Best Maid Plans

by Klaire, Jody

  “Stephanie was telling me how good business is at the moment,” Rebecca said with trademark cockiness. She looked relieved to see Berne too. More likely so she could deny knowing me.

  I wanted to show I was trying, failing, but giving it a “jolly good shot” as my dad would say. I wanted Berne to feel I’d made an effort, these were her friends.

  “Stephanie was a gendarme,” I blurted. Why, I wasn’t sure. If Berne had talked to her about me, it was safe to say that she knew her career history.

  “Oui, she trained with Erique.” Berne tapped at Rebecca’s hand—still locked with mine—and tutted. Rebecca peeled hers away and shot her a “don’t ask” look.

  “She does?” That delighted me. I knew Erique. I couldn’t be seductive or an idiot talking about him. “He’s wonderful and so handsome.”

  And that sounded like I was in love with him. That was really going to help, wasn’t it?

  “Not like I loved Doug.” I swallowed. I wasn’t supposed to mention Doug. “I mean... um... Erique is a family member... of Berne’s... I mean... that makes him fine by me.”

  If I left now, I could catch the tide, perhaps I could swim to Toulon by nightfall. Actually, was that the right way? My geography wasn’t the best. I’d have to swim all the way around Spain and Portugal anyway. No, it would be better to get out when I reached Spain and walk across. It would be easier on my arms.

  “Pepe, Stephanie is asking if you wish to visit her latest project sometime?” Berne leaned in, her eyes filled with confusion.

  What had we been talking about? Erique? No, Emilie was the gendarme which made Stephanie the pilot, right? Oh no. I was worse with names than geography and Stephanie, if she was the scary pilot, must mean her new plane?

  “Why not,” I said, hoping that I sounded less terrified than I felt. “I’ve always wanted to wear the hat.”

  Rebecca snorted with laughter, Berne’s eyes twinkled and I turned to face Stephanie only for Emilie to lean forward. Wait, no, was Stephanie the blonde?

  “You do not have your own hard hat?” She asked, eyes twinkling and glossy lips curled in a smile. “Alors, if Bebe has not taken care of you, you may wear mine.”

  She winked at me.

  I could feel my cheeks roaring into life.

  Wonderful.

  “I should go.” Emilie shoved her seat back and glared at me, then Stephanie. Berne got up and gave her a hug and a kiss on each cheek.

  “Shame you need to stay,” Emilie muttered. “You would enjoy the slopes.”

  Berne smiled a gentle smile and squeezed her shoulder.

  I glared up at Emilie not caring if she was mean. “Berne likes her women crazy.”

  Yes, that was it, my redeeming feature, my unique selling point, was that I was unhinged. Well done, me.

  “I see this,” Emilie grunted and stalked off.

  I was great at making friends, wasn’t I? Maybe I could throw the coffee over Stephanie and insult her while I was here? I should have waited in Winston.

  Stephanie reached out and touched my free hand. “I am sorry for her mood,” she whispered with a sigh. “That was for my benefit.”

  I met Stephanie’s eyes. “It was?”

  Berne returned to sit beside me, her deep frown eased as she smiled at me. “They were together for a long time.”

  Babs buzzed over, sucked Rebecca into an enthusiastic kiss and slid onto her lap. I rolled my eyes at Stephanie. They were at it, again. I knew Berne was eyeing me like she wanted some kind of display but we were in public. I didn’t do smooching in public... most of the time.

  “Why did you split up?” I asked, wanting more to ask, “Why did you date a woman like her?”

  Babs wagged her finger. “Non, non, non, you must not tell this one too much.” She reached over and squished my cheeks together with her hand. “She takes these things to heart.” She leaned on the table with a wink at Stephanie. “Pepe is a little intense, non?”

  Wonderful. I was crazy and intense or was that intensely crazy?

  “She over-thinks things,” Babs continued, one hand rubbing over Rebecca’s shoulder. “It took a while for her true heart to break free.”

  I frowned. “Wait. Why would I take it to heart?”

  Berne sighed. “Pepe, Babs is looking after you. Let it go, oui?”

  Rebecca looked from Berne to Babs and frowned. “Why would she need to look after her, that’s my job.”

