I reached for my phone and started but abandoned several replies. Nothing seemed right. I’d left it too late and I was too tired, drunk and confused to send something acceptable. I’d maybe try tomorrow instead.
31
‘Denbury Castle?’ I asked as Andy directed the sporty two-seater he’d hired off the York road at about six the following morning.
‘What makes you think that?’
‘Unless you’re planning to ditch me in a field in the middle of nowhere, Denbury Castle’s the only place of consequence down here.’
‘Then we might be going to Denbury Castle. Or we might not.’
‘You’re so frustrating, Andrew Steven Kerr.’ My stomach lurched as I said his middle name. I hated this. Was he the Steven or not? Was he the heart or the head decision?
‘And you are so impatient, Sarah Louise Peterson.’
A few more turns and we were definitely on our way to Denbury Castle, a magnificent eighteenth-century house and 1000-acre estate at which I’d enjoyed many a family day out over the years. Can’t say I’d ever been there before sunrise, though.
‘You were right. Denbury Castle it is,’ Andy said, pulling onto the approach road to the estate. A few minutes later, we stopped in the large, empty car park. ‘Wait here a moment,’ he said. ‘I just need to check that it’s happening.’
‘Check that what’s happening?’ But he was already out of the car and heading towards the visitors’ entrance. I sank back in my seat, enjoying the heat and the low soothing music on the radio. I must have dozed off as the door opening startled me.
‘Good news,’ Andy said. ‘It’s on.’
I pulled on my hat and he offered a hand as I heaved myself out of the car.
‘No more questions,’ he said, still holding my hand. ‘All will be revealed shortly.’
We made our way across the deserted courtyard. I was so used to being there in broad daylight surrounded by tourists that I felt like an intruder. We skirted round the path to the left and I could just make out the dark silhouette of the house in the distance.
‘Are you sure we’re meant to be here?’ I whispered. ‘It’s so quiet.’
Andy squeezed my hand tightly. ‘I’m sure. It’s all arranged.’
We headed down the drive towards the house. And then I saw it – a flash of orange. I stopped dead, mouth open. ‘Is that what I think it is?’
‘It depends what you think it is.’
‘I daren’t say in case I’m wrong.’
‘Then let’s move a bit closer.’
Mesmerised, I crept down the drive towards the lawns. With every step, the sky seemed to get a fraction lighter until my eyes could clearly see something I’d always dreamed of but had never had the funds nor opportunity to experience: a hot air balloon.
‘You remembered.’ Andy had once asked me what would be at the top of my bucket list and I said a hot air balloon ride. Ideally it would be over The Grand Canyon although I’d happily do it over Spaghetti Junction for the experience.
‘I always swore to myself that, when I could afford it, I’d be the one to fulfil that dream for you. Happy Christmas, Sarah.’
‘Oh my God! Andy!’ A lump caught in my throat. ‘It’s the best present ever. I can’t believe you’ve organised this. For me.’ I turned to give him a hug.
‘I’d do anything for you. You must know that.’ His voice was so tender, making my heart race.
I didn’t want to let go and clearly Andy didn’t want to either. I’d been holding back on him as it hadn’t felt right but, at that moment, everything seemed to click into place and every sense was screaming at me to kiss him. I couldn’t fight my instincts.
It felt like we’d never been apart; so familiar and yet new at the same time.
‘Oi, Andy, do you want a ride in this thing or not?’ The unexpected shout broke us apart. We looked at each other and laughed.
‘Thank you,’ Andy said.
‘For what?’
‘For that. I know it doesn’t guarantee anything but you wouldn’t have kissed me like that if I didn’t mean something to you.’
‘Andy, you’ve always meant something to me.’
Andy smiled and gave me another brief kiss. ‘We’d better hurry. Last one to the balloon’s a rotten egg.’
I squealed as I raced after him down the drive.
Andy couldn’t have organised a more perfect day. The sunrise champagne balloon flight was followed by a mooch around the grounds of Denbury Castle, lunch in a quaint country pub then a romantic walk along the seafront back at Whitsborough Bay.
