by Chelle Bliss
Kayden: Hell no, I wrestled with the guys in school, but never hung out with them much after high school.
Me: Smart boy.
Kayden: Boy? It’s been a long time since someone called me that, little girl.
I smirked blinking slowly at his reply, his words made my insides warm.
Me: LOL. Tell me about Kayden ‘the man’.
Kayden: Anything you want. I’ll give you the short version of my life story. I live in New Orleans, install cable, I’m thirty-six, work hard, play harder, and I’m blissfully single.
Me: I’m a school librarian, live in Florida, divorced, I’m thirty-two and I’m navy blue.
I blushed hitting the send button. My message was cryptic and I knew that only I would understand. He played hard, while I stayed home on a Friday to go to bed with my book boyfriends.
Kayden: What the hell does that mean?
Way to go, make him think you’re absolutely crazy, Sophia. I needed to stop talking before I really embarrassed myself.
Me: Nothing, just an inside joke. Hey, I’m tired; maybe we can talk again soon.
Kayden: We will., I have to be up early for work anyways. Sweet dreams beautiful.
My cheeks warmed with his words—beautiful. I’ve been called beautiful before, but usually not by a man I’d classify as out of my league.
Me: Night.
What the fuck did I do? A sexy man was flirting with me and I ran away like a scared school girl. Sighing, I opened my book and began reading the words on the page; I pictured his sparkling green eyes looking into mine and his luscious lips on my skin.
I haven’t been able to get Kayden out of my mind all night, and it had bled over into my morning. I wanted to message him since the moment I woke up, but I didn’t have the nerve. I spent the morning reading his profile page, almost cyber-stalking him. I wanted to know everything about him, but I had to start with our connection, Freddie.
Me: Hey Freddie. Question for you—Do you know Kayden Michaels?
Freddie: Yeah, we went to school together. Why?
I bit my nail trying to think of how to answer this without it getting back to my brother?
Me: He sent me a friend request. I wanted to know if he’s an asshole?
Freddie: Nah kid, he’s a good guy. Did you talk to him?
Me: Not really, just wanted to make sure it’s okay to accept his friend request.
Freddie: Yeah, it’s cool. If he gives you any shit, you tell me.
Me: Always Freddie. Thanks!
Freddie had given him the stamp of approval; I just needed to get the courage to send him a message.
Kayden: Morning Sophia. Sleep well?
Oh. My. Fucking. God. Did he know I was stalking him? Did Freddie say something to him? Concentrate on breathing… inhale and exhale, slowly.
Me: Hey, yeah… I slept well and you?
Hey, yeah? I should just crawl into a hole now or bang my head against the bedroom wall. Why not just lead with: Hell yes, I thought about banging your brains out before I drifted off to sleep.
Kayden: Slept like a baby. What did you mean last night about being navy blue? You intrigued me with that statement.
I twirled my hair thinking of a way to explain navy blue. Fuck it… just tell him.
Me: I don’t know how to explain it. Is navy blue an exciting color?
I rolled my eyes at my stupidity. Shit. I fidgeted waiting for his response.
Kayden: Umm, not really.
Me: Well, it’s the color of my life.
Heat crept across my cheeks.
Kayden: Impossible.
Me: Entirely true.
Kayden: Come on, you’re Mike’s sister and you’re hot as hell. No way that you’re boring.
My belly flipped with ‘hot as hell’. I loved him flirting with me; it made my body all tingly and warm.
Me: I’m nothing like my brother, Kayden. I learned what not to do by watching him.
Kayden—even his name wasn’t bland.
Kayden: I never thought you were, you just share DNA. That doesn’t make you navy blue. Tell me more about yourself. Are you seeing anyone?
I bit my lip. How much should I tell him? I’ll never meet him; why not throw it all on the table? Just enjoy the flirtation and his color.
Me: I’m seeing someone casually. A teacher from work and he’s a nice guy.
Kayden: That’s the kiss of death.
Me: What is?
Kayden: He’s a nice guy is code for he sucks.
