Rock Me Hard (The Rock Star's Seduction)

by Thorne, Olivia

  She was right. It kind of was.

  So I just went onto other reasons.

  “I shouldn’t do this.”

  “Says who?”

  “It’s like sleeping my way to the top. Which is basically the only reason I got this job.”

  “Or not sleeping your way to the top, in this particular case.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Better to sleep your way to the top than to be like me and sleep your way to the middle.”

  “You’re doing pretty well.”

  “Yeah, and you could be, too, dummy. What are you really afraid of?”

  I sat there and thought about it for a long moment.

  “…maybe knowing that I should have made a different choice… that maybe I shouldn’t have left him, and now it’s too late. Or maybe I’m afraid I’ll sleep with him because I won’t be able to stop myself – and I’ll find out this amazing experience I had… this amazing couple of weeks that were probably the best in my entire life… that it was all bullshit. That he’s just another guy, and after he tosses me aside he’s going to go sleep with his thousands of groupies, and that I never meant anything to him at all… except I was the one girl he didn’t sleep with four years ago.”

  “He didn’t sleep with me, either,” Shanna pointed out.

  “You know what I mean.” I paused to take another sip of wine, and then I asked, “I had to take 20th Century Literature at Syracuse, and we had to read The Sound And The Fury by William Faulkner… you ever read that?”

  Shanna gave me a look like Are you serious?

  “Even if I had to, do you really think I would’ve?”

  “Stupid question,” I admitted. “Okay, so, in The Sound And The Fury there’s this character named Jason Compson who’s been taking care of his niece for 17 years. Her mother Candace had her out of wedlock back when that was really scandalous, and had to leave their town in Mississippi in disgrace. So for 17 years Mom’s been out traveling the world and living this crazy, decadent life, sleeping with rich men – ”

  “Sounds like my kind of chick,” Shanna said.

  “Yeah, actually, she was. Anyway, Candace has been sending Jason checks to support her daughter for years and years and years… but Jason burns them.”

  “Why does he do that?!” Shanna asked, shocked.

  “He hates his sister and doesn’t want her money.”

  “Money’s money, I don’t care how much he hates her – ”

  “Never mind. Shush. Anyway, Jason’s mother doesn’t want to burn them, but Jason says that if he cashes one of those checks, even one of them, then he’s lost all that money he’s been burning all those years. But if he keeps burning them, then the money’s not real… and he never has to deal with how much he’s lost.”

  Of course, I didn’t mention that Jason was an asshole, and that he’s only burning copies of the checks, and that he’s doing it to scam his mother so he can spend all the money on himself instead of his niece. It would have taken too long to explain, and it would have muddied the waters.

  But the central analogy was sound.

  Shanna narrowed her eyes. “So you’re saying…”

  “I’m saying if I never see him again, then I never have to deal with everything I could have had. But if I go back and there’s still something between us… then I’ve lost… so much…”

  “Orrrrr you could cash the check and at least have a couple of bucks instead of a pile of worthless ashes,” Shanna said in an offhand manner. “Which is basically what all your ‘might have beens’ are.”

  Just like four years ago, her words were a slug to the gut.

  I stared at her, my mouth slightly agape.

  “BOOM,” Shanna said with a grin. “Got all insightful on you, didn’t I?”

  I gave her a reproachful look. “I don’t think you understand – ”

  “Oh, I understand plenty. You’ve got all your fancy shmancy reasons, Kaitlyn, but you know what you’re really afraid of?”

  My stomach twisted. “What?”

  “Getting hurt.”

  I thought about saying Everybody’s afraid of getting hurt, but then I considered who I was talking to, and how she lived her life like no one was watching.

  So instead I copped out.

  “No I’m not.”

  “Yeah you are. That’s what it boils down to: you’re afraid to get hurt. And especially by the one guy in the world who can really, really hurt you.”

  I sat there in silence, feeling her words plow into me like a ten-foot wave.

  She took a sip of her drink. “Just so happens, he might be the one person who can make you really, really happy, too.”

  “So what should I do?” I asked, half in sarcasm, half in despair.

  “You want to go out and live life and write about it, right?”

  “…yeah.”

  “So go out and live life so you can write about it, dumbass.”

  I grimaced. “In other words… go see him and write the fuckin’ article.”

  She toasted my glass with hers. “Go see him and write the fuckin’ article.”

  56

  Four Years Ago

  A couple hours after Shanna and I made up, the company that rented us our tiny dorm refrigerator came by and picked it up. There were two guys, and they went from room to room wheeling out the fridges on hand trucks as people packed up to go home.

  Then, an hour after that, Derek stopped by with Ryan in tow.

  “Oh my God!” Shanna squealed, and pushed a lock of her hair back flirtatiously. “It’s so good to see you!”

  “Good to see you, too,” Ryan said nervously, then looked at me. “Hi, Kaitlyn.”

  “Hey, Ryan.” I turned to Derek. “What are you two doing here?”

  “Well… I knew you were leaving after your exam, and I knew that was this morning, so… how’d it go, by the way?”

