Crap. I’m too late. Too bloody late.
‘Oh, Sarah. I’m so sorry.’
Elise’s words told me that she’d read exactly the same into the situation as I had. He’d moved on. And why shouldn’t he? I hadn’t given him any indication that he should wait for me. I hadn’t even shown him the courtesy of replying to his Christmas Day text. Pants. Why couldn’t I at least have done that? Why did I have to get distracted with the damn turkey and then forget again today because of Andy?
‘You said he had a sister…?’
‘That wasn’t Callie.’
‘You’ve met her?’
‘No, but Auntie Kay says she’s about my height with dark hair. That was definitely not Callie.’
‘A friend?’
‘I appreciate what you’re doing but did that look like a friend to you? Besides, the only female friend he’s ever mentioned is Skye and I’ve met her.’
‘I’m sure there’s an innocent explanation.’
‘He was in his dressing gown. It’s seven-thirty. They hugged for an eternity. They kissed. He stood on his doorstep for ages looking in the direction she’d gone. It didn’t look innocent. It looked more like two people who’d just got out of bed.’
Elise’s silence spoke volumes.
‘Will you take me home please? And would you mind if I had some time alone?’
She squeezed my arm gently then put the car into gear. We headed back towards Seashell Cottage in silence.
32
The shop couldn’t have been open for more than five minutes the following day when the bell tinkled. A short woman, probably a similar age to me, headed straight for the counter. She smiled at me and removed a deep pink woollen cap, revealing a mop of shoulder-length dark hair. ‘You must be Sarah,’ she said brightly. ‘I’m Carolyn. But you can call me Callie. Everyone does.’
‘Nick’s sister?’ Eek!
‘The very same.’
‘You look just like him.’
‘I know. I get it all the time and I try not to take offence that people think I look like a man.’
‘Oh, I didn’t—’
‘It’s okay. I’m kidding. I’ve been dying to meet you. Nick never stops talking about you.’
‘Really?’ That was probably before his evening of passion with Blonde.
‘Really,’ Callie said. ‘I’ve never heard him so enthusiastic about anyone before.’
‘Oh. You do know—’
‘That you’re not together?’ Callie wrinkled her nose. ‘He told me you have a few things to work out with your ex. So how’s that going?’
‘With Andy?’
‘Yes.’ Callie clapped her hand over her mouth. ‘Oh. I’m so sorry. Don’t answer that. What an awkward question to ask you. You’re hardly going to feel comfortable telling me that things are great when I’m Nick’s sister, are you? I have this terrible habit of engaging mouth before brain.’
I smiled. I already liked her. What a shame Nick had moved on. I could have imagined becoming good friends with Callie. ‘How’s Nick?’ I asked. ‘Have you seen him recently?’
‘Christmas Day. He was a bit tied up yesterday so I didn’t get to see him then.’
I bet he was. And then my mind filled with this horrible image of him quite literally being tied up while Blonde walked round him brandishing a whip. Ew! Stop thinking that.
‘And he was okay?’ I asked.
‘He put on a brave face with it being Christmas but I could tell he’s really upset. I know you’d only just got together but it was love at first sight for him. He told me that on my wedding day. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so happy. Mum and I were beginning to despair that he’d be single forever then along you came and it was like he’d found his soulmate at last.’
I was saved from responding by the arrival of a young couple who smiled and headed towards the gift section.
‘I can see you’re busy,’ Callie said. ‘And I promise I didn’t come in here to have a go at you for breaking my brother’s heart. Ooh. I didn’t mean to say that either because it sounds like you’ve deliberately treated him badly and I know that’s not the case.’ She stopped and grimaced. ‘I’ve just implied you treated him badly too which I know you haven’t. I think I’m just going to stop gibbering and focus on why I came in. Can I order some flowers for Dad’s, Grandma’s, and Granddad’s graves? We have our annual family pilgrimage to the cemetery on New Year’s Day.’
