Love for the Cold-Blooded. Or

by Alex Gabriel

  Had it been any other two heroes duking it out with his mom, Pat wouldn’t have worried, no matter how long the battle stretched. Serpentissima could handle herself against any number of normal hoagies. But Nexus? Nexus was another thing entirely.

  Something had to be done. Clearly Pat wasn’t going to get anywhere with these cocoons, so he’d go and see if he could be of more use elsewhere.

  Pat made his way up to the throne pedestal and sidled along the walls of the cavern. Nonsensically, he found himself holding his breath as he slipped beneath the torn cover of darkness.

  ~~~~~

  Pat had never been inside a Pall of Night before. Truth be told, he’d imagined it would be… well, darker. Maybe it was just that he’d ducked in when the magical darkness had already frayed into tenebrous patches and tendrils that floated around randomly, like clouds drifting across the moon.

  Whatever the reason, Pat could see what was going on with perfect clarity, despite the shreds of starless night everywhere.

  Serpentissima was at the far side of the dais, reared back in all her dreadful splendor. Her muscular serpent body was wound tight around Nexus’ aircycle; her wild dark hair lashed and writhed like seaweed in a storm. A glow of terrible power was building between her raised arms. Light-footed Ariadne balanced on the backrest of the onyx throne, with Marlene a tangled, defeated ball of string and scales on the seat. A column of yarn hung suspended in the air mid-way between the hero and Serpentissima, twisting and writhing, swaying back and forth like a serpent fighting the thrall of a snake charmer’s spell. And Nexus crouched in the cover of the throne, back braced against its side. She held what looked for all the world like a grenade launcher, loading what looked a hell of a lot like a grenade into it with quick, sure movements. Her blood-red costume was scorched in several places, seared away entirely along her side to reveal lean muscled flesh. It only made her seem more formidable.

  The only thing Pat could hear was the rush of blood in his own ears. Not even his breathing was audible; the aural shield was still up.

  Wisely, the Serpent Sluts had abandoned their pose of oblivious sluttiness. They were gathered in two alcoves on the side of the dais instead, and were apparently trying very hard to merge with the walls (or, failing that, to simply not be present at all). Pat could sympathize.

  What the hell was Cea doing — taking a nap? Both Nexus and Ariadne were seriously heavy hitters, and unlike Star Knight they weren’t easily tricked, either. This would have been a really, really good time to hit Nexus with a ton of Hero’s Bane. What was going on down there? Had Hell, Cea, Cat and the others not managed to withstand Nick and Captain Cool?

  Pat crept along the edges of the action as inconspicuously as possible, careful not to stumble over the shallow steps of the dais. He wasn’t sure what to do. Maybe if he watched the action for a little while, something would occur to him.

  As it turned out, one good thing to do would have been to pay more attention to the abandoned cushions scattered about. He found this out the hard way when a broad swathe of night surged up around his feet, climbing up his shins swiftly. He knew where the steps were, though, and so thought nothing of creeping stealthily along his way. Immediately, his foot came down on an unsteady, shifting surface that lurched right out from under him; he yelped soundlessly and fell hard to his knees, barely catching himself in time to keep from smacking face-first into the next-higher step.

  He plunged into darkness, the shred of night that had washed around his legs swallowing him whole as he fell. The instant before lightless gloom eclipsed his vision, Pat saw Nexus’ head begin to snap around in his direction.

  He huddled on the ground with his mind whirling and his heart racing, trying to catch up with recent events. How had that even happened? And had Nexus seen him? Clearly she’d seen something, and as soon as the darkness passed —

  Okay, he’d better get it together in the next few seconds, unless he wanted to be toast (which he didn’t). So… the shred of night had been drifting directly parallel to the steps of the dais. If he could match its speed, he’d be able to use it for cover all the way to the wall. With any luck Nexus would have found better things to do by then, and Pat could simply make his way to one of the alcoves the other Sluts had taken refuge in.

  Sounded like a plan, so Pat felt for the step to orient himself and started crawling. At least he didn’t have to worry about making noise. He found it difficult to gauge his speed, but that didn’t really matter much, considering. It wasn’t like he’d timed the speed of the Pall of Night fragments; this was guesswork all the way. Maybe two inexact speed estimates would cancel each other out.

