by Karen Woods
Mikey cried his eyes out for months after his father left him and in his heart he blamed his mother and her foul mouth for driving him away. He’d told her that, too. Any arguments they had after that, he would always throw it into her face about why his dad left. He never forgave her. “You made him leave, I hate you, I hate you,” he’d scream after her. Rachel was on a road to disaster. She had to prove to the world that she could survive on her own. Her mother tried to offer her some help to start with but she told her straight she could shove her money right up the crack of her arse, she didn’t need it! How dare she take an interest in her life now when she turned her back on her when she needed her most? She could fuck right off! Rachel needed nobody, she could fend for herself. Her shoplifting career was at another level now and she was travelling to different towns earning a good crust. Top notch swagger she was bagging too, not the cheap stuff. Leather coats, Armani jeans, perfumes - she was raking it in. The cash was flowing and she never wanted for anything, she was loaded in her eyes. Yet everything in life comes at a price and she let her son down big time. Mikey was shoved from pillar to post nearly every day and it was very rare he’d see his mother. She was out early in the morning and never came back until late at night. Rachel always seemed to attract the wrong kind of men too.
For a few years she was shagging anything with a pulse, there were some right mingers as well. Everyone was calling her a slapper and they were right. Her knickers were up and down like a yo-yo. This woman loved bad boys and John Pollock was just that. From the moment she set eyes on him she said he was her true love. Was she having a laugh or what? The guy was just as bad as Dennis, if not worse. She should have done her homework on him, checked him out. Rachel was fully aware that he’d got a few kids too; at least four, to three different women from all over Manchester, but she didn’t bat an eyelid. He was hers now and there was no way she was ever going to lose him. He was just what she needed at that time in her life; a protector, a man who had made a name for himself. Rachel treated John like he was a king, she nicked all his clobber and dressed him up in the latest designer clothing. She bought his love. If she was being honest, she was scared to death he would ever leave her. Loneliness was a horrible feeling and she never wanted to feel it again in her life. This was the first time in ages that Rachel had really ever been happy. She was devoted to John and she’d grown up a lot in her mind set. She cooked and cleaned her house and Mikey was doing so well now that he had a role model in his life. Everyone seemed happy. Her son was doing well at school and the family home was something Rachel was proud of. Her mother could kiss her arse, she knew fuck all about being happy.
So, what happened? Rachel always felt teary when she thought back to how things had ended up. And it was a sad tale, one she could have avoided. John Pollock was a grafter and if the job would have come off, they would have been set up for years. If only life was that simple though, nothing ever worked out for her, it was like she was cursed. She’d begged him not to go on the job, pleaded with him, telling him if he left, their relationship was over. Did he listen to her? Did he fuck! He thought he was a smart arse. John was arrested for the crime he’d committed and the sentence he was given meant he was going to jail for a very long time. He’d nearly killed a man, left him for dead. He didn’t set out to hurt the man, but it was a choice of losing the money or shooting someone. John Pollock made the wrong choice. Rachel’s life just went from bad to worse from that day onwards and even though she vowed she would wait for him, it was never really going to happen. Don’t get me wrong, she tried to remain faithful to her true love but each night she sat alone and craved the affection of a man holding her again, kissing her, lying beside her in bed. She was lonely.
News travelled and after a few flings here and there word got back to John that she was playing the field. This was bad, she was playing with fire. He wouldn’t take this news lying down. The phone calls and the threats started then and he vowed on his mother’s life that when he was a free man he was going to make her pay for her betrayal. Prison played with his head and he was not the same person she once loved, he’d lost the plot. The day of his release was looming and even though she was putting a brave face on it, she was shitting herself inside. She’d wronged her man and nobody would ever back her up. At the time it happened she lost a lot of friends because of it. John was liked by all who knew him and to hear he was heartbroken and rotting away in jail turned a lot of friends against her. To them she was a bitch, a dirty, filthy whore who couldn’t keep her knickers on. The police were her only protection and all they ever said was that they would warn her when her psychotic ex-partner was due to be let out of jail.
Rachel continued shoplifting to support her family and she’d been imprisoned a few times. Her longest sentence was twelve months and that nearly broke her in two. Night after night she cried in her cell and she even tried taking her own life, she was at an all-time low. That’s what turned her to hard drugs, smack in particular. The devil’s drug. Just a few toots here and there to help her get through the hard times but before Rachel knew it she was addicted to heroin and came out of the jail with a raging habit.