‘Nick mentioned it. Three bouquets of white roses, is it?’
‘Yes please. Half a dozen roses in each for the graves plus three single roses for Nick. Did you know he throws them into the sea?’
I nodded.
‘It’s really sweet of him,’ she continued. ‘He goes down to Lighthouse Point and throws in the roses at two minutes past eleven promptly as that’s the exact time and day that Grandma died. She was the last to leave us. He stays there for about ten minutes then he picks Mum and me up, takes us to the cemetery, then the three of us have lunch. It’s been the same routine for years.’
‘Do you ever go to the lighthouse with him?’
‘No. Never. It’s his thing. He started doing it the year after Grandma died so he’d have been about seventeen or so but we didn’t know about it until years later. Mum and I have always respected his need for a private moment.’
I could picture him standing at the end of Lighthouse Point, lost in thought as he tossed the stems into the water. Suddenly I imagined me in the picture, a few paces away from him to give him space. He’d throw the roses, murmur a few words then turn to me for comfort. I had to stop torturing myself like that. We weren’t together. If anyone was going to be there to comfort him, it was going to be Blonde and I had to accept that he’d moved on.
I turned my attention back to Callie. ‘When do you want them? New Year’s Eve?’
‘Yes please. Sometime in the afternoon.’
‘Will Nick come in to collect them?’ I tried to sound disinterested but I don’t think I pulled it off.
‘No. Just me, I’m afraid. He’s actually in town with me this morning and he wanted to come in but he was worried it would make things awkward for you. He’s so lovely like that, always thinking of others. I have a message from him, though.’
‘Oh. What did he say?’ That he still loved me? That he desperately wanted me to be with him and I should send Andy packing and run away with him instead?
‘He hopes that you’ll start going to Bay Trade in the New Year. Apparently you made a really good impression and they’d love you to join.’
Was that all? He wanted me to go to Bay Trade? Oh well, I guess I couldn’t really expect any declarations of love given that he’d so clearly moved on. Not that I had any right to judge him for that after spending so much time with Andy.
‘I’d like to,’ I admitted. Aside from the fact that I liked them, it had already proved lucrative for business with Skye’s exhibition confirmed and the potential contract at The Ramparts. ‘But I don’t want Nick to feel uncomfortable. He set it up and they’re his friends.’
‘Don’t be so daft. He’d love you to go.’
‘Tell him maybe February or March. Give things time to settle.’
‘I’ll tell him. I’d better go. I think you’re needed.’ Callie indicated the couple who were approaching the counter with a photo frame and a soft giraffe. ‘It was lovely to meet you. I’ll see you next week for the roses. And sorry about all that stuff about you and Nick. None of my business.’
‘It’s fine. Honestly.’ I waved her off.
After the couple paid for their gifts and left, I sat down heavily on the stool by the counter. Why hadn’t I asked her about Blonde? But I knew the answer; I didn’t want to hear that he’d moved on. To have her confirm it would have taken away the tiniest possibility that it was innocent and I still stood a chance with him.
✉︎ From Andy
Hi gorgeous. Can I pick you up at the cottage at 6.30 instead of the shop? Wrap up warm again.
Can’t wait to see you tonight xx
* * *
✉︎ To Andy
OK. See you there
I couldn’t bring myself to put kisses or even a smiley face on my text. I didn’t feel very smiley. What I felt was very guilty as I watched the little envelope sending my text. Should I be honest with Andy and tell him how I felt about Nick? Or should I keep trying with him and forget about Nick like he’d forgotten about me? But what if it was innocent with Blonde and Nick really was still waiting for me?
The door opened, signalling a welcome interruption to my confused thoughts. ‘Crikey, sweetheart, you look like Santa forgot you’d moved. I don’t know if I dare ask if you had a good Christmas.’
I smiled at Cathy and Jade. ‘Sorry. Miles away. Christmas was great, thanks. What about you two?’
