Fall From Love

by Heather London

  “Carter,” she mumbles as I reach the door. I turn around and stare into the darkness.

  “Yeah?”

  There’s a moment of silence until she says, “Will you stay with me?”

  My heart tightens and I’m not sure what to do or say to her. Slowly, I make my way back over to the bed. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

  “I just don’t want to be alone tonight,” she says. Even through the darkness I can see her shift and scoot over to the middle of the bed. Reluctantly, I get into the bed beside her. When she turns into me and lays her head on my chest, I freeze.

  It takes her a few seconds to get comfortable. When she does, she reaches up, kisses my neck and my whole body stiffens. “You’re sweet, Carter. Thanks for dancing with me and for taking care of me.”

  “You’re welcome,” I respond, letting out a long breath and easing back a little farther; trying to get comfortable. It feels so good to have her in my arms, but it feels wrong, too, on so many levels. Without a doubt, things are changing between us and, as much as I want more with her—as much as I want to give her what she wants—I’m not sure I should. At least, not until she knows the truth.

  Chapter Eleven

  The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart.

  ~ Helen Keller

  HOLLY

  Since the Halloween party, things between Carter and I have changed. Or they have changed for me, at least. My feelings for him go beyond friendship and it wasn’t until I saw that girl hitting on him at the Halloween party that I realize just how far those feelings really go.

  I remember the sick feeling rolling around in my stomach just picturing them dancing together. I remember how good it felt to be in his arms when we danced and how good it felt to sleep on his chest that same night.

  Even though my feelings are stronger, I haven’t told him and we are still strictly just friends. It’s hard to tell how he feels about me sometimes and I don’t want to be the first one to make a move or take the chance and ruin the friendship we have.

  The weekends have become somewhat of a ritual. When Friday night rolls around, Jenna and I head over to Josh and Carter’s and usually spend the weekend over there. We play pool, watch movies, and occasionally we go to Sterling’s for open mic night or battle of the bands.

  Every time we go, I miss being up there on stage and singing more and more. In the past month or so, I’ve been writing a lot and it feels good to get some of my emotions out on paper.

  I’m walking out of class and adding up the hours in my head. Four hours until Jenna gets home, then twenty minutes for her to change and re-do her makeup, and then a ten minute drive to Carter and Josh’s place. So, four hours and thirty minutes to keep myself busy. I guess I could study for Dr. Langford’s test next Monday. There’s also a mound of laundry that needs to be done.

  As I’m fumbling around in my purse for my keys, my phone chimes. My lips spread out into a smile when I see that it’s a text from Carter, but then it falls the second I read it.

  Carter: Josh and I can’t hang out tonight. Sorry.

  Me: That sucks :(

  Carter: We’ll be back tomorrow night. I’ll txt you.

  Me: K.

  If he and Josh are both out, then it must have something to do with a call for the rescue team. My stomach clenches, but I try to push away the negative thoughts.

  By the time I get to my car, I hear my phone chime again. This time it’s from Jenna.

  Jenna: Bad news. The guys are out for tonight.

  Me: Just heard. Girl’s night?

  Jenna: Yes! We’re so overdue for one of those anyway. :)

  ❧

  As much as I hate to admit it, weekends suck without Carter and Josh. They end up cancelling on us for Saturday night, too. It’s Sunday morning and I find myself looking forward to school with the hope that next weekend will come quick so I can see Carter again. The past few weeks, school has been getting so hectic that we hardly see each other during the week.

  “Oh, my God, is it just me or is this weekend super boring?” Jenna asks me, opening the refrigerator and pulling out some OJ. “We are so lame. We didn’t do anything but lie around, watch movies, and eat junk food all weekend. I miss Josh and Carter’s place.”

  I laugh. “Um, that’s what we usually do at their house.”

  “Yeah, but I can’t make out with you.” She smiles.

  “True.” I laugh again. “Have you, uh, heard from them?” My heart stops as I wait for her answer.