  Babs started to bicker with Rebecca while Berne conveniently started a conversation with the waitress—Okay, so she was bringing our food, but it was still convenient.

  “Emilie is in love with Berne.” Stephanie muttered it like she’d suspected it for a while.

  “She what?” I glared at the door. I’d... I’d... I’d write a strongly worded letter to no-blinking-pilot-lady. Yes, I’d write a letter. I preferred the T.G.V anyway. Hah.

  “I warned you,” Babs said, shaking her head at Stephanie.

  The waitress handed over our food with a flirty smile.

  Berne handed a plate back. “Our friend has left, would you like it?”

  Emilie’s plate—I’d give her showing Berne the slopes.

  “Are you sure?” The waitress’s gaze flicked over Berne’s chest. “You have paid for it.”

  “A tip, oui?” Berne seemed unaware that she was being drooled over.

  The waitress winked at her and sauntered off like Berne had given her phone number. I scowled, not sure if I was more miffed at the waitress or Emilie.

  “Pip, it’s not Berne’s fault,” Rebecca whispered, pointing to my hand.

  I had my fork in it, wielding it like I’d give chase and poke Emilie, and the waitress, up the nose.

  “Pepe, it happens. We are friends. Nothing more.” Berne turned back to me, offering me my food like I’d throw it at her. That turned into a “let it drop” look and I scowled deeper.

  “Oh, so you, Berne Chamonix, never ever get jealous or insecure?” I got to my feet, fork still in hand. She looked away, so I nodded to Stephanie who raised her eyebrows. “See, she’s as bad as me.”

  Stephanie nodded, amusement in her eyes. She wore mascara, it was nice too. “This I see.”

  “I can’t blame the woman for loving you, you’re irresistible,” I snapped at Berne. “But it doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.” I had no idea why I was still standing, brandishing my fork but if I’d had a napkin, I’d have thrown it down in a dramatic gesture. “How dare she act like that in front of me... in front of poor Stephanie... it’s... it’s...” I was so seething, tears started bubbling up. “It’s... impolite, that’s what it is.”

  I expected an argument, hushed whispers at my loud declaration—and it was loud enough that half the café turned to look at me—but no, they all beamed up at me like I was a cute kitten.

  “You see why it is hard not to love her?” Berne gazed up at me. Clearly everyone was drunk and I’d missed the shots. “She has a passion for how others feel.”

  Babs leaned on her fist with a dreamy smile. “Oui, her heart beats with their plight... and she is so beautiful when she’s angry.”

  Huh? I looked at Rebecca but she nodded dopily at me. “You are kind of soppy sometimes, Pip.”

  Maybe Stephanie was sober? I looked at her but no, she beamed too. She could sell toothpaste with that smile.

  Berne pulled me to sit back down and drew me in for a kiss before I could regain my bearings. I was too busy trying to re-run the conversation to object.

  “It will be a pleasure to show you around the project,” Stephanie said with a cheeky wink.

  I sniggered. I didn’t know why but then I blushed because I’d sniggered.

  “Bebe tells me you are very talented,” she said.

  That made me snigger more—I wanted to bury my burning cheeks in my hands.

  “I think it’s the heat,” I mumbled at Berne as I tried to compose myself. “Or maybe I’ve started drinking early?”

  “Or perhaps,” Stephanie said
with a charming smile. “There is room in your affections for more than one French woman, non?”

  “You kidding?” Rebecca butted in with a chuckle. “She took long enough to admit she liked Berne.”

  “She is worth the wait,” Berne purred in my ear.

  I sniggered even louder. “You just want another massage.” And I’d said that a little too loud. Rebecca would love that. I glanced at her and Babs but they’d tucked into their lunch. Phew.

  “Oui, but you are still worth the wait.” Berne nuzzled into my neck and I attempted not to groan but Stephanie was on her own. She didn’t need us dribbling all over each other.

  “Focus, Chamonix, I’m trying to woo her with my woodworking skills not my other qualities.” That hadn’t quite sounded how I’d meant it.

  Berne and Stephanie both chuckled.

