The Trouble with Emily Dickinson

by Lyndsey D'Arcangelo

  “I’ll leave you two kids alone,” Queenie volunteered, and gave up her seat. She raised an eyebrow at JJ as if to say, “Who is this creep?”

  Kyan sat down across from JJ, uninvited. He had the kind of look on his face that said he either was incredibly desperate or had just flunked a test. “I need you to do something for me,” he said.

  “I’m sorry—what?” JJ returned.

  “I said I need you to do something for me.”

  “Um—why?”

  “Because you seem like a nice person.”

  JJ hated the fact that he was right. “True, but I’m still not following you.”

  “You’re friends with Kendal McCarthy, right?”

  “You could say that.” JJ’s eyes drifted over to the cheerleading table. It was empty.

  “Come on. I used to see you two hanging around together all the time. I know you’re tight with her.” Kyan leaned in and whispered, “That’s why I want you to talk to her about me.”

  “Talk to her about you?”

  “Yes.”

  “And why would I do that exactly?”

  “Because I want to go out with her.”

  JJ cocked her head to one side, and asked the obvious question that was dancing on her tongue. “Why don’t you just ask her yourself?”

  “She’s kind of playing hard to get, if you know what I mean.” Kyan reached up and idly scratched his right bicep, which appeared as though it was about to burst out of his tightly-fitting sweater. “And I know how girls always listen to their friends when it comes to dating guys. I just need you to say a few nice things about me.”

  “Why me?”

  “Because you’re her friend.”

  “But I hardly know you.”

  “What’s to know? I’m the captain of the soccer team, I’m going to go to law school, I’m popular, and,” he smiled devilishly, “it’s been said that I’m one of the best looking guys at school. Why wouldn’t you want her to date a guy like me?”

  I could think of a thousand reasons why not, JJ thought.

  “All I need you to do is give her a little nudge in my direction,” Kyan explained.

  “Listen, I don’t think I’m the right person to—”

  “Because I really like her. And this would help me out a lot.”

  JJ sat there, entirely confused. The conversation seemed so out of the realm of reality that she almost pinched herself to see if she were dreaming. “Look, I can appreciate your interest in Kendal,” she said, “but I’m not the person you should be talking to.”

  “Why not?” Kyan practically whined. “You two seem like best friends or something.”

  “We aren’t best friends. We aren’t even friends. I was her tutor. That’s it. We don’t even talk anymore. Why don’t you ask one of her cheerleading buddies to help you out?”

  “I did. Kendal didn’t listen to them.”

  “Then I’d doubt she’d listen to me.” JJ stood up and pushed her chair in. “I’m sorry. I can’t help you.”

  “Wait—” Kyan reached over and grabbed hold of JJ’s arm as she passed by his side of the table. “Can’t you at least give me some advice on how to win her over? Anything at all?”

  “Like I said, I can’t help you.” JJ stared at his hand until he let go. “I’ve got a game to get to,” she told him sharply.

  “That’s it?” Kyan called after her as she walked away. “You won’t even consider helping me out?”

  CHAPTER 29

  The game had been close, too close for JJ’s liking, but the Sampson Lady Yellow Jackets were able to pull out a win against a formidable rival. Queenie had played superbly, according to Coach Cook, and finished the night with an admirable sixteen points. JJ had played well, too, well enough to redeem herself in Coach’s eyes by turning in eight assists and scoring twelve points.

  “Now that’s the JJ I know and love,” Coach Cook said after the end of the game. “That’s the JJ I need to run this offense for the rest of the season.” And so it was official. JJ had secured her starting position.

  The team stood in a circle in the middle of the locker room as Coach Cook rambled on about the game.