  She shakes her head and then takes a sip of her OJ. “No, I’m sure they’ll be home later tonight, though.”

  I want to ask her if it bothers her when Josh goes up to the mountain, but I don’t. I know it’s a stupid question.

  “Okay, so no more being couch potatoes. Let’s get out and do something today. I’m in desperate need for some new lingerie. What do you say?” I hear her stop talking, but I guess my mind is too preoccupied worrying about Carter and Josh. “Hello, earth to Holly.” She’s standing in front of me now.

  “Sorry, what did you say?” I ask, glancing up at her.

  “Lingerie shopping. Today. You and me.”

  “Sorry, I can’t. I’m going to the library with Becca. We’ve got a test in Dr. Langford’s class and I need to study. My grade depends on acing the test tomorrow morning.”

  “Well, that’s boring.” She sighs and falls down to the couch beside me. “I’m just hoping the guys get back early enough tonight so I can see Josh. I think I’m going through withdrawals. I want to find something really hot and fun for him.” With that thought, she springs up off the couch. “I guess I better get to shopping just in case he shows up later.” She stops halfway down the hall. “Hey, is it okay with you if he comes over here tonight?”

  “Sure, no problem.” Note to self: stay at the library as long as possible.

  ❧

  It’s getting close to ten p.m. and my eyes burn from looking over my notes, as well as reading through my textbook for the past few hours.

  “I think we should call it a night,” Becca says, yawning.

  “I’ll second that,” I agree, slamming my textbook shut and gathering up the scattered notes on the table in front of me. I shuffle them into a neat stack and shove them in the front pocket of my binder.

  “I really hope that this test isn’t as hellish as I think it’s going to be,” Becca says, pulling her backpack to her lap and zipping it.

  “Stop worrying. You’ll be fine. You know this stuff better than me,” I tell her and then my phone vibrates on the table in front of me.

  Carter: We r back. What r u up to?

  Me: Studying at the library.

  Carter: WARNING: Josh is headed over to ur place to “watch a movie.”

  I smile and a soft chuckle escapes me.

  “Who’s the lucky guy that’s got you smiling like that?” Becca asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “Just a friend,” I tell her.

  “Would this friend happen to be that hotty that walked you to class the other day?”

  My face starts to burn and I know that, without a doubt, my cheeks are cherry red. “Yes, his name is Carter, but we’re just friends.”

  “Friends? That sucks. If it were me, I wouldn’t let a dreamy guy like that get away.”

  Throwing my backpack over my shoulder, we exit through the main doors and the icy air hits me hard. I reach down and zip up my jacket then cross my arms over my chest to ward off the cold. When Becca and I reach the bottom of the library steps my phone chimes again.

  “I’ll see you in class tomorrow, okay?” I say, pulling out my phone.

  “Yeah, see ya,” she says, her teeth chattering as she turns to walk away. When she’s gone, I glance down and read my message.

  Carter: Would you like me to put u out of ur misery?

  Me: Um, that sounds a little scary.

  Carter: Come watch a movie with me. Maybe we
can actually finish one this time.

  Me: Only if I get to choose.

  Carter: No chick flicks allowed.

  Me: Fine. No chick flicks, but still my choice.

  Carter: Deal.

  Me: C U soon. :)

  When I pull up to the house, my stomach is a mushy mess and I find myself rushing to pull the keys out of the ignition so I can see him quicker. When I get up to the door, I don’t even have to knock. Carter pulls the door open and he’s standing there with a large smile on his face. “Hey you.”

  “Hey,” I say, returning his smile. As I walk past him into the house, I can feel the warmth of him. The past few days I’ve had an overwhelming need to be close to him, wanting to see him, wanting to be sure he’s okay... and, now that he is here, I have to force myself not to touch him, not to hug him, and the strangest thought I’m fighting is the desire to kiss him. Since I’m not ready to cross that line with him just yet, or at least I don’t think I am, I just settle on being with him.

