Blackthorns of the Forgotten

by Bree T. Donovan

  She practically ran through the maze of trees, the noises of night traveling with her as she all but danced over the sweet smelling grass. Nightingales began to sing their songs of praise to the silver orb, crickets chirped happily among the aromatic pines, and the heady aroma of dampness pervaded the air. She was nearing the lakes, the place Gillean said he would never go. All those years before, he had blithely predicted true love may be found here.

  Nearing the spot where the two lakes united, the trees thinned out, forming a clear path to the water.

  She failed to see Sully who was standing only a few feet away. His body was flush against a wild cherry tree. Just before the sound of his voice joined the chorus of night, she saw a flash of white cutting through the air like tiny moths.

  “Checkin’ up on me again are ya, Charlie?”

  Adara stepped closer. Time kept a different, slower pace here. Sounds and sights were magnified and intensified. She heard her own voice but it all seemed dreamlike. “There is not in the wide world a valley so sweet, as that vale in whose bosom the bright waters meet.” She greeted him with a quote from Moore.

  He didn’t move from his place by the tree. “Adara?”

  Locating him by his voice, she approached. “Oh! The last rays of feeling and life must depart, ‘ere the bloom of that valley shall fade from my heart.” She came out of the shadows to stand directly in front of him. Even in the growing darkness by the pale light of the moon, she saw what Charlie had meant. Sully had changed.

  His face did not so much remind her of Gillean now. The youthful expression was haunted and pained. His hair that which no longer swept back behind his ears, hung over gaunt checks. But she knew him by his eyes. They revealed a bit more sadness, but she would never mistake those eyes.

  “Please, Adara, please, you can’t be here. Go back to yer family, where ya belong.”

  “Don’t tell me where I belong, Sully. For too many years I have allowed other people decide that for me. I need to find my place for myself. And you…”Mustering her strength against his cynicism, she continued holding him with her glance. “You asked me to trust you. I did. Then you simply vanished. I want to know why.”

  “If only ya would have trusted me.”

  “I have never doubted you, never.”

  He crossed his hands in front of his chest keeping his eyes level with hers. Cherry blossoms impelled by the breeze swirled about his body like angel’s breath. “Ya didn’t feel ya trusted me enough to tell me about—” He censored his response.

  “Tell you about what?” Her shock was tempered by the soft petals at his feet, and noticing his hands in the protective gloves. “What happened to you? Are you alright?”

  He was oblivious to his surroundings, focusing his attention squarely on her. “I’m wonderin’ why did ya so easily forget that you are a dancer. And why do ya still refuse to look into yer heart?”

  “How dare you?” she snapped.

  Sully stepped away from the tree, until the space between them was no more than a hair’s breath.

  “No, how dare you! How dare ya always play the victim? You—a beautiful, intelligent, wonderful woman. Ya gave up your dream for him, and still ya feel sad and alone. Why?”

  “Don’t presume to know what is in my heart. Go ahead and be harsh if that is how you feel towards me. I would have moved heaven and earth to find you to be sure that you were safe. Why are you so ready to dismiss me now?”

  “The world is harsh, the truth even more so. There is no reason for you to be here. Yer concern for me is kind, but misplaced. Ya need only to decide what your life is to be about.” His voice sounded metallic, like the copper and lead lacing the air originating from pagan miners centuries before. “You’re lucky ya still have that chance. Don’t waste yer time with me.”

  He started to walk away from her without even so much as a goodbye.

  “Sully, Sully! Wait!” She ran after him. “I know Gillean is selfish. He doesn’t intend to be. He’s more afraid—terrified that anyone should see how he really feels. That is why he hides himself within his songs.” Her voice softened. “And with other women,” she added regretfully. “But, you’re not such a man.”

  He kept moving, his back to her.

  But still she would not be slighted. “Do you know how I can presume to know how you feel? Do you?” she shouted, meaning to stop him with the sheer strength of her words. “I am willing to risk any ounce of dignity I may still possess to say what I hold in my heart, is you.”

