I nudge him back with my shoulder and laugh.
Matty is about to leave me at my door, but I stop him.
“About earlier,” I mutter. “I’m sorry I pulled my hand away from you. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
He smiles at me. “Hey, no worries. It’s too soon. See ya later, Shelly.”
And with that, he walks down the hall and I don’t take my eyes off him until he disappears into his room. He doesn’t turn back to look at me, even though I was hoping he would.
“Hey, about what happened at lunch today,” I start off with Matty as we get dinner ready at my place. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He seems a little quiet tonight.
“I already told you, don’t worry about it,” he says. “I know it was too much of a public display of affection for you at work. Since we’re not technically a couple.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. It’s just … I don’t know. I’m not ready yet.” Sounds like my theme song. I'm sick of hearing myself say those words, I can't even fathom how Matty feels.
“Hellooo,” he lingers on the word. “I’m really not bothered by it so relax.” He stops stirring the spaghetti and kisses my forehead. I guess he really is fine.
“Okay then. What should we do tonight? It’s Friday. We’re off for two weeks.” I put the plates and salad on the counter.
“I thought we could just hang out. I’m a little tired. We have the rest of break to do things.” Matty serves some pasta on each plate. I take them over to the table.
“Really? I was just thinking, we always stay home and chill. And we’re really good at it. We should try going out and see if we enjoy each other just as much. What do you think?” Matty serves the salad, and brings the bowls over too. I place a piece of garlic bread on each of our plates and we sit down to eat.
“Going out is the easy part. How hard is it to go to the movies or see a band with someone? That doesn’t require any talking or thinking. Sitting at home is the hard part. Having conversation without any other kind of entertainment is what a lot of couples fail at,” he explains to me. Makes sense.
“Hmm.” I consider this, looking at my ceiling fan spinning over us. “I think we got it down. We’re like a professional frickin’ couple in the communication department. We can talk all day and never run out of things to say. We talk while we make dinner.” I gesture to our table of food. “And while we eat.” I take a bite of my bread. “And while we kiss.” I lean over and pucker up my lips to him, crumbs coming out of my mouth. He bends forward anyway and plants a smooch on my lips. “Dang, we’re good.”
“Told ya.” He flashes his pearly whites, and we start eating dinner.
“So I guess tonight, we’ll just have to go to bed early since we’re both so tired and in dire need of relaxation.” I flutter my brows.
“You look dangerous. I’m not sure I want to get in bed with you. A guy can only say no so many times before his woman thinks he’s a tease.” He tugs me toward him and runs his fingers along the curves of my round face, brushing my bangs away from my eyes.
I tap my pointer finger on his chest, and say, “Don’t fool yourself, Matty. I thought you were a tease a long time ago.”
We both laugh and wrap each other up in an embrace so tender I could melt. With my face pressed against his chest, my breasts planted to his hard belly, I circle my arms around his torso and run my hands up his back until they settle on his firm shoulders. His scent tickles my senses and I let out a sigh, relaxing into his hold. Melting is such an understatement.
Matty brushes his lips against my cheek softly. He then mutters in my ear, “You got me. Let’s just clean this up and we can lie down and watch TV in bed.” I take a peek up at him, meeting his gaze. “And I mean watch it. Really,” he says, emphatically.
Lying in bed with Matty never gets old. You would think the newness and excitement would have worn off by now, but falling asleep with his strong arms around me is still as thrilling now as it was our first night together four months ago.
“I love this,” I tell him, hugging his waist and pulling him closer to me.
“Not enough,” he replies, kissing and stroking my hair.
“Not enough, what?” I say, pressing my lips to his shoulder.
“It’s not enough to love this.” He squeezes me. “I need you to love me.”
I kiss his chest. “I want to tell you I love you, but I just want to be sure. No doubts. I just need more time. Plus, you have me going on dates. Saying it would just seem so insincere. You deserve to have it all.”
“I know. So let’s just watch the movie.” He gestures to the TV on the wall in my bedroom.
