by Penelope Sky
I didn’t tell Mia everything else that was said, keeping that to myself. I wasn’t sure how I felt about Mia, and I wasn’t entirely sure how she felt about me. She was affectionate with me, but that didn’t mean her feelings went deeper than that. She certainly didn’t expect anything from me, always said I would end up with someone else.
“I’m glad you aren’t angry with me. I was afraid of what was going to happen when you walked into the room.”
“I was angry at first, but after our conversation, I understood. Talking to my mom seemed to make everything better, bring us closer together.” I turned toward Mia, seeing the pretty brown hair frame her face. “She really likes you.”
“We have a lot in common. I really like her too.”
Mia was the first woman I had slept with to have ever met my mother. I wasn’t sure if that meant anything or meant nothing at all. My hand moved to her thigh, and I gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’m going to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“It’s not even five yet…”
“I know.” I rose to my feet. “I just want to be alone right now.” I couldn’t digest everything my mother said without feeling like I’d been punched in the stomach. I walked to the door, eager to get to my stash of scotch in my bedroom.
“Are you sure?”
I turned around at the sound of her hurt voice. I saw the concern in her eyes, the overwhelming sadness she felt toward me. “I understand if you want to be alone… I just thought I could be alone with you.”
I thought back to what my mother said, that Mia’s feelings for me were similar to mine for her. It was more than just simple affection and sexual attraction. There was a deeper connection between us, unexplored feelings that neither one of us touched. “You want to be alone with me?”
She stepped forward, the emotion burning in her eyes. “More than anything else in the world.”
The hours passed as we lay together in my bed. There was no sex and no talking. She was in her panties and bra, and I was stripped down to my boxers. Despite the sight of her nakedness, I wasn’t in the mood to drag the strap off her shoulder and reveal that perfect tit.
I wasn’t in the mood for anything.
Mia didn’t speak, knowing I preferred the company of silence. But she ran her fingers through my hair, rubbed my sore muscles, and comforted me with her feminine touch. Her perfume surrounded me, and my hand brushed against her thigh a few times. Sometimes I would drink my scotch. Sometimes I would light up a cigar.
She didn’t protest either one.
I knew I shouldn’t be depressed over something that happened decades ago. I hadn’t even been conceived yet. It didn’t seem like the past still had any hold over my mother. It was so long ago that she’d made her peace with it.
But could I make my peace with it?
If I’d known the truth before I met Mia, I knew I would have behaved differently.
Now I hated myself for the way I acted. I got Mia out of the situation eventually, but that was only because I was screwing her. My first instinct should have been to save her, not trick her into trying to escape so I could have her, so I could hurt her.
I was ashamed of myself.
Was I any different from Egor? Any different from the man who hurt my mother? The revelation changed everything, changed how I viewed myself.
Mia must have picked up on my mood because she addressed it. “Everything alright, Carter?”
“Yeah.” I stared across my room, my empty glass on the nightstand beside me.
She rubbed my chest, her eyes focused on my profile. “Seems like your mood has darkened.”
She could read me better than I realized. “I regret a lot of things. I should have saved you the second I realized what kind of monster Egor really was. I shouldn’t have looked the other way. I shouldn’t have participated in it. I shouldn’t have tricked you into escaping so I could hurt you…I’m not any different from Egor. I’m not any different from the man who hurt my mother. If my mother had told me this sooner…it would have changed everything.”
She rubbed her small hand across my chest. “You’re nothing like Egor, Carter. Despite your worst mistakes, you’re nothing alike. Remember, when I said no, you listened. You were always kind to me, always friendly. You gave me far more respect than Egor ever did.”
“I still didn’t help you…”
“Then how am I here? In your house?” She leaned down and pressed a kiss to my shoulder, her soft lips feeling like rose petals.
“Because I was sleeping with you.”
“Not true. You weren’t going to save me until I told you I had a son.” Her hand halted against my chest, her small fingernails digging into my skin. “You knew you wouldn’t be able to live without your own mother. That was why you helped me, Carter. Because it was the right thing to do. You know what Egor did? He left my son orphaned. He destroyed my body so I couldn’t have any more children. Don’t you dare compare yourself to Egor—you’re nothing like him.”
My hand rested on top of hers, and I squeezed her fingers. “Maybe that’s true. But I still could have been better… I could have treated you better.”
“Carter, if you didn’t treat me well, I wouldn’t be in this bed with you. I wouldn’t be kissing your warm skin. I wouldn’t be bedding you every night. I have the freedom to walk away, but I don’t want to.” Her hand moved to my chin, and she directed my stare onto her face. “I’m here with you because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” She leaned into me and rubbed her nose against mine, her soft strands of hair brushing against my skin. She leaned closer then pressed her mouth over mine, giving me a soft kiss. “You’re the only man I want, Carter. You’re the only man I trust.” She kissed me again, her breaths filling my mouth and lungs. Her fingertips dug into the pectoral muscle of my chest. “You’re the only man I can kiss this way and mean it.”