I snickered, covering my mouth, at the spot on interpretation of Bob.
Me: He doesn’t suck; Bob can be boring at times. It’s not easy to find someone to fit my perfect mold.
Kayden: I thought I found ‘the one’ twice in my life… I’ve abandoned the possibility and stopped dating all together.
I frowned at the second half of his statement. Why are all the hot guys unavailable? It leaves the single ladies my age to drown a sea of boredom.
Me: I can’t give up on filling the mold, not yet at least.
Kayden: Why did you end up divorced? If I can ask, I don’t want to offend you.
I sighed. How to explain what happened with us. It’s complicated and fucked up.
Me: So many things went wrong. I met him right after high school and we married years later. The relationship lacked in so many ways, but I ignored them, waiting for it to change.
A lump formed in my throat thinking about my past failure. I thought I’d be with him forever; we’d have a family and grow old together.
Kayden: Lacked how?
Me: I felt more like a roommate and his housekeeper. Totally passionless… there was no romance. We talked about having kids, but it would’ve been a miracle.
Kayden: Is he gay?
I spit my coffee out, drenching the kitchen table.
Me: No, he’s married with kids now. We weren’t right for each and I had to walk away.
Kayden: You’re beautiful. All that long brown hair, big beautiful brown eyes, and smokin’ hot body are delicious. How can a man not want to make love to you?
He said I was beautiful again. I never thought of myself as ugly, but more ordinary. I always wanted blue eyes or something more unique. My hair is straight and one length and never held a curl no matter how hard I tried and grazed my waist. I’m taller than most women and slender with a pouch on my stomach. I felt plain at times, but I knew my eyes were my best feature. They were large with long eyelashes and I loved using different colors of makeup to help them stand out more.
Kayden: A relationship is nothing without passion, you made the right choice. It’s not always easy, but it’s best to keep your sanity.
I tapped my foot, unable to keep still. I didn’t want the conversation to be about me.
Me: You’ve given up on dating entirely?
Kayden: Yes, strictly physical relationship now.
Me: So you have sex with strangers? Are you that guy—the type that sleeps with a girl, never to be heard from again?
Kayden: Fuck no, not anymore at least. I’m upfront with each of them.
Does that mean he’s sleeping with more than one?
Me: Them?
Kayden: I’m not banging my way through the female population of New Orleans. I turn to in my time of need.
My body tingled thinking about Kayden needing sex. A porno clip played in my mind and he was the star.
Kayden: I’m not a dick about it.
I blinked, being pulled out of my sex haze.
Me: You sound kind of like a caveman to me.
Kayden: I don’t take what’s not freely offered. They know I’ll never be their boyfriend, they take it for what it is, a night of pleasure... mind numbing pleasure, the type that makes your toes curl, takes your breath away, and leaves you wanting more.
Fuck me. Every part of my body ignited. I’ve never had that… ever. I wanted it more than anything in the world. The bland vanilla sex in my real life lacked the passion and want of the carnal ple
asure I had with my book boyfriends. He said they, as in more than one, fucking hell.
Me: OMG. You’re a man whore.
Kayden: Ouch, Sophia. That’s a bit harsh isn’t it?
Me: I thought it was more funny than harsh. I meant it the nicest way.
I didn’t blame Kayden. I’m sure he’d been upfront with them; some didn’t mind being used in that way, hell, maybe they were using him. I’ve never been a user or let myself be used. Maybe that was my problem, why my life is navy blue. I was drawn in by him, a man my exact opposite. I felt safe and comfortable talking to him. He’s hundreds of miles away, not looking for a girlfriend, and added color to my dreary world.
Kayden and I had been talking for a week now. The hour a day online conversations turned into all day banter. We worked and messaged each other every moment we could, usually falling asleep in the middle of the conversation. I wanted to know everything about his man. He shared his days with me, the tiniest detail I clung to. I still thought the man whore title fit him perfectly, but he was more complex. He’s passionate and romantic, but his heart’s been destroyed and I needed to know why.