  Rebecca stole the tomatoes off my salad. “And you were worried you wouldn’t fit in.” She shook her head. “You have all three doe-eyed.”

  I glanced at Babs, Berne and Stephanie who all smiled dreamy smiles at me.

  What could I say to that? I shrugged, trying to mimic the French one, only I probably looked more like I was trying to plug my ears with my shoulders. “I have a way with French women?”

  Good thing they liked their women crazy.

  Chapter 6

  Rebecca lounged back on the bed watching the delicious sight of Babs silhouetted against the morning sunlight. She never thought she’d feel this way. Not that she was ever going to be one of those sappy idiots who gazed and sighed. No, no way was she going to turn into some wet lettuce leaf.

  “I don’t even know your surname,” she said aloud. She knew Berne had said it when they first met but she hadn’t quite caught it.

  Babs lifted her long black hair upward, exhibiting her smooth stomach.

  Rebecca sighed. So hot.

  “Oui, but then you have never told me yours.” Babs put hairpins in between her full, gorgeous, soft lips. Lips which tasted of the fruity lipstick she always wore.

  “Whitely.”

  Babs arched an eyebrow.

  Rebecca leaned on her fist, enjoying the view. “That’s my surname.”

  Babs’s chuckle rumbled through the room. “You are named well then, non?”

  “You have an issue with my skin?” Rebecca sat up, swinging her legs off the side of the bed. “Maybe there’s another French chick who’ll dig it.”

  Babs’s eyes narrowed. She yanked the hairpin out of her mouth and jabbed it into her hair. “Do not joke of such things.”

  Rebecca cocked her head. Babs looked so intense, so serious. She kind of liked it. It was as though Babs wanted... well... more.

  “You know we could just fix that?” She heard her own words fall out of her mouth in shock.

  Babs nodded and turned to face her, in nothing but her lingerie, very enticing lingerie. “Oui, I will remind you of what you will miss while I am away.”

  She strolled over and pushed Rebecca onto her back with one hand. It hadn’t been quite what Rebecca had meant but she was happy to go with it.

  ◆◆◆

  Itried to concentrate on the odd phone call but the noise from Rebecca’s room was too loud to hear myself think.

  “What did you say?” I scowled up the stairs, not knowing why I was bothering, the door was closed.

  “The artisan has not shown up.”

  I stared down at my mobile phone. Why had the soft voiced French woman rung to tell me that? “Er... okay?”

  “Pepe?”

  So whoever it was knew my nickname. It couldn’t be a wrong number then. “Can I help you?”

  The woman chuckled and a blush crept up over my cheeks. “It is Stephanie,” she said, although apparently my face had caught onto that already.

  Stephanie had been so funny and sweet during dinner. It was lovely to meet someone so much like Berne’s family. She and Stephanie had known each other since Erique introduced them. She’d been the one helping Berne train for the gendarmerie. Not that I’d been told that at the time. Erique had drilled it into Berne’s head that Stephanie might have possibly made me jealous. He was far too clever for his own good... and I needed to talk.

  “What can I do for you?” I hoped that sounded less like a seductive line than it was in my head. After Rebecca’s pep talk, I was finding innuendo in everything.

  “There is an old property outside the city...”

  I glared up the stairs and plugged my ear, straining to make out Stephanie’s voice over, what sounded like, torture.

  “...My project. My usual artisan has decided not to turn up, again.” She sighed a weary sigh.

  “What kind of jobs do you need doing?” I hoped I sounded supportive and not ready to scream up at Rebecca to keep it down.

  “Doorframes, I need some furniture restored, a kitchen fitted.” She sounded like she was reading a list. “I need a floor laid in the salon... er... you call this—“

  “The living room,” I said, stomping up the stairs. If I was fitting a kitchen, I’d need help with heavy worktops and there was no way I was asking Berne. Her back was bad enough as it was. Besides, I needed Rebecca because she was good with business. She could talk prices and money whereas if I was in charge, I’d probably say that I’d do it for free. I wasn’t good with asking for money even if I was working for it.

  “Bebe said you are good with these things?” Stephanie’s voice filled with hope.

  “I am.” I was quite impressed how confident I sounded. Now if she didn’t go into quotes and things I’d be fine. Considering I’d spent ten years in admin, take away my calculator and I was lost.