“Alright,” I turn around and find my snuggly place in his arms. “Fine then.” I pout, jokingly. “But I don’t think he just wants to rest.” I say of Matty’s friend throbbing against my ass.
“He never wants to rest when you’re in the room,” he snickers.
“It’s because he’s happy I’m here, and wants to see me.” I turn around and cup his length in my palm. Matty gasps. “I can’t let him down.”
He tenses up. “You keep doing that, and he’ll go down sooner than you think.”
I run my hand up and down, over his boxers. “Well maybe that’s what he wants. Just a little acknowledgment so he knows I care and then he can relax.”
“You’re killing me, Shel,” he says, anxiously, with shoulders tense and his hand frozen in my hair.
Sitting up on my knees, I push Matty flat on his back. “I think I’ve heard that before,” I say, smirking at him. I touch my lips to the center of his chest and begin placing gentle kisses all the way down to his waistband. I slide my tongue along the edges of the material and nip at the sides of his V. I surprise myself when I tell him, “Lift your ass up.” He follows my orders, and I quickly yank down his undies before he can change his mind.
Matty puts his hands down to cover himself. Too cute, and I have to giggle. “What are you doing?” he asks.
I pull off my shirt and unclasp my bra. “I wanna be naked with you.” I lie down beside him, and bring my mouth to his. I kiss him, passionately and deeply. Our tongues dance together as I slide my hand down to take hold of Matty’s erection. He gasps again, but doesn’t stop me. I smile at this thought. He allows me to explore him for the first time since we’ve been non-dating. I start with slow strokes, letting my senses take in the smooth feeling in my hand. How it can be so soft and hard at the same time is amazing.
I find myself breathing harder as our kiss becomes more intense. Matty has one hand in my hair and his other brushes up and down my back. The feel of his warm touch makes me squirm with pleasure, and I can’t help but tighten my grasp on him. I quicken my pace, and he squeezes my back with a moan. Tearing away my mouth from his, I trail kisses along his neck and nip at his shoulder, all the while he finishes with a shudder or two. And a groan, or two. Or three or four.
I kiss him again on the lips and he presses my chest against his in a tight embrace, cupping my back with one strong hand and my behind with the other.
A beat later, Matty says into my hair, “Oops.”
“What do you mean, oops? I’m proud I can do that to you? Or for you?” I look in his eyes, smiling, and wiping my hand on my sheet, and dragging it over to him so he can clean up too. I almost stand up and take a bow, but I decide not to be so silly.
“Was it ever in question?” he asks, raising a brow at me.
“You never know,” I sing.
“Well then, I guess I better see if I do it for you?” I smile at him wondering how exactly to interpret his response. He flips me over and onto my back in one quick motion before I have the chance to protest.
“Excuse me?” I inquire.
“Just go with it, Shel.” His smile disappears into my neck. Oh holy goodness. He doesn’t need to do anything else. My neck is so sensitive, I could go any second. He knows just the right combination of lips and tongue to make my toes curl. He’s killing me wi
th just his kisses. What’s it going to be like when I fall in love with him and we finally take the next step? Oh, wow.
Matty’s mouth makes a move to my breasts, bringing his hand up to grasp one while he holds my nipple between his teeth. Oh son of a lover. If my toes curl any tighter, I’ll get a cramp. His hands feel like they're branding me as they travel down my body, his lips trailing not too far behind. “What’s this?” he says, running his fingers along the band of my panties. “I thought you wanted to be naked with me.” Well I did want to be naked with him, but I didn’t want his bare man parts to bump against my bare woman parts because I might just die, for real.
But looking down into his eyes, I see a man with desire and I want his man parts all over my girl parts, and I don’t care how frustrated I’ll be when it doesn’t happen. Matty sits up, tugs on the sides of my panties, and slides them down my legs before tossing them on the floor. Thank God I shaved, is my first thought. My second thought is, Holy shit, Matty and I are completely naked in my bed.
Matty brushes his lips against mine and I catch his bottom lip sucking it softly until he tugs away. He works his way from my mouth to my jaw, and then gently traces kisses down the center of my chest, pausing at my navel, dragging his tongue along each of my hip bones, and continuing down to where he parts my legs and, oh my ...
