“Not even the ability to save Gillean’s career? Or how about my leaving him, Adara and their children alone for good? Of course it would take some doing—the little musician is mad about me—but I will do my part, if you do yours.”
“Which is?”
“Denounce Adara. Send her away. Tell her you do not now, nor will ever, love her. Break her heart!” Ciar was gleeful in her request.
Sully felt ill. Coldness entered his body as the warmth of humanity drained away, leaving only the seemingly endless cycle of debt and payment to this wretched being.
“Yer out of yer bloody mind!”
“You still have a lot to learn about good and evil. I thought you would at least have a better understanding of it all because of Gillean.”
Was there a shade of contrition in her voice when she spoke his name? “What do ya mean about Gillean?”
“Would you say he is good or evil?” she posed.
Sully’s response was automatic. “Good, of course.”
“And yet, here you are with his wounded wife, wounded yourself because of him.”
“He’s not evil, he’s just—”
“Embraced the truth—that his life is not how he pictured it to be, and his marriage is a sham. He longs for passion and love. He faced his own truth, and look what it brought him. You see, the truth doesn’t always set one free.”
“Ah, the fiend-philosopher. What a lovely combination of fire and bullshit.”
“I will break Gillean’s heart. I’d say it’s par for the course that you do the same to his wife. After all, isn’t it our task, each in our own way, to get them to resolve their issues and move on?”
“Our task? As if ya gave a tinker’s damn about either of them!”
“Good and evil, my friend, two sides of the same coin. Both Gillean and Adara can relate to temptation and honor. They have shown us as much. He wants me, and she wants you.”
“He loves me and I love him. It’s not the same sordid thing as ya have.”
“Love?” she nearly gagged on the word. “You can’t be so stupid, can you? Do you actually believe that Gillean would have the daring to love you? He is smarting over your rejection, that’s all. And Adara told you herself that she gave up her bloody life for him, and he still turned his back on her for his music.” Ciar eyed the flawless ring once again.
“And ya think me messin’ with her head will help her? Not a chance.” He held firm in his conviction not to hurt Adara.
“And you think your good intentions will?” she snorted. “Ignore my offer, and I will always be close at hand. Now what kind of a life would she have? Tormented by something she cannot see. And what about Gillean, your soul mate? His fall from grace will be witnessed world-wide. And his sweet, innocent children…both parents shattered people.”
“STOP IT!”
He lunged at her, stopping short of shaking her when his hands squeezed her flesh. She felt like a woman, and he was appalled by his violence towards her. She rubbed at her arms, acting as if he had caused trauma.
“You can stop it, Sully. Stop it all, stop me, and have me out of the Faraday’s life forever.”
“If I agree with yer proposition, I want a clear cut guarantee that you will never even think about coming into any of their lives again.”
“I’ll give you clear cut proof of my sincerity.” She removed something small and sleek from the pocket of her dress. Holding out her thin wrist to him like a gift, she waved the object in the air with her other hand. It clicked once to reveal a single, silver blade. She sliced into her skin. Blackish-red fluid poured immediately from the substantial cut. Without hesitation, or giving him any time to react, she reached for his arm and did the same, placing their wrists against one another.
“My blood mixes with yours. It binds me to the promise I will make you. If I break it my essence, my being, will be at your disposal. Do you accept?”
Sully rocked back on his heals flabbergasted by her action. “You swear to me, ya will let Gillean go, and will never make yerself available to him, Adara or their children?” He glanced down at the fluid dripping from their enjoined wrists, feeling dizzy.
“I am as good as gone—so long as you march back to the cottage, rid yourself of Adara and never see her or the rest of the family again. So far as the Faradays are concerned, we will both be nothing more than unpleasant memories to them.” She derided him. “I told you, human desire will always ruin the best of intentions. I’m right aren’t I?”
Desire. The word pinned his heart like a butterfly under glass. Was this what he was feeling for Gillean, Desire? Pain ricocheted like a bullet inside his brain.