By now Mikey was in and out of care and she was a lost cause. Her family turned their back on the pair of them and never once did any of them offer to give Mikey a home while his mother was inside. This lad was never the same after being placed in the care system. He was bullied, singled out and Rachel had a gut feeling that he’d been abused. He was just so distant when she spoke to him and something wasn’t right in his head, he was always crying. She never mentioned it to him though, she turned a blind eye and couldn’t bear to think her son had been fiddled with. Those were the darkest days Rachel had ever had in her life. She nearly died a few times, too. I suppose she might have been better off six foot under, at least that way she could never hurt anyone anymore. Mikey pleaded with her to stop using and this was the only reason she decided to sort herself out. Mikey watched her roasting and he saw things no child should have had to see at such an early age; his mother on her hands and knees begging him to let her die, numerous suicide attempts, pill popping and drinking until she collapsed. This kid had to be so strong, it’s a wonder he wasn’t in a mental asylum with what he’d been through. Rachel was on medication for her addiction and he made sure she stayed away from the dealers in the area. It was a big ask but he was always threatening the druggies and the drug dealers to stay away from her. He was only a kid at this time and even though he was no real threat to them, they all agreed not to serve her up or supply her with drugs anymore. Mikey was the one putting the bread on the table at this time and he’d done anything and everything to make sure his mother had all she needed to stay off the smack. It was such a crying shame - poor Mikey Milne, no wonder his head was fucked.
*
Sarah was in the back of the car complaining about Rachel chain-smoking in the front, thick clouds of smoke floated towards her face every few seconds. Sarah sat wafting her hands in front of her and broke out in a coughing fit. She was slightly overreacting. It wasn’t that bad! “Do you have to smoke in the car? Can’t you just wait until we get there? You’re killing me here?” Gary looked at Sarah through the rear view mirror and sniggered. She was a non-smoker and hated that people were so inconsiderate of people who cared about their health.
This was never going to go down well. Rachel growled and clenched her fist together in tight balls at the side of her legs. This girl was starting to piss her off but she had to hold her tongue. She’d only been in her company for a few hours and her patience was wearing thin. She turned towards her and hissed. “For fucks sake, I’ve opened the window haven’t I? You’re just overreacting as per usual.”
Sarah spluttered as she smashed her hand on her seat. “I’m going to stink of fags when I get to the jail. It’s a filthy habit and you should think about giving it up. You’re killing yourself you know! In fact, do you know how many people die of lung cancer each year?”
Rachel s
narled and if she could have laid hands on her she would have ragged her all over the car. She was in no mood for this today, she was pissing her right off. “Get a grip, Sarah. Mikey is a smoker. I don’t hear you giving him a lecture when he’s sat smoking next to you puffing his head off, do I?”
Sarah shuffled about in her seat and casually flicked her hair over her shoulder. Who the hell did this woman think she was having a pop at? “I love Mikey though don’t I, so it’s different. And, if the truth be told he’s trying to kick the habit, unlike you.”
Gary choked and kept his eyes on the road. It was only a matter of time before Rachel punched her lights out, she was on a short fuse today and ready for trouble. She hated a smart arse and this girl was getting right on her fucking wick. She ignored her and spoke to her boyfriend. “Have you got the parcel, Gary, just double check before it’s too late to turn back? Mikey will kick off if we turn up empty-handed.” Sarah was half listening and watched with eager eyes as Gary patted his shirt pocket. “It’s all sorted love. I’ve wrapped it all up tightly and he’ll have no problems plugging it.”
For crying out loud, she was at it again. She was bugging everyone for sure. “What’s plugging?” Sarah asked.
Gary chuckled and raised his eyebrows. “It means you shove things up your shitter, love. Come on Sarah, you’re not that daft are you? Everyone knows that!”
Rachel couldn’t wait to add her two-pennorth into the mix. She held the bottom of her stomach and sniggered. “She knows fuck all, Gary. I can’t even believe our Mikey has ended up with such a straight head. How the hell it happened is beyond me!”
Sarah’s back was up now, she hated this woman more every day. She was a know-it-all. An interfering bitch who thought the world owed her a favour. She defended herself. “Rachel, keep your snide comments to yourself. It’s not big and it’s not clever to know all about crime. Just because you’ve been in prison it doesn’t make you a better person than me. In fact, I wouldn’t be shouting it from the rooftops, either. I would be ashamed! What a disgrace!”
Rachel spun around and squeezed her body through the small gap between the car seats. It was going off now, she’d had enough. She sank her fingernails deep into Sarah’s knee cap and squeezed at it with force. “You’ve got a big mouth today haven’t you? I’d keep it shut if I was you, unless you can back it up. Don’t dare judge me until you’ve walked in my shoes! Do you get me bitch?”
Sarah wriggled about and tried to free herself. “Take your grubby hands off me. Don’t you ever think you can hurt me like that! You just wait until I tell Mikey what you’ve just done to me and we’ll soon see how smart you are then. He won’t stand for that, no way on this earth.”
Gary was in a panic, he knew the signs and he was aware Rachel was ready to steam into her. She was already starting to unclip her seatbelt. This was a nightmare, he was going to crash the car if they carried on. Gary used his left hand and dragged her back to her original position in the passenger seat. She was wrestling about still trying to get to Sarah in the back of the car. “For fuck’s sake you two, turn it in. I’m driving here, do you want me to wrap the car up or what?”
Rachel wound her window down further and stuck her head outside the moving vehicle. She sucked in large mouthfuls of air and tried to calm down. Her face was blood red and she was raging inside. She pointed her finger in the wing mirror. “It’s that daft bitch Gary. She just knows how to press my buttons. Go on, tell me it’s me at fault and not her. Go on, you just say one word and I’m gone from here. You just watch.”