“You know that doesn’t count right?” Matty tells me as we cuddle together in the aftermath of panting and howling, and hushed screams into a pillow.
“What’s that?” I utter, still trying to catch my breath.
“You telling me you loved me.” He laughs.
“Shut up,” I squeal, pulling a sheet over my head.
“’Oh God, Matty, I love you’ was great and all, but I have a feeling you were a little distracted.”
“Just a little,” I say, flipping back the covers to reveal my flushed cheeks.
“Oh God, Matty, I love you,” he repeats again, giddy with giggles.
I punch him in the arm, jokingly. “Let me do that to you and let’s see what comes out of your mouth.”
“Uh … no thanks,” he says, pulling me toward him. “I can't be responsible for what I might say if I saw those beautiful lips around me.”
“So you can do it to me but I can’t do it to you and we can’t have sex?” I question him.
He kisses my shoulder. “Yup, not until you’re in love with me.”
“Well with a performance like that, how can I not be? Holy son of a cunnilingus genius. I can’t remember … ” I stop myself from bringing up the past.
“What can’t you remember?” he asks me. I can’t lie to him. And I know he wouldn’t want me to.
“Let’s just say, the last time someone went there was in college.”
“Are you kidding me? You mean Chase didn’t?” He props himself on an elbow, obviously curious. I fall to my back with embarrassment. Matty settles himself in his familiar position with one arm around me. I look up at him and try to focus in the darkness.
“Nope, he did it once when we were younger, but since we got back together post-grad, he never did it again. This whole thing. Being naked together wasn’t … I don’t know. It was just different. Very simple.”
As hot as Chase is, you’d think sex with him would be sexy at the very least. But it wasn’t. Sure, he made me want him, but not like the fire I feel with Matty. Not even close. Chase and I were only nude with each other long enough to seal the deal, clean up, get our clothes back on, and go to sleep. I can’t ever imagine Chase smashing me against the wall. I don’t think he and I ever had sex anywhere other than a bed. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed making love to Chase, and I never yearned for anything else. Maybe because I didn’t know it could be anything other than what it was. I guess you never miss what you never had. But now that I’ve felt this undeniable chemistry, I doubt I’ll ever be satisfied with the in-and-out style I once knew.
He brushes his lips along my cheek. He has definitely shown me love and sex can be so much more than what I’ve been accustomed to. “I can’t wait for you to fall in love with me, Shel.” His lips meet mine, and warmth radiates my entire being.
“Neither can I,” I tell him, and completely mean it.
Chapter Eleven
Date night, or day. Whatever.
Why did I let Matty talk me into this? After our hot night of unclothed ecstasy, I was surprised he still wanted me to go out with Jacob. He tried to convince me our relationship needed it. I hope he knows what he’s talking about. I don’t want this to back fire on us.
What happens if Jacob is this amazing man, who casts a love spell on me, and I can’t tear my eyes away from him? What happens then?
Okay, so I’ve probably seen way too many movies, but a man can sweep a girl off her feet, right? Love at first date is possible. I think. Maybe Jacob will end up being the man of my dreams, assuming he drinks good beer and doesn’t smell badly, or something. But even then, there’s still another problem. He works with me. There is no way this will work out. I may have made an exception for Matty, but I refuse to do the same for anyone else.
Yet, here I am getting ready for a picnic for crying out loud. It’s winter, and we’re going to have lunch outdoors. Well it is 80 degrees out, but come on. I can’t remember the last time I went to the park. I’m more of an indoors girl. Any place with air conditioning is perfect. Any place I don’t have to worry about getting itchy from grass or bugs is also at the top of my list. What about me would give Jacob the impression that a day strolling along in a park—full of birthday parties and couples getting their pictures taken—would be my cup of tea?
Arriving at the park, it’s just like I had imagined. Each shelter is occupied with balloons and families, some have bounce houses nearby. A barefoot couple in jeans and white tees are near the lake posing for what I’d guess are engagement pictures for their save-the-date cards. Classic. When I finally take the plunge, I’m wearing a tutu for my photo shoot. I don’t think that one has been done.