  He stopped dead in his tracks, her gusty proclamation bouncing off the water and holding him fast with its firmness. His shoulders rose slowly upward, then down. He bent over looking as if he were going to be sick, but instead he turned to her, his eyes glassy and wet like the lakes surrounding them.

  “Don’t sacrifice yer dignity for me. Yer far too dear. I’m not who ya believe me to be.” His voice was absent of joy.

  “Who broke your glorious spirit? Who hurt you?” She motioned to his hands. “Was it Gillean?”

  “I made a choice. It’s as simple as that. Gillean has no idea where I am. That is how I want it. He did nothing of his own volition to hurt me. Sometimes people can hurt others by their inaction, and by hiding from the truth.” He placed his hands behind his back.

  “Meaning?” She couldn’t imagine what he was hinting at.

  “I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve made my decision. I have me path to travel. That is the way of it.”

  “What if your path, your way, is meant to merge with another, just like this Vale?”

  She moved towards him again.

  He bowed his head as if addressing a queen. “Beautiful Adara, my life is how it is supposed to be, solitary. Neither you nor I can change this. Go home and think about what ya truly want. I suspect ‘tis not what ya believe it to be at this moment.” He took up his walk back to the cabin.

  “What I want is to help you.” She followed after him. “Because you helped me, and my son. Did you forget about Arlen? Should I go home and tell him you no longer care what happens to him?”

  He picked up his pace, not speaking.

  When they reached Charlie’s cottage she was still with him, breathing a little heavily from the brisk walk. Sully backed up against the cottage door as if the panels of wood could enfold him.

  “Ya tell Arlen that I will always care about him. Please do that for me.”

  “Open the door. I’m not leaving here until we talk.” She came nearer, leaving only inches between their faces.

  “Why won’t ya do as I ask, and go?” he asked her weakly. “’Tis what is right.”

  “Ah,” she touched her hand to his cheek. “Remember, I once told you, what’s right isn’t always what is.”

  He placed his hand over hers, closing his eyes as if making a wish.

  “You’re right. I have played the victim for far too long. Now it’s my time to choose,” she whispered.

  “Choose what?” His eyes were on her.

  “It’s more like, choose who.” She softly rested her lips on his.

  He pulled away. “Are ya sayin’ ya want to be with me?”

  She lifted her flushed face to his. “Yes, I do.”

  “Then ya should come inside.” The light faded from his eyes.

  The door to the cabin opened from behind. Charlie met Sully with the look of a worried father. “I thought because of the late hour, Adara can have my bed. I’ll bunk in with you, Sully.”

  Sully swept pieces of falling hair out of his eyes. “The two of us in that wee thing?” He pointed to his not so luxurious bed by the hearth while Adara tried to stifle a laugh.

  “It’s just for one night, lad.” Charlie unloaded the books from the bunk. “I think ya both need some rest, wouldn’t ya say?”

  Adara noted the solemn glance which passed between the two men. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to put anyone out.”

  “Yer welcome here,” Charlie assured. “Yer tote is in the other room, and I’ve alrea
dy put out the fresh linen for ya as well.” He stood tall and ushered Adara from the room. “I’ll show ya where to wash up.”

  “Thank you.” She glanced back at Sully who gave her a polite nod which did little to assuage her discomfort.

  When she turned the corner into Charlie’s room, Sully called out, “Adara! Not to worry. We’ll talk in the mornin’. Sleep well.”

  “And I prefer the right,” Charlie called back.

  “Come again?”

  “I sleep on the right side of the bed!”

