I did as instructed and jumped as a loud bang resonated and the air filled with red sparks followed by blue then green.
‘Oh my God! Did you organise this?’
‘Yes.’
‘For me?’
‘Of course.’
‘I love fireworks.’
‘I know.’
Despite the cold, a warm fuzzy feeling enveloped me. ‘You’re amazing,’ I said. And I realised I meant it. ‘First the balloon flight and now all this.’ I moved in for another hug but he unexpectedly caught me in a kiss instead. As the sky filled with explosions, I completely surrendered to the moment, kissing him back passionately.
But as he drove me back to Seashell Cottage half an hour later, a feeling of uneasiness took a hold again. Did I only kiss him because I’d drunk half a bottle of champagne on an empty stomach? Therefore, was it genuine desire for Andy or yet another ill-advised alcohol-soaked decision spurred on by the arrival of Elise’s text and the excitement of the fireworks?
As I stared out of the window, I heard Clare’s voice in my head from our phone call after the balloon trip: ‘I think the only thing he missed out was some fireworks, which was a missed opportunity because he must remember how much you love them.’ Oh my God! Was she right? Was it all contrived? And was that a bad thing?
33
✉︎ From Andy
Last night on the pier was amazing. I don’t want to be pushy but I do have to be back at work on Monday. I know it’s Saturday and you’re busy at work but can we talk tonight? Please xx
I twiddled with a piece of foliage. He was right. He’d been very patient so far.
✉︎ To Andy
I’ve got some stuff to do but, you’re right, we do need to talk. Can we say 8 pm at Seashell Cottage? Can you eat at the hotel first?
* * *
✉︎ From Andy
Will do. See you at 8 xx
I slipped my mobile back into my jeans pocket and returned to the bouquet I was making, but it was a struggle to concentrate. My mind kept wandering to the evening ahead and every time I tried to visualise us sitting on the sofa having a serious discussion about what the future may hold for us, my thoughts drifted to an image of me lying on the sofa kissing Nick. A flush crept up my body.
✉︎ From Elise
Really hate to say this but I saw Nick & Blonde together again earlier. Are you free tonight for a catch up?
* * *
✉︎ To Elise
Serves me right. Would have loved to meet up but Andy’s coming round for a serious talk. Bit nervous. He’s been amazing this week despite me being hot and cold on him
* * *
✉︎ From Elise
Don’t rush into anything because of Blonde. We’re guessing they’re an item but we don’t know for sure. Can I suggest you take Nick out of the equation & ask yourself if Andy really is the one for you? Can you really imagine growing old with him? xx
‘Thanks for your help, Mum.’ We’d had a run on newborn and christening gifts so Mum offered to stay back after closing time to help me re-stock the shelves. Two pairs of hands would make speedy work of it and save me from coming in early on Monday. ‘Can I ask you a question?’
‘Of course.’
I unwrapped a silver piggy bank and placed it gently on one of the glass shelves. ‘It’s about you and Dad.’
Mum nodded. ‘And?’
I carefully folded the tissue to go back in the box. ‘When I split up with Andy after university, you told me that you and Dad split up for a while when you were younger…’
Mum picked up another box and unwrapped the contents before answering. ‘I was about to do my nursing training and your dad had a joinery apprenticeship lined up so we’d be living two hours apart. Neither of us could afford cars and there weren’t the transport or communication links we have these days. There was parental pressure on both sides. It was all, “You’re too young, it’s too far, you’ll meet other people” and we started believing what they said. So we split up.’
‘Did you regret it?’
‘Of course. We both tried to be mature about it but being apart from your dad was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. We both knew we’d found The One and it didn’t matter to us that we’d met when we were fifteen.’
‘How long were you apart?’
‘About three months. I finished my studies for Christmas, bumped into your dad that evening, and we knew we had to be together.’ She picked up another box to unpack. ‘I take it this is about Andy?’
I nodded. ‘How did you know that Dad was The One?’
Mum put the box down on the shelf and turned to fully face me. ‘Because I couldn’t imagine my life without him. Being apart was unbearable and, when I thought of a future without him, I wanted to curl up and die. I knew we were going to have a few tough years living so far apart but that was short-term. I knew we’d have a lifetime together afterwards. When I thought of the future, all I could picture was your dad and I growing old together.’
‘Thanks, Mum.’ I picked up another box and opened the lid then stopped. ‘The problem I have is that I can imagine growing old with Nick although I think I’ve blown my chances. But I don’t know if I can imagine it with Andy anymore.’
‘Then you have a tough decision to make. Come here.’ She put her arms round me and held me tightly. ‘Like I said on Christmas Day, don’t be rushed into making a decision just because he’s heading back to London. If he really loves you… and, let’s face it, he’d be mad not to, he’ll wait.’
‘What if I want to get some closure and make the decision tonight?’
‘I say do it. But I suggest you think back to the last major life-changing decision you had to make. How did you decide between London and here?’
