Rachel's Secret

by B. J. Hoff

  The look he gave her made her wish she’d never asked the question. He said nothing, but Rachel knew that he knew just how she came to be aware of those scars.

  “It would seem that I can have no secrets at all where you’re concerned. Ah, well. Those scars are old, Rachel. I’ve carried them since

  I was in my teens. I owe a British landlord for the lot of them. He… took issue with my lifting a loaf of bread for my mother and my sisters. It was winter, we were hungry—near to starving if truth be told. My father was dead by then, and we’d been evicted from our cabin. There was no work. No matter where I looked, there was nothing to be had.

  “One morning I spied a loaf of bread airing on the landlord’s kitchen windowsill, and in truth I didn’t think twice—I made off with it. Unfortunately the son of the house saw me. I lost my bread and my dignity all at the same time.”

  “They beat you over a loaf of bread?”

  His insolent grin didn’t quite manage to conceal the hurt pride and the flint of old anger in his eyes. “I’m sure they merely meant to teach me a lesson I wouldn’t forget.” He paused. “And do you know, it worked. I never stole so much as a leaf from another man’s tree after that.”

  “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

  He shrugged. “I expect my pride was hurt worse than my back, love.”

  Rachel knew he was making light of the pain he must have felt, but she sensed it was a subject best left untouched.

  For her part, she couldn’t quite ignore the endearment, though she tried not to cherish the sound of it on his lips. “Love…”

  When she looked up, she found him watching her. “Any other questions, Rachel?”

  Rachel shook her head. “No,” she said softly. “None.”

  “Then let’s get back to my question.”

  Rachel said nothing.

  “That question, as I recall, was: If you weren’t Amish or if I weren’t Englisch, would you marry me?”

  Her impatience with him returned. Or maybe it wasn’t so much impatience as frustration with the futility of his question. Why did her answer matter? It wasn’t as if her loving him would actually change anything. It only made their situation worse.

  “All right, I see you’re not willing to answer me yet. Even so, I have something to say to you, and I want you to hear it exactly as I mean it. I don’t make promises unless I’m reasonably convinced I can keep them. So when I say this to you, it’s with the self-assurance…and God-reliance…that I’ll find a way to make it happen.”

  He reached out and took both her hands in his. “I’m going to find a way to marry you, Rachel. Somehow, some way, I mean to make you my wife.”

  When she started to protest, he silenced her with a look.

  “Now I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and frankly I’ve come to wonder if perhaps I’m not just as capable as Doc when it comes to making radical changes in my life. Though I have to tell you that, even if I were willing to make such a change, I question whether your people would accept me. I can’t think it’s all that much of a stretch for them to accept Doc. They know him, and they trust him—indeed, I believe they love the man—so it’s not likely they’ll turn down his request to convert.”

  He released a long breath. “But as for me—well, I expect that’s a decision that would require a great deal more dialogue and debate, don’t you think? More than likely, the only thing they see in me is trouble.”

  “That’s not true, Jeremiah—they think you’re brave and trustworthy.”

  It was plain that he didn’t intend to be diverted. “For whatever it’s worth, I want you to know that—in time, and if I sense the good Lord is behind the effort…and if your people will allow it—I expect I can follow in Doc’s footsteps.”

  Rachel knew astonishment had to be written all over her face as he continued.

  “Oh, I mean it all right, Rachel. I’ll become the most Amish of all

  Amish men. You have my word on it.”

  Her head swimming, her heart racing, Rachel attempted to find reason among the confusion closing in on her. If she had any doubt whatsoever as to whether he was in earnest, the unflinching glint in his eyes told her he was deathly serious.

  “You can’t…you mustn’t…promise such a thing, Jeremiah. You haven’t given this enough thought…”

  “I have given this more thought—and more prayer—than you’ll ever know, fair Rachel. I have thought about it until my head hammers. Now, are you going to answer me or not? If I were an Amish man, would you marry me?”

  Rachel was finding it impossible to answer him because her breathing had stopped. All she could do was nod her assent.

  He tugged at her hands until she was in his arms. He kissed her then, so carefully, so gently—almost as if he thought she might shatter under his touch.

  He eased back for a moment, just enough to search her eyes. Apparently he saw what he was looking for, because he brought her back into his embrace and kissed her again, more deeply this time, as if he meant to claim her as his own and seal the promise of their love for all time.

  EPILOGUE

  SONG OF THE PEOPLE

  Take my life, and let it be

  Consecrated, Lord, to Thee.

  Take my moments and my days;

  Let them flow in ceaseless praise.