  “I think I did pretty well, actually. I think.”

  “Good.” He smiled, and his eyes twinkled. “So all that studying last night paid off.”

  Shanna snorted.

  I blushed.

  Ryan looked around, confused. “What’s… what’s the joke?”

  “No joke,” I said quickly. “There’s no joke. Soooo… did you come by to – ”

  “When are you leaving?” Derek interrupted.

  “This afternoon, I guess.”

  I actually didn’t want to leave… but considering what had happened last night, it was probably a good idea to get the hell out of Dodge.

  “When are you leaving?” Derek asked Shanna.

  “Soon as I get my car packed. Wanna help me?” she asked brightly.

  “Yeah, sure, but… don’t you live in California?”

  “Yeah, so?”

  “So why’re you leaving now, and not in the morning?”

  “Cause if I stay here tonight, I’m gonna get drunk as a motherfucker, and probably shack up with some dude, and wake up with a monster hangover, and not get going till tomorrow afternoon anyway, so… I figured I might as well skip the drama.”

  “For once,” Derek grinned.

  “Hey. Gotta start sometime.” Then she wiggled her eyebrows at Ryan. “Unless you wanna be the dude in question.”

  “Uh… uh…” Ryan stuttered, looking like she had offered to give him a hummer in front of the entire college.

  “Just messin’ with ya, man,” she said – though I knew she really wasn’t. “Besides, your mother would kill me. She’d hunt me down like an animal.”

  “That’s actually true,” Derek laughed.

  “What Shanna didn’t mention is that she’s driving to Tallahassee first and partying with a couple of friends at Florida State tonight,” I said.

  Shanna wheeled on me. “You narc! They actually thought I was responsible for once!”

  “No,” Derek teased her, shaking his head. “I know you too well.”

  “You don’t know me at all.”

  “I know you well
enough.”

  “Fuck you,” she said good-naturedly. “You still gonna help me get my stuff down to my car?”

  “Sure.”

  She pointed at me. “You’re definitely helping, narc.”

  “Fine.”

  57

  Shanna took another hour or so to finish packing, during which time the four of us chatted – about Ryan’s upcoming high school graduation, about his and Derek’s plans for the band, about what Shanna was going to do over the summer. Then we carried Shanna’s stuff down to her car.

  It went pretty quickly with four of us helping, though there was one point where we lost Ryan. He just disappeared for several minutes – and then he was there to meet us when we got back to the dorm room.

  “Where’d you go?” Shanna asked.

  “I, uh, had to use the restroom.”

  He seemed awful nervous when he said it, and he glanced at Derek as though seeking approval.

  “Well, come on, chop chop,” Shanna said, clapping her hands. “I ain’t payin’ you by the hour, so let’s go.”

  Forty-five minutes later her Honda Civic was jam-packed with her clothes and computer and stereo speakers and TV and all sorts of crap. As thanks, she bought us all Cokes from a vending machine in the dorm lobby. We stood around for awhile, talking and drinking and laughing. Then it was time for her to go.

  She walked over to Ryan first and held out her arms expectantly. He leaned over and put his arms around her –

  And then, POW! she jumped up and kissed him full on the mouth.

  His eyes almost popped out of his skull.

  She stood back, laughing. “I’m sorry – I had to do it, I might not ever get another chance!”

  Derek and I laughed as Ryan turned beet-red.

  “What do you mean, you might not ever get another chance?” Derek asked. “I thought you were coming back here next year.”

  She shook her head. “No… I’m pretty sure I got too many D minuses, so… probably not.”

  “Oh… that sucks. I’m sorry to see you go.”

  “Me too.” She hugged Derek. “When you guys are famous and on tour, will you let me come backstage?”

  “Hell yeah,” Derek said. He gave her a bear hug and lifted her squealing off the ground, twirling her around. “In fact, I’ll be pissed if you don’t come backstage to see us.”

  When Derek set her down, she came over to me. We smiled at each other sadly and just hugged.

  When she was right up next to me, she whispered in my ear, “Live a little, Kaitlyn. Don’t make that mistake we talked about.”

  Then she pulled away, winked at me, and got in her car. She rolled down the window and waved and shouted at us as she drove off down the road.

  58

  Derek, Ryan, and I stood around awkwardly after Shanna drove away.

  Derek gave his best friend a look like, Well? What are you waiting for?

  That was odd, I thought.

  “Uh… I should probably get going, too,” Ryan said, running his hand through his hair.

  Then I knew something was up.

  “You don’t have to run off,” I said.

  I was nervous to be alone with Derek.

  Partially because I really, really wanted to be alone with him, which could bring about no good whatsoever.

  “I kinda do. I promised my mom I’d do this thing… and… I gotta go.”

  “Do you need a ride?”

  “No, that’s my dad’s car down there,” he said, pointing to a black Cadillac. “I picked up Derek and we both came over here.”

  “You picked Derek up in the hood in that?” I asked, impressed. “I’m surprised you weren’t carjacked.”

  “It’s not that bad,” Derek chided me.

  Ryan and I both nodded somberly at the same time. “It’s that bad.”