  “So, I thought we could compromise,” Carter says as I throw my purse in the chair beside the couch. “I’ve picked out four movies, kind of a mix between chick flick and action... and I’ll let you choose which one to watch.”

  “That wasn’t our deal,” I say, shaking my head and smiling.

  The left side of his mouth lifts. “I said it was a compromise.”

  Glancing down to the table, I see his four choices laid out. “Hmmm... I don’t know about this. Die Hard one through four? How are those, at all, chick flicks?”

  “Hey, there’s some romance in them,” he argues.

  I’m just giving him a hard time. The truth is that it could have been any movie, another zombie flick even, and I wouldn’t have cared. I just want to be with him.

  CARTER

  Holly falls asleep about halfway through the movie with her head against the couch, knees curled up towards her chest and her hair falling across her face. When she falls asleep, it’s about the same time that I stop watching the movie, too.

  I’ve been watching her for the past hour, leaning back at an angle on the couch, studying her lips, watching her eyes flutter every few seconds and her chest rise and fall. As hard as I try, I can’t take my eyes off her. It’s a little bit of a creepy thing to do, but she looks peaceful and content; I’m not sure why, but it gives me peace, too. I’ve always thought she’s hot, though right now is the first time I see that she’s more than that, she’s beautiful.

  Her whole body jerks and, for a second, I think she’s going to wake up, ruining my tiny bit of peace. I relax when she licks her lips and starts her rhythmic breathing again. I want more time to watch her; I want just a few more minutes of peace.

  Then she does something that I don’t expect, but I kind of like. Okay, that’s a lie. I really, really like. Her body shifts and she stretches out her legs before slowly falling towards me. The sweetest and softest moan escapes her lips as she stops with her head on my chest. For a long minute, I can’t breathe and I don’t want to move because I’m afraid that I’ll wake her. Now, I feel even more like a weirdo staring at her. Now that she’s so close to me, I find myself smelling her hair and inhaling her sweet scent.

  It’s too much for me to resist and my hand raises up to lightly brush her face, slowly tracing her lips. Having her like this, similar to the night after the Halloween party, sadly brings me back to the first time I held her in my arms. The night at the hospital when I told her about Adam. In all of my twenty-two years of life I’ve never seen or felt so much pain as I had that night.

  After my brother died, it was my dad and I who held my mother and sister at his funeral. When Dad passed away last spring, I was left holding both my mother and sister all by myself. Even then, I had never felt so much pain as I had that night with Holly. It could have been magnified with the guilt I was feeling, but the pain was so horrible it felt like she was tearing my heart right out of my chest.

  Tonight is different. Just like the night after the Halloween party—when she asked me to stay with her and I held her—it was one of the best feelings of my life because, that night, there was no pain, no tears, no sadness.

  The minutes pass and I continue to stare at her until my eyes feel heavy. Even though my back is starting to ache at the angle that I’m sitting in and my left arm is starting to fall asleep, I don’t move since I’m scared of disturbing her. I’d lie like this forever if I had to.

  The next thing I remember is seeing a bright light spilling in through the living room window. When I open my eyes, I see Holly still lying across my chest, still fast asleep. Without trying to wake her, I move just a little and feel a familiar pain shoot up through my lower back. Damn couch. I really think Josh has a point; we should totally burn this thing. A few moments later Holly finally stirs and, when she opens her eyes, confusion is spread out across her face.

  “Morning,” I say, smiling at her.

  “What? I fell asleep over here?” she asks, looking around.

  “Yeah, when we were watching a movie.”

  “Did you say morning? Morning!” she screams and pushes herself up off my chest. “Oh, my God, what time is it?” She hops off the couch and begins to run around the living room, looking like a crazy person. “Have you seen my purse or my phone? Oh, my God; oh, my God; oh, my God.”

  “Hey, calm down,” I tell her. I’m only halfway awake and she’s starting to freak me the hell out.