My hand cradled her head, and my fingers dug into her soft hair. I brought her in for a deeper kiss, my cock coming to life in my shorts. All my self-loathing disappeared when I listened to this woman applaud me, watched this woman want me. My mouth probably tasted like scotch and cigars, but that didn’t halt her desire. I maneuvered on top of her and positioned her underneath me, her head hitting the pillow and my body covering hers like a blanket. Just when I’d positioned her legs around my waist, the doorbell rang.
I pulled away and stared into her face, seeing the warmth of her eyes stare back at me. Whoever was at the door must be family again. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be able to get past the gate. I gave her a final kiss before I moved off her and pulled on my clothes.
“Do you want me to get the door?” she asked, sitting up in bed.
I pulled on my jeans and my t-shirt. “No. I already know who it is.”
“Who?”
“My father.” I left the bedroom and hurried down the two flights of stairs to the ground floor. I jogged to the entryway and finally made it to the front door. Without checking to see if it was really him, I opened the door.
As I expected, my father stood there in a black t-shirt and jeans, his hands tucked into his pockets while his car was parked in the driveway behind him. He stared at me with a hard look, bottling his emotions so I couldn’t see them.
I knew exactly why he was there, so I didn’t ask. “Come in.” I shut the door behind him, and we walked farther into the house.
He walked beside me, his hands still in his pockets. “Your mother told me you were pretty upset…”
I halted beside him, taken aback by the comment. “Did you expect me to react differently?” I wasn’t ashamed of my tears. I wasn’t ashamed of my heartbreak. The woman who raised me had been raped and tortured. Was I just supposed to brush that off?
“She’s worried about you. That’s all.”
“I’m not the one she should be worried about.” I faced my father, feeling a hint of rage I couldn’t combat. I wanted to kill the man who did this to her, but he’d been gone for over thirty years. There
was nothing else for me to do besides let it go.
His gaze shifted away as he sighed quietly. “I told her we should never tell you. I didn’t think any good would come of it. It was a very long time ago and has nothing to do with our lives anymore. We’ve been very happy for a long time.”
“No, I’m glad she told me.” Even though it hurt so much, I needed to know the truth. I needed to know what my mother had been through so I could respect her even more, so I could decide what kind of man I wanted to be. “I’m just heartbroken over it.”
“I understand, son. It used to kill me too. But seeing her happy for all these years makes me forget about it.”
What would my mother have done without my father? Would she have died in captivity and I never would have been born? Would she never have had the freedom she deserved? “She told me you saved her?”
He nodded. “And your uncle Crow too. When I saved your mother, it started a war. Your aunt was pregnant with Conway at the time, so Crow sent her away to keep her safe. It was just the two of us and a few of our men…until we got the Skull Kings involved. The man who took your mother kidnapped Crow, so I didn’t have any other option but to ask for their help. In exchange, they wanted my arms dealing business. Of course, I handed it over so I could get Crow out of there. I killed the man who hurt your mother—shot him in the face. And that was the end.”
If my mother had never met a powerful man, she couldn’t have escaped. My father was a hero. “Thank you…”
His eyes softened, and he rested his hand on my shoulder. “Don’t thank me, Carter. I would have gladly given my life to save her. She’s the only woman I’ve ever loved. She’s the only woman who’s ever meant anything to me. I would do it again in a heartbeat…because I love her more with every year that passes.” He lowered his hand. “I know this is difficult to process, but remember that this is all in the past. Your mother has been safe and happy for a long time.”
“I know, but it shouldn’t have happened in the first place.”
“That’s the reality of the world we live in. You shouldn’t dwell on the past, Carter. You should be grateful that your mother escaped and got a second chance at life. She got to be a wife and a mother. And being a mother has been the greatest joy she’s ever known.”
I already knew that without being told. “I don’t want to be like him.”
“Like who?” Father asked.
“The man who did that to her. I don’t want to be like Egor either. I didn’t treat Mia the way she deserved, and now I’m ashamed of myself. She told me I’m nothing like him, that I’m not cruel and brutal, that I have a kind soul and a soft heart. But I didn’t rescue her the way you rescued Mom. I was selfish…greedy.” I lowered my gaze, unable to look at him.
He was quiet for a long time, a sigh filling the silence a moment later. “Carter…don’t be so hard on yourself. Not everything is as it seems. If it weren’t for you, that woman might be dead right now. You’ve given her a second chance at life, another chance to be with her son. I told you I was angry you risked all of us to save her, but I’m also very proud. It takes guts to do what you did, to save this innocent woman. How could I not be proud of that?”
I lifted my gaze to meet his, seeing the sincerity on his face.
“You’re nothing like those men, Carter. If you were, Mia would already be gone by now. That woman adores you. I see it every time she looks at you. She’s very happy here, Carter. She’s never going to leave unless you make her.”
“Maybe I don’t want her to leave…”
Father’s eyes lightened noticeably. “Then don’t let her.”
Nineteen
Mia
I couldn’t focus on anything that day.
I took a cold shower because I was too distracted to realize the water crashing down on me was cold, not warm. Only when Carter joined me did I realized it was ice-cold against my skin. When I got ready, I tried to pull a shirt over my dress. I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing all morning, so none of my actions made sense.