  “We’ve still got a lot to work on, ladies. But I’m pleased with what I saw out on the floor tonight. You not only played with skill, but you also played with heart. And heart is what we need—”

  JJ’s mind drifted as she pretended to listen to what Coach Cook was saying. After the game, as she was making her way to the locker room, laughing and relishing the win with her teammates, she’d noticed an unusual face in the crowd. Their eyes met for only a moment before JJ had to look away. She was glad she hadn’t noticed her during the game because then she would have been distracted, she wouldn’t have been able to concentrate, and maybe she wouldn’t have been able to play as well as she had. But now that she’d seen her in the stands, she couldn’t help but wonder what in the world THE Kendal McCarthy was doing there. They hadn’t spoken since Kendal had stood JJ up. They hadn’t even as much as made eye contact. There was no apology, whether by text or by phone. So JJ figured their friendship, or whatever it was, was over.

  “Now I want you to enjoy the win for tonight. But tomorrow we start with a clean record once again. Tomorrow we get back to the basics and we start preparing for our next game against William and Mary.”

  Coach Cook threw her hand into the center of the circle. Everyone else followed suit. “Great team effort tonight, ladies. Great team effort. I want team on three! One, two, three!”

  The word team reverberated throughout the locker room and Coach Cook’s after-game speech finally had ended.

  Coach left the room, floating on a natural high that JJ and Queenie assumed would carry her through the rest of the evening.

  “Coach can certainly ramble on when she wants to,” Queenie said, as she pulled on her warm-ups.

  “She just rambles when she’s happy,” JJ said. “When we lose, it’s a different story. Then it’s always short and sweet.”

  “Can’t wait to hear those pep talks. I’m glad we won though. By the way, was that the girl’s team or the boy’s team we just played?”

  “The way they knocked your skinny butt around, you wouldn’t know, would you?”

  “Knocked me around? I’m all muscle,” Queenie declared, as she flexed her arms. “I can hold my own.”

  “You definitely played well tonight. How did Coach put it exactly? Superbly?”

  “You weren’t so bad yourself. Looks like you’re back on Coach’s good side.”

  “It’s about time.”

  Queenie sniffed her underarms, “Man, I stink. You ready? I want to get back and shower before we go out.”

  JJ checked in and around her locker to make sure she wasn’t leaving anything behind. “I’m ready. And what’s this ‘we’ stuff? Do you have another lesbian in your pocket or something?”

  “Come on, we won a game! That sounds like a good enough reason to celebrate to me.”

  “I thought you didn’t care if we won or lost?”

  “I don’t care if we lose, but when we win it gives me an excuse to go out.”

  “I think I’m going to stay in tonight.” JJ yawned and stretched. “I don’t think I’ve recovered from the fire escape incident just yet.”

  They left the locker room together, discussing the highlights of the game as they reentered the gym. JJ was in the middle of reliving a sweet behind-the-back pass that she’d made to Queenie late in the third quarter, when she noticed that Kendal was still sitting on the bleachers.

  “The point guard didn’t even see where the ball went!” Queenie exclaimed before she realized that JJ wasn’t walking beside her anymore. As soon as she saw Kendal making her way down the bleachers one step at a time, she knew why.

  “Give me a moment,” JJ whispered.

  Queenie hesitated.

  “Please?”

  “Okay. I’ll see you back at the dorm.”

  JJ composed herself and stood as tal
l as she could in an otherwise defensive stance, debating whether or not she should meet Kendal halfway or stay where she was. By the time she made up her mind, Kendal already stood in front of her.

  “Great game. You’re really good.”

  “Thanks,” JJ replied as evenly as possible.

  “I’ve never actually been to women’s basketball game before.” Kendal took in the empty gym. “It was exciting and fun to watch.”

  “You know what they say, there’s a first time for everything.”

  ”That’s very true.”

  A lull in the already struggling conversation irritated JJ.

  “Hey, look,” she said roughly. “I’m glad you came to the game. But I’ve really got to get—”

  “I didn’t come here just to watch the game,” Kendal interrupted. “I came here to apologize.”

  “For?”