“You remember how Gillean reacted when you walked away from him? Do you think his feelings have changed so much?”
“No,” Sully sighed.
“No,” she concurred. “Take it from me, Gillean is one insecure individual. You can be the better man, the stronger man. Who knows? Maybe he and Adara will be able to repair the damage to their ruptured union without either one of us to distract them.”
Sully closed his eyes. He felt the blood that was a moment ago beating so forcefully through his body, drain away. “This is the end of the line for me and you, Ciar.” He no longer fought, but pulled her wrist tight against his. “Last stop. I’ll say yes to ya, and I never want to see yer face again. Mind you, I will find ya and make sure ya pay should you in any way make contact with the Faradays, ever!”
“I was the one who suggested this. I’m putting my existence on the line here. I’m not so hard up to risk all that for a Faraday or you.”
“Then get out. GET OUT!” he yelled. His blood fell onto the leaves around their feet.
She backed away slowly, saying nothing, seemingly content to let him have the last word in their protracted war. Sully looked to the fog rising up from the water, dispersing into the first, temperate rays of the morning sun. When he looked again to the trees, she was gone.
Sully sat on the step in front of the cabin door, his head in his hands, hands that bore no evidence of the insufferable burns. All that remained was a pronounced scar across his left wrist: no blood, no pain. Flesh covered the once deep gash, giving the scar an aged look. Another reminder of the deal made with Ciar, their final transaction. The inner stillness he had hoped to elicit during his pre-dawn walk had been snatched away, seemingly forever.
His ever-certain feelings for Gillean lingered. It was a reticent recognition of the definition of love that he had gained.
Adara had said love was sacrifice, believing the idea to be only a misconception of youth. Perhaps because he was young and inexperienced, he was required to pay his dues, make his own sacrifices in the name of love. Maybe the fruition of real love came only with time, like the fruits of a dedicated farmer ceaselessly tending his soil through seasons of flood and drought, the waxing and waning of the moon—patience and the knowledge of how to read and respect the natural cycle of things.
Sully wanted the permission to love, the freedom to dismiss the concerns of ‘right and wrong’, and the chance of a joyous life. The tears falling onto his hands were those of resolution and begrudging acceptance. He was not meant for any of that. He recognized the one duty he could not dispense with was his obligation to protect Gillean and his family. Adara was free to walk away from her husband. It was right that she should want a life for herself, a life where she was valued for the remarkable person she was. Sully hoped she would make the decision on her own.
This life was his last go around the great wheel, his final chance to prove who he truly was—what he stood for as a human being. Only weeks before he had stared into the looking-glass wondering who would save him.
Adara opened the door and stood above him. “I’ve put some coffee on.” Her voice was bright as she gave his shoulder a playful squeeze. “Poor old Charlie, he doesn’t even—” Her observations on Charlie’s housekeeping habits were cut short as he raised his tear-stained face to her. “Why are you crying?” Her qu
estion came with total surprise. “Come now,” she took his hand. “Come inside so we can talk.”
He followed her into the cottage. The sharp smell of coffee punctuated his reality and the vile task at hand.
“I’ve thought a great deal about what ya told me,” he said, as she brought him a steaming mug. “I want ya to know that I appreciate and respect yer honesty. And I in no way judge what ya did as good or bad.”
“You appreciate my honesty? Would you please tell me what is going on? I don’t understand. The last thing I remember, you were going for a walk and promising you would return shortly.” She stood near the kitchen window as if bracing herself against his somber mood. “What has gotten into you?” she demanded.
He assumed she would not easily dismiss his contrary disposition. That was Gillean’s way, flowing and ebbing like the tide.
“I’ve had time to consider what ya said regarding yer past with Gillean. Given what ya have told me, I don’t see any way for us but to part now.” He sounded disconnected not only from her, but himself.
“Why?” She stammered.
“You admitted ya gave up yer life, what ya wanted for yerself, even offered yer husband to another woman.”
