TrueLesbianLove.Com

by Carsen Taite

  The moment the words left her lips, realization hit. What was it Grace had told her? Jordan had seen her father there with Grace. Mac could only guess what she’d witnessed to stoke such fury.

  “Mac, what is it?” Megan prompted.

  Mac hesitated. She was sure she was the only one at the table privy to the details of Jordan’s history with the other Dr. Wagner. Though Jordan hadn’t asked her to keep her estrangement from her father a secret, she’d never shared this part of Jordan’s life with the rest of the group. Frankly, there had never been a reason to discuss it. But she sensed more was going on with her right now than the fight about Rebeca, and she wasn’t in a position to offer solace. She was still stinging from Jordan’s angry words, and she doubted Jordan wanted to be around her anyway.

  “I think I know why Jordan was so upset by the time she found Rebeca in my office,” Mac said, deciding she wouldn’t wait till Jordan found out her confidences had been revealed.

  Instead she would tell her as soon as she could.

  She went on to share with their friends the details about how Jordan’s mother had died and the alienation between father and daughter. She didn’t have to explain why Jordan had overreacted to the budding relationship between her estranged father and Grace, a woman she loved and respected like a mother. Relaying the tale, Mac felt a stab of pain for the hurt and betrayal Jordan must be feeling. As mad as she was at the way Jordan had left things hanging between them, she resolved to reach out to her grieving friend.

  “You are unbelievable.” Grace towered over Jordan’s desk and made no attempt to lower her voice in deference to the obviously pounding head resting there. “Your eyes are bloodshot and you need to change your clothes.”

  Jordan gingerly stared up at her. She could only manage a few words. “Leave me alone.”

  Meant to be an order, it came out like a plea. She craved comfort, but Grace was one of the people she had no desire to see, hear, or talk to right now. Feeling intensely sorry for herself, she let her head fall back on the desk. In addition to self-pity, she was feeling the effects the last week’s activities.

  She’d been out every night since her birthday, but celebration had been the last thing on her mind. Self-flagellation was more like it, and the combination of too much alcohol and no sleep was beginning to take its toll. Today had been especially long and overbooked.

  “Get up, Jordan. I mean it. You’re not going to sit here and sulk all day. It’s your choice if you want to stay out all night, every night, doing who knows what. But you also have an obligation to your business and the patients that rely on you.”

  Unable to ignore Grace’s persistent presence, Jordan raised her head. “Oh yeah? Well, bullshit. My patients only rely on me to reinforce their vanity, definitely not a life-saving skill. Let them figure out how to save their own self-images.”

  “Fine, Jordan. I’ll tell them their doctor is too hungover and self-involved to be of any assistance to them.”

  Grace’s words pierced, and a combination of anger and hurt propelled Jordan to her feet. “What the hell do you care?

  You’ve pretended to be a mother figure to me all these years and it turns out you were trying to take her place all along.

  Why should I listen to your lectures on how not to hurt other people’s feelings? Why don’t you get out? We both know you’d rather be with him anyway.”

  Grace steeled her expression, willing herself not to burst into tears. Jordan was indeed like a daughter to her, though because of their roles, she’d never had to play the heavy. She struggled with competing compulsions. The desire to be a strong role model beat out her usual stance as the loving, but permissive older friend.

  “I’ve never wanted to replace your mother’s memory,” she said gently. “It’s true, I do love you as if you were my own, but if I’d ever wanted to be like a real mother to you, I would have told you long time ago what a stubborn, thick-headed young woman you are. Especially when it comes to how you treat your father.”

  “My father is a shallow man with no feelings,” Jordan spat back. “He didn’t shed one tear when my mother died.”

  “Just because you didn’t see him express his emotions doesn’t mean he didn’t have any. Maybe he wasn’t willing to burden you with his grief. Your father loved your mother as much as any person has loved another.”