Jacob is where he said he’d be. At the far end of the park beyond the hiking trail and under a giant oak tree. He’s sitting on a large red gingham blanket and has a little matching basket perched next to him. Is this really happening? If I watched this on the LMN, I’d probably be giddy and smiling at the TV, but in real life, it is unbelievably corny. I fight the urge to laugh, instead, muffling a loud chuckle with the back of my hand. I’m not sure if he sees me yet, and I don’t want to be rude. But I don’t see how I’m going to make it through lunch with this muscle man who is obviously trying to compensate in the gym for his ultra feminine side.
“Hey, Shel,” he says as he hops to his feet, and puts his hands on my shoulders.
“Hey,” I squeal back, as I turn my head quick enough for him to peck only my cheek.
He removes his hands and wipes them on the sides of his jeans as if trying to wash away my cooties.
Gesturing to the blanket, Jacob says, “Shall we sit?”
I guess we shall. I plop my bag down and kneel to the ground, sitting cross legged in front of him. He does the same and it dawns on me I haven’t seen a boy sit crisscross applesauce since we played Duck Duck Goose in elementary school. His jeans tighten around his muscular thighs and I notice the thin fabric of his shirt is hugging his chest and fits snuggly around his biceps. This Mario Lopez get-up is far from the button up camp shirts and khaki pants he wears to work. And he smells good too. Clean and minty, like I could pop him in my mouth like a piece of sweet mint gum.
“Are you checking me out?” Jacob asks snapping me from my thoughts.
My cheeks flush with heat, and I’m thankful I have my sunglasses on. I wave him off, with a low chuckle. “Don’t be silly. You checking me out?” I turn the tables on him. I have no idea what he’s been doing for the last ninety seconds while I was feasting on his firm body.
“I’ve been doing that for months,” he says with a grin.
My face warms again, and I don’t know what to say. I can’t
imagine he’d make an ass out of himself gawking at me today. I’m just wearing a pair of jean capris and a tank with a purple shrug over it. Nothing too fancy, and not the slightest bit sexy. I applied minimal makeup and twisted my hair up in a clip. No frills at all.
I had no interest in coming out on this date so I wasn’t about to get all gussied up for Jacob. But now that I’ve had a chance to take in the sights, I’m rethinking that decision.
“You ready to eat?” Jacob asks, bringing the basket closer to him. I nod, and he pulls out a cloth napkin and hands it to me. Nice. Still corny, but cute.
Jacob opens the top of the basket and starts passing items to me. A plate, a bag of celery sticks, and what appears to be a sandwich wrapped in butcher paper.
“So what do we have here?” I ask him. Conversation doesn’t seem to be flowing freely. I’m thankful we can at least talk about food. I don’t want to strike up chitchat about work, so I’m hoping something else will come to me soon.
“A veggie wrap. I don’t eat animals, so it’s a spinach wrap with a variety of veggies tossed in a balsamic vinaigrette. You’ll love it. Won’t even miss the meat,” he says, tearing through the paper and wrapping his mouth around the burrito/sandwich for a ginormous bite.
I won’t miss the meat. Like hell I won’t. When I finally open the wrap, I peek inside at all the vegetables. Every color of bell peppers, spinach, cucumbers, beets, artichokes, and God only knows what else. Where’s the beef? I’m almost afraid to take a bite. My body might reject the healthy bits in my belly and puke it all up. I’ve never craved a Double Cheeseburger from McDonalds so much before in my whole life. Or a juicy T-bone, and I don’t even like steak. But I want one right now.
I glance at Jacob who is devouring his wrap with a playful grin. He chows down on it like I’d eat a piece of chocolate, like it’s making love to his taste buds. I crunch down on my first bite. The peppers leave a nasty flavor in my mouth and I’m grateful for the refreshing cucumbers or I’d probably gag. Oh, this is so not me. I’d much rather eat a PB & J.
Against The Wall Page 10