  Take my hands, and let them move

  At the impulse of Thy love.

  FRANCES HAVERGAL

  April, 1856

  On this fine spring day, Rachel took time out from the food preparation to stand on the porch and watch the activity in the yard.

  Dozens of horse-drawn buggies had lined up in neat rows just inside the property line and along the road. The People—at least a hundred or more, men, women, and children—had been arriving since sunup. While young boys rushed about carrying supplies, the men, divided into groups, worked on the new house for Maryann and her husband, John. As was often the case, the young couple had been living with Maryann’ s parents at the Plank family farm during the first few months of their marriage.

  It was nearing noon, and by now many of the more experienced men were busy setting the roof rafters while others worked on installing the windows. The younger men who hadn’t yet gained much training in building or carpentry busied themselves with clearing the brush away from the side of the house in preparation for the root cellar.

  The women were inside the Plank’s kitchen putting the last-minute touches on the food. On such a beautiful day as this, they would be able to eat outside. Tables were already set up, waiting for the men to stop their work long enough to enjoy a hearty noon meal.

  Rachel looked forward to these times when the whole community got together. There was always a lot of laughter and good fellowship, which made the hard work seem to go faster.

  Englisch friends often commented on how the Amish could raise a house or a barn so quickly. This was easily explained. When an entire community joined together to help a neighbor, much could be accomplished in a brief period of time. Moreover, Amish men had a lot of experience in building—so they knew going into a project what was expected of them and how to do it. They typically accepted no pay when they labored for a friend or neighbor, although sometimes a master craftsman or a professional builder was employed to supervise the work. In that event, fair payment was rendered.

  She searched the various groups of workers until she found the face she was looking for. Rachel smiled as her gaze came to rest on Jeremiah. He and Dr. Sebastian stood together talking. Doc wiped perspiration from his forehead with his shirtsleeve, while Jeremiah leaned on his cane and scrutinized the progress of the men working on the rafters.

  She had been ever so pleased to learn that Jeremiah was asked to attend today. Although sometimes non-Amish neighbors volunteered to help, it was an uncommon occurrence for an outsider to actually be invited to a house or barn raising unless he was a paid professional whose experience was needed.

  Dr. Sebastian, of course, was almost a
lways asked to be present just in case an accident occurred. Rachel had noticed, though, that most often he ended up on a ladder, helping out with the physical labor, not just tending to bruised thumbs, cuts, and scrapes. Also, having secured the leadership’s approval to pursue conversion, he was now viewed as a potential member of the community.

  But for Jeremiah to be invited—that wasn’t so common. However, because he helped order the lumber and other necessary supplies and had proved himself a builder and a carpenter in his own right, some of the more experienced men took notice. He wasn’t physically able to do any climbing on ladders or hard labor, but that didn’t matter. They were more interested in his advice and ideas.

  Jeremiah and Gideon had come together, pleasing Rachel no end. Nor was there any mistaking Mamma and Fannie’s excitement to have Gideon back among them.

  At community occasions such as this, Rachel often had to take special care in guarding against the sin of pride. The sight of her people working together in such harmony never failed to move her. These were good people, unfailingly concerned about the well-being of their neighbors. They were people who put the needs of their families and friends above their own self-interests—people who took God at His Word when He instructed them, “whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.”

  She could almost sense a rhythm in the swinging and pounding of hammers, the steady movement of the men’s shoulders as they raised a frame or secured a beam. Their conversations, their shouts back and forth, the squealing of children, and the frequent laughter from the women in the kitchen were like music.

  Work and worship, love and laughter…the song of her people, she thought, smiling at her own fanciful reflections.

  She looked back to Jeremiah and saw that he was watching her with what she’d come to think of as an almost proprietary smile. She would have to caution him about being so open with his feelings. Though, truth be known, she couldn’t help but delight in the way he looked at her.

  Still, no one must suspect that they cared for each other in any way besides the most impersonal kind of friendship. Even if he were Amish, any public acknowledgment that they were in love would be improper. The Plain People kept the act of “courting” and any romantic relationships strictly private, often not even confiding in family members.

  Her mother stepped out onto the porch just then, and Rachel noticed that it took Dr. Sebastian only a moment to start making his way toward the house. Rachel almost laughed at the idea of the doctor and Mamma keeping their love for each other a secret. The way those two looked at each other left little doubt as to their feelings.

  And she couldn’t be happier for them.

  She hoped that some day she and Jeremiah would feel free to look at each other in that same way. As it was, any time they were in the same room, she had all she could do to keep her eyes turned away from him. And it seemed to Rachel that he had the same problem when he was near her.