He dropped me off at Seashell Cottage late in the afternoon, saying he’d leave me in peace for the evening after hogging me for most of the last twenty-four hours.
‘Are you free tomorrow night? he asked as we stood outside the cottage.
Seaside Blooms would be open again and I’d been looking forward to an evening on my own, or perhaps catching up with Elise. If I agreed to see him, that would be five days in a row that we’d spent time together and I suddenly felt quite stifled by it. He’d promised me I could have time to think about what I wanted but he wasn’t giving me that time.
‘Please,’ he said, clearly spotting my hesitation. ‘I’ve got another surprise planned. Not quite as impressive as a balloon flight, but it’s something you’ll love.’
I’d never been able to resist his puppy dog eyes. Smiling, I nodded. ‘Okay, then, but I can’t give you all evening. I need an early night.’
He smiled seductively. ‘I’m sure that can be arranged.’
I stiffened. ‘Andy! You know that’s not what I mean. I’m shattered and I need some sleep.’ I could hear the irritation in my voice and softened my tone. ‘Thank you for an amazing day. That really was a dream come true.’
‘You’re welcome.’
When he showed no signs of leaving, I placed the key in the lock and pushed the door open slightly. ‘Have a good evening back at the hotel.’
‘I’ll miss you,’ he said, wrapping his arms around me and kissing me goodbye. I could tell from the urgency behind his kiss and the way he pulled me close that he wanted me to invite him in and take things a bit further. Had he not listened to what I’d just said? I felt quite annoyed at him for yet another contradiction – saying he’d leave me in peace then making it clear that he didn’t want to.
I pulled away and gave him a playful push. ‘Thanks again and I’ll see you tomorrow.’
He looked momentarily disappointed, then smiled, waved and headed off down the path.
Closing the door behind me, I leaned against it and a sigh of relief escaped from me, which wasn’t the reaction I expected following such an amazing day. Mum had told me not to let him rush me into anything but rushed was exactly what I felt. He’d turned up without warning on Saturday, had bombarded me with texts on Sunday, and had managed to talk me into spending time with him every day since Monday, even getting me to change my Christmas Eve plans with my family.
I peeled off my various layers then phoned Elise to see if she was free for a catch-up. She said she’d drive over as soon as she finished her dinner, which meant I had half an hour – plenty of time to catch up with Clare. I frowned just before I phoned her. If I’d just invited Elise round and was about to call Clare, I obviously wasn’t that desperate for some alone-time. What did that mean?
‘Sorry, Sarah,’ Clare said when I finished my update. ‘I know you had a great relationship back in the day but I don’t trust him now. I know you’ll think I’m being cynical but it strikes me that your man Andy’s trying a bit too hard.’
‘In what way?’
‘It seems to me that he’s doing everything he can to tap into your best memories of your time together and is flashing his cash trying to spoil you.’
‘Because he took me on a hot air balloon?’
‘For starters, but it’s also the free things like running the bath to remind you of the power cut incident. Don’t you think that’s a bit planned
? That was the night you said you loved each other. Pretty big moment. I bet he ran the bath just to get you thinking about it again.’
I laughed. ‘Maybe that was his motivation but what’s so bad about him making a bit of effort? He’s got a lot of making up to do.’
‘It’s hard to explain what I mean.’ Clare sighed and paused, obviously trying to find the right words. ‘It all seems too engineered, too romantic-movie-perfect. A balloon flight, a walk around a stately home, a posh lunch in a country pub with a roaring log fire, a walk along the beach… I bet he chased you along the sand then picked you up squealing and threatened to throw you into the sea so you clung tighter to him. The laughter stopped as you both looked deep into each other’s eyes and kissed as the wind whipped your hair and the waves crashed around you like Whitsborough Bay’s answer to Cathy and Heathcliff.’
‘How…?’