  “Bullshit. If he loved her, he should have done something to stop her from dying.” Jordan paused, but decided not to let what she knew to be irrational thoughts stop her rant. “All he’s ever cared about is making money off other people’s vanity, and now look at me. I’m exactly like him. I hate him and I hate myself.”

  Grace moved quickly around the desk and encircled Jordan with her arms. Holding Jordan’s head against her shoulder, she rocked her gently. “Honey, relax and breathe. You and your father are good people, though you are so much alike, loving the two of you is destined to drive me to distraction. I need to tell you something. Something important, but I don’t want you to misunderstand my motives.”

  Jordan sniffed. “What?”

  “I loved your mother very much. She was a good friend to me. And like a good friend, she trusted me with a secret, something only she and your father knew about.”

  “Dammit, Grace. Quit being cagey. Spit it out.”

  “Shush. It’s not that easy. Do you remember Michael Forte? The doctor your father practiced with when you were much younger?”

  “Yes, I remember him. Michael and Dad went to school together. They were best friends.”

  “Well, I could sugarcoat what I have to say, but I won’t.

  Your mother had an affair with Michael. Your father knew, but he never let on. She knew he knew. She even tried to talk to him about it, but he wouldn’t discuss it. They never had a chance to work things out. Her cancer appeared so suddenly, and with such force, that they spent all their time on last-ditch efforts to save her life, and then preparing for the inevitable.

  But he never stopped loving her and he never told a soul.”

  “Then how do you know he even knew?”

  “Your mother told me the whole tale a couple of days before she died. She asked me to keep it a secret. She didn’t want her one big mistake to color your memory of her. But she also wanted me to make sure you always knew how much your father loves you. The way I see it, her last wishes are in conflict, and I have to break one promise to keep the other.”

  Paralyzed by a swirl of emotions, Jordan stared at the woman who’d been her most important role model all her adult life. Anger and confusion about Grace’s relationship with her father trumped the feelings about her mother’s deathbed confession. “Why the hell are you telling me this now?”

  “Because I know your mother was scared you two would grow apart without her around to bridge the differences between you. I know she would hate what’s happened.”

  Grace paused. “Jordan, you’re exactly like him. You act like you don’t feel anything to make people think they can’t get to you.”

  “Are you dating my father?” Jordan shouted the question.

  “I love your father, but our relationship is complicated.”

  “My question is simple. Let me ask it another way. How long after my mother died did you two wait before you decided you couldn’t stand it anymore?”

  “Jordan, don’t say these things. You’ll regret them later.”

  “Fine, don’t answer. I didn’t expect you to.” Jordan moved out of Grace’s reach and stalked to the door. “Cancel my appointments for the rest of the week.” She had a vague recollection this was a week she’d planned to take off anyhow, to have some time out around her birthday. “There shouldn’t be much to cancel. I’ll get Dr. Smith to cover rounds and any emergencies. Use the service to get hold of me, only if it’s absolutely necessary.”

  “Are you two ready to tell me what you want your new house to look like?”

  Megan turned toward the voice and blurted, “Haley thinks Jordan’s in lov
e with Mackenzie.”

  Haley nearly jumped out of her chair. “All I said was I have a hunch about those two. I don’t have anything concrete to base it on.”

  Aimee laughed as she closed the office door behind her.

  “And here I was, prepared to help you find your dream home, and you’re sitting in here concocting wild tales. Near as I can tell, Jordan’s never been in love with anyone, let alone her best friend who she isn’t speaking to. Haley, what have you been drinking?”

  “Forget I said anything. I withdraw my wild tale. Let’s talk houses.” Haley leaned toward Aimee’s desk and imitated a prospective buyer.

  Megan poked her in the side. “Oh no, you don’t.” She knew Haley well enough to know that she chose to share her thoughts only after they were fully formed. “You know something. Tell us.”

  “I don’t know anything. I think Jordan has feelings for Mackenzie beyond mere friendship. I think she’s scared of those feelings because she’s never felt them before for anyone, let alone for her best friend.”