I stared at the columns of Post-it notes stuck to the wardrobe in the spare bedroom at Seashell Cottage. A large sky blue rectangular Post-it note posed my dilemma: SHOULD I TRY AGAIN WITH ANDY? Beneath it was a column of ‘for’ arguments on mint green square notes and ‘against’ on pale pink; the closest colours I could find to replicate stop and go lights.
FOR
Used to be perfect
Loved him for years
Always thought meant to be
We’ve had fun
He’s gorgeous
He’s rich
He wants to marry me – I think
He’s called Steven
* * *
AGAINST
He broke my heart
Is it love… or nostalgia?
Clare’s comments: why now?
Will the fun last?
Looks & £ – so what?
Mum: grow old together?
Do I want to marry him?
He lives in London – too far
Stepping back and scanning down the columns, I sighed. Pretty much every ‘for’ had a corresponding entry in the ‘against’ column including something neither of us had mentioned until now: location. I had a six-days-a-week job in North Yorkshire. He had a demanding career in London with regular trips abroad. How on earth would that work?
I clicked the pen again and scribbled on another pink Post-it and stuck it at the bottom of the ‘against’ column.
He’s not Nick
I couldn’t take my eyes off the two last entries in each column. He’s called Steven but he’s not Nick. I sat down on the edge of the spare bed. He’s not Nick.
My mobile phone beeped.
✉︎ From Auntie Kay
Skyped your mum earlier. I made her tell me about Nick and Andy. You must be so confused. She says you’re meeting Andy to talk tonight. I’ve sent you an email and urge you to read it before you make any decisions. Never forget you’re my favourite niece and I only want what’s right for you xxxxx
I frowned at the text, a feeling of anxiety sweeping over me as I quickly tapped in a response.
✉︎ To Auntie Kay
Sounds ominous. Will read it now xxxxx
I closed the bedro
om door and headed downstairs, curling up on the sofa with my laptop on my knee.
Hi Sarah,
I wish I was at home right now to say this in person rather than by email. Your mum told me about you splitting up with Nick because of Andy re-appearing.
I’m sure you know whom I’d rather see you with but this is your choice, not mine. All I want is for my favourite niece to be happy and I can imagine you’re having a tough time working out whether Andy or Nick is the one who can make you happy long-term.
I’m going to tell you something that I know you’re curious about…
When I was 16, I had a boyfriend called Tim. He joined the army and was posted overseas after 18 months together. We were young and the distance was too hard. I was devastated when it ended because I thought Tim was The One.
But then I met Charlie Blake at a barn dance in one of the nearby villages and, the moment we saw each other, something clicked into place for both of us. He was very different to Tim but he was perfect for me.
On my 21st birthday, 15 months after we met, Charlie was going to take me out for a meal, but he never turned up. He’d been driving along the coast road to collect me – a road he knew so well – but he must have swerved to avoid a sheep or a deer because his car left the road and careered down the cliff.
The next day, they recovered the car and Charlie’s body. In his pocket was an engagement ring with our initials engraved inside. I had no idea he was going to propose.
You know that ring I wear? It’s not my mum’s engagement ring, it’s the one Charlie bought me.
I never wanted to date again. I couldn’t face getting close to someone and experiencing such an overwhelming feeling of loss ever again and, if I’m honest, who was ever going to live up to the high standard Charlie had set?
Everyone kept telling me that time was a great healer and Charlie would have wanted me to move on. People say things enough times and you start to believe them.
Tim’s posting ended and he came home. Somehow, we picked up where we’d left off.
We’d often double-date with your mum and dad. One evening I was watching them together and it struck me that they had what I’d had with Charlie and that it was something I didn’t have with Tim. We’d talked about getting married and having a family and I realised that I couldn’t do it. If I couldn’t have what your parents had – or what I’d had with Charlie – I’d rather be on my own. Tim and I split up that evening.
I’ve been so blessed as I’ve not missed out on having a family thanks to you and Ben. Being able to see the sea from Seashell Cottage has helped me feel close to Charlie. I feel comforted listening to the waves and thinking I can hear him calling me.
I swore your parents to secrecy as I didn’t want anyone to try and talk me into getting over Charlie and moving on. I’d been there and done that with Tim and I broke his heart. I didn’t want to put me or anyone else through that again.
So, there you go. I’ve loved and I’ve lost and I never want to do it again. One day, Charlie and I will be together. Until then, I’ve got my extended family of four who mean the world to me.
You may be wondering what this has to do with you and your present dilemma. There are two men in your life right now and I want you to think carefully about who your Tim is and who your Charlie is…
Tim is someone you care for very deeply and have a great relationship with, but who isn’t your matching heart. Is Andy your Tim who, just like mine, also represents the past catching up with you? Or is Nick your Tim: someone who you feel a strong draw towards but, deep down, you know isn’t the man of your dreams?
Charlie, on the other hand, is the person you cannot imagine living without. He’s the one you think about first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and most of the time in-between. He’s the one who makes you laugh but also makes you cry, the one who gives you butterflies, the one you want to grow old with. He’s your soulmate. You know what this looks like; just look at your parents.