Me: Can I ask you something? If you don’t want to answer I understand.
Kayden: Shoot.
Me: What happened in your relationships to make you swear them off forever?
I hit send and grimaced as I read my question. I didn’t want to offend him or scare him off. The last week I’ve had more fun talking to him than any other person in my life. Today was navy blue day, and offending Kayden would make the day a total loss.
Kayden: It’s not an easy answer. I’ve been divorced for a long time and I finally fell in love again four years ago. We were like oil and water and it ended in disaster. She’s a crazy bitch and I swore off relationships forever.
My heart ached for him, for swearing off love forever. How bad was it? It must have been bad to make him swear off women forever. I’d only chatted with Kayden a week. I shouldn’t be as sad or concerned for him as I felt. I couldn’t rationalize my feelings with reality.
Me: Twice and you’re out?
Kayden: My ex-girlfriend, Lisa (not my ex-wife), ripped my heart out. I don’t think I could survive going through it again.
Me: Heartache can make you feel that way. You’re too young to give up on it, though. And really, you can’t stop love—sometimes it just happens.
Kayden: Not if I have my way. I’m not looking for love and I stay away from any situation where it’s even a possibility.
I furrowed my brows and pouted. Why was I bothered by his answer? Did I think he’d change his mind and that I’d be ‘the one’?
Me: I’m sorry. You’ve just picked the wrong ones. You shouldn’t give up on love, just your taste in women.
Kayden: Maybe, but for now it’s easier for me. I work seven days a week and keep myself busy. I’m happier than I’ve been in years, Sophia.
Me: I don’t believe it, but you can keep lying to yourself, Kayden.
Kayden: Tell me about your past relationships or your current one?
I bit my lower lip, thinking of a way to describe where it had all gone wrong.
Me: They’ve all been passionless, an endless sea of navy blue.
Kayden: Can I ask you a couple questions? It only seems fair.
Palm meet forehead. He’s always answered my questions, how could I say no? I swallowed hard trying to figure a way out of it, but nothing came to me.
Me: Go ahead—fair’s fair.
Kayden: Did they hold you every night and kiss you each day?
I didn’t want to admit to the mediocrity in my love life, but I didn’t have anything to lose either.
Me: No, they didn’t hold me and the kisses were short, sweet, and chaste.
Kayden: There’s problem number one. Do you like to be held?
Me: Yes, but guys just don’t seem into it.
Kayden: Maybe the guys you’ve been with. I fucking love it, one thing I miss not being in a relationship. Okay, so what about kissing? Why only short little kisses? I mean that’s how you kiss a friend.
I tapped my thumbs against my phone thinking of how to answer this.
Me: I love to kiss, just haven’t found someone that brings me to my knees with a kiss. It’s always too sloppy or too neat. I don’t even try to kiss anymore, why be disappointed?
Kayden: Ahhh… Maybe you’re the problem. Maybe you’re a bad kisser.
Me: WTF. No, I’m a damn good kisser, or at least I remember I used to be.
Kayden: I don’t know about that, has to be some reason behind it. I could tell you… if you’re good or not.
I stared at the screen with my mouth open and gulping like a fish out of water. The thought of kissing Kayden sent tingles throughout my body. Do. Not. Geek. Out. My fingers shook as I typed my reply.
Me: Oh, you’re the authority?
Kayden: I’ve never had any complaints and I’m just offering to help you out.
Me: You’re so full of shit.
Kayden: The offer stands, Sophia. When you want me to give you my honest opinion all you have to do it call me. My number is…
I quickly added his number to my contacts, not wanting to take any chance of losing it. He didn’t ask for mine, but if he would’ve asked, I would’ve given it to him.
Consumed. It’s the only word that accurately describes my thoughts over the last three weeks. Kayden has consumed my every thought, my dreams, and my fantasies. I haven’t spent as much time with Bob since I started chatting with Kayden. My conversations, although I’ve never heard his voice, were far more interesting than anything Bob had ever said.