  “For standing you up. For avoiding you. For making you think that—”

  “That you are as shallow as the rest of the cheerleading squad?”

  Kendal closed her eyes. “I know how it looked,” she said. “But it’s not what you think.”

  “You know, Queenie warned me. She said you’d get all freaked out when your friends started wondering why we were hanging out so much.” JJ shoved her hands angrily in her pockets. “She said you’d stop talking to me. And I stuck up for you. I said you’d never do anything like that. Guess you proved her right.”

  “I didn’t freak out, as you put it,” said Kendal. “You know me.”

  “No, I don’t. That’s the problem. I don’t know you at all.”

  “Yes, you do.” Kendal reached out and touched JJ on the arm. “You know me better than anyone else at this school.”

  JJ took a giant step backwards. “I thought I knew you,” she said, as she bent over to pick up her gym bag off the floor. “And then I realized that you’re not the person I thought you were at all.”

  “At least give me a chance to apologize, to explain what happened,” Kendal pleaded.

  “If you’re so eager to apologize, why did you wait so long to talk to me? I’ve seen you around campus and you acted as if I wasn’t there.”

  Kendal cringed, “I know—I was embarrassed about what happened. And I thought you were angry with me and needed some space. I just want to explain—”

  “You don’t have to explain anything. It is what it is.” JJ slung her gym bag over her shoulder. “Good luck with the rest of your semester, you know, with Emily Dickinson and your Women’s Literature class. I know you’ll do well.” She turned to walk away then stopped abruptly. “Oh, and you should probably know that Kyan Stevens is head over heels for you.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “He stopped by to see me earlier today. Wanted me to put in a good word for him. Apparently he thought we were good friends or something. I guess he likes you a lot.”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because maybe you should give him a chance. Maybe he’s not such a bad guy after all. Maybe he can give you some of those ‘wild nights’ you’ve been wishing for.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah. He’s perfect for you. And I’m sure all of your friends would approve.”

  Kendal opened her mouth wide but JJ didn’t wait for her to respond. Instead, against her better judgment, she decided to walk away. But when Kendal didn’t try to stop her or come running after her, she wondered if she’d made the right decision.

  CHAPTER 30

  While she hid strategically behind the big chunky couch in the school lounge, Kendal wondered if Queenie had spotted her. From where she hid, she clearly could see Queenie standing in front of her student mailbox, shuffling through its contents. She was dressed as if she were going out downtown, in faded jeans, a v-neck sweater and an expensive black leather jacket.

  To Kendal’s right sat a group of students of various ages, races and religious beliefs. They were a part of the Cultural Awareness Society. Kendal had sneaked into the school lounge under their cover, and pretended to be involved in their group meeting as she kept a watchful eye on Queenie.

  “And you are?” Kendal heard a voice ask. She turned her head to see the Cultural Awareness Society president staring directly at her from the podium in the center of the room. His eyes were warm and welcoming, intent on nursing her out of the shadow of the couch.

  Kendal stood slowly, gradually exposing herself to the rest of the group. They all wore matching smiles along with their Cultural Awareness Society pins.

  “Yes, you behind the couch.” The president pointed a finger. “What’s your name?”

  “Kendal—”

  “Hello, Kendal. Everyone, please say hello to Kendal.”

  “Hello, Kendal,” the students said in unison.

  Kendal gave a slight and awkward wave.

  “What brings you to our meeting tonight, Kendal?”

  “Well—” Kendal stammered and pulled at her fingers. She could see Queenie close and lock her mailbox and head for the doors.

  “It’s okay, take your time,” the president said patiently.

  “I, I,” Kendal’s eyes darted around the room and then down at her feet. “I was—I’m not here for the meeting, really, I—” She saw a quarter protruding from the couch cushion and quickly bent over to snatch it up. When she stood up, she gladly showed the group the shiny quarter in her hand. “See, earlier today I dropped some change in the couch. But look, I found it!”