All I could think about was Luca.
He was coming today.
I didn’t make Carter breakfast or lunch because I couldn’t think straight. Luca’s bedroom was ready to go, along with his toys and clothes. I made sure everything was perfect before he arrived, but I still didn’t know what I would say to him when I saw him again. How would I explain my absence? How would I explain the last three years?
Carter didn’t give me a hard time about my poor job performance. He gave me the space I needed to process what was about to happen. Our evening last night had been difficult because he was still digesting the truth about his mother. But now all I could think about was my son.
I stood at the dining room window because it had a great view of the path that led down to the gate. Since I couldn’t concentrate on anything else, I stood there and waited, hoping to see a black car pull up to the gate.
Carter came up behind me and gripped my shoulders. “You alright, sweetheart?”
“I’m terrified. I can’t breathe. My chest hurts. No, I’m not alright.” What would I do when Luca got out of the car and had no idea who I was? He was only five when I disappeared. Three years had come and gone, critical years for his development. He could have a completely different personality now. He could be bitter about the orphanage he’d lived in, angry about the teachers and other kids. Or maybe he was happy…and wished he were there instead of with me. “So many things could go wrong. He might hate me. He might not remember me. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long…but now I’m afraid it’ll blow up in my face.”
He circled his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my head. “It’s going to be alright, sweetheart. None of those things will happen.”
“You don’t know that…”
“I know that a boy always loves his mother, no matter how old he gets.” He shifted his arms around my chest, circling my petite frame with his strength. I was cocooned in his embrace, the muscles of his arms acting as a natural heater. It was a hot summer day, but my trepidation made me ice-cold.
We stood together in front of the window, but my heart wouldn’t slow down. “When will be here?”
“Within thirty minutes.”
“Oh my god…” This was really happening, and I was getting light-headed thinking about it. I’d never known love the way I did with Luca. Nothing in my life had ever been more important than him. When I was being beaten and raped every single day, I contemplated suicide all the time. I found ways to make it happen, to make it as quick and painless as possible. But Luca always steadied my hand. If there was any chance I could get back to him, I had to try. I couldn’t give up and take the easy way out. Now, I was standing at the window, counting down the minutes until the car pulled into the driveway.
Carter held me in his arms as we waited together. He didn’t say anything else to make me feel better, just gripped me tightly and comforted me the only way he could. His cologne washed over me as well as his natural scent. I was used to it now since I slept in his bed every night. Now that Luca would be back in my life, Carter would become an afterthought.
A black car appeared on the horizon and approached the gate along the road.
“He’s here…” I left Carter’s embrace and ran to the front door, my heart pounding in my throat. I couldn’t wait to set my gaze on my son, to see my own eyes in that adorable face. My arms ached to hold him, to feel with my bare hands how much he’d grown.
Carter followed behind, taking his time as he joined me by the front door.
I opened the door and walked outside onto the front patio and saw the black gates swing open and reveal a black car that slowly made its way up the driveway. Tears already formed in my eyes before I even saw my son. My hands were shaking so much I couldn’t keep them still.
Carter came up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder.
The car pulled up to the front of the house, all the windows tinted so nothing could be s
een inside. The car was shifted into park, and the engine turned off.
Now, I couldn’t breathe. I stared at the back seat and waited for something to happen.
The driver came around and opened the back door. “We’re here, Luca.”
A small boy shuffled out of the car, and his shoes hit the concrete. The man was still in the way, so Luca’s features were impossible to make out. He grabbed something from the back seat, probably a backpack. “Where are we?” His voice was soft and quiet, full of shyness.
The second I heard his voice, I knew it was him. “Luca…”
The driver stepped out of the way and finally revealed my son. Half my height and far skinnier than I wanted him to be stood the boy that I loved with my whole heart. His brown hair was overgrown because he always hated getting his hair cut. His coffee-colored eyes were identical to mine, warm and beautiful. He wore jean shorts, black shoes, and a dark blue t-shirt. He had my skin tone, an fair color he didn’t inherit from his father. He was just as perfect as I remembered, a healthy and handsome boy.
I held my breath for nearly a minute, my eyes locked on to his.
He stared at me for a while, as if my face were familiar to him. It’d been a long time since he’d seen me, and he didn’t have any pictures of me. My features hadn’t changed, but a five-year-old didn’t have the sharpest memory. But he continued to stare at me like there was a hint of familiarity.
I squatted down so we were closer to being eye level. “Luca…” The tears fell like a waterfall, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I started to sob before I even held him in my arms. “Little Bear…” When he was a baby, bears were his favorite animal, so I gave him the nickname. He might have been too young to remember.
But his eyes flashed with recognition, like that name meant something to him. He slowly came toward me, ignoring Carter behind me.
I wanted to stay back so I wouldn’t startle him, but now I didn’t have the patience. I walked toward him then kneeled in front of him, so close to him that I could hear him breathe. “Little Bear…it’s me. It’s Mom.” My hands rested on his small arms, feeling his slightness as well as his growth. He was several inches taller than he was the last time I saw him. He hadn’t even started school yet. Now he was three years older, three years bigger.