Kayden: I want to hear your voice, Sophia. Can we talk instead? It’s just hard for me type right now.
My heart pounded at the thought. We’d never spoken on the phone. My voice was more like a teenage girl and I hated the sound of it. I wouldn’t be able to hide my shock or laughter if we talked on the phone. I gnawed on my nail thinking about it. Did I want to talk to him? God, it would be such a letdown if his voice was like a squeak toy or he sounded like Kermit the Frog. I swallowed hard and knew I had to talk to him; I needed to talk to him.
Kayden: You still there?
Me: Yeah, sorry I got distracted there for a minute.
Kayden: Call me then. I don’t have your number woman.
I picked up my phone and stared at it. I tried to slow my breathing and gain my composure. I hit send and closed my eyes.
“Hello.” His voice was smooth and deep… almost a purr in my ear.
“Hi.” I tried to keep my voice even and calm, but I knew it betrayed me.
“It’s nice to finally put a voice with the words,” he said.
I started pacing around the room. The man made me nervous. I needed to find something to do to get my mind off the fact that I was talking to him. Kayden, colorful Kayden, hot Kayden. What the fuck am I doing? Breathe.
“I thought about not calling you,” I said.
“Why?” He drew the words out.
“I don’t know. It’s a big step, besides I hate my voice.” I’m so negative about myself. I needed to stop pointing out all my flaws.
“Oh stop, I love your voice, it’s sexy.” My heart fluttered with the word love. I knew he didn’t love me, but just the knowledge that he liked my voice made my heart misfire. I needed to find a subject that didn’t center on any feelings that I may have developed for this man over the past couple of weeks.
“Tell me about your harem of women, I find it fascinating.” I chuckled.
“I wouldn’t call it that. I’ve found that a purely physical relationship works best for me.” I could hear the amusement behind his words.
“Do you have more than one woman you sleep with?”
“There is only one right now, but I’m looking for a change.”
“A change?” Did I want to know the answer? I mean, shit, I didn’t want to think about his screwing some girl while I had a lovely dinner with Bob.
“I have someone very specific in mind,” he said slowly, quietly.
“Does she know?” I was torturing myself at this point. I chewed on my lip as I listened to his words. Was he talking about me?
“I’d have to ask her, but I’m pretty sure, she’s a smart girl… She’s had to figure it out by now.”
“Maybe you should tell her.”
“Okay, hold on a sec,” he said as an indistinguishable noise filled my ears.
Utter Silence. I swore at myself, what a fucking dummy I’d been.
I heard a low chuckle, “I want you, Sophia. I don’t want just any woman… I want only you. I want to taste you.” His voice was smooth as silk.
My breathing increased as I closed my eyes. Images of Kayden making love to me and bringing me to my knees warmed my entire being. I was drawn to him; he became a need that I couldn’t fill.
Kayden and I chatted online all day and talked on the phone each night. A month flew by in the blink of an eye. Summer vacation had begun weeks ago and I had entirely too much time on my hands. Time to daydream about Kayden; what it would be like to be with him, kiss him, and touch him.
Suzy, my room mate, and I spent our days at the pool, soaking in the sun. I moved in with Suzy months ago and we’d grown closer during that time. We are co-workers, both single, and loved talking about books and men.
Kayden: What are you doing?
Me: Swimming with Suzy.
Kayden: Send me a photo of your body; Ask Suzy to take it. I want to see all of you, Sophia.
No way would I send him a photo of my body. No fucking way in hell.
“What are you shaking your head about?” Suzy asked.
“Kayden, he wants me to send him a picture of my body in my swimsuit.”
“What are you going to do?” She said with wide eyes.
I shrugged my shoulders and sighed, what was I going to do? “Any ideas Suzy?”
Suzy looked around the pool area, her eyes stopping on the glass doors lining the pool clubhouse. “Oh, I have a fabulous idea.”
Me: I don’t send naked pictures to anyone. No way in hell—not going to happen, Kayden.
Kayden: I never said anything about a naked photo, although that would be fantastic. How about a photo in your swimsuit?