  “Of course ya do,” Sully said in exasperation.

  ~~~

  “Ya could let me have a bit more of the covers, if that’s not puttin’ ya out too much.” Sully turned on his side, yanking at a small section of sheet.

  “Ah! The problem is ya’ve no fat on ya! Ya should eat more, lad, then ya’d be plenty warm.” Charlie relinquished some quilt.

  Sully’s voice dropped to just above a whisper. “Ya suppose Adara is alright? I hope she’s not frightened, bein’ in a strange bed and all.”

  “And ‘tis none stranger place than the Meeting of the Waters, eh?” Charlie leaned into his bunkmate’s face, a bit too close for Sully’s comfort. “I can’t say I understand what is happening between the two of you, but I’m worried about ya, Sully, about yer heart and soul.”

  “Would ya mind turnin’ over? A man is not permitted to contemplate issues of morality from his bed.” Sully moved to the very edge of his side.

  “What? Who says this?” Charlie’s blue eyes danced.

  “It’s an ancient Irish law.”

  “I’ve never heard of such a law.”

  “Well maybe ya ought to spend more of your time in research, and less worryin’ about me soul.” Sully gave another tug and captured a quarter more of quilt for himself.

  Charlie grunted and turned over. The two were quiet. Ciar’s ‘gift’ of allowing Sully to keep his memories of Gillean was meant to make him suffer, of that he had no doubt. But it was an affliction he welcomed. He was thinking of Gillean and their ardent kiss. In that moment he was a stranger to himself. He wasn’t a child, an angel, or a friend. He was a man experiencing the grandeur of emotions he only heard about in songs, and read about in poems. All the words and music coalesced into an indescribable yearning transcending everything else.

  How had Adara accomplished the impossible in finding him? Sully’s head ached. So much emotion had been spent this night.

  The heat of his anger dispelled the chill air. Why was he forced to make the insufferable deal with Ciar? How could he possibly protect Adara and Gillean when it was he who gave himself to an agent of malevolence? Would she try to turn Gillean from his children as well?

  Sully had not forgotten Arlen—far from it. He took to the lad the first time he saw him. The boy was so lonely, so wanting of a man to spend time with him, and not just any man, but his absent father. Sully had not intended to reveal himself to Arlen. But, to his astonishment, the young Faraday could not only perceive the angel’s presence, but often sought his company.

  Once they had connected, Sully greatly enjoyed the time he and the boy spent walking and talking. Arlen was the perfect combination of Adara’s loving spirit and Gillean’s inquisitive, uninhibited nature. The boy simply wanted someone to share his secrets with. Sully felt honored that Arlen had chosen him.

  “Sometimes I don’t think Da even hears me when I talk to him,” the teen confided, while he and Sully kicked around the pitch one afternoon.

  “I’m sure he does, Arlen. Why would ya think otherwise?”

  “Because he always has so many other things goin’ ‘round inside his head. He hears music, and memories of concerts, reviews, his precious fans, and always what he is going to work on next. I used to think it was cool when he would ask me what I thought of a song he was working on, but it got so I wanted to scream, Hey Da, what about what I’m thinkin’? What about what I’m doin’?”

  The boy punted the ball, sending it high into the air powered by adolescent frustration.

  Sully tried to ease the boy’s mind. “It’s not that he doesn’t care; your da truly loves ya. Sometimes adults feel a little—” He paused to think of the right words a lad of Arlen’s age could understand without compromising the truth or Gillean’ integrity. It was a difficult balance. “Well, adults can sometimes feel a wee frightened that the people they love most might stop lovin’ them. And so they do things to assure themselves that the love will always be there. Like how yer da shares his song ideas with ya. Those are very special to him. He must love and respect ya an awful lot to do that. I’m sure if ya talked with him about it he would understand.”

  “But yer not like most adults. I don’t have to ask you to listen to me, ya just do. And ya don’t talk at me, but with me. Now that I have you, I don’t need to bother Da. He would say he was sorry, and that he would try to do better, but he would just go back to the same way he always was. I tell him that I love him—why wouldn’t he believe me?” The boy was truly baffled.

  “But I’m not yer father, Arlen. It’s important ya keep the lines of communication open with him. He does knows ya love him.”

  “So why is he scared that I don’t?”

  Sully made a dash to retrieve the ball. When he returned he posed a question. “Did ya ever get a present for Christmas, one ya’d waited and wished for the entire year through?”