  Here he came now, predictably close on the heels of Dr. Sebastian. Those two had become great friends, though they were inordinately fond of trading insults.

  Close behind, with his hands in his pockets and his hat tipped at too jaunty an angle for an Amish male, came Gideon. He was wearing a wide grin as he approached. As Fannie came charging around the side of the house, he grabbed her up and swung her around, laughing at her squeal of pleasure.

  Fannie’s eyes darted from one to the other among them and she seemed unable to contain her delight. “This is the best day ever!” she cried out. “And I get to spend it with my three favorite people in the whole world, all together in one place at the same time.”

  Rachel looked around, her heart filled to overflowing as she breathed a silent Amen to Fannie’s words.

  The End

  Coming September 2009…

  RIVER SONG

  Book two in BJ Hoff’s

  The Riverhaven Years trilogy

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  Dr. David Sebastian is aware that holding a negative opinion of a patient could actually affect his judgment and even the course of treatment for a patient. In spite of that, he has a difficult time with remaining objective about Jeremiah Gant, largely because of his close friendship with Rachel, her mother, Susan, and his other Amish friends and patients. Have you or someone you know ever battled with similar difficulties in being impartial toward another person based, not on fact, but rather on your fear that that person might be a poor influence on or even a danger to someone you care about? If so, how did you handle this dilemma?

  Phoebe tries to explain to Rachel and her mother her conviction that providing shelter to runaway slaves is God’s will, even though it’ s against the law of the times. Do you think she’s trying to align her own motives with God’s will, or do you believe there are events that call for the breaking of man’s law so that God’s will can be accomplished? Examples?

  Eli, Rachel’s deceased husband, is another example of the breaking of man’s law, but in this situation it was because he was trying to protect Rachel from attack. Even though he knew he was violating the Amish way by meeting violence with violence, he loved his wife too much not to make a stand against her attackers. How do you, personally, feel about this tenet of the Amish faith—to abstain from violence even in the face of violence being inflicted upon you?

  How do you interpret Samuel Beiler’s behavior toward Rachel? Do you find him protective or manipulative?

  Rachel indicates in her thoughts that her anger and resentment toward Samuel could be mitigated by his simply talking with her as a friend rather than as her deacon or an adversary. Have you ever had an experience with someone you know well wherein hard feelings or conflict possibly could have been avoided had that person treated you with respect and kindness rather than indignation or censure? How did you handle that confrontation?

  During his travels with runaway slaves, Asa has discerned that some of their “helpers” gave them assistance more from a sense of duty or obligation, and with some fear for their own safety, rather than with a willing spirit and true charity prompted by the love of God and a love for their fellow man. When we extend our help to another, in any form, how can we make certain we do so with the right motives?

  How does the setting—the river, the season of winter, the snowstorm— affect this novel? Did it affect your mood, and if so, in what way?

  Who do you consider to be the strongest, most memorable character in this story? In what ways do this character’s attributes relate to our everyday life, not just the novel?

  The Amish of Riverhaven are suspicious of Jeremiah Gant at first. What happens to at least partly alleviate their doubts about him?

  While getting to know the Irish-born Jeremiah Gant, the British-born David Sebastian asks himself: “The British and the Irish. A case of old wounds that continued to fester, with hope of healing almost beyond imagining. What would it take to end that ancient, bitter enmity?” How would you answer that question?

  Rachel’s young sister, Fannie, says she believes that “forgiving is called that because it’ s a gift you give someone.” She goes on to say that “…my back and other places where they hit me still hurt sometimes. But ever since I forgave them, my heart doesn’t hurt. And that was the worst hurt of all.” Why do you think that forgiving the boys who attacked her was the key to easing her “heart hurt?”

  The Amish believe that the Lord’s Prayer means exactly what it says: “forgive us as we forgive our debtors.” Do you take the prayer literally— do you believe that if we don’t forgive our debtors, Jesus won’t forgive us? Why do you think forgiveness of others is so important to God?

  About the Author

  BJ Hoff’s bestselling historical novels first appeared in the CBA market more than twenty years ago and include such popular series as An Emerald Ballad, The American Anthem, and The Mountain Song Legacy.

  BJ’s critically acclaimed novels reflect her efforts to make stories set in the past relevant to the present, and c
ontinue to cross the boundaries of religion, language, and culture to capture a worldwide reading audience.

  A former church music director and music teacher, BJ and her husband make their home in Lancaster, Ohio, where they share a love of music, books, and time spent with their family.

  Be sure to visit BJ’s website: www.bjhoff.com

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