“I tried to explain to you.” She rung her hands. “I was young and stupid. I truly believed I was helping Gillean. I know it was wrong. I know, and I…” The words choked her. “I thought you understood.”
He sat at the table next to his ledgers. This was the most complex of problems. How to convince her to go, when what he wanted, was to set her mind at ease. Of course he understood, of course he wanted to help her. “I do understand.” He spoke absently, picking up a pencil. “Ya see, I’m like you were then, young and not of the best judgment.”
“What?” She gripped the edge of the bed with both hands.
“Ya said there would be no more secrets when ya told me about what ya did for Gillean. Ya said that ya loved me, but there are still secrets. Love cannot exist within lies, even if they are well intentioned.”
“What secrets are you referring to? I’ve told you all there is to know about my life.” She rose from the bed and knelt in front of him. “Surely you know you can share anything with me. I don’t presume that things will be easy for us, but I’m ready to face whatever comes—together.”
Sully remained impassive. The silence between them was almost physical for several minutes, pregnant with the agony of despair.
Adara was the first to move. Without raising her head, she laced her fingers through his, gasping she looked up into his eyes. “Sully,” she said with a note of wonder, “what’s this? The burns are gone! It’s an omen. You see, you and I are good for one another.” A faint smile broke on her lips, and her eyes reignited with hope.
What could he say to her to make her go? He couldn’t find the words to inflict such a potent pain. He had to weave the opaque, emotional cloth needed to suffocate the truth. He couldn’t tell her of his love for Gillean—that would be a betrayal of the man. He could at least offer a half-truth in which he held some faith.
“You and I together would be wrong.”
Her face became a sheet of blank paper, white and creased with lines. It was time to write the ending of their story. He did not wait for her reply, to make the next notation. “Ya asked me if I still cared about Arlen. I do. I care about all yer children.” He watched her lips tremble. “Yer place is with them now.”
Her expression darkened like fast moving clouds masking the moon. Nevertheless, she spoke calmly and with a hint or remorse. “This isn’t about my children. They are wise beyond their years. They’ve had to be. They knew even before Gillean and I did that we were over.” She placed her hand beneath his chin preventing him from looking away. Her eyes demanded answers. “Is this about your misplaced sense of loyalty to a man who does not deserve it?”
Sully’s brow furrowed. She wasn’t going to make this easy, and he admired her all the more for her fight. “Me task is to stand back and allow Gillean and each one of you to make yer own way in this world.”
“Maybe you didn’t hear me before. I don’t need anyone to show me my path. I have chosen it for myself. And, as for Gillean, he does not deserve your respect. I know he has hurt you deeply. He denies he ever knows you! Why in God’s name should he be a factor in this?” She was fighting against her anger, offering it to Sully to unravel like a string of entangled beads.
The dam of emotions he was trying frantically to hold back pressed against him like a great water wall. He sank to the floor and took hold of her. “Don’t ya see? We must be careful with those we love, no matter how careless they may be with us. We must be careful how we take our leave of them. Yer children could pay a heavy price, and none of us—you, me or Gillean—wants that.”
Her voice broke. “Is that what you are trying to do now, take your leave of me?”
“Yes.” He tried to release his arms from hers.
She raised her lips to his, whispering, “I don’t believe you.”
It was she who wrenched away. Her eyes teeming with questions. “It’s Gillean, isn’t it?”
The words pushed against his teeth. He could not allow his lips to release them.
“Tell me the truth. It was Gillean who was responsible for your wounds, wasn’t he? He is the reason you ended up here, with Charlie.”
Scraping the bottom of what remained of his stockpile of fortitude, he pushed onward, like Sisyphus with his boulder. “Gillean has no idea what happened to me. Ya mustn’t blame him for every misfortune.” He inched away from her, his voice low and sharp. The words he was about to offer cut through his lips like broken glass. “Ya aren’t ready for a relationship, Adara. You’re still so angry with Gillean, and it’s yer anger that ties ya to him, even now. Ya can’t blame him anymore for not bein’ a dancer.”