‘Jesus, Sarah, you did, didn’t you? Will you not see my point? It’s like he’s been watching back-to-back romcoms – probably worked his way through your DVD collection on Christmas Day – and he’s contrived a day full of movie-perfect moments. I think the only thing he missed out was some fireworks, which was a missed opportunity because he must remember how much you love them.’
Could she be right? Did I also think that deep down? Was that why I felt relieved when he left earlier?
Clare continued. ‘Something doesn’t add up. I think there’s more to his sudden declaration of undying devotion than he’s letting on.’
‘Like what?’
‘That’s the part I can’t get my head round.’
When Elise arrived, I brought her up to date on what had happened with Nick and then Andy’s unexpected appearance putting a spanner in the works. She was particularly keen to understand how I felt kissing Nick then kissing Andy and empathised with the messy situation I’d found myself in.
‘Today really does sound perfect,’ she said. ‘You’re obviously feeling something for Andy at the moment, but is that based on nostalgia for your lost love or have you fallen for the present-day Andy?’
I shrugged. ‘That’s what I’m struggling with.’
‘Are your feelings for him stronger or weaker than your feelings for Nick?’
‘I can’t work that out either. Nick was so new and exciting and stirred something I hadn’t felt in so long. I keep thinking about him. A text from him on Christmas Day had my stomach in knots and I found myself checking out his Facebook page in the evening just to have some contact with him. But Andy is familiar. I know it’s been eight years but kissing him felt like we’d never been apart. And, yesterday, my thoughts only drifted to Nick a few times. I was far more focused on Andy. But was that just because I was with him and he’d organised the dream date?’
‘Then I put a question to you,’ Elise said. ‘If Andy had just taken you to The Old Theatre or The Purple Lobster for lunch and a bracing walk around The Headland, would you have kissed him?’
I thought for a moment. ‘You’re thinking the only reason I kissed him was because I was swept away with the romance of the balloon flight rather than because I’m falling for him again?’
‘Could it have been? I think it would take a pretty strong person not to be moved by such a massive gesture.’
‘Possibly. Oh, I don’t know. I’m confused. Help!’
Elise slurped on her herbal tea for a few moments. ‘How about we play a little game? I saw something like this on Friends once. Don’t laugh at me but I want you to lie down on the sofa, close your eyes and try to relax.’
‘Seriously?’
‘Have you got a better idea for solving your current dilemma?’
‘No.’ I figured anything was worth a try so I did as I was told. Elise dimmed the lights and waited for me to stop fidgeting.
‘When I ask you a question,’ she said, ‘I want you to give me the very first thing that comes into your head. Okay?’
‘Okay.’
‘What do you enjoy most? A shower or a bath?’
‘A bath.’
‘Which is best? Poldark or Outlander?’
‘Outlander.’
‘What do you prefer? Chocolate or crisps?’
‘Crisps.’
‘What’s stopping you from telling Andy to leave?’
‘He might be the Steven.’
‘Do you prefer summer or winter?’
‘Winter.’
‘Night out or night in.’
‘Night in.’
‘Jeans or PJs?’
I laughed. ‘PJs. Definitely.’
‘London or here?’
‘Here.’
‘What’s stopping you from going for it with Andy?’
‘Nick.’
‘Toast with butter or jam?’
‘Butter.’
‘Cinema or DVD?’
‘Cinema.’
‘Why’s Nick stopping you?’
‘I love him.’ I opened my eyes and sat up. ‘Oh my God!’
Elise smiled knowingly at me. ‘Finally!’
I frowned at her. ‘You don’t look surprised.’
‘I’m not. When you told me about Nick, your face lit up and your eyes sparkled. When you told me about Andy, you had a wistful look on your face, as though it was all about the memories.’
‘Why didn’t you say that?’
‘You needed to realise it for yourself.’
I shook my head, my stomach churning. ‘That’s it, isn’t it? I love my past with Andy and he’ll always be special to me because he was my first love, but I want my future to be with Nick.’
‘What about Steven?’