  He had cause to be even more grateful for the aural shield the next instant, when his scouting hand encountered something soft and warm that moved beneath his touch. Pat was pretty sure his shout would have been heard down in the labs, if sound had been working.

  The next instant, darkness released him, and he looked straight down at Millie. Millie’s small body was snugged into the shadow of the dais’ step, where she had obviously been hiding. She stared up at him with what Pat could only interpret as fear, flattened low to the ground and entirely intimidated.

  “Millie!” Pat gasped soundlessly, and hastily snatched her up. She coiled around his wrist immediately, clinging so tight it almost hurt. Poor thing, she’d been left all alone, and he had been so busy with Star Knight and Ariadne that he hadn’t even —

  And what about the rest of the snakes? The thought hit Pat like a bucket of ice-cold water. All snakes in the main space of the cavern had headed for safety when the heroes arrived, taking shelter in the hidden corners and potted trees. None of them had still been around in harm’s way, as far as Pat had seen. But the snakes up here on the dais hadn’t had anywhere to go. Things had happened so fast with first Star Knight and then Nexus, and the battle had evidently raged all over the place.

  Mom’s old friend Marlene was canny, tough and fearless. Sure, she’d been caught in Ariadne’s web, but Pat wasn’t worried. She’d keep calm, and she’d be fine. But the younger and less experienced snakes didn’t necessarily know how to handle themselves in a fight. How to keep out of the way so as not to be trodden underfoot, when and where to take cover…

  A searching glance around the dais revealed several more snakes hiding out in the meager shelter of cushions, wound around overturned candlesticks and huddled against steps. One pretty little diamond-patterned thing was motionless on the floor right in front of Nexus’ right boot —

  And Nexus was staring directly at Pat, eyes gleaming demonically beneath the cowl.

  Sound blasted in on Pat from everywhere, rushing him so suddenly it felt almost like a physical assault. After minutes of complete, unnatural silence, the battle noise was overwhelming — all but deafening. The low roar of raw serpent power battering against an obstacle, the high wail of an overtaxed engine; Ariadne’s wordless war cry, a hoarse scream of anger and determination. The distant sound of explosions, the rumble of something collapsing. The entirely-too-close metallic click of Nexus locking her weapon in place on its spidery tripod stand, the scrape of her boots against the stone as she leapt to her feet, cold gaze locked on Pat —

  “Code White imminent — I repeat, Code White imminent.” Hell’s voice blared through the throne room as impassively as ever, although she was noticeably out of breath. “Implementing Plan B. Over and out.”

  Code White? What the hell, as if Pat could remember all that code nonsense in a situation like this!

  Whatever the code meant, though, and whatever Plan B was, it didn’t matter. Hell burst into the throne room before she’d even finished speaking. She raced across the cavern at a dead sprint, leveling her laser ray and squeezing off a sequence of shots mid-run. The first shot glanced off Nexus’ shoulder, ruining her aim with the missile launcher. The next shots were right on target and hammered home squarely in Nexus’ chest plate. She was thrown back several steps and had to duck around the throne for cover
.

  Hell didn’t even break stride as she vaulted up the steps of the dais, tossing away the laser ray to throw herself bodily onto Nexus.

  Pat scrambled to his feet and ran the rest of the way to the closer alcove. Tom and two other wide-eyed Serpent Sluts pulled him in and immediately began to fuss.

  “All hell,” one of the guys swore. “No way. This isn’t right, Slut Leader. Hold still a moment, would you? There’s a welt on your throat, and you’re not oiled enough, and by all the gods, we have got to do something about your hair.”

  Pat held still as the two Sluts who weren’t Tom ganged up to frown at him critically, run fingers through his hair, poke at his neck and apply a new coating of oil to his upper body. At least they’d go down looking pretty.

  “The labs are lost?” said Tom in a loud stage whisper. Oh yeah, right, that was what Code White meant. “But that’s a catastrophe! What about the plan? Is all lost? How can we —”

  “Shut it,” Pat ordered sharply, making a zipping motion in front of his mouth. Tom promptly shut it. “You heard Hell. We’re going with Plan B, obviously. No worries.” Just as long as nobody asked what Plan B was, because Pat had no idea. But whatever, that didn’t matter right now. “Meanwhile, we have a mission, Sluts. We must save Serpentissima’s snake friends. Do you see them hiding as the battle rages all around? They’re not safe out there. It’s up to us to carry them from danger.”