  “Oh yes! The Christmas when I was eleven, I wanted a drum-kit something desperate. I would leave Mam and Da little notes throughout the year. I even made a drum-set out of cardboard and twigs and set it on their bed.”

  “And once ya got the kit, weren’t ya a wee bit afraid that someone might take it away from ya, or that ya might somehow lose this wonderful thing ya wanted so much?”

  “Christmas night, I was still so in shock, I slept on the floor next to it, and Da had to come and carry me to bed!” Arlen’s eyes were alight with the memory.

  “There’s yer answer.”

  “What d’ya mean?”

  “You are much more cherished by yer da than any gift he could ever imagine. And I’ll bet that sometimes he has wished he was home, so he could check in on ya while you were sleepin’ just to make sure ya weren’t goin’ anywhere, and that ya were really his.”

  “You believe Da thinks that much of me?” The boy’s voice spoke doubt, but his eyes reflected hope.

  “That I do. You’ll understand him much better when ya have a son of yer own.” Sully mussed the boy’s hair. “I promise.”

  “Do you? Understand yer da?”

  Sully looked down at the ball underneath his foot. The more time he spent on earth, the more he learned the one thing he valued most, the truth, was not always easy to give to others. It was like a strong, unadulterated drink of alcohol. Few could take the purity of truth without some dilution.

  “Me da was a different sort of man altogether. Yer lucky to have the one ya do.”

  “But you still turned out okay. I think ya’d make a brilliant da, Sully.” The boy hugged him tight.

  “Sully? Did ya hear what I said? Ya can’t be asleep already,” Charlie quipped in the darkness.

  Shaken from his memories, Sully answered with some irritation, “Is there somethin’ ya have against me gettin’ any rest tonight?”

  “It’s not me who’s keeping ya awake. Don’t even try that pathetic excuse.”

  “What is it then?”

  “Look, lad, I’m not takin’ the stick to ya. Lord knows I worry o’er ya every day.”

  Sully turned his head towards his companion. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”

  “Think about what yer doin’. Think long and hard about who ya are, and what ya want.”

  “And ya think I want another man’s wife?”

  “She is that. But she has taken a fancy to you. I didn’t see a ring on her finger anyway.”

  “Ring?” Sully remembered the gold band Adara always wore. Tonight was the first time he noticed her without it.
“Gillean, I wonder if he—”

  “I’ll be leavin’ here a little before sunrise. I’ll be gone till the day after tomorrow,” Charlie cut in.

  “Why? Where are ya goin’? Ya can’t leave Adara and me here alone.”

  “I have some work to do outside the village.” Charlie put his hand on Sully’s shoulder. “I can’t protect ya from yerself. I have come to know you are a strong and good man. I trust you will do what is best.”

  “What if what’s best is a lie?”

  “Then I expect you’ll find yer way to the truth.”

  “There are no rules, no laws for my situation. The universe has no plan for me, unless I was meant to continiously do the wrong thing.” Sully turned away in shame.

  “No, lad. She wouldn’t have come lookin’ for you if ya weren’t someone special. In order to gain the love and trust of another, ya have to earn it. I can see in her eyes that ya have proved yerself to her.”

  “She doesn’t know me. She wouldn’t trust me if she knew the truth about me—what is in my heart.” Sully finally gave voice to the torment that circled him night and day.

  “Why don’t ya tell her? She seems like a wise soul.”

  “It’s wrong. Her husband, Gillean, he was me friend, he is me—”

  “What? Do ya want to talk about what happened between you two?”

  “I cared about him is the sum of it. I suppose I’m not so much tiffed with him, but meself. I failed him. I wasn’t able to help him in the way I should have.”

  “Don’t blame yerself. Each man is responsible for his own choices. Whatever Gillean did or did not do is not yer responsibility, but his.”

  “No matter what he may have done, it for sure isn’t right—Adara and me.”

  “Then you have a challenge to face.”

  “Charlie?”

  “Try and get some sleep. You’ll have some time with her to figure it out.”

  “No words of advice?”

  “Yer a much braver man than I. There is nothing I could tell ya, Sully. ’Tis I who has learned from you.”

  ~~~

  Considering the enormity of his task, Charlie cursed his elders. Why would they have entrusted a young, wild and loving creature to an old, jaded spirit such as himself? There was a time when Charlie believed that having the ability to remain detached from his charges was his greatest strength—what made him a superior angel. Sully in all his passion and intricacies had shown Charlie he had merely been playing it safe.