‘It was lovely, thank you,’ Cathy said. ‘But the best bit was Jade’s news.’
‘Oh yes?’ I looked expectantly at Jade, anticipating some news about an exam result or something like that. I certainly didn’t expect her to bounce up and down excitedly, thrust out her left hand and squeal, ‘I got engaged.’
Engaged? I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend. On autopilot, my hand reached for hers and I looked down at the shiny platinum band and sparkling solitaire diamond. It was stunning. Simple. But absolutely stunning.
‘When?’ I eventually managed to whisper.
‘Midnight on Christmas Eve.’
‘She’s been with Aaron since she was twelve,’ Cathy gushed. ‘He’s a lovely young man.’
‘How did he propose?’ I asked. The ring was just like the one I dreamed about. I hoped the proposal wasn’t though. I knew I was torturing myself by asking but I felt compelled to know.
‘He said he had a special present he wanted me to have without my family around. He stood me in front of the Christmas tree and told me to close my eyes. I thought it was going to be something embarrassing like underwear, but when he told me to open my eyes, he was on bended knee. He cried when I said yes.’
‘When’s the big day?’ A huge lump choked the words. Jade looked radiant with happiness. I’d seen that look so many times and it made me feel further and further away from my own hopes and dreams.
‘Summer the year after next when I’ve finished college.’
‘I’m so happy for you, Jade.’ I said. ‘I know a great florist you must use. She’ll do you a cracking deal.’
They laughed and Cathy hugged her daughter. ‘I’m so proud,’ she said. ‘I know some people will think they’re too young but they’re such sensible kids and, as I’ve already said, Aaron is lovely. Perfect son-in-law material.’
I smiled. ‘He sounds great. Congratulations! Look, I know you’ve just arrived and you haven’t even got your coats off, but Mum’s running late and I’m dying for the loo. You couldn’t hold the fort for a moment while I go, could you?’
‘Of course,’ Cathy said. ‘We don’t want any puddles on your nice new floor.’
Tucked away in the toilet cubicle, I sat down and rested my head against the cool wall while the tears flowed. I was genuinely delighted for Jade but devastated at another reminder that it was always someone else, never me, who was getting married. Someone else who wouldn’t be all alone like my Uncle Alan. My shoulders sank even further at the terrifying prospect of being alone. Maybe I should forget about Nick and give in to Andy? If he loved me as much as he said, maybe a proposal was just round the corner? But did I want to marry him? I sighed as I dabbed my eyes then blew my nose. If I said yes to trying again with Andy, would it be like Jason all over again, together because it seemed we should be rather than because he really was the only one for me?
‘What are we doing here?’ I asked. ‘It’s freezing.’ Andy had picked me up at half six as promised, checked I was wrapped up warm, then drove me down to South Bay.
‘Patience,’ he said. ‘You’ll like it, though. I promise.’
He took my gloved hand as we crossed the road and guided me towards Lighthouse Point – a stretch of rocks with a wide path on the top that led to the stripy lighthouse at the entrance to the harbour. It was where that photo of my grandma was taken. And it was where Nick would be throwing roses into the sea on New Year’s Day. Of all the places he could have brought me, why did it have to be there? I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. Stop thinking about Nick. Focus on Andy.
‘It’s a bit cold and dark,’ I moaned, wishing I was back at Seashell Cottage in front of a blazing fire. Without Andy. And ideally with Nick.
‘It’s not that cold and I did check you were wrapped up warm before we left the cottage. It’s not my fault if you’re not wearing enough layers.’
‘I didn’t know you were bringing me down to the seafront.’ I thrust my gloved hands into my coat pockets.
‘According to the temperature gauge in the car, it’s a couple of degrees warmer down here than it was in town.’
I could well believe it. It was a still evening and I actually felt quite toasty, but I also felt irritated and the weather seemed like a good thing to moan about. Saved me from addressing the real issue.
Andy offered his arm but I shook my head. ‘Warmer in my pockets.’