Gary had a choice to make and there was no way he was siding with Sarah. He was the mediator now and spoke in a calm voice. “Sarah, you are out of order, love. You can’t speak to people like that.”
Rachel pulled her shoulders back and nodded. Her man had her back and he’d told the daft cow straight. This was a mess.
Sarah was tearful and as per usual she was blubbering. “I’m sorry but she’s not treating me like that. I’ve had enough of her snide comments and it’s about time I put an end to it. She’s a bully and I won’t stand for it.”
Rachel kept her eyes on the road and replied to her in a sarcastic tone. “Sort your bleeding head out, girl. As if I’m a bully!” She raised her eyebrows as she continued. “You mean, I won’t stand for any more of your bullshit. Just because mummy and daddy won’t say a wrong word to you, it doesn’t mean that I won’t. It’s about time someone put you in your place and told you a few home truths. You’re a mard arse nothing less.”
Gary blew a laboured breath and banged his hand on the steering wheel. “Can you both hear yourselves here? Just let’s all have a breather for a few minutes. We’re all stressed out and words have been said out of frustration. Mikey doesn’t need to know about this either, he’s stressed out enough without worrying about you two bickering all the bleeding time.”
Rachel turned her head and growled at him. “Stop treating her with kid gloves, Gary. It’s about time she knew that she’s stuck up her own arse anyway. I don’t care if Mikey loves her or not, she means fuck all to me.” Here it was, the only way Rachel knew how to protect herself. Hurtful words; deep, soul-destroying sentences she could never take back. “Why don’t you just leave our Mikey to it? Move on with your life, find one of your own kind. It will never work out with my son anyway. So just face it and stop kidding yourself.” Rachel always had to have the last word, she could never let sleeping dogs lie.
Sarah wasn’t taking it lying down though. If they were both putting their cards on the table here, she was getting things off her chest too. “We’ll let Mikey be the judge of that. I’d be careful Rachel because if you make him choose, I’m sure I’ll win hands down. He owes you nothing, remember. It’s not like you have been Mother of the Year is it? In my eyes he’s better off without you. You only bring him down anyway.” Sarah had overstepped the mark, she dug deep and went for the jugular.
Gary could see Rachel bubbling with anger and reached over and stroked the top of her shoulder. “Come on Rach, don’t be letting her ruin your day. If she wants to involve Mikey then let her do it. It just goes to show how inconsiderate and immature she is.” Gary was clever with his words. He knew now Sarah would never tell Mikey about the beef between them. He carried on driving and turned the music up. You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife.
Lancaster Farms HMP looked like a modern jail from the outside. Made of clean, sand-coloured stone set in rural grounds, it was a bit of a contrast to Strangeways. This was the first time Gary had ever been to this nick and he raised his eyes as he drove into the car park. “Looks okay doesn’t it, not like the shit-holes I’ve stayed in!”
Rachel had seen her arse, she was still in a mood. “It’s a jail Gary, they’re all the same to me. Behind them walls is nothing but tears and heartbreak. A jail is jail in my eyes. What do you want, a fucking circus.”
Gary was in a world of his own, he was talking to himself. “It makes Strangeways look like a right dump. Look at all the modern shit it’s got. I mean, take a butcher’s at how clean it is.” Gary parked up and unclipped his seat belt. “I’m just going to blast a cig before we go inside. I’ve been driving for ages and I need a fag to calm me down. You two have wrecked my head.”
Sarah was quiet. She’d never been on a prison visit before and this was a whole new experience to her; a proper eye-opener. Gary opened the car door and twisted his body so his legs were hanging outside the car. When Rachel was in this frame of mind he knew more than anyone that she was better left alone, moody cow. She would come around without water or so his old gran used to say anyway.
Sarah pulled a cherry coloured lip gloss from her handbag. Mikey loved kissing her with this on her lips and always requested she wore it if they were having a date night. He was romantic in his own kind of way and deep down in her heart she understood him. This hard-man image he portrayed to the world was just his way of coping with stuff. Having led the life he had, he had to stand tall and never le
t anybody think that he was weak. Sarah had first met Mikey by chance. Fate she liked to call it… destiny. Her head was away with the fairies, it was just a party where he happened to be. It wasn’t really her scene if she was being honest with herself. Sarah liked to have a few drinks when she went out at wine bars but she was never really into getting pissed like most of her friends. She wasn’t a raver. She was a bit prudish really. The party had gone well and she’d had enough for the night. Her friends were still hard at it and all she wanted to do was to go home and get into bed. Standing outside the house to ring a taxi she realised she had no battery left on her mobile phone, it was flat. It was a complete nightmare.
Mikey Milne had always been a hit with the ladies and when he stood there watching her alone, he realised she was stressed out. He walked over with a cocky smile and full of confidence and made his move. “What’s up pretty lady? Anything I can help you with?”