  Not the most eloquent of speeches, perhaps, but it did the job. Having something important to do visibly distracted his underlings from their dismay; they perked right up, searching out the endangered snakes with gratifying seriousness.

  “Here’s what we do. You, dude, you take the lowest step. Blondie, go for the middle one. Tom, you take the top one, and I’m going to look around the throne itself.” Tom and the others exchanged glances at that last pronouncement, but nobody commented. Pat decided to take this as encouragement. Marlene and the small terrified diamond snake were up there, after all, and maybe others, too. Somebody was going to have to venture out into the midst of battle to look for snakes. “Wait until I get to the other Sluts — I’m going to assign each of you a partner. Once you’re paired up, stick together, look out for each other and check your assigned step carefully from one side of the dais to the other. When you’re done, carry all the snakes down to the main cavern. They can hide in one of the alcoves there. Got it?”

  The Sluts nodded gamely. Yeah, they got it.

  “Wait for my signal, then go. Serpent Sluts to the rescue!”

  With perfect dramatic timing, a stray missile blasted a spray of stone chips from the wall right above their alcove. Pat ducked down low and ran to the next alcove, where the rest of the Sluts waited. These three rallied to the cause of serpent rescue just as eagerly as the others, and were primed and ready in short order.

  In the end, it was almost anticlimactic. Pat waited for a likely moment in which the battle had moved away from the throne, and thus the prone form of Marlene. Serpentissima had just stunned Nexus with a blast of venom and Ariadne was busy with Hell when Pat gave the signal (meaning, when he made wild shooing gestures with both hands), and everyone rushed out to scoop up snakes.

  Pat looked around quickly to make sure he hadn’t overlooked any. Then he collected the small one (which was stiff with terror, poor thing), hoisted the considerable weight of Marlene, and staggered down to the main room as fast as he could. Everyone congregated at the foot of the dais, exultant, out of breath, and laden with snakes.

  “Dudes, that was so awesome. Incredible work, Sluts. I’m super impressed.”

  The Sluts beamed at Pat and each other, and half a minute later, the snakes had slithered off to safer hiding places. (Millie didn’t want to go, but Pat insisted. A showdown was just too dangerous for a little snake like her. He’d meet up with her again later, pinkie and tail-tip swear.)

  A harsh scream of rage broke up the Serpent Slut’s spontaneous round of fist bumps and high fives. A poisonous yellow-green flash illuminated the cavern, casting bizarre, jagged shadows. The explosion followed a split second later, so powerful the entire cavern shuddered and a body was flung through the air like a rag doll, arching out past Pat and the others.

  For a heartbeat, it looked as though the falling woman would crash right into the cavern’s rock floor, but a web of yarn formed between her and the ground just in time to soften the impact.

  Ariadne took several moments to pick herself up and rejoin the fight. She was limping, but as grimly determined as ever — or more, if such a thing were possible. None of the Sluts were dumb enough to get in her way. As for her, she did not even spare them a glance. All of her attention was locked on the dais; on Serpentissima, looming above the deceptively small form of Nexus like a nightmare.

  The Code White meant Cea wouldn’t be encasing any more hoagies in Hero’s Bane. Plus, the way their luck was going, Hell and Cea probably hadn’t managed to crystallize either Silver Paladin or Captain Cool, and they would both be joining their hoagie buddies in the throne room any moment.

  Pat and his Sluts couldn’t afford to sit this one out. No way.

  “Okay, guys,” Pat said, after a brief pause for thought. “We’re sure as hell not gonna tangle with Ariadne or Nexus hand to hand, because we’re not stupid. But you know what? We are so gonna sneak up behind them and throw cushions from a distance to distract them.”

  So they did. It was hilarious. Tom got Nexus right in the back of the head, totally ruining her aim, and when she whipped around to take him out, Hell got an unimpeded shot at her that actually made her stumble and fall.

