Knocked Up... Again!

by Lilian Monroe

  I need to get this girl out of my head and focus on my rules. Nothing gets in the way of work, especially not women.

  I turn away from the window and run my fingers through my hair. Last night is the first Saturday night in months that I haven’t brought a girl home. I look at my empty bed and take a deep breath. I need to clear my head, this has already gone on too long.

  I slip on my gym shorts and a t-shirt and head downstairs. Running will clear my head. I put my headphones on and walk out into the Sunday morning sun. It’s actually pretty nice to be up a bit earlier and not have to kick a girl out of my bed. There aren’t any scribbled phone numbers to chuck out this morning.

  I zone out a few minutes into my run, and the emptiness in my head is like a sweet release. There’s just me and the pavement and the wind blowing past me. For the first time since she stepped into my office yesterday I’m able to calm my chaotic thoughts and refocus myself. This is me. I’m disciplined and driven and am not distracted by something as trivial as a woman.

  Step by step, mile by mile, I distance myself from yesterday. My heart is pounding and I’m sweaty and I feel better already. I’m running fast but I feel like my world has finally stopped spinning around me. I’m in control again.

  I round the final corner back towards my apartment when the music in my headphones stops and my ringtone fills my ears. I slow down and pull my phone out of my shorts pocket, looking at the caller ID. It’s my real estate agent.

  “Chris, how are you?” I ask as I take the call.

  “I’m great, Clay, real great. Sorry to call you on a Sunday but I just wanted to keep you in the loop. I put out some feelers about your property and the top sales agent in the area has said she has a buyer in mind who would snap it up in an instant.”

  I pause. This is good news. I wanted to get rid of my apartment in New York to give myself the money and mobility to move to Seattle, where the top cardiologist is located. This will give me way more financial freedom. This is the goal I’ve been working towards.

  This sale is the first step to reaching that goal. So why am I not excited? I feel a pang of disappointment and an image of Valerie Brooks sitting on my examination table flashes through my mind. I shake my head.

  “Wow, Chris, that’s good news. Thanks for the call, I really appreciate it.”

  “No problem Clay. I’ll try to set up a viewing for this week, if that works for you.”

  “Sounds good, let me know and I’ll have the place ready. Talk to you soon.”

  I hang up the phone and stand still for a moment. I feel like the ground has fallen away under my feet and I don’t even know why. I can’t stop thinking about her, seeing her in my mind. I haven’t even had a real conversation with her. She’s my patient!

  Slowly, I make my way back to my apartment. I look around at the loft that I refurbished myself ten years ago when I moved to New York. It’s worth about ten times as much as when I bought it, but I can’t help but think about all the work that’s gone into it over the years. I’ve done this myself, I think.

  I put myself through school and I practically built this apartment with my own hands. This is what I’ve been working towards, so why do I feel like it’s wrong? Every fibre of my being has been working towards one goal, and I’ve had a laser-like focus the entire time. And now…

  I’m back in the shower and I think of yesterday, being under this water thinking of Valerie. Val, as her friends call her. I won’t, I can’t think of her like that again. First thing tomorrow morning I’ll pass her on to another doctor at the practice and forget she ever walked into my life.

  Chapter 11 - Valerie

  It’s a mix of excitement, nervousness, and embarrassment when I lie back in bed with my new toy. I don’t even know why I’m embarrassed, there’s no one else here.

  I’ve taken off my clothes and turned the lights off. I get under the covers and then change my mind and lie down on top of my duvet. I grab my new vibrator and feel the smoothness of the silicon shaft. I turn it on to the lowest setting and feel the vibrations in my hand, sensing how they travel up my arm.

  Here goes nothing, I think to myself.

  Slowly, gingerly, I move the vibrator down to my mound. I put it down on my clit but I jump back right away.

  It’s way too intense, even at the lowest setting.

  I move the vibrator back towards my skin, starting at the top of my mound and moving from one side of my slit to the other, staying on top of my lips. The vibrations travel through me and I close my eyes, exploring the sensation in every part of my body. It’s different, but not unpleasant. I move the vibe closer to my slit and feel my legs fall open. I move it lightly all over my slit and now I understand. The vibrations travel deep into my centre and the warmth grows inside me.

  This is intense, in a good way.

  I lay back, relaxing as much as possible as I close my eyes. My free hand moves to my breast, massaging it gently as the vibrator makes slow circles. My thoughts flick to yesterday, to the way Doctor O’Neill smelled and how it felt to have his hands on my abdomen. I imagine what he must look like under his clothes, trim and muscular and strong. I know I shouldn’t think of him but I can’t help it.

  He filled me with a desire I didn’t know I had. I want to taste his lips and feel his skin against mine. I want his hands against my bare body, undressing me, pulling me into him. I felt the heat of his hands yesterday and I know they would be fire on me. He could bend me over, throw me around with that hard, muscular body of his.

  I turn the vibrations up as I think of him touching me, teasing me. The pleasure grows in my centre in a way I’ve never experienced and I sink deeper into it, imagining my doctor pushing me down on his examination table and spreading my legs.