  Megan’s mind was racing and finally crossed the finish line. “She told you the night you had dinner, right?”

  “She didn’t say anything specifically, but she asked a lot of questions about love and commitment interspersed with possessive comments about Mac. I drew my own conclusions.”

  “Wow.” Aimee could only muster up the one word.

  Megan spoke next. “Do you think Mac has a clue?”

  Aimee regained her ability to speak. “I would venture to say she has no idea. They’ve been friends forever. I’m sure Mac never imagined their friendship being anything more.

  At least not in the time I’ve known her. She and Jordan were friends long before I met them.”

  “Lovers often evolve into friends, why is the reverse not possible?” Megan posed. “I think they’d make a great couple.

  They have a lot of the same interests, but their temperaments are unique enough to give them good balance.”

  “A nice way of saying they’re so different they’ll probably fight all the time,” Aimee observed wryly.

  “They hardly ever fight, except for this latest.”

  “Nothing like love to heat things up a bit.” Aimee frowned.

  “To tell the truth, I had a similar thought about Jordan a couple of weeks ago, but I decided I must be losing my mind. Now I’m thinking maybe my gut was right at the time.”

  Megan turned to her wife. “Haley, you’ve been awfully quiet. What’s on your mind?”

  “Oh, I was calculating how long it’ll take before one of you calls one of them to break the good news. Maybe you’ll split the task? You could call Jordan, and Aimee could call Mac.”

  Megan recognized the gentle humor beneath what appeared to be sarcasm. Her wife’s skill was in fixing physical problems. Working in emergency medicine, she didn’t delve below what she could see in the short period of time she spent with each patient. Megan, on the other hand, spent hours delving into her patients’ minds. Haley had expressed, on more than one occasion, admiration for what she viewed as the more grueling job, and she understood that Megan had difficulty turning off her analytical mind.

  “Very funny.” Megan was already formulating a plan.

  “Actually, my love, I was thinking you and I could swing by Jordan’s office on the way home.”

  “Yeah, well, I’ll wait in the car.”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Jordan hit the Austin city limit at the tail end of rush-hour traffic. Things had changed a lot since she had been a young student at UT. More houses, more big-box stores, more malls, more roads, more people. Proof positive change is not always for the better.

  She drove until she could cut off the highway, then took a jagged shortcut through downtown. The sun still lit up the sky, but the Congress Street Bridge was already lined with spectators jockeying for the best spots to view the seasonal flight of the bats at dusk. Austin was home to the largest urban bat colony in North America. From March to November, about a million and a half Mexican free-tail bats flew out from under the bridge each night in search of an insect dinner.

  With fondness, she recalled taking several dates to see the spectacular sight. For women not native to Austin, the nightly flight of the bats was a thrilling event, perfect for a student’s budget.

  Things were different now, Jordan reflected as she turned into the drive of the Four Seasons on San Jacinto. Tossing her keys to the valet, she strode into the lobby, waving off the bellman coming her way. She didn’t have any luggage, having left her office with no destination in mind, and in her tailored suit and heels, and she felt way too Dallas-looking for this laid-back city. Producing her platinum Amex, she requested a large, private suite with a view of Town Lake. Within moments she would be able to watch the bats from her very own balcony.

  As soon as she had her swipe-card, Jordan took the elevator to her room. She’d no sooner switched on the light and strode to the balcony when dusk swept the evening sky. The throng of bats left their daybeds underneath the Congress Street Bridge and took to the sky as one big banner of blackness. Standing in solitude on the balcony, Jordan felt the darkness seep inside her. The crowds of people gathered on the banks of the lake and those watching from charter boats on the water, all enjoying the camaraderie of this event, seemed to mock her solitude, and she was struck by a pervasive sense of loneliness.

  Unable to stand the sight, she picked up the phone to order a bottle of Scotch and a light meal as an excuse to wash it down, then asked to be connected to the concierge. She needed jeans, loafers, casual shirts to keep from sticking out like a sore thumb, but there was no way she was going back out into the horrendous traffic to purchase clothes for her stay.