  The entire group looked at her strangely. Kendal could only flash them a quick apologetic smile before she hurried away from the couch.

  “Sorry to interrupt!” she called over her shoulder as she shoved the quarter into her jeans pocket and pushed through the doors.

  Queenie was standing on the curb outside, talking on her cell phone. She kept checking her watch after every other sentence, as if she were waiting for someone who obviously was late.

  Kendal approached her slowly, and tapped her gently on the shoulder. She spun around and the phone dropped from her ear to her side.

  “Can I help you?” Queenie asked.

  “Do you have a minute?”

  Queenie gestured at the phone in her hand, and then looked back at Kendal.

  “It’s important,” Kendal insisted.

  Queenie slowly returned the phone to her ear. “Hey. Yeah. Meet me in five minutes instead. Just give me five minutes.” She hung up the phone and slid it into her back pocket, then crossed her arms over her chest. “You’ve got five minutes.”

  “Five minutes is all I need,” Kendal said. She took a deep breath and plunged forward into the chilly night air. “I already know what you think of me. But you’ve got it wrong. I wasn’t going to stop talking to JJ. In fact, I want to do the exact opposite. I want to talk to her more. I want to—spend more time with her. I want to—I don’t know. I really—”

  “Why’d you stand her up then?” Queenie challenged. “Why did you suddenly stop talking to her? And why did you do exactly what I said you’d do?”

  “Because I was confused. I’m still confused. And I needed some space to think about my confusion.” Kendal caught a glimpse of the moon over Queenie’s right shoulder. It distracted her for a moment.

  “Confused about what?”

  “Feelings. School. Friends. Everything. All of it.” She laughed in spite of herself. “This is so new to me. I can’t even begin to explain or justify it. I don’t even know what I’m saying. But what I do know is that I enjoy spending time with JJ. And I don’t want to stop hanging out with her, no matter what people think or what people say or . . . .”

  “Aren’t you saying this to the wrong person?”

  “I tried talking to JJ after your basketball game the other day. She wouldn’t even let me explain. I knew she was mad at me, but I guess I didn’t realize how much I hurt her.”

  “So, let me guess. You want me to talk to her for you?”

  “Not exactly.” Kendal hugged herself
to keep warm. “I’m perfectly capable of saying all of this to her myself. And there’s more to be said. I just need for her to give me a chance to say it. I need her to give me a moment to explain what happened.”

  “She’s back at the dorm right now,” Queenie said and pointed behind her. “Why don’t you just go talk to her?”

  “I’m not going to go beg at her door,” Kendal declared. “Besides, I already tried talking to her, and that didn’t go so well. This time, I thought I’d try a different approach. If she’s really interested in what I have to say, then she’ll come meet me.”

  “Meet you where?”

  “At my special spot. Tell her to meet me there in an hour. She’ll know where I’m talking about.”

  “And what do I get in return for doing this?” Queenie asked.

  “You get a chance to help make this right,” Kendal explained. Her breath formed a cloud as she spoke, as if her words were left suspended in air.

  Queenie stood firm as she watched Kendal walk away, admiring her long and slender legs as they carried her forward. Then she reached into her back pocket without looking away, pushed a few numbers and raised the phone to her ear. “JJ. It’s me. No, I’m not downtown yet. I haven’t even made it off campus. Something came up. I’m not going anywhere yet. I’ll tell my ride to wait longer. Meet me in the school lounge. It’s important. Yes, I’m serious. Okay. See you in when you get here.”

  When Queenie hung up her phone, she could still see Kendal striding along the sidewalk, and continued to watch her from afar, until her silhouette faded into the night.

  * * *

  “So what happened with Kendal?” Jason asked Kyan as they left the athletic center. “Did you get her friend to talk to her for you?”

  The soccer season was over, but Kyan and Jason continued to work out every night as hard as they did at the beginning of the season.

  “No,” Kyan answered. “She said she hardly even knows Kendal and that she’s just one of her tutors.”