  I’ve never felt immediate, raw desire the way I did yesterday and I want to feel it again. He’s touching my ass, pressing himself against me until his scent fills my nostrils. I slip the vibrator inside me and imagine it’s him, and my pussy contracts around it. Around his cock.

  I can feel my orgasm budding. I breathe deeply, imagining the doctor’s hands running from my waist to my ass and then up to my shoulders as he pushes himself inside me. I can almost feel him, feel the heat of his cock inside me and the weight of his body on top of me.

  It’s something I didn’t know I wanted and now I can’t stop thinking about it. The warmth inside me grows as the vibrations get more intense, circling around my clit and through my slick wetness.

  I want this, I want my first orgasm to make my legs shake and I feel my heart beat faster. I’m imagining the doctor all over me, inside me, around me and I feel the warmth grow into a burning heat in my centre.

  I’m on the edge and I move faster, breathing hard as I run the toy over and back over my bud. It’s so close, I can feel it as I’m about to tip over the edge and feel it roar through me.

  And then.

  And then.

  Gone.

  In an instant the heat dissipates and I feel empty. I open my eyes and bite my lip, trying for a few moments to get that feeling back. I move the toy over my most sensitive spot but the vibrations are too intense now and I have to stop. My bud feels almost raw but I feel like a piece of me is missing. I turn off my toy and let it fall to my side.

  I feel the tears pricking at the corner of my eyes as I stare once again at the ceiling.

  It was there! I felt it, so close, teetering on the edge of my first orgasm and once again it slipped through my fingers. I feel a teardrop slip out of my eye and onto the pillow and all of a sudden I’m sobbing.

  I can’t stand this!

  To be so close, to embarrass myself in front of the sexiest man I’ve ever seen and then think of him when I try to come. And for what, for nothing! I went through all that embarrassment, that shame, and I couldn’t even finish the job. My cheeks burn. My chest heaves and tears pour out of my eyes as the sobs rock from my stomach through my chest and the pain sears through me.

  I grab the vibra
tor beside me and look at it in disgust. I can hardly see it, my eyes are that blurry from the tears. My heart feels like it’s fallen into my stomach and my frustration bubbles up through me. I want to scream.

  I’m sick of feeling like this, of feeling inadequate and incomplete. I raise my arm and hurl the stupid thing across the room. It hits the wall with a loud thud and falls to the ground. The impact against the wall turned it on again and I hear it buzzing loudly all over the floor, hopping around and taunting me and my inadequacies.

  I listen to it for a few moments as I cry a bit harder. My shoulders shake and I let myself feel the full weight of my failure.

  Finally the anger inside me subsides and with a deep breath I swing my legs over the side of the bed and try to stop my sobs. Slow, ragged breaths drag through me as I get up and pick up my vibe. I turn it off and gently place it on my nightstand before sitting down on the edge of my bed.

  I’m lost and alone. I don’t know what to do. I could live without orgasms for a long time but now it seems I’ve reached my breaking point, like a piece of me is missing. I don’t even know what that piece is.

  Chapter 12 - Clay

  It’s been a busy week and I’m thankful for it. Non-stop appointments including two days at the hospital shadowing one of the city’s top cardiologists. He’s excited for me to move to Seattle, says I’ve got a lot of promise. He knows the lead cardiologist out there and said he’d put in a good word for me to train under him. It’s a huge opportunity, everything I’ve been working for. I grit my teeth and say thanks as graciously as I can, even though I feel a pang in my chest when I think of the move.

  How can one appointment with a girl have such a big effect on me? The thought of moving used to excite me and now it just fills me with dread.

  I have a free moment between patients and I open my email. Straight away my eyes jump to the subject line of the most recent unread email: Test Results - Valerie Brooks.

  Every time I try to get her out of my mind I’m reminded of her somehow. I open the email and glance at it quickly, and before I can change my mind I forward it onto the practice’s gynaecologist.

  Hi Sherry,

  Can you take a look at these results? Patient came in with complaints of trouble climaxing and it’s affecting her quality of life. I’d like to pass her on to you if you don’t mind?

  Clay

  I press send and let out a big sigh. Now as long as I don’t run into Val in the hallways I can rest assured I won’t see her again. It’s better this way. My move to Seattle is become more and more likely, and I can’t let anything distract me. I lean back in my chair and rub my face with my hands. Suddenly I feel exhausted and I wish it was later than 1pm.

  My phone rings. My real estate agent. Can I not get away from this move, this sale, and the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach?! I grab my phone to answer it.

  “Hey Chris, any good news?”

  “Yes! When are you OK with setting up a viewing? Does Saturday morning suit you?”

  “Saturday morning is perfect, thanks. I’ll have the house presentable by then.”

  When I hang up the phone I have to rest my forehead in my hands. This is moving fast, very fast. A week ago I would have been jumping for joy but now I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something.

  It’s that woman and the look she gave me when she told me she had never had an orgasm. There was such grit and determination in her, nothing I would have expected from her. She seemed fragile and strong at the same time and all I wanted to do was go to her and feel her in my arms.

  I could have any woman in the city but all I can think about is her. I haven’t even been out to my usual pick-up spots since she came in. I need a distraction, and working myself to the bone isn’t cutting it. I pick my phone back up and text my best friend Dave.