  The eager concierge took down her sizes and favorite brands and guaranteed to have several outfits delivered shortly.

  Jordan leaned against the headboard, and moments later the exhaustion of too many feelings washed away her resistance to sleep.

  Stress and lack of sleep combined to make Mac feel like skipping her morning ride. A glance out the window reinforced her desire to crawl back under the covers. The sky was gray and clouds hung low, and it wasn’t as if Jordan was suddenly going to appear and join her. She’d left messages all week, but Jordan hadn’t returned a single call. Pulling her book from the nightstand, Mac promised herself she would only read a few pages and then she’d face the world.

  Shannon hadn’t cal ed. It seemed futile to reach out to her now. Dylan had hoped against hope her new lover would see her way clear to the inevitable truth. They were better off without strings, without commitment. She had tested the other way. The way of pledges and promises of forever. That way had proved treacherous and tricky, undeserving of her trust. Shannon still believed in promises and had decided to seek those promises from someone else.

  She would learn, on her own, that forever was a fickle thing. Dylan could only hope she wouldn’t suffer too much on her journey.

  Perhaps, she thought, Shannon would return to her one day, as resolved as Dylan was to live without the burden of promises no one intends to keep.

  Mac couldn’t bring herself to read another depressing word. She shut her book, tore herself from the comfort of the covers, dressed in cycling shorts and a jersey, and made the short drive to the Lakeside.

  At this hour, Sally and Nick were the only ones present.

  Mac made herself a cup of coffee and a protein shake, and escaped before conversation could turn to the events of the week before and why her best friend had dropped off the face of the earth. Mac hadn’t been herself since the party, and she knew her friends were worried, but she couldn’t muster the energy to put them at ease about her state of mind. It had been all she could do to make it to work each day.

  With the excuse that she wanted to get her ride in before the heat of the day became unbearable, she ducked interaction, grabbed her mighty Isis road bike, and headed quickly for the trail. Resolving to take a long ride to clear her head,
she eased into a steady pace as she cycled to the east, past sailboats tethered to the docks waiting for the right winds to coax their captains into sailing the day away.

  So, Jordan had left town. Mac tried to make excuses for her, knowing the discovery about Grace and Dr. Wagner senior must have caught her completely off guard. And she had no idea what the whole Rebeca fiasco had been about. Mac felt someone was being manipulated, but she wasn’t sure who or why. In any event, the debacle had been enough to make Mac suspend her profile from all interested viewers. She’d officially put the kibosh on her online dating adventures.

  As she passed by the Arboretum, she realized she’d already gone through the one water bottle she’d hastily grabbed from the restaurant, and she decided to make a pit stop at the 7-Eleven near the Gaston Street Bridge. Leaning her bike against the store’s front window, she unzipped her seat bag and extracted the tiny wallet she kept stowed with her bike gear. The wallet contained a copy of her driver’s license, a twenty dollar bill, her insurance card, and two emergency phone numbers. The first of those was Dr. Jordan Wagner’s. Seeing the card, Mac paused. She wasn’t even sure Jordan would come running if she had an emergency. Pushing the thought away, she quickly ducked inside the store. She didn’t bother chaining her bike.

  So many cyclists made this place a regular stop on their route, they always watched out for each other’s rides.

  A light rain started to fall as she downed a Gatorade several minutes later. Mac clipped back into her pedals, enjoying the slight relief the scattered drops provided against the heat of the day. The road provided steeper hills than the path along the lake, but Mac was in the mood for strenuous exercise so she chose the tough route. The pain she felt in her muscles blocked some of the pain in her heart and mind. She’d had two dates as a result of her online match making venture. The first had been a non-event. Charla wasn’t her type, but at least the experience of dating her hadn’t been traumatic. The same couldn’t be said of Rebeca Blixen.