‘Are you okay?’ he asked, stopping. ‘You don’t seem yourself tonight.’
‘I’m fine.’ Except I really wasn’t. And what I was doing to Andy wasn’t fine either. It wasn’t his fault about Nick… well, ultimately it was, but it wasn’t his fault how I was feeling so I needed to either be nice to him or be honest and tell him that getting back together was never going to happen and he should go back to London. I took a deep breath. ‘There’s something I need to tell you…’
My phone beeped in my pocket. Happy to postpone the awkward conversation, I reached for it, muttering my excuses.
✉︎ From Elise
Just seen Nick and Blonde hugging. Sorry xx
‘Everything okay?’ asked Andy.
‘Sorry. Just a bit of bad news but I’ll get over it.’
‘Anything I can help with?’
‘No. I don’t think anything can be done about it.’
We walked in silence for a while. ‘You said there was something you wanted to tell me…’ Andy prompted.
‘Did I?’ What was the point? I’d blown it with Nick. I wasn’t sure if Andy was right for me but he’d extended his booking at The Ramparts and was around for a few more days. Maybe that was enough time to fall in love with him again. It wasn’t like I didn’t enjoy his company or find him attractive. I’d loved him once before. With time, it might happen again.
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘I’ve forgotten what I was going to say. Couldn’t have been that important.’ I took my hand out my pocket and linked his arm.
‘Wait here a moment,’ he said when we’d almost reached the lighthouse. He took several steps forward, put his fingers in his mouth, and whistled loudly. A couple of teens appeared. He handed them something, then they ran past me down the pier.
‘What was all that about?’ I asked when Andy returned to my side.
‘They were keeping an eye on something for me. Come on.’ He took my hand and led me to the side of the lighthouse where a picnic blanket covered the ground. There were some cushions on it, an ice bucket holding what looked like champagne, two glasses and a box of expensive chocolates.
‘Andy! When did you do this?’
‘Just before I collected you. Would the pretty lady like to take a seat?’
He took my hand again as I lowered myself onto one of the cushions. ‘I’ve got something else too.’ He rummaged under the blanket and produced a pan with a big red bow tied to it. He held it out to me. ‘For the one I killed.’
I laughed as I accepted it. ‘You didn’t have to do that, but thanks.’
Andy looked a little lost as to what to do next. Feeling my impatience with him ebbing away, I patted the blanket next to me. He looked grateful as he plonked himself down. ‘Champagne?’ he asked.
‘Are we celebratin
g something?’
‘Every day I get to see you is a celebration.’
I looked at him, shocked, and we both started laughing. ‘That was one of the worst lines I’ve ever heard,’ I said when the laughter subsided.
‘I promise you it sounded better in my head. I’m so sorry.’ Andy hung his head in shame. ‘Can you forgive me for being so cheesy?’
He reminded me of a naughty puppy desperately seeking approval. Poor Andy. He was trying so hard. I had to stop thinking about myself and think about him and how tough it must be giving everything and getting so little in return. I felt an overwhelming desire to kiss him again but decided to go for a hug instead.
When I pulled away, Andy poured the champagne and offered me a chocolate. Both were icy cold and delicious.
With the champagne bubbles going straight to my head, I finally felt myself relax. As I emptied my third glass in the space of about twenty minutes, there was a momentary pause in our small-talk about what we’d done that day. I looked towards the seafront where the illuminations around the cinema, the theatre, and various amusement arcades twinkled invitingly. It was all very romantic. Gazing back at his profile as he looked up towards Whitsborough Bay Castle, high on the cliff top beyond the harbour, I willed myself to feel something for him. I didn’t need fireworks to go off, but I did need a little spark.
‘Are we going to sit here for long?’ I asked, starting to feel the cold.
I thought he tutted but surely not; that would be rude. He looked at his watch and said a little too brightly, ‘Any minute now. Look up towards the castle.’
New Beginnings at Seaside Blooms Page 24