  “Davey what’s happening? We going on this weekend or what? I’ve had a hell of a week.”

  As usual, he’s quick to respond. Within a few minutes my phone buzzes.

  “Yeah bro! Can’t tonight but tomorrow night at the usual spot? Everything all good?”

  “Everything’s fine, just need a bit of fun in my life. See you then.”

  Friday night at The Rouge is usually packed to the rafters with attractive, available women. Just what I need to distract myself from a certain beautiful blonde. Dave will help, he’s always a great wingman and willing to have a good time.

  There’s a knock on the door and Liz pokes her head through.

  “Hey Doctor O,” she titters. “You need anything? I’m heading out for lunch.”

  “I’m good, Liz, thanks,” I respond without looking up. I’m not even enjoying flirting with her anymore. It used to be an easy distraction, a bit of fun during the day. She seems so relentless now and it almost feels like a chore. I sigh and resolve to just make it through these couple days.

  Once the week is over I’ll be ok and my head will be straight, and Valerie Brooks will be a blip in my rearview mirror.

  Chapter 13 - Valerie

  “Hi, this is Doctor Sherry Sanders from the Medical One clinic, am I speaking with Valerie Brooks?”

  “Yes, speaking.”

  Her voice is clear and professional. She sounds like an older woman who’s used to dealing with people all day every day.

  “Hi Valerie, I understand you had an appointment with Dr. O’Neill last week. We’ve received your test results and I was wondering if you’d be free to discuss them with me?”

  “Oh, ok. Am I not seeing Dr. O’Neill?” I feel an unexpected shock in the pit of my stomach at her words. I had been looking forward to seeing him again, if only to redeem myself and not be a horny hot mess in his office.

  “No, I’m sorry I thought he would have discussed that with you. He passed your file on to me this morning. I’m the practice’s gynaecologist, so I specialise in this kind of issue. I apologise for the confusion. Would you be available to come in next week?”

  “That should be fine.”

  I make the appointment and hang up the phone as soon as I can. He passed my file on, he must not have felt what I felt at all. My cheeks start burning in embarrassment. I’ve made a fool of myself in front of him, of course he would pass my file on. He probably doesn’t have time for silly girls coming in wasting his time like this.

  I opened up to him and made a fool of myself, and his response was to pass my file on so he wouldn’t have to deal with me. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole right now.

  Maybe he just passed on my file because she specialises in these issues, and it’s not because I was a blushing blubbering mess in his office.

  Yes, that’s it, I tell myself. I have to tell myself something to get over the burning embarrassment I feel from my stomach to my fingertips.

  I’d been looking forward to going back in and seeing his face again. I wanted another look at his eyes and another chance to act like myself around him. I’m self-assured and confident, usually.

  Usually.

  I guess I won’t get that chance now, I’ll be seeing another doctor. It might be for the best. How can I focus on his medical opinion when I’ve thought of him bending me over his examination table and having his way with me? I’m kidding myself, thinking I could walk in there like I haven’t imagined what he looks like without a shirt on. The follow-up appointment would be worse than the first!

  I shake my head and look at my computer screen. Every time Doctor O’Neill pops into my head I have a hard time focusing at work. I’m very near the top of the sales board this month, if I just keep up my pace I’m going to be the top sales agent here. I can’t let something like a man get in the way, no matter how irresistibly sexy he may be.

  The viewing for the beautiful SoHo loft is scheduled for Saturday morning, so I guess I won’t be going out on Friday. It’s for the best, I guess.

  My phone rings again.

  “Em, what’s up?”

  “Val, you’ve been ignoring me!” Her voice is full
of mock anger. Maybe she’s right, maybe I have been avoiding her. Ever since I tried and failed to successfully use my vibrator I’ve been dodging her texts and invitations to hang out.

  “I’ve just been busy with work Emma, how have you been?”

  “How have I been?! Well first of all I’ve been DYING to hear about your new vibrator!!”

  I get up and move away from my desk, afraid my coworkers will hear her through the phone. She’s practically shouting into my ear. I go around the corner and try to talk in a low voice.

  “Oh, that, yeah.. It didn’t work.”

  “It’s broken? Did you send it back?”

  “No, no it’s not broken. It just… didn’t work.”

  There’s a silence on the line for a second and I jump in again to avoid bringing up the feelings from the other day.

  “What about you? Has that Sex God called you back yet?”

  “Not. A. Fucking. Peep. Out of him!!!” she exclaims. “I can’t believe it! This doesn’t happen! We had the most mind blowing sex and then he just tosses me aside. I mean, I wasn’t expecting to get married or anything but I would have loved another roll around with him. It was that good!”

  “What a dick,” I respond. I hear the hurt pride in her words. It’s unusual for guys to leave her hanging. She’s used to being worshipped by the men around her.

  “An absolute dick!! I’m actually a little annoyed by it. Anyways, when are you free. I want to see you. Want to go for brunch on Saturday?”

  “I’m showing a house on Saturday but we could meet up after that? 1ish?”

  “You work too much, Val. One o’clock sounds perfect.”