‘Obviously not as important as being with Nick,’ I said. ‘It mustn’t be. Let’s face it, the ex who I always thought was The One has walked back into my life, told me he loves me and he happens to be called Steven. He takes me on the date of my dreams and it’s all lovely and romantic, yet I’d still rather be with Nick.’
‘Then you need to tell him,’ Elise said. ‘When?’
‘Now.’ I stood up. ‘Right now.’
‘Nick, I’m so sorry for what happened last weekend with Andy. I’m so grateful to you for being such an amazing person in putting your own feelings aside to give me the time to work mine out. As you rightly said, I’d always have wondered “what if?” if I hadn’t spent time with Andy but I know now that he isn’t right for me. I now know why things ended so I’ve finally got closure. I had to give Andy a chance but I realised that, every minute I spent with him, I’d have rather spent with you. I know I’ve hurt you and I don’t deserve you back but you said you’d be waiting for me, however long it took. I’m hoping you meant that. Is there any chance you could forgive me and we could try again?’ I looked at Elise. ‘It’s naff isn’t it?’
‘No. It’s heartfelt,’ she said. ‘Did you say he lives on Fountain Street?’
‘Yes.’
Elise turned the car right to head across town.
‘What if I’m too late and he’s met someone else?’
‘I very much doubt that. Not if he loves you as much as he said.’
Nick, I’m so sorry for what happened last weekend… I rehearsed the words over and over again in my head. They really did sound naff. Oh God! We’re nearly there. Too late to change it.
‘What number?’
‘Sixty-two.’ I wound down the window for a better look. ‘Apparently it’s a few doors up from a newsagent’s.’
Elise cruised slowly up the street of three-storey terrace houses, all with Christmas tree lights twinkling in bay windows. Shortly after the shop, she did an impressive reverse parking manoeuvre into a space on the opposite side of the road, turned off the lights and switched off the ignition.
I counted up from the newsagent’s. ‘It must be the one with the light outside.’
‘Ready?’ Elise asked.
‘No, but I have to do this. Will you wait for me in case he’s not in? Or in case he doesn’t want to speak to me?’
‘Of course I
will but I’m sure he’ll want to speak to you.’
‘Am I hypocritical doing this after spending the day kissing Andy?’
Elise squeezed my hand. ‘Don’t think about that. It’s not like you’ve slept with him or anything. You’ve just been on a journey of discovery and you’ve discovered that Andy isn’t the one for you, but you could only have discovered that if you’d let him in a bit, couldn’t you?’
I smiled. I was so lucky to have a thoughtful and understanding friend like Elise. It was time. I took a deep shaky breath. ‘Right. This is it. Do I look okay?’
‘Gorgeous.’
I’d just put my hand on the door handle when Nick’s door opened. I retracted my hand. ‘Movement.’ Sliding down in my seat, I stared as a woman stepped out of the house. Tall and slim with messy long blonde hair, she was casually dressed in skinny jeans with a baggy checked shirt over what looked like a white T-shirt or vest-top. The lack of a coat suggested that she probably had a car somewhere close-by. Sure enough, she rummaged in her jeans pockets and dug out a set of car keys.
Maybe it wasn’t Nick’s house. My hopes were dashed as the woman moved away from the doorway to reveal Nick behind her. Wearing his dressing gown. His hair was all ruffled, as if he’d just got out of bed. The woman reached into her jeans pocket again and handed Nick her keys while she tied her hair back. My heart sank with the realisation that she looked like she’d just got out of bed too. She reached for the keys but Nick pulled her into a tight embrace instead. I held my breath, heart thumping, while he clung onto her, his head nuzzled into her hair. They pulled apart and Nick kissed her. It was only a quick peck but I couldn’t see if it was on her cheek or lips. They spoke and there was lots of nodding, a final hug, then she got into a small silver car and started the engine. Leaning against the doorframe, Nick waved. He stood there long after she’d pulled away, looking in the direction in which the car had gone. He ran his hand through his hair then headed back into his house, closing the door.
New Beginnings at Seaside Blooms Page 23