What he said may have been enough to impel her heart to let him go. Her offended eyes regarded him with uncertainty. He needed to be sure that she would leave and be safe. “I’m not interested in used goods.” He threw the words Ciar had said to her so long ago, like a grenade meaning to rip apart what was left of her trust in him.
His exacting choice of words electrified the room. She jumped back like she had touched a live wire. Her eyes darted from his face to the window and back again. She held the look of a detective trying to quickly connect all the disjointed clues of a crime scene.
“YOU’RE LYING!” she screamed, as the tears fell. “I saw you in the woods with her!”
“Oh, God, Adara, no,” Sully choked.
“How can this be?” Her eyes posing the question more dramatically than her voice. “She is the same woman I sought out years ago. I could never forget her.”
Sully was frozen, his mouth gaping, his eyes set in a wild stare. He could do nothing to prevent Adara, who by some stroke of genius or madness seemed to be untangling the threads connecting three individuals with one, mysterious woman.
“Why should she be here with you now? How can you know her too?” She confronted him.
Sully lurched to his feet in a reflex action. He had to take advantage of her doubt. An image of Arlen, the spirited, troubled young man, shone in his mother’s eyes. Reflected in the reticent shades of gray and violet were pieces of both Gillean and his son. Sully had come to a crossroad. He wanted to give her the truth, present it to her like a knight lays down his sword, but he could not bring himself to risk the lives of Adara, her children and Gillean. Yes, love was sacrifice, and it was at that moment Sully knew the true cost of loving.
“That’s what I have been tryin’ to tell you.” He spoke as if she were a child not yet mature enough to comprehend. “I have me own secrets, and they aren’t ones I wish to share. Now will ya please go back to yer family and leave me be.”
The last few words tasted like salty, warm blood, as if a potent fist had just struck. “Is this the real reason you want me gone?” Tears restricted her words. “Because of her?”
“I will tell ya only that G
illean will be on his way back to ya shortly.”
“She told you this?” Adara snapped.
“That she did.” His confirmation was offered without the cushion of kindness or caring. “It’s time for you and Gillean to stop runnin’ away, and be on about makin’ yer lives better. Don’t ya think yer children deserve as much?”
Adara was shaking. The sun paled in her wretchedness, taking its warmth from the room and casting long shadows. “Don’t you tell me what is best for my children. You have known she was Gillean’s lover all along, haven’t you? But how could she—”
Sully stood back, closing his eyes to suppress the veracious nature that was sure to betray him when he looked at her pained face. “Ya didn’t hear what she and I were discussing this mornin’?”
“No. I mean—I don’t remember if I did.”
She faltered, appearing to finally stumble over a stone of indecision.
He hurriedly took over the conversation, fearful that she might remember his deal with Ciar. “I also told ya there are powers greater than you and I. She is a powerful and persuasive woman. That’s all I have to say.”
She regarded him like he was the worst kind of criminal. “You’ve said quite enough. And, here I thought I had gained wisdom over the years. No wonder you and Gillean got on so well. You are so much alike.”
“Neither you nor Gillean will have to worry about her being a disturbance in yer lives any longer. Ya see, it’s me she’s been after all along, and ‘tis me she will content herself with now.”
“No doubt you will be happy together. You can both go to hell, Sully. I hope at least you relish your victory over my heart.” She retreated to the back room to gather her things. When she returned he was holding the door open for her, his face a mask of coldness.
She asked one final question. “Just tell me this, since you and Gillean have shared so much. Did you share her as well?”
“Goodbye, Adara.” He turned his back and walked away, counting the seconds, holding his breath until he heard her car start up and grind down the dirt path. Kneeling on the floor, he was seized by a hurt more terrible than he’d ever experienced in any lifetime. He had won. The Faradays would be free from Ciar forever. But he had lost the one connection that made him feel truly alive, truly human. He lay on the floor and wept—a broken, beaten man.
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