  I reached the top of the stairs. Babs was very pleased about something and I tried, and failed, to block out the mental picture before hammering on the door. “When would you like me to start?”

  “As soon as you can.” Stephanie sounded curious. I could only imagine what she was concluding with the ambient noise.

  Giggling erupted inside the room.

  “Rebecca,” I hissed, placing my hand over the mouthpiece. “I need to ask your help with something.”

  “I have to go.” Babs sounded husky, her voice heavy. It was wrong, very, very wrong hearing her talk like that. “You need to help Pepe.”

  “Do you really have to go?” Rebecca sounded more vulnerable than I’d ever heard her. I cocked my head, wanting to hug her. She’d never been in love before. Bless her.

  “Oui but I will call,” Babs purred.

  Rebecca huffed so loud, I could almost see the temper flash across her eyes. Uh oh, red head alert. “You’d think you were only here to visit your friends.”

  “Pepe?” Stephanie asked.

  I jumped. Right. Stephanie was still on the phone.

  “How about I come ‘round in an hour or so?” What did Berne always say when she charmed her clients? “We can take a look at what you need.”

  Yay me. That sounded very professional.

  “Three...” Stephanie’s voice got drowned out by Babs as her voice raised an octave.

  “... I am no one’s to control!”

  I winced. Oh dynamo was a match for the redhead and then some.

  “How did you get that from not coming to see me?” Rebecca snapped back.

  Heels thunked on the wooden floor. “You think I’m only allowed to see you? That my life, my friends, my family, that they mean nothing?”

  Something clattered—Sounded like a chair.

  “They mean everything.” I heard the tell-tale “Redhead Stomp,” Rebecca’s trademark move. “Where do I fit in? It’s not like you want me meeting your family, is it?” Something else slammed. “Are you ashamed of me?”

  “... I have a meeting until two, will three o’clock be okay for you, Pepe?” Stephanie shouted. She sounded like she was chuckling too.

  I jumped again. Right. Phone.

  “Um... right... yes... of course. Could you text me the address?” I had inventive ways of spelling French place names.
>
  “Perhaps if you...” She hummed much like Berne did. “Turn down the television, non?” She laughed as though she didn’t believe her own words. “I will spell it for you, non?”

  “You won’t even tell me your surname.” Rebecca’s voice boomed.

  Oh boy, she was really mad.

  The door ripped open. Babs whooshed past me, throwing a “bonjour” over her shoulder as she stormed down the stairs.

  “Berne includes Pippa because she means something to her.” Rebecca stormed out in a flash of white.

  Babs threw her hands in the air, muttering something in French.

  “Do you have a pen?” Stephanie said between sobbing chuckles.

  Move. Right. Pen. I hurried down the stairs as the pair continued to bicker in the hallway. I went to the sideboard. Where was a pen when you needed it?

  “You can’t even give me that much, can you?” Rebecca’s voice cracked, hurt seeped through.

  Babs yanked her coat off the hook. “Henri.” She spun on her heels and slammed the door behind her. A picture of Rebecca and I on the Ardèche crashed to the floor. I stared down at it.

  “Pepe, I will text it to you.” Stephanie sounded like she had been watching a comedy. “Tell Rebecca not to worry. It is the fun of loving Babs, non?”

  Stephanie hung up and I pulled the phone away, blinking at the picture, then at Rebecca’s ashen grimace.

  “Stephanie will send me directions,” I mumbled. “She says not to worry. It’s part of loving Babs.”

  Rebecca nodded, her eyes still glinting with rage. “Forgot her car keys.” Her voice was hoarse as she walked over to the sideboard and picked them up.

  The door burst open. Babs stomped back in, yanked Rebecca into a furious kiss, scraping her hands through Rebecca’s hair. “Je t’aime, I love you so much it hurts.”

  She snatched her car keys, shoved Rebecca away, fired a “salut, Pepe,” at me, and once again slammed the door on her way out.

  I waved at the closed door. “That’s nice that she loves you.”

  Rebecca and I both stared at the door. “She’s only told me it once before.” She rubbed her fingers over her lips.