  Nexus came up with the huge grenade launcher-like weapon in her hands. She stayed down on one knee as she aimed, sighting straight at Serpentissima, who was busy fighting off yet another tornado of strings.

  A high, thin whine; a hiss as of an egg cracked into a too-hot pan. Nexus was thrown back by the recoil of her weapon. And Serpentissima moved so fast Pat saw only a gleaming blur of scales. One instant, she was right in between Nexus and the throne, a whip-like snap of her long body betraying a level of agility that seemed impossible for someone of her bulk — and the next instant, she was all the way over on the other side of the dais, just like that.

  The throne blew into a cloud of dust, puffing apart like a dandelion head. Apart from a quiet, undramatic pop, there was no sound.

  No. What the hell? No! Nexus had been aiming at Serpentissima. Nexus had aimed that weapon at Pat’s mother, and if she had hit her target, if Serpentissima had been just one whit slower, less agile, less wary —

  Pat couldn’t breathe; couldn’t think, for a long second that squeezed him tight with shock and fear.

  “Give up, vile serpent,” Ariadne gasped, sounding winded. Despite her evident exhaustion, she was still graceful and fleet-footed as she danced backwards, looping a thick lasso of yarn around her arms. She paused on the very edge of the dais. “Your foul reign of terror ends now, before it has even —”

  It wasn’t a great mystery what she was going to say, which was just as well, because she never finished her sentence. A thick stream of Hero’s Bane shot from the ceiling, meeting a column that sprang from the floor at Ariadne’s feet. She had no chance of escape; in the space of a breath, the amber had hardened around her.

  Ariadne made the finest statue yet. She’d been caught in a pose that was as elegant as it was heroic: crouched slightly in readiness, balanced lightly on the soles of her feet with her trademark yarn at the ready — prepared for anything her opponent might throw at her. Her hair tumbled over her shoulders in pleasing disarray, and her face was set in fierce reproach, gaze fixed proudly on the middle distance.

  But Pat had no more than a bare instant in which to admire Ariadne’s crystal form. Immediately after the shell of Hero’s Bane hardened around her, liquid amber obscured Pat’s view. It continued to pour from its valves in both floor and ceiling, spilling over the crystal and flowing onto the dais and down the ledge of the top step.


  They definitely weren’t in Plan A territory anymore.

  At the rate the amber was pouring down, it would hardly be a moment before it reached the main throne room. Pat waved wildly at his Sluts to retreat; up on the dais, Mom and Hell were heading away from the freely flowing Hero’s Bane to the far side of the steps down.

  The amber didn’t crystallize without anyone to shape itself around, but it did slowly harden as it flowed. It reminded Pat of something from a documentary on volcano eruptions he’d once seen, where a stream of molten lava had made its way down a mountainside. It had been nearly as thin and liquid as water at first, and had run just as fast; as contact with the earth and air cooled it, it had thickened and slowed more and more, eventually turning into a sluggish mass that crept forward with painful slowness.

  “This is the hour of your downfall, Dread Serpent!” Nexus roared.

  Nexus had made use of everyone’s distraction to get to her aircycle, which lay overturned where Serpentissima had tossed it against the wall. Now, the hero righted it with a mighty heave and jumped on, revving the motor and rising into the air like a ragged demon of vengeance. Hero’s Bane flooded the spot where the cycle had been a mere instant after Nexus took to the air, throwing bubbles as it splashed against the stone wall in what almost seemed like the liquid equivalent of ‘drat, foiled again’.

  Serpentissima whipped around with blinding speed. She evaded the attacking aircycle once, with a lightning sideways twist of her body; twice, dipping nearly to the ground to duck beneath Nexus’ pass. But Nexus had caught her in a bad position. She had already started down the steps, and had limited space to maneuver; the wall was at her right, and she was hemmed in on the other side by the spurting fount of amber and the quickly-expanding river making its way down to the cavern. She couldn’t retreat the way she’d come because Hero’s Bane was spreading very quickly on the dais, and soon it’d be impossible for someone of her size to move up there without touching it with their belly or the tip of a tail. Serpentissima had to go forward — but Nexus was everywhere in her path, weaving her aircycle through the air in a net as impenetrable as any Ariadne could have fashioned.