  “Calm down? I have a test in Dr. Langford’s class in...” she finally finds her phone and checks the time, “thirty minutes! Oh, my god, I’ll never make it.”

  I lean up slowly from the couch, gripping my lower back. “You’ll make it. Just take a quick breath.”

  She doesn’t listen to me and begins scrambling, pulling her shoes on and slinging her purse across her chest. “I’m sorry, but I’ve gotta go. I can’t believe I fell asleep. I’m so freaking screwed.”

  I don’t even have a chance to tell her goodbye before she’s out the door. “Well, that was interesting,” I say to myself, falling back onto the couch.

  ❧

  After the way my morning started with Holly freaking out, the rest of the day goes by without incident. I’m back at home, trying to keep myself busy with laundry and homework, as well as trying to keep my mind off Holly and the feelings I’m starting to have for her.

  “Hey, is your family still planning on coming over for Thanksgiving?” Josh asks, poking his head in my room.

  “Uh, yeah, I think that’s the plan.”

  He nods. “Cool, I’ll tell my mom and hopefully she’ll get off my back about it. She said she tried to call your mom, but can’t get in touch with her.”

  “Yeah, she’s been busy with doctor’s appointments. I’m pretty sure we’re coming, though. When I talked to her the other day, she was worrying about what kind of pie to bake.”

  “Dude, you know my mom’s gonna cook enough to feed us for like a week, right? Tell her not to worry about it.”

  I nod. “I’ll tell her, but you know she’ll insist on bringing something.”

  “So what’d you do last night?” Josh asks, picking up the football that’s lying on my bed and it catches me off guard. My first reaction is to lie. I’m not sure why, but I know he’ll give me crap if I tell him that Holly and I hung out alone together. The two of us rarely hang out by ourselves. Normally, it’s the four of us. Even if I do end up telling him that she came over, forget about telling him that she accidentally fell asleep on my chest... he’ll read way too much into it. Forget it, I’m not saying anything.

  “Not much. Just hung out.”

  He grins and nods. “Right. So did this ‘just hanging out’ involve, I don’t know, a hot brunette named Holly?”

  Okay, so the stupid grin on his face tells me that he already knows the answer to that question. “Yeah, Holly came over and we watched a movie.”

  “About time, man.” He reaches over and slaps me on the shoulder. “I can’t believe the two of you he
ld out for this long. So was it combustible just like I thought or what?”

  “You’re a moron,” I say, shaking my head. “For us, watching a movie doesn’t mean making out. That’s just a code word for you and Jenna.”

  He shrugs, agreeing with me. “I just don’t get you two, man. Jenna doesn’t, either. We knew something was up when Holly didn’t come home last night and when she still wasn’t there this morning.”

  “How did you know she was over here with me then?”

  “I didn’t... it was just a hunch I had. You just confirmed it, though.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you.

  ~ Loretta Young

  HOLLY

  “Damn, what happened to you?” Jenna asks as I walk into our apartment. She’s sitting at the bar, eating out of a bag of chips. “You look like hell.”

  Of course I look like hell. I haven’t showered, washed my face, or brushed my teeth in over twenty-four hours.

  After waking up at Carter’s this morning, I rushed to school and luckily made it to class before the test in Dr. Langford’s class started. I tore through the door just as he was handing out the test and, aside from the strange look he gave me as well as the snickering from the rest of the class, nothing was said.

  “Ugh, don’t ask,” I groan, throwing my backpack and purse on the floor, take a few chips, and shove them into my mouth. I also haven’t eaten all day.

  “Did you leave early this morning or something? I didn’t see you when I got up.”

  I shake my head. “No, I slept at Carter’s.”

  Jenna coughs, seemingly choking on a chip. “I’m sorry; I just thought you said you slept with Carter last night.”

  “Over... I slept over at Carter’s,” I exaggerate the words and glare at her.

  She shrugs and a smile spreads across her lips. “Hey, no judgment here. I’m cool if you want to sleep with or over at Carter’s.