Who do you have that with? Andy or Nick? If it’s neither, then end it with both before you cause you or them more heartbreak. And don’t panic about becoming like your Uncle Alan. Even if you stay single, you’ll never be alone like him as you have a family and great friends who’ll always be here for you. If you do choose one, make sure you’re not settling for second best; your Tim.
I’m going to say goodbye now because I think I’ve lectured you enough.
Find your Charlie, Sarah, and hang onto him with all your strength because he’ll be worth it and, no matter what that CD says, don’t let the Steven thing be your guide. Let your heart be your guide xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I wiped my eyes with shaking hands then rummaged in my pocket for a tissue. Wow! That was unexpected. Poor Auntie Kay. I had no idea. No wonder she got mad when I set her up.
I was about to type in a reply when my phone beeped. Nick.
✉︎ From Nick
Sorry I sent Callie in yesterday but I did promise you I’d stay away. It wasn’t easy, though. I came to town with her and must have walked past your shop 20 times while you were with her, trying to pluck up the courage to come in. But a promise is a promise, no matter how hard it is to keep! I really miss you! Hope you’re happy and Andy is treating you well. Thinking of you, always xx
He missed me? He was thinking of me? That wasn’t a text from someone who’d moved on. Did it mean Blonde was out of the picture? Or that she was never in the picture? Maybe she was just a one-off? But Elise had seen them together twice since.
Sitting back in the chair, I reflected on Auntie Kay’s email, what Mum had said, and my session with my Post-it notes. The one common theme was whether I could imagine growing old with Andy. Would he be the one who stopped me being alone?
I typed in a quick reply to Auntie Kay to thank her for her email, say sorry for her loss, let her know my decision, and tell her I’d send her a longer reply later.
Almost as soon as I finished typing, there was a loud knock on the door. Time to face up to things…
34
‘Sorry I’m late.’ Andy handed me a small cream bag with black rope handles.
‘What’s this?’ I didn’t need to ask. I recognised the bag as one from Castle Jewellery five doors down from Seaside Blooms. ‘You’ve been far too generous already.’
Andy grinned. ‘You deserve it. Can I come in? It’s freezing out here.’
‘Sorry. Miles away.’ I stepped back to let him pass and gagged as I was hit by an overpowering wave of red wine. Had he showered in the stuff?
Following him into the lounge I hovered in the doorway wondering what the etiquette was in a situation like this. Should I open the gift and act like everything was fine? Should I hand him the gift back and insist that we talk first? Should I just blurt out my decision?
‘I don’t bite, you know.’ Andy patted the spare seat next to him on the sofa. ‘And neither do the contents of that bag.’
I looked down and realised I was holding it out in front of me like a dirty nappy.
‘Are you okay, Sarah?’
Now there was a question. If I was honest, I was anything but okay at that very moment. I just wanted to curl up in a ball on my bed with Mr Pink and my cats and make it all go away. I hated the situation I was in. Absolutely hated it. Whatever I said or did, someone was going to get hurt.
‘Sit down and open your gift,’ he said, patting the sofa again, and looking at me with big puppy-dog eyes.
‘Okay, you win.’ I perched on the edge of the sofa and opened the black jewellery case to reveal a necklace with a brushed silver rose pendant and matching earrings.
‘They’re gorgeous, Andy.’
‘Roses are still your favourites?’
I nodded as I stared at the jewellery, wondering what to do next.
Andy reached for the box and removed the necklace. ‘Here. Let me. You put the earrings on and I’ll fasten this.’
Too gutless to argue, I removed my silver studs and replaced them wit
h the roses, then lifted my hair and twisted around so he could fasten the necklace from behind. The light trace of his fingertips against my neck sent a little shiver of pleasure through me. Damn! I couldn’t help it; I still felt something for him. Years of loving him followed by years of longing to be with him weren’t going to disappear overnight, no matter what I felt for Nick.
A light kiss on my neck made me gasp. My pulse raced as he kissed me again and ran his fingers through my hair. It felt amazing. But we had to talk. I had to be honest with him. I had to… Oh God, what’s he doing to me? More kisses on my neck transported me back to our university days when he’d kiss my neck and shoulders until I was practically begging for him. It still had the same effect. I wanted him. I wanted him so badly. I twisted round and our lips met with longing and urgency.
The taste of red wine on his tongue jolted my mind from passion to reality. I didn’t love him. I was certain of that. It was only lust and nostalgia confusing my feelings. I loved Nick, though. Even though I believed he’d moved on, I felt like I was being unfaithful to him and very unfair to Andy.
‘What’s up?’ he asked when I pulled away.
‘I need a drink. I’ll be back in a moment.’
Without a second glance at him, I darted out of the lounge and sought refuge in the kitchen. Grabbing a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc out of the fridge, I held it against one flushed cheek, then the other. Phew! That was close.
The stairs creaked. Andy obviously needed the toilet, which meant I had a bit more time to compose myself and plan my next steps. Well, they could certainly start with a drink. I unscrewed the lid and poured myself half a glass, which I gulped down instantly.
New Beginnings at Seaside Blooms Page 25