  “Don’t tell my mom, okay?” Ryan asked me very seriously.

  I laughed. The idea of me tattling to his mother was pretty adorable.

  “I won’t.”

  We kind of stood there for a second doing the awkward ‘do we hug, do we shake hands?’ dance – then I decided to end it and moved in to hug him.

  “It was really, really nice meeting you,” I said as he put his arms around me.

  His arms were warm and comforting. He was a good hugger.

  “You, too. Friend me on Facebook?”

  “Sure. Let me know how you guys are doing with the band.”

  “You got it. Well… I’ll see you,” he said to me and Derek, and walked down the street.

  I looked at Derek.

  He looked back at me and smiled.

  We were alone…

  …and no one would be interrupting us in the empty dorm room.

  59

  Present Day

  Two more rounds later, we stepped tipsily out of the Forum. Shanna immediately began scanning for taxis. One came down the street and she hailed it.

  “You comin’ with me?” she asked.

  “No, I’m going to take the subway back.”

  “I can give you a ride – ”

  “Naah, it’s just a couple blocks that way.”

  The taxi drove up to the curb in front of her.

  “So, are you going to go do it?” Shanna called out as she opened the rear door.

  “…yeah,” I said grudgingly.

  She threw her arms up in the air in a giant ‘V’.

  “YES! Shanna Williams for the win!” she yelled to all of New York City, then turned back to me. “Let me know how it goes!”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I grinned, and started off down the street.

  She started to get in, then stopped and hollered, “Hey – wait – I know you didn’t sleep with him, but you never told me what happened after I left that day!”

  I turned around and yelled, “Read the fuckin’ article!”

  “You bitch!” she laughed, then got in the taxi and sped away.

  60

  I called Rolling Stone the next morning. The switchboard patched me through to Glen’s office, and a secretary asked who I was. I told her and waited while I got put on hold.

  He answered only a few seconds later. He sounded wary, but hopeful. “Kaitlyn?”

  “Hi. Is the offer still good?”

  Hope blew past wariness into full-on excitement. “Yes – absolutely – yes!”

  “Then I’m in,” I said, a lot less enthusiastic than Glen. “What do I do?”

  “You’ll need to come by the office so we can set you up… and then we’ll put you on the next plane to LA.”

  61

  Four Years Ago

  Derek walked me back to my room. Neither of us said much on the way up the stairs. I was seriously nervous; he was Mr. Calm, Cool, and Unruffled.

  “You need help packing?” he asked.

  “Um… I guess…”

  I unlocked the door and we stepped inside. Shanna’s half of the room was stripped bare – metal-frame bed, old mattress, empty wooden desk. I felt lonelier just looking at it.

  “Can I ask you a favor?” Derek asked.

  “Um… depends on what the favor is…”

  “Can you not leave today, and just stay one more night?” he asked, staring into my eyes.

  “I… I told my parents I’d be back today…”

  “I’m probably never going to see you again once you leave. Could you please, please just stick around one more night and give me some more time with you?”

  One more night.

  The phrase made me weak in the knees.

  Maybe from how many times I’d heard it in love songs.

  “…please,” he whispered.

  All the little voices in my head were screaming, No! Don’t! Bad idea!

  But the feelings in my body were saying something else entirely.

  “…okay.”

  He grinned, one of the happiest smiles I’d ever seen him wear. “Good. Thanks.”

  I nodded and just stood there looking at him.

  “Do
n’t you need to call them?” he asked, concerned.

  “…who?”

  “Your parents.”

  “Oh – oh yeah…”

  Damn it was so easy to get lost in his eyes…

  I got my phone out of my purse and started to dial –

  “Could you, uh, talk to them out in the hall?” he asked.

  I frowned. “What? Why?”

  “I have a surprise for you.”

  I stared at him. “What?”

  “You’ll see.”

  “You need me to be out of the room while you set it up?”

  “Yeah. Otherwise it wouldn’t be a surprise,” he said in a smart-aleck voice.

  I looked at him apprehensively. “…okay…”

  “Thanks,” he grinned.

  Then he pushed me out the door and closed and locked it behind me.

  62

  The phone call didn’t take long. If I’d talked to my dad, I would have gotten a thousand questions about why I was changing my plans, and a hurt tone of voice about not coming home to see the family tonight.

  Luckily I got my mom, who’s a lot more relaxed about these sorts of things.

  “Some people on the hall are having an after-finals party, and I’d really like to stick around for it,” I said as I paced nervously down the hall, away from my room. “I didn’t find out about it until this afternoon, which is why – ”

  “That’s fine, honey. Have fun – just be careful, okay?”

  “Okay, Mom.”

  “Don’t drink anything unless it’s out of a bottle or a can, or you see where it comes from. I don’t want anyone roofie-ing you.”

  “Nobody’s going to roofie me, Mom.”

  “And don’t give your drink to anybody when you go to the bathroom. Just take it with you.”

  “I’m not even going to be drinking, Mom! Not alcohol, anyway – ”

  “Then why are you even going to the party?”