and… oh it’s the most amazing feeling imaginable. My breasts flatten against him and I’m kissing his neck, inhaling his scent and relishing the fact that I’m here in his arms.

  He moves his head so he’s now kissing my neck and, oh God, he really knows how to press every single one of my buttons.

  “Two seconds,” he says, and then he’s gone and I’m standing here feeling utterly bereft without him. He rushes over t
o some shelves and grabs something, then he’s back in front of me holding up a condom packet. “We’re lucky I’m the kind of doctor that has these on standby to give to patients.” He grins and for the first time ever, I’m really glad that he’s an OBGYN.

  He pulls the tie on his scrub pants and they drop to his ankles effortlessly, and while he’s ripping open the condom wrapper, I slip my fingers into his boxer briefs and slide them down his legs as well. As he rolls the condom on, I start to shimmy my panties down my thighs. I’ve only just gotten them to my knees when he grabs my hips and growls. “Turn around and bend over the exam bed.”

  I do as he says and then I feel him move in behind me. Lifting my skirt to my waist, his hand reaches between my legs and his fingers slide through my wet folds. I feel dizzy, because I’ve never, and I mean never, been this turned on in my life. This is hot and naughty and it feels so incredibly right. My whole body quivers as he plunges a finger inside me and begins moving it in and out. “You’re so wet, Ash. So ready for me.”

  I’m moaning and whimpering and… I can’t even comprehend all the different noises I’m making until his finger leaves me and with one powerful thrust Sam’s cock is buried deep inside me. “Oh, God!” I shout.

  “Sssssh,” Sam hisses. “You’re going to need to keep it down, baby. We don’t want security busting in here.” Then he grabs hold of my hips and starts moving.

  I’m bracing myself on the exam bed as he drives into me from behind. Lowering my head, I watch when Sam grabs hold of my boobs as they bounce in response to each of his thrusts. He kneads them and squeezes each nipple and it’s too much, too fast. My entire body’s a quivering mess as the pleasure Sam’s creating builds and builds and I can feel it coming.